Personally, I think you have to break up with both your EX girlfriend and mom.

I hate to say that running away is the thing to do, but it seems to me that it's going to be really tough for you to tell your mom to leave you alone to make your own mistakes and live your own life. And the EX doesn't seem to be really healthy for you either.

So, I would say either tell them both you need space. Or move to a different town/state/coast. Whatever it takes. In the short tearm it will be like running away from your problems, but in the long term, it will be better for you.

 

Synthetic that makes a whole lot of sense. Thank you for slapping some sense into me.

All of this dependency is related to my unhappiness.

They are all crutches that don't need to be used anymore.

Happiness is most important to me right now because its the driving force for me to become successful and strive to live a healthy life.

When you stated eliminating variables, the job, my mom, g/f, trust do you mean don't let those define your happiness?

 

I missed this entire post earlier. I'm going to tell you something that you already know....

NO ONE, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WILL MAKE YOU TRUELY HAPPY UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY.

I do not think you absolutely NEED her love. It would be nice, but what you need to do it sort out your issues. Your depression seems to be due to more than just this. I really think as hard as it may be, you NEED to be single, away from mom and sort out your life.

I'm not saying that this girl is not the one for you, but I think if you both get back together now, then you relationship will be based more on dependence on her. And that's not healthy.

 

Those things are parts of your life, so they should enhance your happiness. I think what should define your happiness as you put it, should be how those things make you feel, not your dependence on them. This is why I firmly believe that you need to do some thinking, and figure out what really makes you happy.

 

I have thought about moving away, and it crosses my mind from time to time. Here is my dilemma. The condominium that I live in right now, is under my name. I was told it was a gift to me but that is something I cannot accept from my mother. What I would like her to do is sell the condo but in order to avoid heavy property taxes for owning two houses she has put it in my name as an investment to secure her control over my life. Next thing. She told me that in the state of california a homeowner must live for a minimum of 2 years before selling a house otherwise you will be taxed. I have been here for almost 2 years now.

Once she does sell the condo I will be without a place to live. My income is low and my debt is high. it would be great to move to a state where the cost of living is much lower. I recently graduated culinary school and Im working in a fine dining restaurant. One problem, work experience is great but the wages are almost minimum wage and no benefits. I work very hard every day in stressful conditions most people wouldn't even consider. I know how hard it is to make a dollar. This encourages to me to go get at least a bachelors degree. So in reality it looks like im going to need this trust.

 

Rent the condo out. I'm sure it will make a hell of a lot of money for your mom.

I know the stresses of your job. My wife was a resturant manager for a couple years in NYC. And a really good friend of mine was a chef for Olives. His hours were messed up all the time. He said he was the only chef that he knew off that wasn't coked out all the time just to cope with the job. He just drank a lot.

 

So if variables make me feel unhappy cut them off as an act to take care of myself? Makes a lot of sense. I drink a lot more now and im back to smoking cigarettes.

 

Why not. Or find something else, some activity that makes you happy. Play a sport or something.

 

Since my father passed away at the age of 12, I never really had a role model and it has taken a major toll on my confidence, my introverted personality, and most importantly my social life. I have a hard time with relationships as you can see. Do I seek therapy? Where do I begin? I feel numb inside. My personality, my trust, is locked deep inside of me where it can be protected and I know its not healthy. I can be antisocial and I realize this now being a major part of my unhappiness.

Admitting this does not feel good but I feel like it needs to be addressed.

 

I think seeking some form of help may help. But here's the way I see it....you know what you feel your short comings are. Maybe you need to work on changing them.

Now, I'm not saying that by knowing what they are, you are instantly able to go out and talk to women, meet people, and all of a sudden before overfilled with confidence.

I think you need to take small steps. Speaking open and honestly with your mom, and telling exactly how you feel will be a step. Working your way up and doing well at your job should also boost your confidence.

Nothing I have said to you come from looking at this from afar. I felt the same at some point in my life. I'm not extremely over confident, I'm definately not a lady's man, and I use to be very introverted. At some point, I went through a really bad break-up, just like you are now and what I learned about myself is my self-worth. Then I realized that the other things were not as important. And now there are only 2 people that will 100% affect my happiness....my wife and son.

 

And if all that fails....your local bartender is always a good listener and she may have big boobs.

You'll be OK.

 

Just a note here- Only the net gain/profit is taxable: purchase price minus selling price and closing costs. Then a homeowner who has lived in the property for 2 years out of 5 only pays taxes on profit exceeding $250,000.
If your condo was bought at $600,000 and you receive $610,000 after closing, only $10K is taxable (unless you lived there 24 months within the past 5 years, in which case there is no tax until you receive > $850,000 on that condo).
G/L.

 

YOu might do well to see a therapist, but do so from a position of assuming that they will help you understand yourself better, not that they will "fix you". Your loss of your dad at a formative time is a devastaing challenge. You are right, you have grown up without the usual role model. Time to understand that you can be your own role model for yourself. If seeing a decent and skilled therapist helps you do that, then go for it, and it will be money well spent.

 

I couldn't imgane losing a parent. But out of tragedy my come some good. Your mom will always be your mom, there is no getting around that. Im not suggesting you do either. But like ric said, get on your own feet and handle your business. The GF is not worth being upset over. To me its better you found out the way she is sooner rather than later. Just know that if you do manage to get your trust into your own hands it will devistate your mom. I cant speek for exactly why but she will be very upset with you. If she is mismanaging your trust and making money off it, then she has lost her income. That however is your money and not hers. When your dad passed away did he leave her anything? Just a thought, if you get your money and its a large amount you might want to give a small portion to her so she can get back on her feet.

 

Good advice

I lost my father when I was 7 and my mother when I was 23. I had serious emotional problems because of it. I started seeing a therapist about 2 months ago and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I look forward to going and talking with him. It's very helpful, at least it was for me.

 

I think so many folks see going to a therapist as a form of weakness, that they somehow cannot "deal" with life solo. I actually think seeing a therapist for functional, emotional and analytical support is a form of strength! Kudos to you for doing it - and, it sounds like you found a good one.

Losing a parent before one has grown up is always a challenge. Getting help to understand what that impact was, and how to understand that impact, I think, makes tremendous sense.

I see a skilled trauma therapist, as my childhood had a significant amount of childhood sexual abuse as part of it. I would NEVER be able to sort out all of the complexities of my childhood without a pro helping me.

 

I agree with you. Talking through problems with someone is not a weekness. In fact it takes a brave person to admit that they need that help.

 

My therapist says I have a case of depression. I never dealt with losing my father and he says I have issues with anger and expressing emotions. I am slowly finding myself and I don't like what I have become its kind of discouraging even though its not my fault.

So my ex tells me she wants to move on. We were talking here and there after our break up and she kept telling me she wants to be friends. I would tell her theres no way I could be friends with her we either work things out or she moves on. She tells me that shes not sure and she needs some time for herself (to heal from the emotional wounds I inflicted on her? For flipping out when I saw that sexual insinuation about plumbing her pipes on myspace thats when she didn't want to see me anymore...) She fails to acknowledge the emotional pain she has put me through during and after the relationship. Its all my fault everything. Its so easy for her to move on.

So I get the impression that shes trying to date other guys and if that doesn't work out she will try to come back to me. A few days ago we get into an argument over the phone about "what I did wrong in the relationship". She says I get jealous too easily and that my anger causes her pain (she was much more of an angry person in our relationship she hit me several times, screamed like no other etc etc.) I told her that she treats her men like shit shes in denial of any wrong doing. I stated why am I wasting my time trying to get back with a controlling manipulative girl like her when theres millions of other girls out there. I deleted her number.

A few days go by and I realize its her birthday. I felt kinda bad for the things I said so I decided to show up to her fathers house with a bday gift. She answers the door surprisingly and lets me in. First thing she tells me is that her ex-boyfriend (the guy she lost her virginity to and was in a 4 year relationship with) is in her room trying to fix her computer for her. Astonished I say I can't believe you are back with your ex already!? She denies it of course and claims that hes there just fixing her computer and they are catching up on old times. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years and she claims that he is still in love with her and would never do such a thing. I notice shes wearing a skater shirt that ive never seen obviously his.

In her fathers house her room door automatically locks when she closes it. She went to go introduce me to her ex and realized she locked herself out of her own room. Strange, why would she close the door and lock herself out when she realized I was at her front door. Hiding something maybe? So I walk in to meet the ex and hes lying on her bed watching TV, not fixing a computer. I tell him that I've heard nothing but good things about him (yeah right she ripped the poor guy apart saying he was her little bitch and he did whatever she said he was not a man). I got this gut feeling that he had nowhere to go and that he was living there now. He used to live with her in her fathers house many years back and he mooched off her.

A little backround info on their previous relationship- Im not sure who broke up with who but shortly after they broke up my ex found out that he was hooking up with one of their friends in their circle. That hurt her a lot.

So we start talking outside in the living room. I tell her that I wanted her to know I did what I could to save our relationship and that gave me some closure. I said I was moving on. I still care about her I don't why? I gave her a hug and told her to take care and I left.

She lost someone who truly cared about her and I deserve better. I am a trustworthy guy and shes not a trustworthy person. It hurts to know that she really didn't care about me. I don't blame her, I blame her insecurity.

I am blinded by emotions what do you guys think about this whole situation.

 

GReat summary. Realize that you have closure with this girl and move on. No more surprise trips to her house, no more e-cards or gifts on her birthday...forget her.
Focus on you and your emotional health. She is clearly done with YOU.

 

no matter how innocent or not... listen to what he said... 'forget her'

 

Time to start thinking about yourself first.

 

All I have to say is that this is a great thread. Great advice and ideas here. Sorry for the hijack, please continue.........

Forget about her. She's obviously a very selfish person who fails to acknowledge what she's done. Its natural to still feel this way about someone because you were in a serious relationship with her. It seems like you've accepted the fact that its over, and that's a good thing.

Sounds like she's been through a lot though. Raised in a household with separated parents, alcoholic father and she's kinda been used by others and has the mentality to use others because it seems ok to her, and now she thinks its ok for her ex to use her. More trouble than she's worth, IMO.

You'll find someone better, and you'll probably end up wondering why you were missing that girl in the first place when it was clearly over. It just takes time.

 

This is the personality aspect I girls I will never understand, once they have it in their head that it's over, that's it. They move on and don't look back. And you can't tell them that they don't care because then they say you are just trying to make them feel guilty. It's crazy.

 

First, I agree completely with cibs and fast-tl. Forget her. Your relationship with her was toxic and was bringing you down. It is a large part of the reason you are feeing so bad right now.

Second, the key to your situation is contained in your first paragraph. You have seen a therapist and have been diagnosed with depression. That, ironically, is good news, in two ways. One, you've taken action by seeing a professional; and two, the reason for your bad mood has been identified. You said it yourself: it's not your fault. You need to engrave that on your memory! It's not your fault!

Please do whatever it is the therapist recommends. If he or she suggests continuing therapy by visiting them twice a week, twice a month, or whatever, do it. If they suggest taking anti-depressant medication, do it. Follow their advice.

Third, ric had some outstanding advice earlier in this thread about asserting your independence from your mother via an attorney and the trust/inheritance. I hope you have already followed his advice. If not, please consider doing so right away.

 

I know I need to forget about her but what bothers me is why would she even lead me to believe there was a chance of getting back together? Is she trying to mess with my mind more than she already has? Why does she want to be friends? Why of all people would she start hanging out with her ex boyfriend from 4 years back when the guy hooked up with her friend right after they broke up? Now that he just broke up with that "friend" shes right back with him or just friends as she claims. I need to know for some closure?

Some opinions would help i guess. Do my instincts seem correct? Or am I just paranoid and assuming things and this is why I am in this predicament as she claims.
Basically did I get played?

 

You need to realize that there are people out there that will get off on mind f**king you just as much as the real thing.

Look at this as a learning experience. This could have been a lot worse. You're not married and have kids with this woman. Imagine the level of "messed up" you would feel right now if that were the case.

I think you searching for closure will keep you hanging on to this relationship. Distance yourself NOW and search for closure in your own time. Sometimes, a lot of time will go by before you wake up one day and realize that it is all better. The faster you are on that road, the better.

 

I think the best thing she could have done is admit she is or trying to get back with the ex? That would totally make me never want to see her again because it would prove shes not trustworthy and I am not at fault here, no guilt.

Does the timing make any sense? Why would she deny hooking back up w/ her ex? Why would they hang out? Please tell me I am making some sense here?

What could be the reasons behind her actions? Is it truly because they are friends? Would you after breaking up with a significant other call up the ex and just randomly hang out after four years?

 

What ever she is doing to make herself feel better I am glad she is in a better place with her self and emotions. I wish I could say the same.

I am glad shes happy because thats what reminds me of the good times we had.

I am searching for happiness myself and that would be finding out the truth and reasoning behind many things in my life including why this girl did what she did so I can find myself and work towards becoming a better person.

Thanks for your opinions guys. It really helps knowing there are strangers I can talk to for advice and opinions without agendas or influence. It has helped me focus and given me hope.

Ive pushed away the good people in my life and now I am alone. My friends are good people but they have issues themselves and I don't feel like I could get good advice from people who don't have their lives on track either.

 

I've just read through this thread and you REALLY need to toughen yourself up. Sorry to say this but girls already have pussies they don't need another one. -I forsee neg reps in my future

No girl likes a pushover she can walk over and that seems to be the case since you allowed both your mother and your ex to make your decisions.

Cut off all strings with this chick and start with a clean slate, next time make sure you know how and when to place your foot down so you don't become a doormat for the next girl. She'll be less likely to cheat on you (and believe me she probably did) and respect you alot more.

Also try and stay away from the girls that come from broken homes... it is alot more common that they will also grow to be problematic with there relationships.

 

speed I think you are just a caring guy. THAT IS NOT A BAD THING. But I also think that your kindness was taken for weakness. Im glad you're seeing a therapist now. That will really help to open your eyes, if you go in openminded. Chualk this one up to experience man. Hold your head up high and be strong, the right one will come when you least expect it.

 

This is the best advice for sure! Broken homes most of the time is a bad sign and I was too nice and let my ex walk over me, you need to know the time to put your foot down. Move on, there will be someone else for you.

 

I feel for you man, but listen to Ric

1. Cut your GF out altogether for now. No contact, nothing. Try this for 3-6 months, until you've dealt with your mom.
2. Talk to a lawyer, see your trustee contract, and figure out whats going on. Talk to your mother, and set things straight. Don't let ANYONE control you. Ever. Worst comes to worst, walk out and stand on your own feet. No amount of money is worth shackles around your neck.

If you're the only child, your mom has more to lose than you do...evantually she'll come around on her own (or she wont, in which case you're definately better off on your own)

 

consensus says "FORGET HER"....go out with your friends and have some fun, there are plenty of women in this world.

Only time is going to let you heal, thats for sure. Remember what everyone here said and just chalk this up as experience.

Take a little of what you learned in this relationship with you. Dont be a pushover anymore, because girls will walk all over you if you let them. Learn how to express your opinion on issues, start becoming somewhat of a dick if you have to, anything besides being a pushover.

 

Speedstream, Kudos for seeking and initiating a healing process with a therapist. That takes balls.

Your therapist is telling you the obvious, that your father's death had an enormous impact on you, and that impact was not processed at the time, as your mother was immersed in her own grief (and may still be, from what we can tell about her behavior with you.) Therapy is not easy, going sane is a bitch, frankly. It is easier to remain in dysfunctional patterns that are typecast from the past.

As you understand the impact of the loss of your father, you can began to "reparent' yourself. You have the ability, as it is clear that you have a significant amount of "fight" in you, which is what it takes. By reparenting, I mean that you can began to understand how to take care of yourself, truly nurture yourself, and in the process, mature. Therapy to deal with a traumatic and dysfunctional childhood (one might assume that the quality of your mother's mothering deteriorated radically after your father's death, guaging from what you have said) is an act of rebellion, of sedition. It takes nerve to abandon old beliefs and embrace new ones. However, it is empowering, and if you persist through teh pain, and parts of it are painful, you will know yourself in ways that you never thought possible!

To that end, the dysfunctional relationship that you have/had with your gf is only a distraction right now,a nd not a pretty one........ You put your finger on the critical aspect of that relationship early on in this thread when you noted the parallels between the dysfunctional patterns of your mother and the dysfunctional patterns of your gf. Not surprising to pick someone just like mom for your first serious relatinship - the dysfunction is very, very familiar. And, from what you have said, your gf comes from a dysfunctional family but has not yet recognized it. When she does, (five years down the road, is my guess) the two of you might be able to have a real discussion. Until then, she is just a crazy distraction........and you have learned what you can of value. Time to step back from the trainwreck of that relationship and move on with self-care as your primary motive. You have already started that in motion by the clarity of your original posts on this site, by your seeking a therapist, by your questioning what is going on...... keep that momentum going, man. It will serve you well.

 

love sucks i've been through breakups and such, rejection, and stuff. you learn from your experience just like when you lose or make a mistake, there is never a good w/o a bad unfortunately.

 

Thanks fellas. I've consulted with some of my friends who are older chicks and they totally agree. This girl is nothing but drama. She has got her own issues, and shes in denial. I have gotten rid of everything that reminds me of her and I would like nothing but to forget about her. I deleted her number and if she ever called me I would ignore that sh*T! Never would I contact her.

She has gone out of her way to message my closest buddies online saying she is worried about me and wants to be friends in the future. I left her a message saying im moving on with my life and im going to start dating new people. I suggest she moves on with her life. She responded in a very unpleasant way.

GO FIGURE!

 

Congrats, Speedstream! And, look at the process you went through to establish an objective reality base. Sought commentary from peers, sought commentary from some women friends, processed it and made a decision. Very thoughtful, very meticulous. Not an easy decision, easier to stay locked into a dramatic relationship that would do justice to a daytime soap opera.

Sound like she is going to try to make a mess. Don't engage with her, either directly, or via your friends that she is contacting. Over time, your statement that "you are moving on with your life" is dead-on accurate and it avoids playing out the 'blame game" which is so pointless. Your approach is a solid one.

I would suspect that this ex has a raft of issues from her own childhood. Until she is willing to look at them introspectively, as you are now doing with some of the complexities of your youth, she is going to continue to be reactive in her adult life, and adult relationships. She can't really be free of her history until she truly processes it. Sad, frankly.

 

Myspace is EVIL :laugh:

 

The ex and I had no contact for a while. She kept trying to contact me. I ignored it for a while trying to move on with life. After all the messages she left me I realized she was just being friendly.

Since then she has started therapy herself. Through her therapy she is looking introspectively into her complex youth.

We are seeing each other again. The dynamic of our relationship is much different, there is a greater level of communication, and we are much more friends than anything No more fighting, no more resentment on my behalf for thinking she is controlling. I have learned to say "No". When I think shes acting inappropriately I call her on it. I have given up on trying to please her and now its all about taking care of my needs and making sure things are good on my half.

She has realized her controlling behavior/anger stems for her younger brother (he is 18 and a highschool drop out). In the absence of her parents who were constantly working she was in charge of taking care of him, disciplining him, etc... She suffered and so did her brother. They are both victims.

She understands why my mother acted the way she did and she accepts it. Of course she doesn't want anything to do with my mother, but now she doesn't have the same hate towards her she previously did.

My ex hopes that my therapy will help me fix the relationship I have with mom dukes, but in actuality I have come to realize how a lot of the problems I have right now (depression, self worth, inner rage) have all been projected onto me by my mother. Kind of like a parent taking anger out on a kid by abusing them physically/verbally, and then justifying it by telling the kid that hes a bad child and he deserved it (if I recall she used to beat me with a wooden broom stick for wetting the bed )

I recently told my mother I was going to therapy (not telling her the reason), she scoffed at me saying that it would be good for me because I was responsible for this, I was a weak person with a bad personality who needs change...

So fast forward to a few weeks ago. I changed the locks to my condo so mom dukes has no way to invade my privacy, her old key useless. I cancel my cell phone which was under the "family plan of my mother's" and get a new one under my name and don't give her the number. I distance myself from her. She then proceeds to go into my mailbox when I'm not home, take my phone bill, call me on my cell phone with a blocked number, and asks to take me out to lunch.

We go to lunch, she apoligizes for all the things she did. She says claims this was a learning experience for her and that she did it only because she loves me (first time in my life shes ever told me this),she promises not to interfere with any women in my life etc etc...

Last week, she claims to have called me (she never did no record of it on caller id) and she calls me at 8am from the intercom downstairs. I could tell she was furious. Furious because my ex's car was parked inside the garage (she spent the night over because we had plans to go wine tasting in Santa Barbara the next morning).

I refuse to let her in my house so I go downstairs to confront her. She starts going off at me... I was in disbelief the lack of respect she has for me as an individual....

So she starts screaming that I am a bad son, a horrible person who will not amount to anything. How I am ungrateful for all that she has done for me, all the support financially. (Strange thing is I have all these high interest loans for my car, student loans, 70k in debt... and she writes me a trustee check monthly to help me pay these debts and she claims this money is from her personal account?)How I am ruining my life with this girl and she refuses to witness it. How I will be alone for the rest of my life and nobody will want anything to do with me... Dumbfounded I tell her, all that you have done for me? You haven't had a job in 27 years, thats dad's money. You should have seen the look on her face haha. At that point she told me to move the f*ck out of the condo by the end of the month and say bye bye to the trustee checks. She doesn't care if she ever sees me again. That really struck a nerve. I had just lost my job, and I was planning on changing my career and going back to school this winter, so much for that.

So now the true colors are beginning to show. I have been beating myself up psychologically for 14 years because of my beloved mother. I feel sad for her at the same time, my grandparents had a big part of her upbringing and the way she is.

About my mother: She comes from a very poor family in S. Korea. My grandfather was an alcoholic. She was one of 7 children. She has no formal education or career. My 2 uncles were the ones whom my grandparents chose to send to college, thats all they could afford. (Women are very oppressed in Korea).
My mother met my father when she was 25, he was 49. She was my dad's younger brother's secretary. In Korea until recently marriages were arranged, or parents decided who you were allowed to marry (which is where my mother gets this idea that she has authority over the women I date). One thing led to another my parents were married and moved to Los Angeles where my father had lived for almost 2 decades. My father had a previous marriage with 4 daughters (Half sisters whom I don't talk to since my father passed).

I highly doubt my mother loved my father, although he loved her and did his best to provide for her. The more I think about it, I was born to keep my father happy... He wanted a son. I remember he used to tell me how proud he was of me all the time, and that I was going to be someone important In all our family albums, my father has a huuge smile and is holding me like hes proud of me, my mother on the other hand looks really unhappy around me, rarely ever holding me... especially in my baby pictures.(My psychologist had me bring in pictures and he pointed it out to me, I was unaware). He said by the way my mother treats me, it seems as if I was baggage once my father died. I had tears running down my eyes when he told me this. He asked me where is my rage towards my mother? I told him I had no rage towards her and I could not find it. He claimed he knew where my rage was. Directed towards myself. This is something my mother wired into me.

I remember my mother used to love shopping. Her closet was huge! She owned over 200 pairs of shoes. My parents used to argue about her spending habits, even her sending tens of thousands of dollars to her parents, my aunts and uncles over seas without telling my father.

I recently found some personal notes my father wrote to himself or for me to find? about what he wanted from my mother (things he wanted to remind himself to make a point to my mother).

-all properties be signed off as business property as such it would be left for business negotiation except the house which will have joint ownership
-Not to call him off as an old man
-Exhanging greetings in the mornings
-showing more affection with hugs and kisses, be more affectionate.
-not overtly talking bad about family members
-showing respect to my grandmother by helping her as much as she could with her free time at least once a week.
-going to church with devotion, not to show off her dresses lol
-not sleeping all day
-doing activities like going to adult school, sports, exercise etc.
-that her sisters come from Korea to visit, and visit only
-Go out more often together, spend time with each other.

This letter really shed some light and has really helped me understand what my father went through and how unhappy both of them were in this marriage.

My father died of heart problems related to stress. He was 62 years old when he passed. He was an awesome father, grandfather, and a great man. He accomplished many things in his life. He came to states in the early 50's, he attended Stanford where he got his PhD, he was a professor at Univ. of Washington teaching economics. He later became an entrepreneur and a successful business man.

Right now I am at a point in my life where things are changing. Thank god for my ex being there as a friend to support me and listen to my problems. I am so depressed and unhappy working so hard at the restaurant that I quit my job, put the chef thing aside. I am wanting to go back to school to finish my BA (3 years left) but that seems like its going to be on hold until I resolve this issue I have with my mother, there has to be some way to work things out financially and relationship wise(this is my wish).

She on the otherhand has already given up on me. She does not care if I must work 16 hours a day, live in a bad neighborhood, commute 2 hours a day on the bus, and put school on hold until I pay off my debt. The stress she has caused me is unbearable, I almost fantasize about being homeless.

She is going to contact me very soon and ask me to move out, legally she cannot do that because the condo is in my name. She must pay the mortgage because she is a cosigner for the condo. I think there is some sort of trust because I snooped through her files when I was 18 and read my father's will. He left half with my mom and the rest to his children. Now I'm not sure if that was his final will because I also read documents about my half sisters contesting the will saying she made him write another will under duress... I've searched court records for a probate, nothing. I searched online court records using my mom's name and it shows that she was involved in a probate from 1993-2000 but no record of it at the court house under my deceased father's name.

Do guys think I should file a law suit, forcing her to admit if there is a trust, forcing her to reveal her tax records, etc etc... There is a possibility I have no case here.

Also I am flat broke and living off of credit right now, will a trust/will lawyer work contingency?

This is a messy situation. I do not want to validate her "bad son" theory if I am mistaken about this trust.

 

I am unqualified to advise on the relationship issues, but hope things work out well for you.

On the probate/trust issue: 1) Ask your half-sisters about the case name/number for any will contest. If there was a trust, it likely would have been a party to any contest, and copies of trust documents would be filed as exhibits.
2) If a trust was party to litigation, its name (rather than your father's name) would show up first on most computer searches of court files; the name(s) of the trustor(s) and trustee(s) may not appear on court's internet files.