Dealing with jealousy
04-27-2006, 12:55 PM
#42
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Originally Posted by ric
The flip side about thinking about your significant other's past is to understand that she has chosen you, not them. So, whatever attributes they possessed, you stack up better in comparison. She's with you, not them. IF that concept doesn're reassure you, then I don't know what will. Just think - out of all of the guys that attractive young woman has been with, and could be with, she's choosing you. I'd shut up and smile a lot...................
My wife and I met and married in our late '30's; I've had times when a one-night stand would have been an enduring relationship, and I had had one engagement and one LTR. SHe had been married, and had certainly had her own"past". She chose me, I chose her, we're both pretty damn happy about it, and when I run into one of her ex's, which still happens from time to time, I take some probably entirely inappropriate glee in knowing that I "won" . Call me callow, call me superficial, but I landed the "catch", they weren't up to it. She's never discussed her feelings about the converations she's had with a couple of my ex's, but my sense is she feels rather the same way. And frankly, if my wife and I "kept score"
about our previous relationships, it would be one hellofa game, and with no end in sight, and with not the slightest whit of validity. Our marriage is about us, now, moving forward. It's been twenty years, and I woudln't change a nanosecond of it.
My wife and I met and married in our late '30's; I've had times when a one-night stand would have been an enduring relationship, and I had had one engagement and one LTR. SHe had been married, and had certainly had her own"past". She chose me, I chose her, we're both pretty damn happy about it, and when I run into one of her ex's, which still happens from time to time, I take some probably entirely inappropriate glee in knowing that I "won" . Call me callow, call me superficial, but I landed the "catch", they weren't up to it. She's never discussed her feelings about the converations she's had with a couple of my ex's, but my sense is she feels rather the same way. And frankly, if my wife and I "kept score"
about our previous relationships, it would be one hellofa game, and with no end in sight, and with not the slightest whit of validity. Our marriage is about us, now, moving forward. It's been twenty years, and I woudln't change a nanosecond of it.
04-27-2006, 01:55 PM
#43
Eh. The past matters to some people. It's a personal preference. Some prefer there girl to have relatively little experience and others are unreasonable about it. But pretending to be happy that she "chose" you puts her on a pedestal.
Wow, my girlfriend fucked 58 guys before me with no strings attached. She was unhappy with them, but oh my! She's happy with me!!! Ya, sure, she's been gangbanged and put through the ringer. But so what? People change!
I'm so glad to have met such a wonderful girl. Sometimes I think about the fact that she's been with other guys, and it bothers me a bit, but you know what, she's sticking with me! Phew! *wipes brow* Thank God! Every day I wake up I thank my lucky stars that out of all the guys she could be having sex with or in a relationship with, like the 58 from her past, she decided to be with me!
Maybe I'm just insecure though
Wow, my girlfriend fucked 58 guys before me with no strings attached. She was unhappy with them, but oh my! She's happy with me!!! Ya, sure, she's been gangbanged and put through the ringer. But so what? People change!
I'm so glad to have met such a wonderful girl. Sometimes I think about the fact that she's been with other guys, and it bothers me a bit, but you know what, she's sticking with me! Phew! *wipes brow* Thank God! Every day I wake up I thank my lucky stars that out of all the guys she could be having sex with or in a relationship with, like the 58 from her past, she decided to be with me!
Maybe I'm just insecure though
04-27-2006, 01:55 PM
#44
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by M TYPE X
She looks like a typical Michigan guy, er, girl. 
And that looks like Boyne Mountain !!
And that looks like Boyne Mountain !!
Post a pic of your girlfriend... oh wait....
Joe, those pics dont do her justice man. Shes very pretty in person, hope you dont get jealous by me saying that.
04-27-2006, 02:46 PM
#45
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I know that Jesal, she's camera shy though.
Its ok I know she's hot, Jen's pretty hot herself (Hi Jen
)
And Ric, I agree with what you're saying entirely, and Ii realize I need to come to that point. The thing is that I havent yet been able to ENTIRELY get rid of those feelings, but its getting better. I mean shit, we've only been going out for 6 months. I do feel like I've 'won', because I'm really happy. I know I dont need any counselingor anything like that though, because it hasnt and wont prevent me from moving forward. I've known I was gonna marry her after the first couple week of going out.
And amis you seem to get where i'm coming from. thanks for that man
Its ok I know she's hot, Jen's pretty hot herself (Hi Jen
)And Ric, I agree with what you're saying entirely, and Ii realize I need to come to that point. The thing is that I havent yet been able to ENTIRELY get rid of those feelings, but its getting better. I mean shit, we've only been going out for 6 months. I do feel like I've 'won', because I'm really happy. I know I dont need any counselingor anything like that though, because it hasnt and wont prevent me from moving forward. I've known I was gonna marry her after the first couple week of going out.
And amis you seem to get where i'm coming from. thanks for that man
Last edited by Joe5.0; 04-27-2006 at 02:50 PM.
04-27-2006, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by amisconception
Maybe I'm just insecure though
I guess at my age, a woman without a history would be far, far more disturbing.......
04-27-2006, 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by amisconception
Eh. The past matters to some people. It's a personal preference. Some prefer there girl to have relatively little experience and others are unreasonable about it. But pretending to be happy that she "chose" you puts her on a pedestal.
Wow, my girlfriend fucked 58 guys before me with no strings attached. She was unhappy with them, but oh my! She's happy with me!!! Ya, sure, she's been gangbanged and put through the ringer. But so what? People change!
I'm so glad to have met such a wonderful girl. Sometimes I think about the fact that she's been with other guys, and it bothers me a bit, but you know what, she's sticking with me! Phew! *wipes brow* Thank God! Every day I wake up I thank my lucky stars that out of all the guys she could be having sex with or in a relationship with, like the 58 from her past, she decided to be with me!
Maybe I'm just insecure though
Wow, my girlfriend fucked 58 guys before me with no strings attached. She was unhappy with them, but oh my! She's happy with me!!! Ya, sure, she's been gangbanged and put through the ringer. But so what? People change!
I'm so glad to have met such a wonderful girl. Sometimes I think about the fact that she's been with other guys, and it bothers me a bit, but you know what, she's sticking with me! Phew! *wipes brow* Thank God! Every day I wake up I thank my lucky stars that out of all the guys she could be having sex with or in a relationship with, like the 58 from her past, she decided to be with me!
Maybe I'm just insecure though
04-27-2006, 06:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe5.0
I was gonna marry her after the first couple week of going out.
And amis you seem to get where i'm coming from. thanks for that man
And amis you seem to get where i'm coming from. thanks for that man
Im sorry dude...Im not trying to make you feel bad or sugar coat it like Jesal or Amis..
You sound like a sap. Get over your issues of her being with some other guy....now, once youre over that...you can get on with your relationship and possibly have a beautiful life together....if you cant, its gonna end bad.....very bad.
04-27-2006, 08:57 PM
#51
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Originally Posted by moomaster_99
You sound like a sap. Get over your issues of her being with some other guy....now, once youre over that...you can get on with your relationship and possibly have a beautiful life together....if you cant, its gonna end bad.....very bad.
If you met the person you know you're gonna marry? If not its hard to explain.
Like I said I'm working on it, and its not really an issue that has caused me to not go further in the relationship.
And to me if you dont know after 6 mos if you really want to be with the person you probably wont. We see each other 6-7 days/week, so its not like the typical 'weekend only' relationship that alot of people have.
04-28-2006, 04:52 AM
#52
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Originally Posted by NewAgePirate
6 months and you are talking about marriage? Whoa man. I'd say take it easy on all fronts.
04-28-2006, 08:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Joe5.0
If you met the person you know you're gonna marry? If not its hard to explain.
Like I said I'm working on it, and its not really an issue that has caused me to not go further in the relationship.
And to me if you dont know after 6 mos if you really want to be with the person you probably wont. We see each other 6-7 days/week, so its not like the typical 'weekend only' relationship that alot of people have.
Like I said I'm working on it, and its not really an issue that has caused me to not go further in the relationship.
And to me if you dont know after 6 mos if you really want to be with the person you probably wont. We see each other 6-7 days/week, so its not like the typical 'weekend only' relationship that alot of people have.
04-28-2006, 02:30 PM
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Well not that it really matters but I've known her for a little more than 2 years, but only been dating since november. I'm not actually gonna get married probably for another year or so (assuming we are still together), but i know this is the girl i wanna marry.
04-28-2006, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe5.0
Well not that it really matters but I've known her for a little more than 2 years, but only been dating since november. I'm not actually gonna get married probably for another year or so (assuming we are still together), but i know this is the girl i wanna marry.
Well, the only way that could happen is if she leaves you it seems. And it seems to me you have insecurity issues.
Sorry, but I've been there, I know how it goes.
04-28-2006, 04:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe5.0
Well not that it really matters but I've known her for a little more than 2 years, but only been dating since november. I'm not actually gonna get married probably for another year or so (assuming we are still together), but i know this is the girl i wanna marry.
In fact, I think a lot of people have felt that way....early in their lives....if you are the person who just knows the woman he wants to marry instantly....you are in for a surprise....
Like I said...get over your jealousy issues and you should be alright...but also being lovesick doesnt mean she feels the same way....
Last edited by moomaster_99; 04-28-2006 at 04:47 PM.
05-17-2006, 11:04 AM
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jealousy is NEVER good for a relationship. I dont really see why people get jealous..If u keep an eye on your girl u should KNOW that shes not messing around. If she starts cutting her phone off when u are around or coming up with excuses not to hang out with u or not wanting to sleep with u.then worry. for now..seems like u two have a strong relat. give her the benefit of the doubt and dont be jealous..i think the trick is to let your woman feel like u arent an overjealous dickhead..but also let her have the fear in her to know that if she ever does think about messing around on you..that shes GONE!!!! everyone has exes u cant obsess about that. 
05-17-2006, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by ric
I would tend to agree with both KenTL and Sari -
picturing her with other men is its own odd distrustful defence against committment to this woman. In truth, she has a past, anyone over the age of 18 will. She's been very clear with you about her past, very clear about cutting off her old relationships clean...... so this is purely you, bud.
I'd spend some time looking internally, to see where those fantasies go, what feelings emerge. I'd frankly do it with a counselor or therapist, if this issue is the "only" thing that prohibits you from fully embracing a rich relationship with this woman.
The flip side about thinking about your significant other's past is to understand that she has chosen you, not them. So, whatever attributes they possessed, you stack up better in comparison. She's with you, not them. IF that concept doesn're reassure you, then I don't know what will. Just think - out of all of the guys that attractive young woman has been with, and could be with, she's choosing you. I'd shut up and smile a lot...................
My wife and I met and married in our late '30's; I've had times when a one-night stand would have been an enduring relationship, and I had had one engagement and one LTR. SHe had been married, and had certainly had her own"past". She chose me, I chose her, we're both pretty damn happy about it, and when I run into one of her ex's, which still happens from time to time, I take some probably entirely inappropriate glee in knowing that I "won" . Call me callow, call me superficial, but I landed the "catch", they weren't up to it. She's never discussed her feelings about the converations she's had with a couple of my ex's, but my sense is she feels rather the same way. And frankly, if my wife and I "kept score"
about our previous relationships, it would be one hellofa game, and with no end in sight, and with not the slightest whit of validity. Our marriage is about us, now, moving forward. It's been twenty years, and I woudln't change a nanosecond of it.
picturing her with other men is its own odd distrustful defence against committment to this woman. In truth, she has a past, anyone over the age of 18 will. She's been very clear with you about her past, very clear about cutting off her old relationships clean...... so this is purely you, bud.
I'd spend some time looking internally, to see where those fantasies go, what feelings emerge. I'd frankly do it with a counselor or therapist, if this issue is the "only" thing that prohibits you from fully embracing a rich relationship with this woman.
The flip side about thinking about your significant other's past is to understand that she has chosen you, not them. So, whatever attributes they possessed, you stack up better in comparison. She's with you, not them. IF that concept doesn're reassure you, then I don't know what will. Just think - out of all of the guys that attractive young woman has been with, and could be with, she's choosing you. I'd shut up and smile a lot...................
My wife and I met and married in our late '30's; I've had times when a one-night stand would have been an enduring relationship, and I had had one engagement and one LTR. SHe had been married, and had certainly had her own"past". She chose me, I chose her, we're both pretty damn happy about it, and when I run into one of her ex's, which still happens from time to time, I take some probably entirely inappropriate glee in knowing that I "won" . Call me callow, call me superficial, but I landed the "catch", they weren't up to it. She's never discussed her feelings about the converations she's had with a couple of my ex's, but my sense is she feels rather the same way. And frankly, if my wife and I "kept score"
about our previous relationships, it would be one hellofa game, and with no end in sight, and with not the slightest whit of validity. Our marriage is about us, now, moving forward. It's been twenty years, and I woudln't change a nanosecond of it.
Ric is wise. Listen to him.
And think about it. Would you really want her to be an immature, giggling virgin? Probably not. The problem with people who have never been with anyone else is that A LOT of them decide at one point in their lives they want to "see what's out there". I know. It happened to me. I got dumped because the other person wanted to just see what it was like since I was the first.
Be happy that YOU are the one who got her. She looks like a very down to earth girl and not prissy either. She's not a slutty ho like 75% of the girls her (my) age. I make friends with those type of girls, and that's saying a lot since I have no ulterior motives.
Oh yeah, and SHE KNOWS how you're feeling. Girls are usually very perceptive, right Sasha?
05-17-2006, 11:24 AM
#62
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Originally Posted by MikeCLS6
Im shocked nobody has beat me to it....so i will say 
......
......
05-17-2006, 12:00 PM
#64
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Yeah since I posted this I have been feeling alot better. We just booked a nice vacation to the Bahamas in December, so def looking forward to that.
She knows how I felt because I told her, but i'm sure she knew already.
Thanks for the support guys
She knows how I felt because I told her, but i'm sure she knew already.
Thanks for the support guys
05-17-2006, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by MikeCLS6
Im shocked nobody has beat me to it....so i will say ......
......theres my intro post for anyone who missed it. nice to meet u all!
05-17-2006, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe5.0
Well if thats the case then so are all men, and even worse in most cases. If you really feel like that i kinda feel sorry for you.
now that, i feel sorry for.
05-17-2006, 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by roriz03cl
https://acurazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=180531
theres my intro post for anyone who missed it. nice to meet u all!
theres my intro post for anyone who missed it. nice to meet u all!
hawt :P
got myspace? add me :P
myspace.com/slicksam44
05-17-2006, 11:54 PM
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if her ex's matter as much as you thing they do, she wouldn't have stayed with you for 6 months. Both of you are still young and have not yet learned that men hold the key to success and we can't do it without the support of a stong woman.
Dominate her ass in the bedroom and then go make a sandwich, return to the bedroom with your half eaten sandwich and start round 2. she won't know what to think.
Dominate her ass in the bedroom and then go make a sandwich, return to the bedroom with your half eaten sandwich and start round 2. she won't know what to think.
05-18-2006, 03:04 AM
#74
Originally Posted by ric
I guess at my age, a woman without a history would be far, far more disturbing.......
At my age, a woman/girl with that much history is far more disturbing! Maybe it wasn't so in the 60s, but I wouldn't be able to stomach it.
05-18-2006, 03:12 AM
#75
Originally Posted by GoDucksCLSPride
Your jealousy is immature and shows lack of confidence and control. now that, i feel sorry for.
now that, i feel sorry for.STDs aside, it's a personal decision. Comfort is'nt just an objective "anything in the past is the past, you are the present" cliche. Culture, religion, social ties, etc. can play a significant role. What, you think you're better than him?
We can even argue semantics... WTF is the essence of "jealousy" ? Why is control so important?
Do you require control? Why do you need control? Isn't that a form of jealousy? The fact that you need to control a person, and the potential outcomes, for you to feel secure? If you're not insecure and jealous, you're secure and comfy. Why? Are you arrogant? What is it? Describe to me just why you think you're so damn bullet proof.
I'm just tired of this judgemental b.s. that has no real base... No real base I can understand at least.
05-18-2006, 08:12 AM
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Originally Posted by amisconception
So you're saying you would feel completely comfortable with a girl that's slept around with numerous guys?
STDs aside, it's a personal decision. Comfort is'nt just an objective "anything in the past is the past, you are the present" cliche. Culture, religion, social ties, etc. can play a significant role. What, you think you're better than him?
We can even argue semantics... WTF is the essence of "jealousy" ? Why is control so important?
Do you require control? Why do you need control? Isn't that a form of jealousy? The fact that you need to control a person, and the potential outcomes, for you to feel secure? If you're not insecure and jealous, you're secure and comfy. Why? Are you arrogant? What is it? Describe to me just why you think you're so damn bullet proof.
I'm just tired of this judgemental b.s. that has no real base... No real base I can understand at least.
STDs aside, it's a personal decision. Comfort is'nt just an objective "anything in the past is the past, you are the present" cliche. Culture, religion, social ties, etc. can play a significant role. What, you think you're better than him?
We can even argue semantics... WTF is the essence of "jealousy" ? Why is control so important?
Do you require control? Why do you need control? Isn't that a form of jealousy? The fact that you need to control a person, and the potential outcomes, for you to feel secure? If you're not insecure and jealous, you're secure and comfy. Why? Are you arrogant? What is it? Describe to me just why you think you're so damn bullet proof.
I'm just tired of this judgemental b.s. that has no real base... No real base I can understand at least.
First, Yes, I do think I am better than Joe. But don't blame me for that, he's the one who said it.
Now, on to your misinterpretations. Open your mind my friend. This reminds me of those psych tests where the subject observes a drawing. It can be viewed as 2 sometimes three totally different scenes but conventional thinking and shallow minds usually only allow the most obvious.
You defaulting to only one possibility for control is a clear indication of those faults and a slight suggestion that on a deaper level, you in fact require your said versions of it. I, on the other hand, implied control over ones self. That is what I meant.
A confident and rational man should have the self control to dissallow irrational immotions carry him. A confident and rational man does not trip when another man calls his girls cell phone, when another man speaks to her on the street, when another man speaks to her at a club. None of those things suggest he will interfere with your relationship - unless of course you are a insecure and irrational man.
When you enter a relationship, you did not just buy a puppy dog who needs to be potty trained and kept inside the fence. Rather, you just engaged companionship with a like minded, living, breathing person who CHOSE to be with you. A confident and rational man should understand that CHOICE will never cease to exist. She is not bound to you with chains, only with love and compashion. If you feel the need to trip over percieved straying, you are taking away her choice to be with you and replacing it with force. Those are the people I feel sorry for. You and Joe appear to be the essance of it.
Finally, I do not subscribe to the double standard of men, women and their sexual exploits. I have my history and it would be dispicable of me to believe that what is ok for me, is not for them. We are engaging in and Equal partnership and - in my world - we are allowed equal past discretions. I'm not insinuating that gang bangs and other foolishness is ok in her past. It is not ok in mine and I would expect her to be comfortable. However, a normal dating history - as normal as mine - is perfectly ok and a nonissue once we have agreed to a relationship.
You're not buying a used car that must have the miles evaluated - men who think such things make me laugh, then sick.
I am not arrogant or bulletproof. Hurt has found me just as much as the next guy. However, I take much more responsibility in that hurt than a lot of fools of my generation. I do not control my relationships or express jealousy. If I am treating my girl right, I should not have to. If I do have to, she is making that choice to lose me.
Fair enough?
05-18-2006, 08:20 AM
#77
Senior Moderator
You're going to have to deal with the fact that some other dude with a much bigger wang was hitting it before you. If you can't deal with it go find yourself a virgin.
05-18-2006, 08:24 AM
#78
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Originally Posted by GoDucksCLSPride
You have questions and misinterpretations; I have answers and clarifications
First, Yes, I do think I am better than Joe. But don't blame me for that, he's the one who said it.
Now, on to your misinterpretations. Open your mind my friend. This reminds me of those psych tests where the subject observes a drawing. It can be viewed as 2 sometimes three totally different scenes but conventional thinking and shallow minds usually only allow the most obvious.
You defaulting to only one possibility for control is a clear indication of those faults and a slight suggestion that on a deaper level, you in fact require your said versions of it. I, on the other hand, implied control over ones self. That is what I meant.
A confident and rational man should have the self control to dissallow irrational immotions carry him. A confident and rational man does not trip when another man calls his girls cell phone, when another man speaks to her on the street, when another man speaks to her at a club. None of those things suggest he will interfere with your relationship - unless of course you are a insecure and irrational man.
When you enter a relationship, you did not just buy a puppy dog who needs to be potty trained and kept inside the fence. Rather, you just engaged companionship with a like minded, living, breathing person who CHOSE to be with you. A confident and rational man should understand that CHOICE will never cease to exist. She is not bound to you with chains, only with love and compashion. If you feel the need to trip over percieved straying, you are taking away her choice to be with you and replacing it with force. Those are the people I feel sorry for. You and Joe appear to be the essance of it.
Finally, I do not subscribe to the double standard of men, women and their sexual exploits. I have my history and it would be dispicable of me to believe that what is ok for me, is not for them. We are engaging in and Equal partnership and - in my world - we are allowed equal past discretions. I'm not insinuating that gang bangs and other foolishness is ok in her past. It is not ok in mine and I would expect her to be comfortable. However, a normal dating history - as normal as mine - is perfectly ok and a nonissue once we have agreed to a relationship.
You're not buying a used car that must have the miles evaluated - men who think such things make me laugh, then sick.
I am not arrogant or bulletproof. Hurt has found me just as much as the next guy. However, I take much more responsibility in that hurt than a lot of fools of my generation. I do not control my relationships or express jealousy. If I am treating my girl right, I should not have to. If I do have to, she is making that choice to lose me.
Fair enough?
First, Yes, I do think I am better than Joe. But don't blame me for that, he's the one who said it.
Now, on to your misinterpretations. Open your mind my friend. This reminds me of those psych tests where the subject observes a drawing. It can be viewed as 2 sometimes three totally different scenes but conventional thinking and shallow minds usually only allow the most obvious.
You defaulting to only one possibility for control is a clear indication of those faults and a slight suggestion that on a deaper level, you in fact require your said versions of it. I, on the other hand, implied control over ones self. That is what I meant.
A confident and rational man should have the self control to dissallow irrational immotions carry him. A confident and rational man does not trip when another man calls his girls cell phone, when another man speaks to her on the street, when another man speaks to her at a club. None of those things suggest he will interfere with your relationship - unless of course you are a insecure and irrational man.
When you enter a relationship, you did not just buy a puppy dog who needs to be potty trained and kept inside the fence. Rather, you just engaged companionship with a like minded, living, breathing person who CHOSE to be with you. A confident and rational man should understand that CHOICE will never cease to exist. She is not bound to you with chains, only with love and compashion. If you feel the need to trip over percieved straying, you are taking away her choice to be with you and replacing it with force. Those are the people I feel sorry for. You and Joe appear to be the essance of it.
Finally, I do not subscribe to the double standard of men, women and their sexual exploits. I have my history and it would be dispicable of me to believe that what is ok for me, is not for them. We are engaging in and Equal partnership and - in my world - we are allowed equal past discretions. I'm not insinuating that gang bangs and other foolishness is ok in her past. It is not ok in mine and I would expect her to be comfortable. However, a normal dating history - as normal as mine - is perfectly ok and a nonissue once we have agreed to a relationship.
You're not buying a used car that must have the miles evaluated - men who think such things make me laugh, then sick.
I am not arrogant or bulletproof. Hurt has found me just as much as the next guy. However, I take much more responsibility in that hurt than a lot of fools of my generation. I do not control my relationships or express jealousy. If I am treating my girl right, I should not have to. If I do have to, she is making that choice to lose me.
Fair enough?
05-18-2006, 08:53 AM
#79
Intermediate
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Byhalia, MS
Age: 43
Posts: 26
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Originally Posted by AkuraCLS
hawt :P
got myspace? add me :P
myspace.com/slicksam44
got myspace? add me :P
myspace.com/slicksam44
05-18-2006, 01:41 PM
#80
Suzuka Master
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: MD
Age: 40
Posts: 5,124
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Originally Posted by roriz03cl
actually i did but i just cancelled my myspace last week. all the damn hype over it on the news and stuff..work was startin to bitch about it being on my visited sites list (like it was porn or something) *rolls eyes*