This is something i read on someone's away message, and it got me thinking. It's from that book "He's just not that into you" (which i refuse to read, because it's kind of feminist-sounding). But this part caught my attention, is this really true??

I never really thought of it like that.. i mean, i've "dated" guys, but there was no bf-gf interchange. it was like, going on dates and stuff. i guess that means i've only had one real boyfriend then too, since he was the only one that was established with those terms. that and it lasted a lot longer.

just wondering what you guys think about "staking your claim."

and how can a girl get a guy to bite? like, how does one move things to the next level? or maybe i should rephrase that, how does a girl know when it's appropriate to move things to the next level with out it turning into a hookup or ruining the friendship?

 

For me, I've never had the "Are we boyfriend-girlfriend?" talk. The both of us just sort of knew. As far as "staking claim," I've never thought of a girl in that way. I think terms like that objective people too much. I'm not "taking her" and she isn't "giving herself to me." It sounds like a terrible book that perpetuates bad ideals about relationships.

 

I read a little of that book and some of it does make sense. I didn't really see it as feminist, just gave some straight forward advice about the excuses that females make for the actions of some males.

 

the girl that i am dating right now only wants to be dating, no serious relationship until months later

but she told me clear that she will not date another guy when she's dating with me, which makes me sorta a relief

but i do want to have a serious relationship with her since we both pretty into it, she will be away for 3 months from july so that's why she's holding back for us to getting serious relationship

 

I believe most guys want to be in a relationship where they don't have to worry about losing/sharing the girl, if they are "dating" he wants to know she will be available to him whenever and vice versa, and I believe as we get older that feeling increases, of course there are exceptions on both sides.
Perhaps there's a security thing when we get older that kicks in more.
The thread about dating vs. committed relationships kinda talks about this too, some guys want just to date and have sex (on the outside) but I really think on the inside they would really prefer to have the girl all to themselves. I know when I've been seeing a girl I don't like the thought of her being with other guys, guess I'm the jealous type...

How to get there? I think that comes naturally when you get to know each other and it depends on how much you communicate.

 

when the BF/GF is established, or wants to be established, no guy wants to share his prize.

 

Ya most guys don't want to "share thier prize". One guy asked if he could "court me" this was all pretty fast too, like in the first week! He was talking about how long he would wait with someone before he proposed marriage, talked about wedding songs etc etc etc...that was a bit much for me.

Other than that guy, I've only had 2 guys straight out ask me to be their GF...

I have that book, it was very enlightening, it helped me a lot when I was dumped by my ex a few years back, and helped me again when I tried to get over my friend with benefits. Hey, it's a cheap fix!

 

I did it with my girl by slowly breaking down her "I don't do the whole boyfriend thing" barrier. Basically I would poke fun at her for calling me 3x a day and begging me to come visit and such. I would remind her that "friends" don't take week long visits to Florida for spring break, etc. So over time, the barrier broke down and she admitted that we're bf/gf. It makes it a lot easier for me since I now know how she feels about me, instead of having to guess.

 

In my experience, the bf/gf thing is brought up by the female. It's usually slipped in there. For example, she will be telling you a story she told her friend that blah blah blah, my boyfriend and I. Then, I ask, who me? Then she'll say yep. So then, I'm in a relationship.

Men usually refrain from using the bf/gf term first because it might scare her off. It's basically the next step down from an L-bomb.

 

i do feel so bad if my gf is going out with another guy

i am not that open...

 

L-bomb love it

however, i think there's a lot more pressure for a girl being afraid to scare a guy off than a guy to scare a girl off.

 

I had similar problems with giving my girl a title!
I guess i was jus too caught up with everything around us.... but little by little I fell in love with this gyrl and I always knew, but was too afraid to say it!

Once the feelings became very real, i called her my GF, but i think it should have been done sooner, i mean we were dating and it was exclusive too.... so if i could sugggest nethin, its this.... if it feels right and u can see some kind of future with him... Dont play games and give it a title .... by doing ... u r giving respect to that person, but giving U 2 together Name.. whether it be a BF / GF ....

it a sense of belonging and it will totally help in the long run, when the other partner realizes ur honesty and committedness!

Good Luck !

 

You would think that, but I really believe guys are more insecure in relationships than girls are, they just won't/don't show it as much. Most guys I've known over the years have been really really afraid to scare off a prospective gf, to the point of neurosis...

 

yeah, I had that talk.
I told my girl, " I'm your man, you're my bitch" nuff said