Don't listen to Leykis too much - take him for what he's worth, which is to shock and entertain, not to inform. However, it would seem you have your head on straight with this. You have to be ready and want this kind of situation for it to work, and it's great you understand where you are and what you want. No sense being wreckless with her or the kid if you know it's not going to work.

But like I said, a woman with a child does not equal "run away" - it means "proceed with caution". Good luck!

 

I call it instafamily...and no, I have no kids

 

Oh I know. He's a bit extreme. I still haven't found what I'm looking for, it could be time to stop looking and just play it by ear.

 

So Hapa would you have moved forward in the relationship if the father was completely out of the picture, or lived on the east coast or something? I've never dated a single mother, perhaps it's overly judgemental but my boys refer to women like that as "samsonite" i.e. too much baggage to handle. I'm proud that you thought this through with your head instead of your dick, definitely mature for 25.

Ravi, your story is very informative. I met some really pretty single moms, early 20s, career-driven. But, I could totally imagine experiencing the same sort of thing you did. I've slept with a couple milfs but often there was a secondary agenda. One even asked to store her money at my crib? WTF? Homey don't play that.

 

never have, never will. although i slept with a woman with children once. but it was mexico, we were drunk, and it was only a ONS.

 

Actually I would. She's career driven, passionate, working on her masters, beautiful, has a nice family, owns her own home, has a lot going for her. She's a bit immature since I think she did miss out on just being young and having fun, but that's okay. I wouldn't mind helping her grow as a person.

I have no problem with the boy despite his behavior which could be corrected, his father on the other hand I want to smack in the mouth. Now if he wasn't such a belligerent SOB and a total waste of life that acted like a man, him and I would have no beef. He sours a lot of the experience and maybe I'm letting him win by not moving forward with this? But, I just don't feel as though this is my calling at 25 to have a 9yo child with a psychotic father be a constant part of my life. She has told me he has ruined past relationships for her, he has vandalized her parent's cars and homes along with physically abusing her if he found out she was dating someone. The guy is no good. She seems to allow it as well, if that were me I'd want the guy behind bars. He's just a sperm donor IMO.

My best friend from high school just got married. He inherited a family; total "samsonite" she had a son, but the father is completely out of the picture. He gets along great with the kid and everything has been honky dory. His family has accepted that kid without any preconditions and love him as if that was my friend's own son. I think the dad not being in the picture made their whole situation that much better.

The baby daddy drama is what it is. Some of these fathers act like father's and just want the best for their children. Others are still stuck on the fact that they once had the mom and think they always will no matter what. Unfortunately I'm dealing with the latter. So my choice in it all would be to avoid this unnecessary conflict and enjoy my mid twenties. She may have potential to be the one, but she still has a long way to go.

 

I think if I were single now and met someone with a child it will be different, but at 25, I just wasn't mature enough and didn't care for the drama.

 

I just got out of a relationship with a girl with a daughter. We started dating when her daughter was like a year and half, and I grew VERY attached to her, and we had a great relationship (me and the daughter). Really, I was like a father to her and it hurts to even think about the fact that I'm not around her anymore. Anyway...if this particular situation doesn't work for you, then roll out NOW before you get in too deeply. There is nothing wrong with dating a woman with a child, but you have to be prepared for the "package". From now on, I think I will avoid it because there is a lot of "sharing" that goes on, and if I'm giving 100% of my focus and attention on the relatioinship, then I want that in return. I feel badly for my ex in a way, cause I'm actually already kind of "dating" someone else, and I know it won't be that easy for her.

 

Age has ALOT to do with it.....and at 25 years old a single mother means "RUN AWAY".

If the OP was 35 perhaps things "may" be "proceed with caution".

 

So at our age now in our 30s you might go for it if the father was totally out of the picture? Would it matter what age the woman was? If she's still in her early 20s? Perhaps I'm not mature enough to deal with all the drama that potentially could occur. I guess my only regret would be missing out on a potentially rewarding relationship because of preconceived notions I have. OTOH, my parents are pretty old school and I think it would be potentially awkward introducing my girl and her child. Plus, there's plenty of fish in the sea that haven't been married or haven't had children. I guess I can see both sides of the coin.

 

I think as I got older, I just learned to be a bit more open minded. And of course more mature. Still it would have been an issue. And thankfully I was never faced with it again. Because part of me would have really thought about it.

 

Whew, read this title fast and saw: Chicks with dicks??

Either way, if a girl says to me "want to meet my little man?" I'm outta there.

 

Yeah, me too. Few years ago I never would have even entertained dating a woman who had been married before. But, I guess as we progress into our 30s, we hopefully become more open-minded and mature. My other option is dating girls in their early 20s but that comes with a whole different kind of drama, i.e. holding their hair back while they're puking in your toilet from too much jaeger bombs

 

She must have put another mic inside that punching bag...she's barely hitting the thing

j/k pretty good for being bare-knuckled.

 

To answer OP, I'd say it depends but given what you said about your situation I'd run for the hills. Especially at your (our) age there's no point in dealing with the baby daddy drama. I can't imagine having any responsibility for a kid now (although I love them, now just isn't the time) and having him around just makes it worse.

Of course if the father wasn't around at all, you have to take the girl with a grain of salt because chances are she has ulterior motives ie looking for a partner to help raise the kid. Even if she doesn't, you're can be damn sure you will get roped into using some of your time and money to help raise her and another man's kid for lack of a better way to put it. If you're cool with that, fine, but for me the only way that would possibly happen is if I was 100% sure she'd be having some of my kids in the future.

I just can't see myself getting serious with a single mom, unless of course i'm in a similar predicament.

 

lol- i love it!
and if your a single girl considering dating a guy with a kid... it means you'll always be the "hot mom" no baby fat or baby stretch marks to worry about

 

Still haven't broke the news. For some reason it's like I want to take her up as a project I feel compelled to help her she's just so damn cute. It's hard to look her in the eye and not smile. Ugh.... Where's Ray when I need him?

 

Move on dude. You are making it tougher on both of you. Be a man and decide if you're in it (which you are not) or if you're out.

 

Watch out with this line of thinking. Men are wired to be "rescuers" - all of us have a strong pull to rescue the damsel in distress. It's pretty natural to feel that way. However, once the excitement of the rescue wears off (and it will), you'll be left with the simple facts of the situation to deal with. You need to go all in, or all out. If you've decided to get out, it's not going to get any easier over time. Just be honest with her and tell her straight - you're not ready to be an insta-dad. She'd rather know that now - believe me.

 

Yeah that's my concern. I approach single mothers more cautiously than regular chicks. Obviously, i take her child into consideration. I'd have to be a lot more confident the relationship would be more than just a fling before pursuing a single mom than a woman with no children. My

It's insightful how you describe how the excitement of being the proverbial "knight in shining armor" wears off over time. First you're getting cute email photos of the son in a baby carriage or at a picnic and you think it's all good. But when the son is crying at 4 in the morning from stomach flu and you have to be injecting botox at 8 a.m., i can see how the novelty would wear off.

 

Straight-talk express. I appreciate that. I just see this small ray of hope and light at the end of the tunnel it's preventing me from doing it.

It's weird I've walked away from klingons and head cases, but this girl. It's a strange feeling, maybe because our time together is compressed (since she does have to tend to her kid, and class, and work) it leaves me wanting more?

Yes. I think a lot of it is because I have the best intentions for her and I have to strap on this cape to show her the way. The more I give it thought, the tougher life will be if I ever were to accept this as my daily routine.

I have big plans I want a condo soon, new car, grad school the whole nine. No kids until I'm pushing 30 though. I gotta man up, I know. The sooner the better.....

 

It's called pussy....just say it.

MOVE ON.

 

If you have to "show her the way", that just means she doesnt have any idea what she really wants, other than someone to bail her out of her position. life is tough as it is, adding someone else's problems to yours isnt going to make things better, especially if they themselves already dont know what to do.

your big plans dont mix well with getting involved with a single mom. stop being a wuss and move on. you go down this route, its not gonna be good for you.

 

Don't forget some women will purposely get pregnant with a guy to keep him around if he's taking good care of her and her other kid(s).


I've seen that happen to a few people...the girl mysteriously gets pregnant even though she's on the pill

 

And 9 months you are wondering why your son is black and has a penis larger than yours.

 

Happens to the best of us.

 

 

Just like on Nip/Tuck. That's why i wear a raincoat even if the girl's on the pill.