Stolen from another forum (part 1/2):

Wanna get a biatch to spread her legs and beg for a pounding? It's not that tough--they're all the same. All ya gotta do is follow these simple rules.

1) Treat them with utter disregard.

You should act like you could care less about them, or whether they're attracted to you or not.

2) Be unattainable.

Give off the impression that they will never be able to have you. You should act like you're too good for them--which, of course, you are. You're a man after all.

3) Be mysterious.

Say as little about yourself as possible.

However--and here's the bit.ch of it all--you have to ask them lots of questions about themselves. You actually have to pretend to be interested in what THEY have to say as they drone on and on.

But trust me, when they're facedown, ass up, getting pounded in the bottom and begging you to "make it hurt", you'll be glad you asked about their knitting class.

4)Be an a.sshole.

However, you must be careful not to go overboard with this rule. You need to cultivate just enough of a "sensitive" side for her to believe that deep down, you're a sweet guy and that if you would only let her into your heart, she could be the one to change you.

Here's an example of the "sensitive jerk" attitude: "You f,ucking biatch! How stupid are you?....(as she runs out of the room in tears)...you shut the door before she can leave and mutter, "i'm sorry, i'm an idiot...i don't know what's wrong with me...why do i do this...

5) Lastly, be independent.

Develop as many social contacts as you can--with men and women. Always have a lot of cool sh.it going on in your life, and make banging her number twelve or thirteen on your to do list.

Well there ya have it. Five simple rules for f.ucking a biatch.

 

Stolen from another forum (part 2/2):

The Informative Guide to Being An A.sshole.

1) An a.sshole does not care what other people think of him.

A true a.sshole is his own man and lives by his own rules. He doesn't give a f.uck what society thinks, b/c he doesn't need the approval of others. He has his own code of honor and ethics. A bonafide a.sshole knows what he wants and goes after it. And if you have a problem with that, tough sh.it, he doesn't give a flying f.uck.

2) An a.sshole is supremely confident.

The a.sshole has unshakeable confidence in himself, his abilities, and his actions. He believes in himself utterly and completely. He does not envy or look up to anyone, b/c in his mind he has no superiors and in most cases, no equals. He is never impressed with anyone--movie stars, pro athletes, models, world leaders--b/c he knows to the core of his being that he is the sh.it of the universe. And if you want to test him on that, go right ahead.

3) An a.sshole knows how to f.uck.

A genuine a.sshole knows how to lay the pipe. He is intimately familiar with women and their physical needs and desires, and is supremely capable of giving biatches what they want in bed. Multiple orgasms, whimpering "you f.uck me so good daddy", begging for mercy, crying out in pain--these are things which are an everyday phenomenon when an a.sshole f.ucks his women.

4) An a.sshole does not take sh.it from anyone.

This is especially true of biatches. Women know their place around an a.sshole, and know that he is their master and that they will do as he says. This is also true of any other unfortunate soul who decides to test a true a.sshole--b/c a.ssholes are the real deal.

5) An a.sshole keeps it real.

The quintessential a.sshole says exactly what's on his mind, and he doesn't give a f.uck who's feelings he hurts, or who he pisses off. The a.sshole is not diplomatic; he doesn't tell white lies to make people feel good; he doesn't give out compliments to get people to like him. If he doesn't like you, the a.sshole will gladly return a "Good morning!" with a "hey sh.itlick." or a "don't talk to me, spankwad."

Well, these are some of the founding principles to being a certified a.sshole. Feel free to add your own, misconception.

 

wow. thats nice.

 

Fuck, i'm an asshole

 

That could easily be said going the other way too. Example, replace being an asshole of a guy by being a bitch of a chick, but keep the same basic concepts otherwise. Thousands of chicks utilize this method and keep certain guys eating out of the palms of their hands. Hell, we've seen it tons of times on this board, certain people posting about "this girl is a bitch but I love her so much"

eh, I just can't deal with the assholes anymore, I've met too many in such a short amount of time. I'd much rather treat someone with respect, and be respected in return. I may be in the minority on that one, but oh well.

 

Sounds like an episode of Monty Python...

 

Monty Python is the bomb!

"This parrot is dead! It is no more. This parrot has ceased to be!"

 

help help im being repressed!

 

NO! YOU'RE NOT!!!

:P

(inside joke)

 

I'm an asshole!

right katie?

btw...you horny bitches going to the Jax fair tomorrow?

 

i want to go to the fair =( but i have no one to go with.

 

bring your boy toy...I'm going to that midnight madness braclet bullshit.

Gonna win my baby the "BIG BEAR."

 

thats the problem. my boy toy hates the fair. wont go with me. hasnt gone with me in the last 2 years.

 

[threadjack]
This is the first time I've actually had someone to go with.
[/threadjack]

 

bump the fair... im getting drunk in gainsville

 

getting drunk in gainsville is fun.

i always journey to the fair. i like the animals. yes.. the animals. especially the fro-headed chickens

 

I'm in gainesville right now...You here too?

 

hello!! i will go..see all the white trash w/ mullets really cracks me up!!

but i dont have much $$...you boitches still owe me for Abe's Pizza tuesday....:P robbing poor katie blind

 

yeah i know =(

yea and beth and jen will say their broke too. i didnt want to ask you guys cause i thought id get pelted with the im broke what are you thinking lol

 

YAY!! i was hoping you would see this thread joe!!
OH look what my friend nolan found for me, he knows i have a thing for asian guys...it's a t-shirt...what do ya think??

 

I just don't want white trash to start fucking with us.

2 asians in the middle of downtown at midnight. yeaaa...

 

no, ill be there tomorrow night. decided to finally get out. im not driving so i will be hella wasted.

 

It's different. Women come after guys who treat them like dirt because they want a challenge. You can get dick from almost anyone until you find an "asshole" who couldn't care less.

Also, asshole-ish actions are portrayed as confidence by women. Confidence is attractive, and therefore women want them.

The thousands of chicks you talk about are just manipulative cock-teases.

Really, the asshole gig is just a way to get her to want you. But not the only way. The problem is alot of guys are way too nice, and way too supplicative, and end up being really boring. If you're a fun guy to be around, who's a little "real" and unorthodox, you can treat women with respect and still get tail. Usually more tail than an asshole if your'e good. Although the dumb bitches who would crawl through shards of glass for an asshole will never be interested in you.

 

i thought all asians knew kung-fu????


/joke

 

nah...the carnies are too busy maning the booths...they wont fuck w/ you and i doubt you 2 will be the only asians

 

LOL...it it wasn't in rice letters, it would be tyte.

I actually like it when i see someone with an asian tattoo:

"I see you have some asian on you...Want some asian in you?"

 

i fell for that stupid line when i was first with my boyfriend.

he was like hey are you part hungarian too? i was like um no..

then he busts out with want some in you?

so corny but funny

 

I'm trying to get others to come...but most the couples in JSS are busy. I kinda wanna be alone with her...But I'm always cautious about stuff. Don't need anything to happen to fuck up my life right now.

 

haha, i know the font kind of fucks it up..but the general idea is what was funny!!

::reminder to self...get an asian tattoo::

 

have you ever seen the thread where the asian tattoo artist is so pissed off that white girls were getting asian tattoos he was writing things like im a dirty slut instead of princess in asian?

 

dude you shouldnt be that worried about it...just dont stay very late, i doubt anyone will fuck with you..

 

OMG!!! that is the funniest shit EVAR <---joe's favorite word :P

 

Braclet thing STARTS at midnight. Good thing I have a black belt. :P **although I'm out of shape...**

Maybe I should bring my brassknuckles just in case.

 

Hahaha...I saw that.

 

FAWK...starts at midnight...man, i'm too old to do that sheit...plus all those stupid ass high school kids...grrrrr

 

youre a retard.

id go. but again. hey is tomorrow the midnight madness?

i might do what i did 2 years ago and go drunk off my ass (i didnt drive) rides are so much more fun drunk (and that can be taken any way you want)

 

HS = past curfew.

 

true...but i doubt they will enforce that sheit...

do you like my new cuss words?? fawk and sheit...i was told i need to watch my language:P

 

Its allll good

 

i will go rai!! but what about gimpy?? i'd feel bad leaving jen all alone