Joe5.0

How do you guys deal with feelings of jealousy over EX bf's of your gf? This is the first time I've ever had any kind of issue with this, and its entirely my fault. It just really bothers me to even fathom the thought of her being with another guy, even if it was before me. Its not that she has some lengthy history either, its pretty low & classy for most girls these days. But, I still get internally upset anytime I picture anything like that.

I'm sure this is the girl I'm gonna marry, and we've already discussed it. I'm def in love and want to be with her forever. I dont know if its a pride thing, or just because she's the first girl i've ever really loved, because in my previous relationships I never really felt like this.

How do I get it through my head that her past, as mild as it may be, is still her past and that the only thing that matters is that we want to be with each other. She's def in love with me, and I know she would never do anything behind my back, so thats not an issue at all.

FuriousGeorge83

Just try not to think about all the other dudes that busted in her mouth while makeing out.

Joe5.0

thats helpful

Ken1997TL

I have a similar problem, only in reverse. My girlfriend is jealous of my ex's.

saiko_cl_duck

We cant help you there, you've either gotta get over it, or say goodbye.
You've partly answered your own question. YOU have to choose; her past and "experiences" come with her, like it or not. It's part of who she is. Unless you overcome this in your own mind, no words of advice will be sufficent.

Hobo

past is past, now is now.

either deal with it or move on

Joe5.0

Its not like I'll ever let it prevent me, I was just wondering if anyone had gone through it themself. I wouldnt be with someone who had a really lengthy past, because I'm mildly catholic and like to live a somewhat 'clean' life. I just wasnt sure if its a time thing, or just a maturity thing. Like I said its NOT that she has had tons of one night stands, a host of std's, and skanky behavior. She hasnt. But, she has had the normal 2-3 mildly serious bf relationships that every 22 year old girl has had.

saiko_cl_duck

As far as caring, man, i could really give a damn. As long as she's not known as the village bicycle, I could care less.

1killercls

Jealousy shows NO TRUST.


No Trust, no Relationship.

Street Spirit

It's not like she was born the day before you met her.....Of course she had a life prior to meeting you, just as you did. Focus on the present and even the future. IMO, jealousy is a waste of time - it'll just drive you nuts. And frankly, I'm not even sure what you are jealous of. What, in her past, makes you jealous?

saiko_cl_duck

^

this:

Ken1997TL

Sounds like inadequacy issues.

sasha

You simply have to accept that just like you, she has a past. Don't get lost and frustrated thinking about the guys she was with, you are just torturing yourself. Focus on the joy you both have in being together right now and on what the future may bring. If you are truly secure in your relationship, there is no reason for you to worry.

CKcentral

We think exactly the same Sasha!!

If you guys are talking about marriage and all that crap then what are you worried about? If she cheats on you with on of her ex's then she isnt the girl for you anyways. If you spend all this time worrying about the past and what COULD happen then you will only drive yourself crazy. Just look what you have and the future that you guys can have together. Jealousy is stupid and if you always get jealous then its time to move on. Just suck it up and deal with it.

Lord Helmet

It probably makes her sick to think about you with someone else in your past too. Like everyone else says, try not to focus on it. Think about the current time and the future you have together.

doopstr

and hopefully you will then be able to say that you did something to her that no one else has

Doc.Booty

I do my best to give myself an even shadier, skankier past than any girl i meet. That helps

doopstr

Seriously though. Talking to your significant other about their history is generally pretty dumb. Any thing other than, "so how many bf/gf have you had?" is going to be trouble. Hopefully they lie to you and give you a low number.

As long as she isn't initiating conversations to you about her exes and isn't still in communication with them, don't worry about it. Obviously they weren't that great or she wouldn't be with you.

Crazy Bimmer

Holy crap you 24 and shes 22? Thought you were were older than that.

BTW, shes a hottie. You cant do better than that so i can understand why you might be insecure.

As far as jealously with an ex... only time that ever happens is if she still talks to her ex. If she doesnt at all then I dont even see the need to think about it. You the main guy now.. thats all you have to think about.

Ol Blue Eyes

You have penis envy! Make your cock the holy grail she will drink from for life, and you will succeed.


cum on her, and I don't mean sort of, literally grab her face and drop a gallon load on her. start doing the craziest shit you can think of in the bedroom, and this minor thing will go away.



then her mouth, repeat till you ooze




I could go on and on, but this would get too NWS.

SakiGT

There is no room in a relationship for jealousy. It only creates issues.

moomaster_99

Either you dont give a fuck or you need to grow up.

Street Spirit

Yes, I read that. What I'm getting at is: What is there to be jealous of exactly? They are her EX-BFs.... You are her CURRENT BF. YOU are the one with someone you really care about now. Based on how you feel about her (thoughts of marriage) - they're missing out, not you. What are you to be jealous of?

Either way, as I wrote before -- there's no point in spending too much time focussing on her past. Nothing you can do, say, or feel will change it, and you weren't a part of her life then. Focus on the present.

AkuraCLS

i'm sorry, but every post in D&R should include pics. therefore,

well almost every post, except posts with pictures of men..

Ol Blue Eyes

there are pics, you need to search around this thread for them

AkuraCLS

in this thread? no, there aren't...in other threads yes..espically if i'm the one who started em :P

SRK85

Everyone gets jealous hell i get jealous of girls I don't even like its an attention use your just afriad shes giving to much attention to her ex. You just have to live with it.

Joe5.0

I trust her 100%, and the relationship is fine.

Def not the case. Not gonna get into details but I KNOW for sure its not that.

I know you're right. I have tried that. Its not like I have focused on it, actually its the contrary. 99% of the time I feel great, but its this reoccuring BS thoughts that I am deeling with. I know its only because I love her so much that it bothers me, I just dont know how to not let it.

I know that, and you put it pretty well. She hasnt even talked to any of her "guy friends" since we have been going out, since it becaome obvious that they were just waiting for her to come around. She has had zero contact with any ex boyfriend for over a year, when they broke up.

Maybe I should have been more specific. I'm not jealous of her when we go out, when she talks to other guys (which she really doesnt), or who she talks to. I just get bothered by my own thoughts of picturing her with someone else, even if it was before me. Its not like its a huge problem, i'm sure she has the same feelings, but maybe just deals or hides them better.

I dunno, I was just looking for some encouragement or advice from someone who maybe has dealt with the same internal issue.

BTW ole blue, seek some couseling. Seriously.

Ol Blue Eyes

I swear it will work.

Joe5.0

Oh, and for you picture whores.

amisconception

I know exactly what you're talking about. You think about guys in her past and you picture things in your head that you don't like. 99% of the time you don't think about it, but when you do, that 1% of the time sucks.

Been there, done that. Guess what? There's no cure for it... You can't be mad at her for her past, I know you're not, but my point is that it is no longer relevant. Especially considering that it sounds like you have a good girl.

Look at it this way, if 99% of the time everything is great, are you willing to sacrifice the perfect harmony of your relationship for that 1%? I know you think you internalize your feelings, and that you never expose them, but trust me, you do. And, what's wrose is that your girl might detect them and that can then further lead to bickering over small things or frustration. It's a nasty thing some people do that has really unnecessary potential.

But those are feelings! They're hard to control. What's the alternative? Dump your girlfriend and find a virgin? That's stupid. The virgin probably won't do anything for you anyway.

That's my perspective... I've learned to ignore those dumb ass feelings and be a man about it. That's all you can do. Appreciate what you have and live life.

M TYPE X

She looks like a typical Michigan guy, er, girl.
And that looks like Boyne Mountain !!

Joe5.0

Thanks ammis, glad I'm not the only one. Thats good advice too.

Doc.Booty

She co uld get it

Joe5.0

Ummmm ok?

And yeah we went to Petoskey over New Yrs and did some snowboarding, drinking, and......drinking.

cl_jay

37! You've sucked 37 dicks?! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!

1killercls

If you REALLY trusted her you wouldn't be jealous. It goes hand in hand young man.

Joe5.0

Like I said not jealous of her doing something currently, more disliking of thinking about her with anyone else before me. Its just the visual thought of it, not me thinking its going to happen again.

Ken1997TL

Part of not being jealous is not thinking about her past. Think of your future instead

As for my inadequacy comment, i meant emotional/relationship rather than physical.

ric

I would tend to agree with both KenTL and Sari -

picturing her with other men is its own odd distrustful defence against committment to this woman. In truth, she has a past, anyone over the age of 18 will. She's been very clear with you about her past, very clear about cutting off her old relationships clean...... so this is purely you, bud.

I'd spend some time looking internally, to see where those fantasies go, what feelings emerge. I'd frankly do it with a counselor or therapist, if this issue is the "only" thing that prohibits you from fully embracing a rich relationship with this woman.

The flip side about thinking about your significant other's past is to understand that she has chosen you, not them. So, whatever attributes they possessed, you stack up better in comparison. She's with you, not them. IF that concept doesn're reassure you, then I don't know what will. Just think - out of all of the guys that attractive young woman has been with, and could be with, she's choosing you. I'd shut up and smile a lot...................

My wife and I met and married in our late '30's; I've had times when a one-night stand would have been an enduring relationship, and I had had one engagement and one LTR. SHe had been married, and had certainly had her own"past". She chose me, I chose her, we're both pretty damn happy about it, and when I run into one of her ex's, which still happens from time to time, I take some probably entirely inappropriate glee in knowing that I "won" . Call me callow, call me superficial, but I landed the "catch", they weren't up to it. She's never discussed her feelings about the converations she's had with a couple of my ex's, but my sense is she feels rather the same way. And frankly, if my wife and I "kept score"
about our previous relationships, it would be one hellofa game, and with no end in sight, and with not the slightest whit of validity. Our marriage is about us, now, moving forward. It's been twenty years, and I woudln't change a nanosecond of it.