db78

Before I begin, I just want to say thanks ahead of time for reading my post and whatever advice you guys have to offer. I'm hoping to get some insight from those of you that are older than me (I'm 21) and have probably faced the same dilemma some point in your life. I'll try to keep this as short and simple as possible.

But basically, I'm a recent college graduate and at a point in my life where I'm being forced to choose my career over my personal life a lot. Right now, I'm not in school anymore, but will be taking additional courses that my employer requires. I also have a couple of opportunities that could potentially be very valuable in my professional career. However, I'm finding myself having to prioritize my career over my personal life. My gf (ex now) and I broke up recently because of both of our careers. We received job offers in different cities, so we've been in a long distance relationship for 4 or 5 months now. Logically, it made a lot of sense to break up, but I'm still trying to figure out if it was the best decision or not. At the same time, one of the opportunities that is available to me right now will take time away from me visiting my family. My parents are divorced and live in two different states as me, so finding time has always been difficult. This summer would have been a good time to see them, had this new opportunity not come up.

I tried to keep it very brief and not delve too much into the specific details. But ultimately I'm looking for advice on what to do. I do recognize the important of family and even my gf, they've been through a lot of me and I hate seeing myself neglecting them. At the same time, I'm being presented with opportunities that I know taking would prove to be a significant advantage to my career advancement. Thanks for listening and your advice.

wndrlst

That's a really tough question because everyone's priorities are different. Will making sacrifices now ultimately put you in a position to sacrifice less in a few years? Are your parents healthy? (I realize that can change in a moment, but if you already know your time is short with them, you may regret choosing work now.)

At 21, I have a really hard time thinking you should give up your career to follow a girl. I can't say never, but frankly chances are good that you won't make it anyway. You both just have too much growing and changing to do over the next few years.

It's so common to have to bear down really hard at this stage in life in order to be where you want to be 10 or 20 years from now. Your circumstances may ultimately dictate otherwise, but try not to beat yourself up for being responsible and looking at the big picture.

Can your parents travel to visit you or will you be traveling for this opportunity?

Rounder

You're young. Do what you can to further your career and make yourself more valuable to employers. You have plenty of time to settle down and get married. Do the specific training and classes now. It will pay off down the road.

doopstr

Can't you get the same kind of job near your girl? How long were you with this one?

CopperheadTX

At the age of 21, since you don't have a spouse and/or family to support, I'd suggest concentrating on your career at this point. It's likely you have student loans hanging over you, and as the new guy in the office, all the crap details will likely fall on you. I can tell you from experience that it stinks on ice trying to balance family obligations and work, and that trying to do so will end up making you resent one or the other.

I discovered this the hard way back in 1989 - I worked as computer support for a small alarm company. This job involved being on-call 24/7 in case of a system crash of the alarm reporting computers. I alternated weeks with another technician. The morning of my wedding to my second husband, my boss came by my place and handed me the on-call pager - the other tech had been admitted to a local hospital with appendicitis. Sure enough, on my wedding night, the pager went off and I had to drive 90 minutes to fix the damn computer.

03bl AC k CL

You can start a career anywhere. if you love the girl and you are both on the same page with furthering your relationship don't let her get away ... Think about what you would regret more 10 years down the road missing out on.

Whiskers

Pics of GF needed to decide your career choice...

BraveDemon

At 21 women come and go. From 21 to now I've gone through probably a dozen GFs a few of which were "serious."

IMO, if you can further yourself in a career at your age, I'd say that should be your highest priority. The economy is in the shitter, and the fact that you have a job now, with the opportunity to advance is a godsend.

Gs Dewd

at your age think of your career. Soon you'll be able to star diving into the personal life issues

db78

My parents are perfectly healthy, but it wouldn't make sense for them to visit. I have siblings on both sides, and flying the entire family out is too expensive financially.

I've been with her for basically two years now. She's my second serious relationship, and we're very compatible for each other. It's been an amazing two years, but at the same time we're both very realistic and mature about the situation. The company that I will be working for is huge, so it is probably possible for me to relocate to an office closer to her a year or two down the line. But like some of you said, we're still very young and I feel like being willing to relocate for her (or anyone) is a bit TOO serious for me right now. Although it's not to say I wouldn't ever do it. With her, I guess I'm still debating if we should just stay broken up now? Or 1) stay together until we really can't be in a relationship anymore (we definitely could do long distance for a while longer, I just don't know how long) or 2) stay together until somewhere down the line, we both feel ready to commit to the relationship seriously enough that one of us would relocate, if ever.

One of the opportunities that I have before I start full time is a great one, but I don't NEED it for career advancement. At the end of the day, I know that I've chosen a career that will force me to make a lot of personal sacrifices. I guess I'm just hoping to delay the day that I become a workaholic. :/ Either way I'm definitely taking in what everyone has said and do some more thinking.

1Louder

I'm going to agree with a lot of the career advice. Being young and single is exactly the right time to make key investments that will pay off in a career. If you have those opportunities, I'd take them.

However, I'd balance that with doing the right things for your career, not doing everything. Because you do need a life. We all do. What I mean is put energy into the career things that have big payoffs. Don't spend a lot of time getting credentials that you don't need right now. Every now and again I'll get a resume where half the page is filled with degrees and certifications. That's actually a red flag for me. I don't need employees who know how to go to school and get credentials. I need employees that know how to do the job I'm advertising for.

I think you'll learn that you can still advance a career and still have a life. But right now, being single and mobile, go do some things that set you up for the next 10 years. Believe me, you don't want to be having to make those sacrifices when you have a wife and two kids to consider.

What you are feeling is normal. Getting out on your own for the first time is a big step in life. Embrace it as a new adventure. Take everything you can from the experience and get yourself on a good path forward. These things you feel like you are ignoring will come back around into your life again. You are not seperating yourself from these things, but you are establishing a "new normal" that means you have a career and other things to attend to.

Best of luck -

Eggplant-EX

AS you continue your career path, try to find a job position that ends when you leave the Office. I work out of home, am alot older than most of you here and work too many hours. In some ways, I have no choice but hate that I am always working. And that is why I say, try to find a job that when you are finished for the day, you are done...

vas25tl

I'm headed in a different direction

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

I would have to say that you need to try to balance both. See if there are similar positions available closer to your family or gf. I'm guessing it will be tough with this job market.

If you cannot, then at your age, I think you need to focus on your career. Your parents are adults.....they will understand that your job is important and will support your decision. And if you work at it, there are a ton of ways to communicate with them. You don't have to be there for dinner every day.

As for the gf....people come and go. Whether it's friends, family or girls. I'm sure you will be fine without her. You just haven't really tried. I think you are focusing on the fact that you are "alone" and not on the fact that you are 21, single and working. Take all 3 of those and balance it into your daily life.

Work hard and play hard. I'm 35, with a wife and kid and I still try to live by that rule.

I know what you are going through. I graduated college and moved to NJ for a girl. My family were 3000 miles away. We broke up 3 months later and I had to make a life for myself. You can do the same.

hornyleprechaun

Well what do you value more? Spending time with family? Furthering your career and making $$$? I think you need friends and family in your life to stay "healthy" and I think working a job that you are not 100% committed to will ruin your life.

I had a friend who majored in Electrical Engineering.. straight out of college he was offered a $100k+ job, but he'd work 80 hours a week. He didn't want to do it, so he missed out on some great money, but found a job that paid well, and allowed him to live a normal life.

dallison

concentrate on a career right now.

Majofo

You've had 12 serious relationships in the past 6 years..

OP, like wndrlst said.. it depends on your priorities. My general advice to you is that personal sacrifice is just a part of life. There's no wrong or right answer but I will say that if you and your gf can't work out a long distance relationship that was ongoing for just a few months, you two probably wouldn't have worked out in the long run. I have a classmate who has been in a long distance relationship for 8 years.. they love each other and are dedicated to each other moreso than many couples I meet. I also have family who have spouses in the military.. it takes some sacrifice for a relationship to work, if it's worth it.. the distance isn't an issue.

Parents health and well being is a factor for many young adults. If they have a support system around them and have friends / social network where they live then you shouldn't worry so much. Visit them as much as you can though. Parents can be a real blessing and integral part of your life.. Once they're gone, there's a void that can't be filled. So don't make excuses about not visiting them, appreciate every moment you have with them.

So all that being said, do what you need to do to be successful in life.. pursue happiness not a career. Once you leave a job there will always be someone behind you to replace you. There won't be anyone to replace the people in your family though, don't forget that in the long run. Make sure you're content with whatever decision you make though, no regrets afterward.