Common interests
03-29-2010, 09:23 PM
#1
Common interests
Do you have alot in common with your Spouce significant other? My wife and I dont have a lot in common and are complete opposite on our ideas of fun. It causes lots of disputes. We also have some differnt views of a lot of things.
I am more of a home body i like games movies (watching and making) i like to go out with friends from work to drink and wil'out verynow and then.
My wife likes to go out and do stuff like walking, parks, tourist site seeing type stuff.
but she dosent actually do any of that stuff she wants me to do it with her so we are doing things "together"
if i suggest she should do the things she like without trying to get me to do them she responds with "if i am going to do that then maybe i should be by myself"
there really isnt a common ground i hate all the crap she likes to do and she hate the crap i like.
AZ, what are your thoughts on common interests and realationships?
I am more of a home body i like games movies (watching and making) i like to go out with friends from work to drink and wil'out verynow and then.
My wife likes to go out and do stuff like walking, parks, tourist site seeing type stuff.
but she dosent actually do any of that stuff she wants me to do it with her so we are doing things "together"
if i suggest she should do the things she like without trying to get me to do them she responds with "if i am going to do that then maybe i should be by myself"
there really isnt a common ground i hate all the crap she likes to do and she hate the crap i like.
AZ, what are your thoughts on common interests and realationships?
03-29-2010, 10:09 PM
#2
wat
I've never been in a relationship where I wasn't friends with the person (usually for a significant amount of time) first, so I don't have much perspective for comparison on the differences between having common interests vs. not. That said...
Personally, I think it's pretty important. What do you really have if you don't have anything common? Sexual attraction? That only lasts so long if you don't/can't find things that you enjoy doing together.
Out of curiosity, why did you marry her?
Personally, I think it's pretty important. What do you really have if you don't have anything common? Sexual attraction? That only lasts so long if you don't/can't find things that you enjoy doing together.
Out of curiosity, why did you marry her?
03-29-2010, 10:46 PM
#4
wishing for a GT-R
i have seen a lot of relationships blossom between two completely different types of people, but it is important by all means to have things in common with your significant other.
I am assuming you guys dont have any children or i think that would be one thing that should bring the two of you closer. Other than that , i would say you should try to do the things that she likes and maybe sometimes try to tie her into your plans so that maybe she gets use to doing the things you alike as well as you having some interest in the stuff she likes so that you guys have things to discuss/talk about ...
Also by her replying to you the way she does show me as a female, that she has tried to ask you to do things with her and now she is prob totally fed up by asking you to try to do things together. I think you should take the initiative to do the stuff she likes, who knows maybe you will enjoy it yourself and actually see that it does bring you guys together.. then try to get her to do somethings you like ...
If you see that you cant bring yourself into doing some activities she likes then maybe she isnt the one for you , but if you have to ask yourself this question on Azine shows me that you want to make it work , so take the first step and make it happen
I am assuming you guys dont have any children or i think that would be one thing that should bring the two of you closer. Other than that , i would say you should try to do the things that she likes and maybe sometimes try to tie her into your plans so that maybe she gets use to doing the things you alike as well as you having some interest in the stuff she likes so that you guys have things to discuss/talk about ...
Also by her replying to you the way she does show me as a female, that she has tried to ask you to do things with her and now she is prob totally fed up by asking you to try to do things together. I think you should take the initiative to do the stuff she likes, who knows maybe you will enjoy it yourself and actually see that it does bring you guys together.. then try to get her to do somethings you like ...
If you see that you cant bring yourself into doing some activities she likes then maybe she isnt the one for you , but if you have to ask yourself this question on Azine shows me that you want to make it work , so take the first step and make it happen
03-30-2010, 01:19 AM
#5
been married 8 years
most attemps at some sort of middle gound result in people geting mad at eachother. the things she likes at best i am uninterested in. most cases i would rather go to the dentist then do that kind of stuff.
the same goes for her.
but even if you liked all the same things would you still need time to yourself?
most attemps at some sort of middle gound result in people geting mad at eachother. the things she likes at best i am uninterested in. most cases i would rather go to the dentist then do that kind of stuff.
the same goes for her.
but even if you liked all the same things would you still need time to yourself?
03-30-2010, 12:06 PM
#6
wait a minute... u got married at 20? how long were u two together before deciding to get married? there should have been some sort of common attraction that brought you two together... please answer bugeye's ques about why you married her.. it may give you some ideas on common interests...
it isn't healthy to the relationship if any type of discussion just becomes an arguement... it may be wise to seek professional advise and see a marriage councelor... it would def be worth it to your married, especially if you do see yourselves having children together one day...
obviously there will be things that each of you are individually interested in... my wife loves crossstiching, but you won't find me sitting next to her on a sunday afternoon... i'll prob be underneath my car changing my oil, or attending another emergency in the house... that is usually how we have our alone time... but when we do have time to spend together, we commonly like to take walks, travel to new places, and try new restaurants...
it isn't healthy to the relationship if any type of discussion just becomes an arguement... it may be wise to seek professional advise and see a marriage councelor... it would def be worth it to your married, especially if you do see yourselves having children together one day...
obviously there will be things that each of you are individually interested in... my wife loves crossstiching, but you won't find me sitting next to her on a sunday afternoon... i'll prob be underneath my car changing my oil, or attending another emergency in the house... that is usually how we have our alone time... but when we do have time to spend together, we commonly like to take walks, travel to new places, and try new restaurants...
03-30-2010, 01:12 PM
#7
well we dated and what not for 2 years before getting married we didnt live together till after we were married and I was on sea duty and allways gone. when the ship started major repaires and I was contantly home that is when the problems started.
i married her becase i love her and wanted her to be my wife. it takes a special breed to be a navy spouce.
granted we like going out to eat but we try to not do it often for money reasons.
i married her becase i love her and wanted her to be my wife. it takes a special breed to be a navy spouce.
granted we like going out to eat but we try to not do it often for money reasons.
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03-30-2010, 01:21 PM
#8
Suzuka Master
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I learned the hard way you can't force someone to like the things you like, and honestly if you were both carbon copies of each other with the exact same interests and hobbies it would get real boring real fast IMO. It is healthy to each have your own separate interests and hobbies so you can still have your own identities.
That said, both of you need to learn to throw the other person a bone sometime and do something the other person likes to make them happy and show you are at least trying. Instead of trying to find a "middle ground" do something she wants one time and make sure she does something you want down the road. If you continue to be a hardass with the "I'd rather go to the dentist" attitude, you're not going to get very far here. It's give and take.
You mentioned you like going out to eat but are worried about the costs....well how about cooking a big meal together and enjoying the fruits of your labor after. Will be cheaper and could be more rewarding.
That said, both of you need to learn to throw the other person a bone sometime and do something the other person likes to make them happy and show you are at least trying. Instead of trying to find a "middle ground" do something she wants one time and make sure she does something you want down the road. If you continue to be a hardass with the "I'd rather go to the dentist" attitude, you're not going to get very far here. It's give and take.
You mentioned you like going out to eat but are worried about the costs....well how about cooking a big meal together and enjoying the fruits of your labor after. Will be cheaper and could be more rewarding.
03-30-2010, 01:43 PM
#9
we cant cook together at all tried its like pauladine (me) trying to cook a meal with jenny crieg (her) even though we are both from the south my cooking is def more souther style i dont measure nothing fire and temps are always max unless its almost done. ingrediants are what ever i can find i know its seasoned by how it smell. she like measure and use set recipts and timers and all that crap.
we both like cars in fact she used to be on this board just as much as me. but she stopped commming after getting her bimmer. I thought we liked detailing the cars together but all of a sudden she says she never liked doing it and did just so we do something together but now she wont do that.
when i want something together I usually suggest a movie we can both watch ie action adventure or comedy. its ok movies over thats it when she wants something its ok lets do this and while we are out she continues to add to the list of things to do and i have told her that bothers me just do the one thing and be done with it and i will be more inclined to do a another one thing later. but she always try to make one things 5 things.
i even bought games that were for her and she may play for 5 min once and never do it again.
we both like cars in fact she used to be on this board just as much as me. but she stopped commming after getting her bimmer. I thought we liked detailing the cars together but all of a sudden she says she never liked doing it and did just so we do something together but now she wont do that.
when i want something together I usually suggest a movie we can both watch ie action adventure or comedy. its ok movies over thats it when she wants something its ok lets do this and while we are out she continues to add to the list of things to do and i have told her that bothers me just do the one thing and be done with it and i will be more inclined to do a another one thing later. but she always try to make one things 5 things.
i even bought games that were for her and she may play for 5 min once and never do it again.
03-30-2010, 03:28 PM
#10
My Garage
To quote the wise Chris Rock:
"'Cause if you can't share what you're like, you'll have problems.
When you love somebody, you got to love everything about them.
You got to love the crust of a motherfucker.
You can't just lovethe white part of the bread.
You gotta love the crust, the crumbs, the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster.
That's what the real motherfucker is.
Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa...
or the shit ain't gonna work.
lt ain't gonna work.
That's right. lf you born-again,
your woman gotta be born-again, too.
lf you a crackhead,
your woman gotta be a crackhead, too...
or the shit won't work.
You can't be like, ''l'm going to church,
where you going?'' ''Hit the pipe!''
That relationship ain't going nowhere.
Two crackheads can stay together forever."
"'Cause if you can't share what you're like, you'll have problems.
When you love somebody, you got to love everything about them.
You got to love the crust of a motherfucker.
You can't just lovethe white part of the bread.
You gotta love the crust, the crumbs, the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster.
That's what the real motherfucker is.
Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa...
or the shit ain't gonna work.
lt ain't gonna work.
That's right. lf you born-again,
your woman gotta be born-again, too.
lf you a crackhead,
your woman gotta be a crackhead, too...
or the shit won't work.
You can't be like, ''l'm going to church,
where you going?'' ''Hit the pipe!''
That relationship ain't going nowhere.
Two crackheads can stay together forever."
03-30-2010, 08:17 PM
#11
Earth-bound misfit
I think I'll include that in our ceremony. 
03-30-2010, 09:56 PM
#12
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My wife and I have the same sense of humor. Similar tastes in tv shows and movies. We also look for similar qualities/characteristics in our friends.
03-30-2010, 10:01 PM
#13
One on the right for me
I guess. Both like food, enjoy well made cocktails. I'm a lawyer, she is in law school (tried to talk her out of it). She owns an 87 M6 and wants to restore it (I spent too much time and money restoring my mustang). Overall I guess we share quite a few interests.
03-30-2010, 11:32 PM
#14
Although I think it's important to share similar interests, I don't think not having the same interests needs to bring a relationship to an end. The important thing is to take an interest and share in whatever interests a spouse of significant other. You may not always enjoy activities that a spouse or lover enjoys doing, but you do it because you care for them. And they do it for you because they feel the same. I've been involved with women that have no real interest in my hobbies, but some of them have made the effort to take an interest in them because they are a part of me. And I take an interest in their activities because I care for them.
Terry
Terry
Last edited by teranfon; 03-30-2010 at 11:35 PM.
03-31-2010, 12:07 AM
#15
Registered but harmless
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Holy mackerel-- I just realized my wife doesn't have many common interests with me.
We have different education levels and backgrounds, like different shows on TV, have different preferences in sports activities, pastimes and hobbies... She'll never register on AZ, for example, and thinks cars are transportation.
She doesn't like hanging out in bars, but lets me hang out with a bunch of 25- to 30- something women in bars and restaurants occasionally (work acquaintances-- honest!).
My wife and I do like hanging out together, whether it's at home, the grocery store, mall, walking outside, or wherever, when we're not doing our own thing. It doesn't seem like we're apart that much of the day, though.
We've been married 15 years so far.
04-01-2010, 12:26 PM
#16
I'm Down Right Fierce!
Hmm. I've tended to not have alot of things in common with the women I've dated in the past. Then again, that's probably the reason why I'm not married.
Dating another lawyer didn't work out so well for me. Maybe it was more because I was the type that never talked about work outside of work, and she always complained about deadlines in her office all the time. 
04-02-2010, 11:21 PM
#19
Moderator
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My girlfriend and I have plenty in common. We both love to eat, watch movies, bowl, play tennis, etc. The only big difference between her and I is that she likes spicy food and I can't stand it
It helps our relationship that we have so much in common I think. I can pick just about anywhere to eat and any movie to watch and she won't object.
Plus she comes to all of my car meets with me, even the few that have been a 10 hour drive round trip. She complained last time about my stash of CDs in the middle storage compartment, so for my 21st birthday last month she got me a new iPod Nano and a iPod thing to hook up to my stock head unit! I've got it good I guess you could say
It helps our relationship that we have so much in common I think. I can pick just about anywhere to eat and any movie to watch and she won't object.
Plus she comes to all of my car meets with me, even the few that have been a 10 hour drive round trip. She complained last time about my stash of CDs in the middle storage compartment, so for my 21st birthday last month she got me a new iPod Nano and a iPod thing to hook up to my stock head unit! I've got it good I guess you could say
04-03-2010, 12:13 AM
#20
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Just for context my wife and I will celebrate 20 years in August. We actually don't share any common hobbies. I like to run, hike, and ski. She likes to knit, read, and stay home. It's not a big deal because those are "our things". So first off, it's OK to have your own hobbies and do your own thing. And yes, you absolutely need to spend time on your own, but not to the extent you neglect the other.
I'd recommend a few things. First, stop trying to use your hobbies as a means to spend time together. You're going to need something else. Second, why not explore something new to do that you'd both enjoy? There's got to be something. Take a cooking class together if you both enjoy it. Something...
But really, I think the root of it is spending time together, not doing an activity together. How much time do you really spend with her at home where you are 100% focused on her (and not a game or other activity)? I bet if most people really tracked it, I bet couples really spend less than 10 minutes of real undistratcted time together. Give this a try - every day, spend at least 15-20 minutes together. Not in front of a TV or a game, but just talk. I know men hate this, but if you make that kind of daily investment I'll bet you this "we don't do anything together" issue will start to die down. I think you'll be very surprised at the change. I was.
Most of the time, women just want to know they are more important to you than your hobby.
Second, bite the bullet and go walk in the park every now and again.
Good Luck!
I'd recommend a few things. First, stop trying to use your hobbies as a means to spend time together. You're going to need something else. Second, why not explore something new to do that you'd both enjoy? There's got to be something. Take a cooking class together if you both enjoy it. Something...
But really, I think the root of it is spending time together, not doing an activity together. How much time do you really spend with her at home where you are 100% focused on her (and not a game or other activity)? I bet if most people really tracked it, I bet couples really spend less than 10 minutes of real undistratcted time together. Give this a try - every day, spend at least 15-20 minutes together. Not in front of a TV or a game, but just talk. I know men hate this, but if you make that kind of daily investment I'll bet you this "we don't do anything together" issue will start to die down. I think you'll be very surprised at the change. I was.
Most of the time, women just want to know they are more important to you than your hobby. Second, bite the bullet and go walk in the park every now and again.
Good Luck!
04-03-2010, 08:26 AM
#21
Suzuka Master
My husband and I have different hobbies (he plays in softball leagues while I read a lot) but there are some activities that we both enjoy such as watching football, playing video games, checking out art galleries, hiking, etc.. When someone wants to do something the other doesn't really care for, we do it with the unspoken agreement that the other person will be accommodated next time. For example, if my husband takes me shopping this weekend (he hates going to the mall, by the way), I would attend his softball league's practice the following weekend (even though I'll be bored).
As others already pointed out, what's important is for you to spend time together and show your spouse that you care about him/her. Compromising is not easy but it is necessary for marriage to work.
As others already pointed out, what's important is for you to spend time together and show your spouse that you care about him/her. Compromising is not easy but it is necessary for marriage to work.
04-05-2010, 12:52 PM
#22
OP, are you two thinking of starting a family? Please seek counseling and find out whether or not spending the next twenty five years of your lives together is realistic. It sounds as though you were both doing great as long as you weren't around each other too much.
My ex and I had a lot of in common but it was other things that did us in. I'm not going down a laundry list of what it was, but we were both at fault (unless you ask her.... )
But now, me and my girlfriend are not just boyfriend - girlfriend, but best friends too. In fact, we hung out together as friends for a while before we just realized that we were perfect for each other.
Do we piss each other off at times? Absolutely. What friends do you know that don't? But we share the same interests, hobbies, and most important.. dreams for the future. Even though we have a lot in common there are some things that she enjoys doing more than me, and that she's better at than me. But the same goes the other way. We complement each other well. Where I fall short, she excels.
Conversations and talking with each other are really cool as we can carry on two or more discussions simultaneously. And often do. She'll talk about topic a, I'll ask a question about topic b, she'll respond to the question then I'll comment on what she said about topic a. It sounds confusing but it just falls into place so easily.
As others have said, take a good look at how much time you spend with each other and more importantly what you do during that time. Be absolutely honest with yourself and each other and the answer about whether or not you make a good pair will be easy.
My ex and I had a lot of in common but it was other things that did us in. I'm not going down a laundry list of what it was, but we were both at fault (unless you ask her.... )
But now, me and my girlfriend are not just boyfriend - girlfriend, but best friends too. In fact, we hung out together as friends for a while before we just realized that we were perfect for each other.
Do we piss each other off at times? Absolutely. What friends do you know that don't? But we share the same interests, hobbies, and most important.. dreams for the future. Even though we have a lot in common there are some things that she enjoys doing more than me, and that she's better at than me. But the same goes the other way. We complement each other well. Where I fall short, she excels.
Conversations and talking with each other are really cool as we can carry on two or more discussions simultaneously. And often do. She'll talk about topic a, I'll ask a question about topic b, she'll respond to the question then I'll comment on what she said about topic a. It sounds confusing but it just falls into place so easily.
As others have said, take a good look at how much time you spend with each other and more importantly what you do during that time. Be absolutely honest with yourself and each other and the answer about whether or not you make a good pair will be easy.
04-05-2010, 02:19 PM
#24
Talks of kids come up but she has this thing of making me doubt things if i say yes or no to anything regaurdless of what it is she countiously asks me about it making me wonder if that is the answer i want to go with.
i really dont know if she wants kids she says she dose untill i say stop taking birth control pills then its this that and the other.
Last edited by RJANACONDA; 04-05-2010 at 02:21 PM.
04-05-2010, 02:31 PM
#25
I hate to say this but it looks (sounds) like there's a big box in the middle of the room and you both know what's inside, but neither one of you want to be the one to open it first. Open it together and if the writing that's on the wall is correct and if that is the case, do it while you're still friends.
04-05-2010, 02:55 PM
#26
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Talks of kids come up but she has this thing of making me doubt things if i say yes or no to anything regaurdless of what it is she countiously asks me about it making me wonder if that is the answer i want to go with.
i really dont know if she wants kids she says she dose untill i say stop taking birth control pills then its this that and the other.
i really dont know if she wants kids she says she dose untill i say stop taking birth control pills then its this that and the other.
Also your answer about answering your wife's questions concerns me. You should give honest answers to big questions, not the answer you think she wants to hear. Your married after all. If you can't be honest with your wife, then who can you be honest with. All you wind up doing is giving the appearance of being a real couple without actually being a real couple.
Sounds like you and your wife may have some work to do getting down to some open, honest communication on what you want out of your relationship, your marriage, and your future. Much bigger issues than just common interests.
04-07-2010, 04:30 PM
#29
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Opposites do attract it is the truth, RJ it sounds like you both need to compromise and try to share some common interests. You like going out to eat, you can incorporate that into other things, like going here or doing this. I realize it's a money issue, but you can always try small diners or places that aren't super fancy or expensive. You're never going to like all the same movies, or like all the same things, that's just the way people are. What you need to do is try to find more common ground, she likes going out and doing things, you like sitting home and relaxing. Try to do both, and I think you guys can find a lot of happiness together. You just have to know how to give a little, and compromise. Go out with her once in a while and do what she wants, don't set a limit of "we can only do one thing." Just go with it, when it's her day to do what she wants, just try to be with her, and enjoy being with her, don't hate it because it's not what you want to do, remember that it's making her happy. Also, set aside days for her to hang out with you, watch movies, play games, etc. Watch movies she would like too, even if they're chick flicks, at laest you guys are watching something together. You guys just need to compromise a bit if you're going to be happy with each other. You have to give to receive. Like 1Louder said, you guys need to be and act as a couple, it's all about being a team, and commonality. 
04-07-2010, 05:02 PM
#30
Opposites do attract it is the truth, RJ it sounds like you both need to compromise and try to share some common interests. You like going out to eat, you can incorporate that into other things, like going here or doing this. I realize it's a money issue, but you can always try small diners or places that aren't super fancy or expensive. You're never going to like all the same movies, or like all the same things, that's just the way people are. What you need to do is try to find more common ground, she likes going out and doing things, you like sitting home and relaxing. Try to do both, and I think you guys can find a lot of happiness together. You just have to know how to give a little, and compromise. Go out with her once in a while and do what she wants, don't set a limit of "we can only do one thing." Just go with it, when it's her day to do what she wants, just try to be with her, and enjoy being with her, don't hate it because it's not what you want to do, remember that it's making her happy. Also, set aside days for her to hang out with you, watch movies, play games, etc. Watch movies she would like too, even if they're chick flicks, at laest you guys are watching something together. You guys just need to compromise a bit if you're going to be happy with each other. You have to give to receive. Like 1Louder said, you guys need to be and act as a couple, it's all about being a team, and commonality.
i also realize there are other things going on so in a sense this thread is like getting help to fix your engine but knowing you have transmission, wheel, and electronics issues.
sometimes i feel i put in all the effort to improve the relationship but from her pont of view i dont do anything and she is the one doing all the effort.
04-08-2010, 09:15 AM
#31
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Believe me I know the feeling, if there's more underlying issues, then my advice doesn't apply so well 
G'luck bro
G'luck bro
04-08-2010, 10:45 AM
#32
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mrs dallison and i like similar things,
psu, porsches, cars, food, movies, most tv shows, err i just let her watch whatever.
I love our dogs and she volunteers a lot to help other dogs, i don't get involved at all in her dog work. 3 is enough.
I run she doesn't, but we do bike together.
We have been together over 14 years. Some times during the day i'll have an idea for dinner and i'll send an e-mail to her and it's usually the same thing that she's thinking about.
We are very close(obviously) and really are in tune with each other.
psu, porsches, cars, food, movies, most tv shows, err i just let her watch whatever.
I love our dogs and she volunteers a lot to help other dogs, i don't get involved at all in her dog work. 3 is enough.
I run she doesn't, but we do bike together.
We have been together over 14 years. Some times during the day i'll have an idea for dinner and i'll send an e-mail to her and it's usually the same thing that she's thinking about.
We are very close(obviously) and really are in tune with each other.
04-08-2010, 03:42 PM
#33
Stage 1 Audi S5
Not trying to bring you down but it seems you have already made up your mind and are maybe looking for confirmation in this thread. You quickly shoot down all the suggestions with things like we tried, doesn't work, etc. Sounds like you both need to sit down with a professional and see if being married really is the best thing for you. Oh, no kids!
04-08-2010, 11:52 PM
#34
hates potatoville
Hate to say this man, but I can almost garuantee it's one of these:
she don't find you interesting anymore, as in they two of you are doing the same things all the time.... try to be more spontaneous.
she's at a point in life right now asking herself what else to expect in the future with you... the two of you should take some time together, with no children around and have a very serious talk as in asking her why she married you. Get very deep and be real about it. She's already sending you signals that she really wants to talk to you by her actions you mentioned but she's either afraid, or just don't know how to approach you about it. So she does those things for you to take the first move.
Does she have female friends and does she go out with them from time to time? If she doesn't, then there you go. It's a good signal that she need some "down time". Try to get a spa package deal somewhere for her to go to.
But honestly though, out of all the things I mentioned...communication. Talk to her, I mean really talk to her about the both of you. If you love her and I know you do inside, fight for her because emotionally that's what she need you to do right now. Fight for your marriage bro!!! I have faith in you!!! Don't give up!!
she don't find you interesting anymore, as in they two of you are doing the same things all the time.... try to be more spontaneous.
she's at a point in life right now asking herself what else to expect in the future with you... the two of you should take some time together, with no children around and have a very serious talk as in asking her why she married you. Get very deep and be real about it. She's already sending you signals that she really wants to talk to you by her actions you mentioned but she's either afraid, or just don't know how to approach you about it. So she does those things for you to take the first move.
Does she have female friends and does she go out with them from time to time? If she doesn't, then there you go. It's a good signal that she need some "down time". Try to get a spa package deal somewhere for her to go to.
But honestly though, out of all the things I mentioned...communication. Talk to her, I mean really talk to her about the both of you. If you love her and I know you do inside, fight for her because emotionally that's what she need you to do right now. Fight for your marriage bro!!! I have faith in you!!! Don't give up!!
04-09-2010, 01:01 PM
#35
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
^ Agree with both posts above. A question came to my mind for the OP: Why did you marry her in the first place? Figure out what that was, what's changed since then, then work with her to get back to that state.
04-10-2010, 09:12 PM
#36
Senior Moderator
Interesting thread.
Mrs. neuronbob and I have been married for 16 years.
We have in common that we are both homebodies but we have different hobbies. I love detailing and driving my cars, reading and hanging out on AZ. She loves other things.
I bite the bullet and will do something she likes with me occasionally, and she with me, but we mostly spend time together doing our own thing in the other's presence. That way, we spend time together AND do what we want. Works fine for us and we are reasonably happy. In addition, now that we have our son, he gets to see a home with peace and love.
A comment about speaking honestly....no matter how much she makes you doubt what you are saying, stand your ground. She is testing you. You spend so much time deployed that she's had to cultivate her own hobbies. Now that you're home more often, she may perceive you as being in the way of doing her own thing.
A nice, cathartic trip together might help things. The two of you together, away from your usual daily routine, gives a great chance for honest talk and maybe even a little fun together.
Mrs. neuronbob and I have been married for 16 years.
We have in common that we are both homebodies but we have different hobbies. I love detailing and driving my cars, reading and hanging out on AZ.
She loves other things.I bite the bullet and will do something she likes with me occasionally, and she with me, but we mostly spend time together doing our own thing in the other's presence. That way, we spend time together AND do what we want. Works fine for us and we are reasonably happy. In addition, now that we have our son, he gets to see a home with peace and love.
A comment about speaking honestly....no matter how much she makes you doubt what you are saying, stand your ground. She is testing you. You spend so much time deployed that she's had to cultivate her own hobbies. Now that you're home more often, she may perceive you as being in the way of doing her own thing.
A nice, cathartic trip together might help things. The two of you together, away from your usual daily routine, gives a great chance for honest talk and maybe even a little fun together.
04-13-2010, 06:52 PM
#37
Not trying to bring you down but it seems you have already made up your mind and are maybe looking for confirmation in this thread. You quickly shoot down all the suggestions with things like we tried, doesn't work, etc. Sounds like you both need to sit down with a professional and see if being married really is the best thing for you. Oh, no kids!
it was only a temp fix
04-13-2010, 07:01 PM
#38
Hate to say this man, but I can almost garuantee it's one of these:
she don't find you interesting anymore, as in they two of you are doing the same things all the time.... try to be more spontaneous.
she's at a point in life right now asking herself what else to expect in the future with you... the two of you should take some time together, with no children around and have a very serious talk as in asking her why she married you. Get very deep and be real about it. She's already sending you signals that she really wants to talk to you by her actions you mentioned but she's either afraid, or just don't know how to approach you about it. So she does those things for you to take the first move.
Does she have female friends and does she go out with them from time to time? If she doesn't, then there you go. It's a good signal that she need some "down time". Try to get a spa package deal somewhere for her to go to.
But honestly though, out of all the things I mentioned...communication. Talk to her, I mean really talk to her about the both of you. If you love her and I know you do inside, fight for her because emotionally that's what she need you to do right now. Fight for your marriage bro!!! I have faith in you!!! Don't give up!!
she don't find you interesting anymore, as in they two of you are doing the same things all the time.... try to be more spontaneous.
she's at a point in life right now asking herself what else to expect in the future with you... the two of you should take some time together, with no children around and have a very serious talk as in asking her why she married you. Get very deep and be real about it. She's already sending you signals that she really wants to talk to you by her actions you mentioned but she's either afraid, or just don't know how to approach you about it. So she does those things for you to take the first move.
Does she have female friends and does she go out with them from time to time? If she doesn't, then there you go. It's a good signal that she need some "down time". Try to get a spa package deal somewhere for her to go to.
But honestly though, out of all the things I mentioned...communication. Talk to her, I mean really talk to her about the both of you. If you love her and I know you do inside, fight for her because emotionally that's what she need you to do right now. Fight for your marriage bro!!! I have faith in you!!! Don't give up!!
nope no freinds of her own. but this issue now is the least of my worries.
04-13-2010, 08:02 PM
#39
hates potatoville
Bro, she really need to go out to make some friends of her own in order for her and you have some sense of sanity. Maybe the two of you just need some time away from each other to really see what the two of you is actually missing.
04-14-2010, 10:07 PM
#40
thats the thing being in the navy i am gone for long periods of time. its those times i am HOME that shit get sour. even the beging of our relationship was long distance before i was in the navy. in a sence our relationship is BASED on us NOT being around each other.