Alright, I just got to work and don't have much time to write 'em all out, so I'll just go ahead and make a bullet point list.

- have a gf in korea
- been away for 4 months already
- long distance relationship has been good so far
- she works at this international accounting firm (one of the big 4)
- she's super uber wtf??? busy
- gf plans to come to the States to work and live with me in 2 years
- gf recently told her mom about this
- gf's mom freaks out and says no way
- we've been getting some tiny arguments over nothing after her mom incident (but its nothing serious to the point where we think of breaking up)

Did anyone in here have successfully done a long distance relationship?

I need some encouragements and good advice please.

Thank you guys

 

Long distance is always tough. Throw in international borders, a few oceans and a disapproving potential mother-in-law and it doesn't get any better.

That said, an old classmate of my wife from the Philippines married a guy from the US. I think they dated for a few years before she was able to come over to the states. Don't know when they actually got married.

You just have to make more of an effort. Keep petty stuff out of your conversations. Stay possitive and supportive. Make every effort to go out for visits.

BTW - how long have you been dating? How long were you together before you came to the states?

 

My opinion is that long distance relationships stunt your growth, force you to give up your power (monogamy) while denying you access to sex, intimacy, and all the other things that should come with the price of being a one-woman-man. Typically, long distance relationships are buffers to rejection, whereby the male is too scared to face rejection and go out in the world to secure a more fruitful relationship(s). So, in this bargain, he gives up his power for the illusion of a relationship.

In general, men develop methods and mental schema to minimize the fears associated with rejection. Men ego-invest in these personal psychologies and thus make it difficult to come to grips with the rationale - often fighting or arguing passionately against facing their fears.

My advice would be to do some soul searching to determine if you're with this girl out of convenience, and if you're just too scared to meet and date new women who are much more available to you in the way they should be. Then act accordingly.

 

Thank you very much. Very true. This is what I need to do.

She came to USC for one semester as an exchange student. We dated for about 3 months before she moved back to Korea this January.

Thank you. Great advice.

Meeting other girls isn't an issue. If that was going to be an issue for me, I would not even have started this long distance relationship in the first place. My gf and I actually talked alot about starting this relationship before she moved back to Korea. I asked her if she really wanted to start this or not since this was going to be long and tough 2 years for both of us. And she said she's willing to do it. So was I.

 

very nicely put, i just got out of a longdistance relationship myself and reading that gave me some insight.

 

Seriously.

amisconception is like intelligent and soft version of darksom1.

 

I'm involved in one right now. It is hard. It depends on the girl... I'm crazy about my girl as she is about me. Both of our parents know all the details. Her mom was never excited about her leaving..but after long talks...she understands. It depends on the girl..does she really want to be with you? Since you are saying she is super busy.

I talk to my girl via Skype (chat/video) on daily basis... And she is SUPER busy..and we have 14 hours difference in time.

But it's def. tough. Patience is bitter, but the reward is sweet.


P.S. She was relocated due to her job..but she is about to quit it and come back. I feel like an ass that she is quitting her career over there to be here with me...

 

^ Yes, she is super busy. She works at pwc audit dept. She's been working from 9AM-2AM everyday without weekend for the last three months. We used to do the Skype video chatting, but nowadays it's pretty tough for both of us to make a spare time to do that.

I actually think it's a good thing that we are both working and very busy though.

 

Just give up and break up.

 

whatever happened to darksom? I dont see him around anymore
Sorry, I dont have any good advice for you

 

darksom got banned i think

 

Really? Why?

 

When I am there, I will take care of her for you

 

GTFO

 

do you REALLy need to ask that? If you do, I feel sorry for you.

 

pnoi521 needs to take some darksom's classes

 

right...

 

I am in a long distance relationship. I live in Houston, she lives in Taipei.

Although right now, I am typing this in Taiwan on vacation (will be here for a month).

We are both lawyers. We met in law school. She was a foreign student. Right now, she is just working and saving up money as I pay down my loans. Then she is going to give up her career and move to the States, or I will move there if I can find a job there (unlikely). These are the kinds of planning you and her should both be very comfortable making and discussing.

Her mom came to the States for our graduation, and we got off on the wrong foot. It's been a bit of a bumpy ride, although things are getting better. Her dad likes me, and so does her brother, who has been subtlely getting the mom onto my side.

We are both quiet type people and don't go out much. We talk every day (check out "Rebtel").

There has to be very clearly defined goals however. If you two are just going to stay together without definite goals that will eventually bring you two together physically, you will break apart.

 

I had one long distance relationship in the early-90's-- we ended up married, and still are.
Does that still count as "successful," or otherwise?

However, my long distance r-ship was only 400 miles away for just over a year-and-a-half, and we could see each other by flying in for weekends. The distance was nowhere near what you're dealing with.
All the two of you have to do now is make sure one of you is willing to move in another 2 years.

FWIW, regardless of what the moms do, you and the GF are the ones that really matter to each other. Hopefully your GF can see that; her mom's reaction probably stressed her out a bit, though. I'd minimize discussions about moving to another country for now.

G/L.

 

good advice plus you go to USC so much hot ass there. don't waste the past years of your life.

 

I have NEVER seen a long distance relationship work for an extended period of time. Because after a while one of the 2 will give into the temptation of see/dating or sleeping with someone else. Just because people want to have intimate feelings and urges to fill with someone close to themselves. Every time I have known someone in a long dist. relationship someone ends up cheating. It sucks but that just they way it goes. No it'd different if you're only talking about months, as opposed to years. People can do months, 99.9% can't do years.

 

She's going to continue to be extremely busy if she works in audit though...

 

Yep.

But auditing is her passion, she studied her ass off to get her CPA. I'm not going to stop her from pursuing her goal.

 

In general, that doesn't sound like a very high level of interest on her part, during the early frame-development phase of the relationship.

High interest is your best gauge in determining the success of a relationship. A woman with incredibly high interest will do practically anything for you. A woman with not so high interest could view a relationship as a convenience, and easily jump ship whenever a bigger better deal presents itself, or suddenly become unavailable when you become too much of a burden, emotional or otherwise. So, it's incredibly important to understand whether what your girl is doing is indicative of a woman with high interest or not. You can't always know, especially if you're relatively inexperienced with dating, but you learn. And, while you're learning, you assume a fairly high level of interest so as to best maintain your cocky/alpha/masculine frame in tact.

Thus, asking a girl to be your girlfriend is not advised. As a young man, your primal urges are to spread your seed. A woman's primal urge is to gain status, and thus secure the best provider her sex appeal can muster. Her primary motivation is not fun or passionate sex. Is she capable of passionate sex and a 'rewarding' relationship? For sure. But, not through the same prism through which you view your life as a young man.

It's actually best advised for a young man to enjoy himself and the great variety of young women out there. While dating multiple women, improving himself (growing), and having lots of sex, one amazing girl may come around and stand out from the pack. It is her who should be clawing to keep you, exhibiting very high interest, and demanding that you stop dating other women. Then, you can be certain she has high interest, and there is no negotiation on your part.

 

Should I, Bennett? Nah..


I tell ya', my opinion on long distance relationships seems to go back and forth as I get older. There was a time in my life that I would have said forget it. They never work. Then I was a military wife. I saw it work a lot. There's plenty of outside help for split families in the military community, though and that's not redily available in the civilian community. Later I was back to thinking they never work, at least not outside the military. Lately, I'm kinda on the fence. I think it has to do with the ages of the people involved.

I think a lot of what Amis said is true. I believe we are driven to procreate when we're young. Therefore, people will seek out a mate that will give them the best advantage for that purpose. I'd have to guess, and only guess, that being apart for a few months would be ok, but years... I don't know. As we get older though, and kids are already nearly grown or grown, we can be in it for ourselves and no other reason. I believe it's possible for a longer period under these circumstances. I WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree that at some point near the beginning there has to be a goal that is workable for both. Otherwise, no way.

More than anything else though, as I'm reading this, I have the utmost respect for you guys that are hanging in there and giving it all you can. It's hard. I'm cheering for you. I want to know it's possible that folks can love each other that much.

 

my gf is in korea too.. been apart for little over a year..
went to europe together last summer.. went to korea to see her last winter
i met her parents and they seem to like me a lot
gf is planning on coming to the states this summer to visit

first few months were pretty tough
after europe trip, things were a lot easier
after korea visit, i can't ask for more

i think it's important to keep your levels checked
once the intimacy becomes unbalanced, say you love her little too much or vice versa, it'll get pretty tough for both sides.. and it'll be tougher to fix things up once gets out of place... vocal-only communications can only go so far

in my opinion, it will work out if she's the one you're truly loving and believe that she's the one you've been looking for

힘내세요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

 

Is that the excuse she uses? That's she's working 17 hours a day including the weekends? You're not that stupid...are you?

 

^ meh that field itself is pretty busy.. but knowing korea, i'm sure she's not bullshiittting... 17 hours might not be for everyday, but i wouldn't doubt that happens every other day or so

 

Dude...auditing is not a 17 hours a day job. If she's working as an auditor and auditing other companies financials...it's a 8 hour work day. Tops. Unless she's been slacking for weeks on end and needs to meet a deadline in the next couple of weeks.

 

hmm i just assumed financial field is just busy.. is it not?? maybe i'm wrong
but different country have different working style... 12 hours a day is sort of average (or possibly below average) for working hours in korea

 

You have no idea about the accounting firms in Korea.

And even my collegues who are working for the Big Four companies work way more than 8 hours.

 

I have a general idea. I deal with auditors all the time when we get audited by the SEC, FINRA, and the accounting firms. They work 8 hours when they are auditing out in the field. Don't know what their hours are like when they are in the office.

Granted, it might be different in Korea. Maybe that's why Koreans are so high strung.

 

^ Yeah. Working in Korea sucks. It's totally different than here.

I would probably never go back there to work.

and I agree with the fact that Koreans being so high strung.

 

조언들 감사합니다 ㅋㅋ

힘낼려구요~