OK, so I've been with my current GF for about six months. Everything is great, adn we get along wonderfully.

As yesterday was Mother's Day, I asked by GF about two weeks ago whether she wanted to meet my mom on Mother's Day. I told her straight out that if it was too much pressure to meet my mom for the first time on Mother's Day that I totally understood. She said, "No, it's cool. I'd love to meet your mom." Also, about a month ago, she asked me whether I'd like to meet her mom when she flies out to see her.

Now, I don't just bring any girl I'm dating home to meet mom. So it' a big deal to me.

I spent the night at her place Saturday night, and went home about 1:30 p.m. Sunday so I coudl go home and get ready. She calls me on my cell phone at 3:30 p.m. and leaves a message on my phone that she doesn't feel well, and doesn't want to come to have dinner, which I made reservations for at 6:15 p.m.

1. I was pissed that she canceled.
2. I was pissed that in a matter of two hours, she suddenly felt ill.
3. I was pissed she felt it was OK to leave her cancellation in a voicemail.

So, now Monday (today) rolls around. She sneds me an e-mail saying sorry and asked how the dinner went. I told her, "It was thoroughly embarrassing. Thanks for asking."

She responds, "How exactly was it embarrassing."

That even made me madder -- the fact that it was no big deal to her.

So am I being unreasonable? I don't doubt that she felt ill, but I don't think it's a coincidence that she felt ill on the day she was going to meet my mom.

 

ditch the bitch

 

WTF....Anyways, I would be pissed too, but is your realtionship worth all the problems that your about to bring. What if she was actually sick? then you would look like an asshole, and she would be mad with you, and Then you would have to be the one apologizing. See how sorry she really is and if you think shes being honest, Just let it go...and see if she makes it up (like having a make up dinner).

 

Find out how she got sick etc. You can usually tell when someone is just trying to make excuses. If her reason was genuine you probably just have to be understanding about it if you want to remain together.

 

Dating 6 months and this kinda crap????!!!! I kinda agree but there are always two sides.

Dude, WTF.

This is a very big deal and the fact that she doesn't even see it speaks volumes on how she vaules your relationship.

I mean getting along with a SOs parents is a big deal otherwise why date them?

My guess is she was probably really nervous and canceled out of anxiety (or she really, really felt bad - I know if i agreed to meet my SOs parents and i wasn't puking blood I would be there). If she really cares for you she probably feels like shit. Talk it out and try to be understanding but at the same time hopefully you guys can realize that sorting out the holiday's/family time and gathering are things that you should tackle together.

If she plays it off like no big deal then you know where she stands.

 

Spidey...Long time no see man.

 

My FIL isn't that bad, but the MIL has some sort of psychological complex. I dated my wife and married her because I'm interested in her not her parents. I certainly didn't want to date her parents and couldn't care less if I ever see them again.

As to the problem at hand, I would be a little upset, but make sure she understands how important it was to you. Its quite possible she understands that, feels bad and won't tell you so because she might be a little ashamed or that she disappointed you.

I would think a nice open conversation would be the way for you to figure out if she was nervous and feels bad or if she is being inconsiderate and deserves to be left on the curb.

Good luck.

 

I would overlook it just this one time. But put her on notice. But that's me.

Ken, who thinks everyone deserves to screw up once.

 

yes, you do.

the ONLY way to get past this is to explain to her why it was embarassing and tell her that you question whether she values the relationship based on her lack of communication. DON'T let her on that you might have doubts whether she was sick, but she needs to know that it was hurtful for her to cancel on such short notice and via voicemail for an event that is important to you.

if it turns out she faked it b/c she was just too nervous, give her a second chance. but make sure she's for real, b/c tolerating her excuses doesn't set a good precedent for the future.

 

Ummm, dude, she was either SCARED or worried about where the relationship is going! Whether she realizes it or not, she was nervous about meeting your Mom, girls (women) view this as a bigger step than men do. Make sure 1. she understand how you feel in no uncertain terms about the situation and the relationship and 2. How SHE feels about the relationship and the situation

Bottom line

This is the time to Communicate!!!!!

 

The worst thing about it is the voicemail cancellation. That is a HUGE

 

Well, my mother was in a nursing home and non compis mentis and my MIL was dead as a kipper on a cracker, so I can't speak from personal experience.

Probably not something that can be dealt with via telephone, need to have a sit down conversation with her to speak to your feelings, then listen openly to hers (body language is essential, I think, in those kinds of discussions) Either she was really sick, or she was really apprehensive and too ashamed to own up to it. It may be that she fully understands that meeting your Mom is a big deal, and it may also be signifying a shift in the relationship between the two of you. Means it's SERIOUS, and she may have been a bit staggered by that.

 

I agree, but is perfectly in line with her fear/anxiety

 

I would cut her some slack this time. My mom has only met 2 of my girlfriends and it's stressful for them. I would definately talk to her about it, and try to find out what really is happening.

 

Thanks for all the advice guys. I love this place. But I'm so thoroughly pissed right now, I'm going to need to calm down before I talk to her. Her absolute obliviousness to the whole reason I'm angry is making me angrier.

 

dude, she'll never know until you guys talk about it.

Remember how clueles we guys are? Nobody is a mind reader.

 

You're absolutely right. I suppose common courtesy, like common sense, isn't so common anymore.