youngTL

I'm kinda scared of going. But I said yes anyway because I had to go stag to mine (it was called a grad) and I wanted to make Cam's day by accepting. So I said yes. Now I'm the official date...and I'm getting more and more nervous about the whole ordeal which is on the 30th in the evening. What do I bring? Am I supposed to pick up my date? I've never done this before, so some helpful hints would be great...

ccannizz11

lets start at the beginning....

are you the girl on this date?

PsychoInDenial

I have a similar question, are you going with a guy or a girl?

FastAcura

Get a really nice dress

TypeSAddict

@ responses. Aren't you a little old to be dating high schoolers?

youngTL

He's 18, I'm 21. IMO 3 years is not a huge difference. I guess it's a little nerve wracking because his family is excited to meet me, and that I'm actually his official date, like holding hands type of date and dancing with him during it. I've got a black suit-like outfit, and his is also black. Seriously I need some prom ettiquette (sp?) help so that I don't make an ass of myself.

youngTL

Oh wonderful. So the best thing you guys can do is make fun of me?

PsychoInDenial

I think you'll be fine at prom, no worries, I'm assuming you both will be picking up matching buttoniers (sp?). If your date is too shy to ask you to dance you should do the asking. Other than that enjoy the night.

youngTL

I don't think shyness will be a problem on his part. After all, it takes guts and a half to ask another guy to your prom in the first place.

Just one question though, what's a buttonier? All I had when I went to my grad was my suit, with no accessories. Is this something we need?

PsychoInDenial

The buttonier is the flower that you pin onto your suit. You can either order them from a florist which is the easiest or have somebody make them if they have a garden and some craftyness in them.

If you like the person a lot bringing them a bouquet flowers is also a nice touch.

crb-silver-tl

Ok, I won't give you a hard time. Some advice on dress, and that is get one. You can't go to the guy's prom in a "black suit" like outfit. You are going to a formal dance, not a job interview. If you don't want to invest, or have time for that matter, I am sure there are formal shops in the area that rent appropriate dresses. Just give them a call and tell them your problem. I am quite sure its not the first time they have dealt with it.

You will need to get your hair done and apply the appropriate make up. I know this may seem obvious, but I mention it out of an abundance of caution. Since you are going to meet his parents as the "official" date, keep the hair and makeup on the conservative side.

At the prom itself, even though the date may be platonic, make a big deal over the guy. Hold hand with him, dance closely with him, laugh at his jokes in front of others etc.... This is a big deal for him, so make him feel special at the dance itself.

Aftewards, if you are in a charitible mood, make his evening truly memorable by providing some sexual services, of your choice, naturally.

Have fun you crazy kids....

youngTL

Okay, yeah we can pick those up the day of. So you suggest real flowers rather than the fake kind?

crb-silver-tl

Oops, I sincerley apologize for not reading your posts more clearly. Please disregard the dress comments. I truly thought you were a girl dating a guy.

PsychoInDenial

Gotta do real.. you can dry them if you want for sentimental reasons. Fake flowers are too cheesy.

iTimmy

I've also never gone to a prom, so please bare that in mind with my reply....

I have always been under the impression this is the "first" real formal evening a young person will attend as a couple. Its not unlike going to a fancy place to eat or high end hotel. If you want to do a little scouting on proper way to act, go to the nicest(really expensive) hotel in your area, they'll have a bar/restuarant or two- go in there and have a drink and just observe, you'll pay $7 for a beer, or $4 for a soda, but its a cheap lesson on acting "ritzy". Sip your beverage and if anything catches your eye join in a conversation or two- there are typically interesting people in this type of place that travel a lot, and you'll further get it.

Other then that, just be yourself and have a good time with your date.

You really do throw a monkey in the wrench, because now the saying we're off like a prom dress is irrelevant!

youngTL

You win a prize for your good deduction skills
EDIT: I can see you noticed now.

youngTL

I think I can manage to act properly and decently. One other catch is he's the emcee, so I'm stuck with his family while he's up there. He wants me to meet them ahead of time. Apparently they're all excited because I'm educated and stuff (apparently he's been bragging about me to them ). So does anyone know if it's proper for me to pick him up?

crb-silver-tl

I am really sorry about that, please do see my post I made as soon as I realized my mistake. I was trying to give you some good advice, the rest of it does apply, really. Especially making him feel special at the dance. Again, please accept my humble apology.

youngTL

Thank you for the advice. Real flowers it is. Is there a specific type? Or will the floral shop tell me all about that?

PsychoInDenial

The floral shop will tell you about that. I'm about bit confused why his family is going to be at the prom though...

rise

...I had no idea you were gay. EVERYTHING you've posted in the past makes sense now.

PsychoInDenial

Is it taking this long for people to realize this? I knew you were gay since the first day I got on here...

youngTL

Definately accepted. The rest of the advice makes sense though. Him being the emcee complicates things a little bit, but I'm sure I'll handle myself appropriately. I'm staying FAR away from alcohol though.

Ken1997TL

Welcome to 2004

youngTL

It's not like proms down there. Here we tend to mix the prom with some sort of ceremony. Like it's a huge tradition that your whole family comes, and you get a table, and they serve food, beverages (including alcoholic ones), and dessert. You eat as the ceremony goes on, where they show slideshows and videos compiled by the students of what a fun year it was and highlights of the year. There's usually a couple of speeches, and by the time this is all over, everyone is finished eating. The parents stay at the tables while the kids go off to dance on the dance floor. The school rented the Shaw Conference Centre (a HUGE building for functions) for this. They must make a killing at $50 apiece tickets.

crb-silver-tl

Thank you. Most kind. And your own advice about keeping clear of the firewater is a good one.

Regarding formal attire, I would at least consider renting a sharp tuxedo. Your dark suit may be fine for other occasions, but a prom is a formal occasion.

I admire your bravery. Good luck and have a great time.

iTimmy

That's pretty fucked up. I don't think I would feel comfortable at that type of thing, more so if I didn't know my date REALLY well and was feeling even a little insecure. I guess I tend to be a real private person though, someone would have to be really special for me to introduce her to my family- I've only had one GF that qualified as that.

youngTL

I'll consider that, but it's a little less common for guys to rent tuxes now. People have shown up in all sorts of interesting things. One guy wore a yellow suit and his girlfriend wore a black suit with a top hat at my grad. I'll post pictures from my grad when I get home (in about 1 hour), then you can all yay or nay my outfit.

youngTL

Well...I figure it's this way. I'm sure I can handle that if I can handle going to the prom in front of everyone with another dude. Compared to that, the family is nothing, and I hear they're nice people. And I kinda like him too

But I can see how not everyone would be comfortable with the way that grads are set up here.

iTimmy

Straight or gay I still would feel out of place, its like your being paraded around for other's to judge- like a dog show!(no offense) I guess it doesn't really create the type of intimate setting that I like when I am seeing someone I am interested in. But if your cool with it, more power to you!

Speaking of straight or gay, I am off to watch my favorite lesbian play some softball!

youngTL

Here's the pictures I promised. These are from my grad 3 years ago. It's the same outfit though that I'll be wearing. Keep in mind I only have $110 in the bank, so I can't really afford to buy much.

ric

understand the automatic response, but I think youngTL could get into it as a bit of theater.

Getting up in odd outfits or costumes might be more common these days, but given the barriers that you're breaking as a same-sex couple, I'd confound common wisdom and dress very conservatively, which may be more mind-blowing to folks than if you cut loose....... If you don't own a tux, rent one, and rent it well enough in advance so the damn thing fits; your boyfriend should do the same; rent from the same shop at the same time so your matching or contrasting can be planned. If you think you're going to use one in the future, buy one now; After 6 makes a fairly decent line of evening garb. The tux should be tailored, but loose in the waist and shoulders, since they are designed for dancing and circulating I'm of the opinion that tux shirts should be basic white, ties should tie, and your freewheeling choice is whether to wear a vest or a cummerbund. If you don't know how to tie a bow tie, get one that is pre-tied and hooks in the back, but for God's sakes, do NOT get a clip on. Semiformal evening shirts (Tuxes are semi-formal garb) have collars. The trend to wear tab collars that turn up is borrowing a formal shirt, normally worn with white tie and tails, which is technically formal evening wear. (Tails are what are worn by formal symphony orchestras; one hardly sees them anywhere else save the occasional Fred Astaire movie these days and the very rare fully formal wedding. ) If you want to make gift of something, buy yourself and your date cuff/stud sets, your dress shirts should be fastened with five studs, (no pun or sexual reference intended) and the shirts should, of course, be French-cuffed. Proper stud sets are gold with black onyx and sometimes touches of mother-of-pearl, although I have a stunning set of red enameled ones given to me by my wife. If you choose a tie other than black, the cummerbund or vest should match; the usual traditional alternative is burgundy or wine, sometimes forest green. (NEVER PAISLEY)

Men wear bouttonieres, women wear corsages. Both you and your date should wear a bouttonieres, since, although you are both gay, you don't appear to be into crossdressing. A chrysanthimum is common for men, relatively inexpensive. If you want to spend up, get a rose, or a cluster of two/three miniature roses. Red is romantic, white is pure, suit your instincts. But remember the guy behind the flower is the thing, not the flower itself. they are pinned to the LEFT lapel (don't ask me why, they just are). Generally, orchids are for women, the rose is the "upgrade" for men. Usually the flower or flowers are unaccompanied by other floral material.

Shoes should be patent leather dancing pumps, as they are referred to, and are historically a sort of butch leather ballet shoe - low profile slip-on with a grosgrain bow on top. Patent leather is way too expensive, and there are any number of very good synthetic pumps out there. The intent is comfort in dancing, which is why they are modest, light and relatively snug-fitting. You will be on them for hours, dancing in them for hours, and if you cut costs, don't do it there, or your feet will remind you.

Men's evening dress should include true silk knee-length socks, unless you enjoy flashing hairy legs early in the evening. These can be gotten at places like Brooks Brothers. Silk was traditional partially because it wicks moisture quickly, and it deals with the sweaty foot problem on the dance floor. As an alternative, black synthetic knee-lenght socks will do, but the fabric should be thin.

Keep in mind that, with anything you wear to an event of the type you describe, you'll be in this rig for hours on end, much of it standing, so make sure that whatever you wear is damn comfortable.

As for the protocol for the evening, I'd write your own ticket. In the setting you're describing, remember to vary your activities - dancing for some of the time, socializing, meeting family, chatting during breaks. Don't do anything for an extended period of time, and remember that these events are designed for "small talk", as there is usually too much background noise to get into serious dialogue. (Sometimes happens, not much). If you're meeting his family for the first time, work on remembering names, and make a point of spending a bit of time with each one during the evening. Conversations that start with a reference as to how much your boyfriend respects them always start off well...... things will unfold from there. Small talk is actually a modest art form, some people do it brilliantly. Just be loose, friendly, and keep moving.

And enjoy yourself.....

youngTL

WOW! Thanks so much ric. But I'm fucked. I've only got $110. I got shoes like you describe, but otherwise I'm stuck with the outfit in the pictures. What do I do? Dammit.

ric

If that's what ya got, work with it and still have fun. I'g get the jacket tapered a bit in the waist (I suspect your "fall" from shoulder to waist is greater than the jacket, which is a traditional sack suit cut), make sure the seat on the pant's aren't baggy, the "break" on the shoe is about right. You can get away with a strongly pointed collar, the black shirt is fine. If you wanted to do anything, given that you're wearing a suit, is to go to a Mandarin collar, and skip a tie completely.

youngTL

Yeah I think I'm going to ditch the tie. What's a Mandarin collar though? Oh and I don't think the jacket needs tapering in the waist anymore...my waist in those pictures was 29 inches. Now it's 33. Which should also make the pants tight because I have bigger legs now too (but I'm the same height).

ric

Mandarin collar is a collarless shirt that is designed to look good without the collar. It's origins are in shirts and jackets originally popularized as a Chinese style, hence the name. It creates a stylish, clean and distinguished look that purposefully avoids the need for a tie. I'm terrible at posting; here are some URL's:

http://www.tuxedosonline.com/detail.asp?product_id=wm

http://www.cheaptux.com/tuxedo-shirts.htm

Both of the above are for tux shirts, and are pleated. You could get something simpler, like this:
http://www.ravistailor.com/styles.php?cat=219, which is from an internet tailor in Thailand.

Could be, that for your budget, you could get matching shirts, and let that be the unifying theme bewteen the two of you, given that most couples do some co-ordination if they move out of the box......

youngTL

Thank you for the great information and time you put into looking into this. Really.

afici0nad0

i'm confused now...

he's 18, you're 21. you are the male in the pictures, right?

you're taking another man to the prom?

you might be the topic of gossip that night, whether you like it or not...

but as long as you are polite in front of the parents, that's all the matters...

gary_william

1. prom = tux, no substitutes allowed. Please, keep it black, not powder blue or white. Get your shoes hghly shined, or shine them yourself.
2. Patent Leather shoes, while shiny, are not well ventilated and your feet will sweat like a mo-fo.
3. Cumberbunds are options, though personally I like them.
4. Rent a limo.
5. don't drink
6. feed him drinks
7. anal-ease is your friend
8. rohypnol is your best friend.

Chopsie

Have fun dude, be yourself, If your relatively easy going I think it'll go just swell.

Must give respect for having the courage to do it. I've always thought that of same sex couples at dances (proms, ect.)

Black Tux
Don't drink and drive.