After 9 years, I think it's over.
12-05-2011, 09:20 PM
#81
where is OP? I hope you're not sulking, or worse. You're single now...and you have more time to post on AZ! respond!
Also...I'd rather have an unknown future than a certain unhappiness. When the rose colored glasses come off...you'll realize you weren't all that happy with all the bickering and immaturity. Trust me.
Also...I'd rather have an unknown future than a certain unhappiness. When the rose colored glasses come off...you'll realize you weren't all that happy with all the bickering and immaturity. Trust me.
12-05-2011, 09:53 PM
#82
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Nah brah, he was saying he wasn't fast enough in introducing her when greeting other people. If he was straight up ignoring the introduction that's one thing, but starting a convo and then a couple minutes later saying BTW this is my GF is a completely different situation. It's not like every time they are meeting new people, OP has to immediately say, "This is my GF...".
I get the feeling OP's ex was being insecure. Now whether that's her own fault or partly OP's contribution is a different story.
I get the feeling OP's ex was being insecure. Now whether that's her own fault or partly OP's contribution is a different story.
12-06-2011, 06:02 AM
#83
Stop being so consistent. Give her some time to realize that she's as miserable as you are. Go back to her around new years and take her to time sq. the ball drops and she'll feel very emotional at that moment and would want to kiss you. That's when u tell her u love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her.
12-06-2011, 06:15 AM
#84
iWhine S/C 6MT TL
Thread Starter
iTrader: (1)
Surfer Rick, pretty much nailed it. She couldn't do it anymore and I tried to the bitter end to get her back. She made it clear, there is a 90% chance of never getting back together, though it hurts to hear that but I can't sit there and hope for that 10%. Yes Majofo, I do have my issues, I am not the perfect person and indeed nobody really is. I had put a lot of blame on myself but in the end it takes two to tango and she had a lot of flaws she needed to work on but held herself back from doing so. I got very upset when people who spoke to her came up to me and said "She said you were holding her back from getting a job or working on herself" I flipped out because my family and I have tried finding her jobs, she just barely applied herself to it.
The introducing thing just as Rick stated, you know sometimes out of respect I didn't cut off people midway in convo to say hey this is my gf so and so. Is it something I need to work on, yes in deed again this is me not being perfect. No way in hell I was doing it to make her feel that I wasn't proud to be with her or anything else. My mistakes in Greece and the things I've said over 9 years took their toll on her, and for that I take responsibility for my actions. After 9 years, people may say things out of anger and really don't mean it and at that point you should know the person well enough to know when they really mean something or not, then again maybe she didn't know. But the fact I went racing to her house right after our phone argument and I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything I said" should have been the hint that I fucked up and are truly sorry.
I have respect for her family, I know they are upset with me.. So I took upon myself to call the mother and at least out of respect to apologize for the things Ive said to her daughter. I'll tell you what, she ripped right into me with an aggressive tone and even threatened me at one point. Into the conversation I stayed civil, stated a few reasons for things but basically let her speak. Out of 9 years I was getting spoken to like a complete stranger, I know they are upset but the things I heard made my head spin. Her as a mother will always see no fault in their children and My parents would have done the same, it's not easy but I felt it was the right thing to do. After the conversation I had this immense build up of strength and said you know Ive been a good man to that family and to be threatened like that was uncalled for, why do I want to do around that type of people. It hurts, I love that family but I realized they will never trust me to take care of their daughter and ill be walking on egg shells, one argument and the mother is going to be told about it.
That was another flaw about her, she would tell the mother about our problems, not that it's complelety wrong but it builds up a one sided story and when the mother spoke to me about a few issues my story was always different from my ex. She painted a picture worse than what it was and perhaps through my eyes it wasn't as drastic, but then again everyone have their own take on what really happens. My friends have been taking me out to keep my mind off things. I already removed all ties on Facebook, pictures, family and all. I do that in order to heal and just become a stronger person. Will we ever get back together, I don't know and at this point as much as I love her and have hurt her I couldn't do it again just because the memories of pain will always be on my mind.
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
The introducing thing just as Rick stated, you know sometimes out of respect I didn't cut off people midway in convo to say hey this is my gf so and so. Is it something I need to work on, yes in deed again this is me not being perfect. No way in hell I was doing it to make her feel that I wasn't proud to be with her or anything else. My mistakes in Greece and the things I've said over 9 years took their toll on her, and for that I take responsibility for my actions. After 9 years, people may say things out of anger and really don't mean it and at that point you should know the person well enough to know when they really mean something or not, then again maybe she didn't know. But the fact I went racing to her house right after our phone argument and I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything I said" should have been the hint that I fucked up and are truly sorry.
I have respect for her family, I know they are upset with me.. So I took upon myself to call the mother and at least out of respect to apologize for the things Ive said to her daughter. I'll tell you what, she ripped right into me with an aggressive tone and even threatened me at one point. Into the conversation I stayed civil, stated a few reasons for things but basically let her speak. Out of 9 years I was getting spoken to like a complete stranger, I know they are upset but the things I heard made my head spin. Her as a mother will always see no fault in their children and My parents would have done the same, it's not easy but I felt it was the right thing to do. After the conversation I had this immense build up of strength and said you know Ive been a good man to that family and to be threatened like that was uncalled for, why do I want to do around that type of people. It hurts, I love that family but I realized they will never trust me to take care of their daughter and ill be walking on egg shells, one argument and the mother is going to be told about it.
That was another flaw about her, she would tell the mother about our problems, not that it's complelety wrong but it builds up a one sided story and when the mother spoke to me about a few issues my story was always different from my ex. She painted a picture worse than what it was and perhaps through my eyes it wasn't as drastic, but then again everyone have their own take on what really happens. My friends have been taking me out to keep my mind off things. I already removed all ties on Facebook, pictures, family and all. I do that in order to heal and just become a stronger person. Will we ever get back together, I don't know and at this point as much as I love her and have hurt her I couldn't do it again just because the memories of pain will always be on my mind.
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
12-06-2011, 06:58 AM
#85
Good man, trust me, it gets easier. And you'll be a lot happier.
This will make you better for the next one because you won't make the same mistakes. I can tell you from experience, that yes, of course I have been an azzhole. But the person I'm with, how they treat me and how they react in an argument always had a direct impact on my reaction. So, I have actually ended things with girls because I've felt they bring the bad out of me (not BLAMING them, but not a good combo...get me?).
I'm the best version of myself with my fiance now...been together almost 5 years now. Probably what ended up helping me is when I met her I was 28 and a lot more sure of myself and what I wanted in a woman. When my ex fiance walked out on me with her 2 kids I had raised like my own after 5 years...and I lost her parents as my parents and her sisters as my sisters. I saw nothing but blackness and pain and couldn't look at anything in life without associating it with her. It gets better...just takes time.
Keep on doing things to distract you and make you better. Start jogging...I took up jogging every day and the release of endorphins is soothing...it helps you lose weight and it gives you a solid half hour every day to kind of counsel yourself.
This will make you better for the next one because you won't make the same mistakes. I can tell you from experience, that yes, of course I have been an azzhole. But the person I'm with, how they treat me and how they react in an argument always had a direct impact on my reaction. So, I have actually ended things with girls because I've felt they bring the bad out of me (not BLAMING them, but not a good combo...get me?).
I'm the best version of myself with my fiance now...been together almost 5 years now. Probably what ended up helping me is when I met her I was 28 and a lot more sure of myself and what I wanted in a woman. When my ex fiance walked out on me with her 2 kids I had raised like my own after 5 years...and I lost her parents as my parents and her sisters as my sisters. I saw nothing but blackness and pain and couldn't look at anything in life without associating it with her. It gets better...just takes time.
Keep on doing things to distract you and make you better. Start jogging...I took up jogging every day and the release of endorphins is soothing...it helps you lose weight and it gives you a solid half hour every day to kind of counsel yourself.
12-06-2011, 07:45 AM
#86
Team Owner
iTrader: (4)
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
Good attitude to have. A lot of positive things in there. I agree with maybe it is too soon to be thinking about another woman, but do not let outside hope that you will get back together with your ex prevent you from meeting someone else.
12-06-2011, 07:56 AM
#87
Niner Faithful
Sometimes things don't work out for a reason. One of my best friends was with this girl for 6 years but broke up with her. 2 years later, he is married and couldn't be happier....and his ex is also happier (seems like after they broke up, she applied herself found a good job and is now in a better relationship as well).
It's not the end of the world......it might seem that way, but in the end you can't change someone's mind if they don't want to work on the relationship anymore.
It's not the end of the world......it might seem that way, but in the end you can't change someone's mind if they don't want to work on the relationship anymore.
12-06-2011, 10:41 AM
#88
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Surfer Rick, pretty much nailed it. She couldn't do it anymore and I tried to the bitter end to get her back. She made it clear, there is a 90% chance of never getting back together, though it hurts to hear that but I can't sit there and hope for that 10%. Yes Majofo, I do have my issues, I am not the perfect person and indeed nobody really is. I had put a lot of blame on myself but in the end it takes two to tango and she had a lot of flaws she needed to work on but held herself back from doing so. I got very upset when people who spoke to her came up to me and said "She said you were holding her back from getting a job or working on herself" I flipped out because my family and I have tried finding her jobs, she just barely applied herself to it.
The introducing thing just as Rick stated, you know sometimes out of respect I didn't cut off people midway in convo to say hey this is my gf so and so. Is it something I need to work on, yes in deed again this is me not being perfect. No way in hell I was doing it to make her feel that I wasn't proud to be with her or anything else. My mistakes in Greece and the things I've said over 9 years took their toll on her, and for that I take responsibility for my actions. After 9 years, people may say things out of anger and really don't mean it and at that point you should know the person well enough to know when they really mean something or not, then again maybe she didn't know. But the fact I went racing to her house right after our phone argument and I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything I said" should have been the hint that I fucked up and are truly sorry.
I have respect for her family, I know they are upset with me.. So I took upon myself to call the mother and at least out of respect to apologize for the things Ive said to her daughter. I'll tell you what, she ripped right into me with an aggressive tone and even threatened me at one point. Into the conversation I stayed civil, stated a few reasons for things but basically let her speak. Out of 9 years I was getting spoken to like a complete stranger, I know they are upset but the things I heard made my head spin. Her as a mother will always see no fault in their children and My parents would have done the same, it's not easy but I felt it was the right thing to do. After the conversation I had this immense build up of strength and said you know Ive been a good man to that family and to be threatened like that was uncalled for, why do I want to do around that type of people. It hurts, I love that family but I realized they will never trust me to take care of their daughter and ill be walking on egg shells, one argument and the mother is going to be told about it.
That was another flaw about her, she would tell the mother about our problems, not that it's complelety wrong but it builds up a one sided story and when the mother spoke to me about a few issues my story was always different from my ex. She painted a picture worse than what it was and perhaps through my eyes it wasn't as drastic, but then again everyone have their own take on what really happens. My friends have been taking me out to keep my mind off things. I already removed all ties on Facebook, pictures, family and all. I do that in order to heal and just become a stronger person. Will we ever get back together, I don't know and at this point as much as I love her and have hurt her I couldn't do it again just because the memories of pain will always be on my mind.
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
The introducing thing just as Rick stated, you know sometimes out of respect I didn't cut off people midway in convo to say hey this is my gf so and so. Is it something I need to work on, yes in deed again this is me not being perfect. No way in hell I was doing it to make her feel that I wasn't proud to be with her or anything else. My mistakes in Greece and the things I've said over 9 years took their toll on her, and for that I take responsibility for my actions. After 9 years, people may say things out of anger and really don't mean it and at that point you should know the person well enough to know when they really mean something or not, then again maybe she didn't know. But the fact I went racing to her house right after our phone argument and I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything I said" should have been the hint that I fucked up and are truly sorry.
I have respect for her family, I know they are upset with me.. So I took upon myself to call the mother and at least out of respect to apologize for the things Ive said to her daughter. I'll tell you what, she ripped right into me with an aggressive tone and even threatened me at one point. Into the conversation I stayed civil, stated a few reasons for things but basically let her speak. Out of 9 years I was getting spoken to like a complete stranger, I know they are upset but the things I heard made my head spin. Her as a mother will always see no fault in their children and My parents would have done the same, it's not easy but I felt it was the right thing to do. After the conversation I had this immense build up of strength and said you know Ive been a good man to that family and to be threatened like that was uncalled for, why do I want to do around that type of people. It hurts, I love that family but I realized they will never trust me to take care of their daughter and ill be walking on egg shells, one argument and the mother is going to be told about it.
That was another flaw about her, she would tell the mother about our problems, not that it's complelety wrong but it builds up a one sided story and when the mother spoke to me about a few issues my story was always different from my ex. She painted a picture worse than what it was and perhaps through my eyes it wasn't as drastic, but then again everyone have their own take on what really happens. My friends have been taking me out to keep my mind off things. I already removed all ties on Facebook, pictures, family and all. I do that in order to heal and just become a stronger person. Will we ever get back together, I don't know and at this point as much as I love her and have hurt her I couldn't do it again just because the memories of pain will always be on my mind.
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
Stay strong.. It sounds like you're focusing on your recovery and that's best. Her telling people that you are holding her back is pretty bad.. even if it were true.
Let's be real.. it sounds like you have been the one supporting her while she's been in school and prudent to try and help her find a good job. I can understand if they are jobs she doesn't have a passion for but to not entertain or at least follow up and find out is pretty bad. It sounds like she has issues she needs to deal with that you can't fix. I think calling her parents was the best thing to do. They sound pretty fucked in the head. Parents will look after their kids naturally but at the same time.. you should be seen as their son. They should sympathize with both of you and try to resolve issues. It sounds like her parents have created a divide and have held their tongue for a while.
That's not healthy for a relationship. They should love you pretty much the same as they love her. A relationship is 50/50 and that includes family.. each side needs to love the other and accept them as family too. I know a lot of relationships blossom in spite of this, but it's not good. Her parents might have their own way about them that probably will never change.. so let it in one ear and out the other.
I think at this point.. give it time. I know it's tough when you wish the other half was with you having a good time.. but enjoy the company of your friends and family. They love you too and like sharing their time with you and to know what's going on in your life and that special as well. Don't forget that.
12-06-2011, 10:58 AM
#89
3G TL/2G MDX Owner
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04wdp-glad to hear you are in recovery mode. don't rush things. time to focus on your well being and take things from there.
you were man enough to respect her parents and try to talk to her mom, but apparently there has been some familial resentment built up there.
your buddies are doing good to keep you busy, but they shouldn't rush you into meeting new girls. just go hang out and focus on the things you need to do to better yourself. hindsight is always something you have. see what went right and what worked, and then see what needs to be worked on. its up to you to decide whether you want to make those changes. you're headed in the right direction. quite frankly just based on the things you have said, your ex definitely had some maturity and resentment issues. this happens when you're in your 20's...can happen in your 30's too if you didnt' figure it out in your 20's with regard to what you want in your life and how you want to lead it. hang in there...you're on the right path...focus on a healthier happier you and the right person will come around when you least expect it.
you were man enough to respect her parents and try to talk to her mom, but apparently there has been some familial resentment built up there.
your buddies are doing good to keep you busy, but they shouldn't rush you into meeting new girls. just go hang out and focus on the things you need to do to better yourself. hindsight is always something you have. see what went right and what worked, and then see what needs to be worked on. its up to you to decide whether you want to make those changes. you're headed in the right direction. quite frankly just based on the things you have said, your ex definitely had some maturity and resentment issues. this happens when you're in your 20's...can happen in your 30's too if you didnt' figure it out in your 20's with regard to what you want in your life and how you want to lead it. hang in there...you're on the right path...focus on a healthier happier you and the right person will come around when you least expect it.
12-06-2011, 01:26 PM
#90
Suzuka Master
Surfer Rick, pretty much nailed it. She couldn't do it anymore and I tried to the bitter end to get her back. She made it clear, there is a 90% chance of never getting back together, though it hurts to hear that but I can't sit there and hope for that 10%. Yes Majofo, I do have my issues, I am not the perfect person and indeed nobody really is. I had put a lot of blame on myself but in the end it takes two to tango and she had a lot of flaws she needed to work on but held herself back from doing so. I got very upset when people who spoke to her came up to me and said "She said you were holding her back from getting a job or working on herself" I flipped out because my family and I have tried finding her jobs, she just barely applied herself to it.
The introducing thing just as Rick stated, you know sometimes out of respect I didn't cut off people midway in convo to say hey this is my gf so and so. Is it something I need to work on, yes in deed again this is me not being perfect. No way in hell I was doing it to make her feel that I wasn't proud to be with her or anything else. My mistakes in Greece and the things I've said over 9 years took their toll on her, and for that I take responsibility for my actions. After 9 years, people may say things out of anger and really don't mean it and at that point you should know the person well enough to know when they really mean something or not, then again maybe she didn't know. But the fact I went racing to her house right after our phone argument and I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything I said" should have been the hint that I fucked up and are truly sorry.
I have respect for her family, I know they are upset with me.. So I took upon myself to call the mother and at least out of respect to apologize for the things Ive said to her daughter. I'll tell you what, she ripped right into me with an aggressive tone and even threatened me at one point. Into the conversation I stayed civil, stated a few reasons for things but basically let her speak. Out of 9 years I was getting spoken to like a complete stranger, I know they are upset but the things I heard made my head spin. Her as a mother will always see no fault in their children and My parents would have done the same, it's not easy but I felt it was the right thing to do. After the conversation I had this immense build up of strength and said you know Ive been a good man to that family and to be threatened like that was uncalled for, why do I want to do around that type of people. It hurts, I love that family but I realized they will never trust me to take care of their daughter and ill be walking on egg shells, one argument and the mother is going to be told about it.
That was another flaw about her, she would tell the mother about our problems, not that it's complelety wrong but it builds up a one sided story and when the mother spoke to me about a few issues my story was always different from my ex. She painted a picture worse than what it was and perhaps through my eyes it wasn't as drastic, but then again everyone have their own take on what really happens. My friends have been taking me out to keep my mind off things. I already removed all ties on Facebook, pictures, family and all. I do that in order to heal and just become a stronger person. Will we ever get back together, I don't know and at this point as much as I love her and have hurt her I couldn't do it again just because the memories of pain will always be on my mind.
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
The introducing thing just as Rick stated, you know sometimes out of respect I didn't cut off people midway in convo to say hey this is my gf so and so. Is it something I need to work on, yes in deed again this is me not being perfect. No way in hell I was doing it to make her feel that I wasn't proud to be with her or anything else. My mistakes in Greece and the things I've said over 9 years took their toll on her, and for that I take responsibility for my actions. After 9 years, people may say things out of anger and really don't mean it and at that point you should know the person well enough to know when they really mean something or not, then again maybe she didn't know. But the fact I went racing to her house right after our phone argument and I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything I said" should have been the hint that I fucked up and are truly sorry.
I have respect for her family, I know they are upset with me.. So I took upon myself to call the mother and at least out of respect to apologize for the things Ive said to her daughter. I'll tell you what, she ripped right into me with an aggressive tone and even threatened me at one point. Into the conversation I stayed civil, stated a few reasons for things but basically let her speak. Out of 9 years I was getting spoken to like a complete stranger, I know they are upset but the things I heard made my head spin. Her as a mother will always see no fault in their children and My parents would have done the same, it's not easy but I felt it was the right thing to do. After the conversation I had this immense build up of strength and said you know Ive been a good man to that family and to be threatened like that was uncalled for, why do I want to do around that type of people. It hurts, I love that family but I realized they will never trust me to take care of their daughter and ill be walking on egg shells, one argument and the mother is going to be told about it.
That was another flaw about her, she would tell the mother about our problems, not that it's complelety wrong but it builds up a one sided story and when the mother spoke to me about a few issues my story was always different from my ex. She painted a picture worse than what it was and perhaps through my eyes it wasn't as drastic, but then again everyone have their own take on what really happens. My friends have been taking me out to keep my mind off things. I already removed all ties on Facebook, pictures, family and all. I do that in order to heal and just become a stronger person. Will we ever get back together, I don't know and at this point as much as I love her and have hurt her I couldn't do it again just because the memories of pain will always be on my mind.
Indeed I lost weight, sleepless nights, mood swings the whole 9 years. I am trying to find inner peace with myself to keep moving forward. All my friends are trying to get me out of my sadness and talk to other females but I am not ready for any of that stuff, I understand they are trying to help but It's just too soon. I don't know how long it's going to be in till we may or may not connect, communicate or anything, all I know is I have things to work on aka my temper and have a personal goal of getting down to 175 pounds. Ive been keeping busy, avoiding staying home for long but building up strength to go and live life, see places as I did with her next to me. It will be tough, but I shall overcome.
Joe is pretty much on point but you can't shoulder all the blame on this one. You act like an honorable man and your ex has not appreciated your efforts and gestures as much as she should. We all say things in anger in the heat of an argument, one blowup in Greece isn't the end of the world. Furthermore, you go above and beyond in trying to ameliorate the argument by visiting her in person to show that you are apologetic, she needed to forgive you for that. I can't stand girls who complain to their friends, let alone their mother, about your relationship because it will paint an unfavorable picture of you as you have never had an opportunity to explain nor defend your words/actions. There are 2 sides to every story and the truth is invariably somewhere in the middle. Most mature adults realize this, your ex's mother apparently doesn't. She can side with her daughter but if she truly envisioned you as a future son-in-law she should not have been verbally abusive to you on the phone.
You have a wealth of experience under your belt in your mid-20s. This will only benefit you moving forward in your life as you learn from your mistakes but I have to commend you on going the distance in trying to salvage this relationship. Your future GF will appreciate the man you are as we all do here in this thread
12-06-2011, 02:55 PM
#91
Senior Moderator
Like mother, like daughter. No wonder she had issues. Her mom obviously can't control her emotions and doesn't understand how to be an adult. I commend you for keeping your cool while talking to her.
Time will heal your wounds. While I understand your reservation to meeting new girls, it doesn't always have to be about hooking up with them. Meeting a girl who you can talk to can give you a new perspective on the situation and also help you to realize there are others out there for whenever you are ready. I've heard females thoroughly enjoy talking to guys who don't want in their pants, but I haven't taken the time to investigate.
Time will heal your wounds. While I understand your reservation to meeting new girls, it doesn't always have to be about hooking up with them. Meeting a girl who you can talk to can give you a new perspective on the situation and also help you to realize there are others out there for whenever you are ready. I've heard females thoroughly enjoy talking to guys who don't want in their pants, but I haven't taken the time to investigate.
12-06-2011, 03:01 PM
#92
Moderator
Like mother, like daughter. No wonder she had issues. Her mom obviously can't control her emotions and doesn't understand how to be an adult. I commend you for keeping your cool while talking to her.
Time will heal your wounds. While I understand your reservation to meeting new girls, it doesn't always have to be about hooking up with them. Meeting a girl who you can talk to can give you a new perspective on the situation and also help you to realize there are others out there for whenever you are ready. I've heard females thoroughly enjoy talking to guys who don't want in their pants, but I haven't taken the time to investigate.
Time will heal your wounds. While I understand your reservation to meeting new girls, it doesn't always have to be about hooking up with them. Meeting a girl who you can talk to can give you a new perspective on the situation and also help you to realize there are others out there for whenever you are ready. I've heard females thoroughly enjoy talking to guys who don't want in their pants, but I haven't taken the time to investigate.
To be honest, I was at the HIGHEST point in my life during the time when I was single. I felt like I was hustlin and bustlin with the schedule I had with hanging out with different people, going to parties, going to the beach, the whole shabang. But of course, there are times when you feel like you need to settle down. Some people feel it early, some people never feel it.
12-06-2011, 05:36 PM
#93
Sorry Gus, give her little bit more time and I'm sure she'll know what she missing. Maybe going solo to a relationship therapist and working on yourself will make her change her mind. Like all relationship they have their ups and downs, I really hope you guys can work it out.
12-06-2011, 06:21 PM
#94
I'm Down Right Fierce!
Checked in on this thread after a busy several days at work... and dang OP, sorry.
I'm not going to say things like "you're too good for her" or "you'll get over her" because I remember when I broke up with my first serious GF (she decided to go to Med School out of state "to get away from it all" after 4 years of dating) and I heard stuff like that from people and even though I thought it would be true eventually, in that moment I felt so damn broken that it secretly made me bitter inside because I felt like when people said things like that, no one understood the personal pain I was then currently in.
So instead, I'll tell you what happened to me personally after my first serious break up: I had a ton of free time again so I started playing Basketball regularly again with my friends and joined several competitive leagues. After classes/work, since I didn't have anyone to tend to, I started hitting up the gym. I got into the best shape of my effing life - seriously I could do like 3 sets of 20 dead hang behind the neck pull ups (Will Smith style in I Am Legend). I applied myself to studying and made top of the class in my first year of law school. I met/dated a ton of women and then, while studying for my first year finals, I met my current fiance.
In short, being single at your age is awesome and the potential to excel/succeed/have fun at that age is amazing; enjoy it to the fullest my man.
I'm not going to say things like "you're too good for her" or "you'll get over her" because I remember when I broke up with my first serious GF (she decided to go to Med School out of state "to get away from it all" after 4 years of dating) and I heard stuff like that from people and even though I thought it would be true eventually, in that moment I felt so damn broken that it secretly made me bitter inside because I felt like when people said things like that, no one understood the personal pain I was then currently in.
So instead, I'll tell you what happened to me personally after my first serious break up: I had a ton of free time again so I started playing Basketball regularly again with my friends and joined several competitive leagues. After classes/work, since I didn't have anyone to tend to, I started hitting up the gym. I got into the best shape of my effing life - seriously I could do like 3 sets of 20 dead hang behind the neck pull ups (Will Smith style in I Am Legend). I applied myself to studying and made top of the class in my first year of law school. I met/dated a ton of women and then, while studying for my first year finals, I met my current fiance.
In short, being single at your age is awesome and the potential to excel/succeed/have fun at that age is amazing; enjoy it to the fullest my man.
12-07-2011, 02:00 PM
#96
GEEZER
Post some nude pics of her. It will help with the healing process.
12-07-2011, 02:06 PM
#98
iWhine S/C 6MT TL
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Today, is a hard day. Every 7th of the month we celebrate our anniversary leading up to the special 1 year mark in October. I was getting milk and cereal after the fun yesterday and had a damn cougar hit on me, offering sex basically. I wish I can make this shit up, but I said I am in a long term relationship I'm sorry and have a great night. Soon after that it hit me again that I am without her. This Christmas and new year will certainly be very difficult. I pray every night to the lord for strength to over come. I've been listeing to Greek music with headphones on, my way of drowning out the world so my mind doesn't always think of her. I will be around people with their significant other firming the up coming weeks till the new year starts, tough times ahead.
12-07-2011, 02:13 PM
#99
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
I pray that you have strength to overcome this difficult time as well Gus. Stay strong. Don't let the shit weather or holiday season get to you and don't dwell on what binds you two.
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justnspace (12-07-2011)
12-07-2011, 04:14 PM
#102
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Don't fuck random chicks.. you don't want to get physical if not right mentally or emotionally.
12-07-2011, 04:19 PM
#103
takin care of Business in
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^^^ heard about rebound sex ???
maybe when you get something good/better than what you have been getting for 9 years, things change....your head all of a sudden sees the light at the end of the tunnel
OP, i would suggest dont do anything stupid but if you see the right girl, dont fray away from making ur move....
and dont have out with couple friends....they will mess u up !!!
maybe when you get something good/better than what you have been getting for 9 years, things change....your head all of a sudden sees the light at the end of the tunnel
OP, i would suggest dont do anything stupid but if you see the right girl, dont fray away from making ur move....
and dont have out with couple friends....they will mess u up !!!
12-07-2011, 04:32 PM
#104
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
His mind is a fog right now and you don't go around trying to get your dick wet after 9 years.. if so, he would have done that during their 9 years together. Rebounding is usually a mistake. I don't think he should shut out the world.. especially single ladies, but right now.. I don't think he should tapping them on the shoulder with his dong.
You also don't want to preemptively fuck up what could just be a time to rejuvenate and reflect. Sometimes.. people really do need a little space to clear their mind. If they both reflect and realize they can work on their issues and get back together.. a meaningless fuck will screw everything up.
You also don't want to preemptively fuck up what could just be a time to rejuvenate and reflect. Sometimes.. people really do need a little space to clear their mind. If they both reflect and realize they can work on their issues and get back together.. a meaningless fuck will screw everything up.
12-07-2011, 04:50 PM
#105
takin care of Business in
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^^^ from the girls point of view....
not from his....
she broke up with him....
am not saying ohh holler at prostitutes and get ur dick yet....am saying there is not use waiting around for her....if he finds someone better he should go for it....
either way i bet the OP is in a better mental state than we think he is....
not from his....
she broke up with him....
am not saying ohh holler at prostitutes and get ur dick yet....am saying there is not use waiting around for her....if he finds someone better he should go for it....
either way i bet the OP is in a better mental state than we think he is....
12-07-2011, 04:52 PM
#106
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if she gets back with him....
had to put this here...
had to put this here...
12-07-2011, 04:54 PM
#107
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
haha.. 
Gus is obviously still having a difficult time.
Gus is obviously still having a difficult time.
12-07-2011, 04:58 PM
#108
I was going to disagree with Maj initially...but the part about waiting a reasonable amount of time before doing it, I agree with. I fucked up in a major way by taking the path of least resistance with this chick that must have had a thing for me at work when my ex fiance and I broke up. After a few weeks we talked about reconciling and she had found out I had dated this other chick already which she would have forgiven, but she asked me whether or not I'd be intimate with her and I was honest.
I guess I could have lied, but figured not a good way to try a second shot at it...AND it would have been better if I could have told her that I hadn't and had it been true.
Nail in the coffin and at the end of the day it worked out better for me because I won the fiance lotto with my new girl but I went thru many many a tough "greek music" night to get over it.
J.
I guess I could have lied, but figured not a good way to try a second shot at it...AND it would have been better if I could have told her that I hadn't and had it been true.
Nail in the coffin and at the end of the day it worked out better for me because I won the fiance lotto with my new girl but I went thru many many a tough "greek music" night to get over it.J.
12-07-2011, 05:45 PM
#109
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^^^ thats my point....how much time is reasonable ?
if the girl comes back to him after 1 year and says "ohh u slept with that chic" blah blah blah....it doesnt work that way....
she broke up with him....he is sad about it....and tried to get her back....
after that u just have to be like FUCK IT....whats done is done....no point waiting on the window sill and missing out the party in the basement....
if the girl comes back to him after 1 year and says "ohh u slept with that chic" blah blah blah....it doesnt work that way....
she broke up with him....he is sad about it....and tried to get her back....
after that u just have to be like FUCK IT....whats done is done....no point waiting on the window sill and missing out the party in the basement....
12-07-2011, 08:39 PM
#110
Oh no brother...I'm talking about 5 years (last year of which was miserable and very little intimacy) and hanging out and sleeping with someone within 10 days. 
I regretted it...especially since the girl ended up being nothing to me. AND at the time I really wanted to be back with my ex. A year later is fair game! I will say this though...I did spend the following 3 years dating people with the idea that I didn't want to get too close and always dating girls I could drop if my ex reappeared. SUCKER!
Till I met my current..then all bets were off and eff that. I'm in heaven now in comparison as far as healthy happy and awesome relationships go. But you need to eat shit sometimes to know you don't want to anymore. That's how we all end up with filet mignon from our 30's on.
Unless you refuse to change and you keep attracting and being attracted to the same people.
I regretted it...especially since the girl ended up being nothing to me. AND at the time I really wanted to be back with my ex. A year later is fair game! I will say this though...I did spend the following 3 years dating people with the idea that I didn't want to get too close and always dating girls I could drop if my ex reappeared. SUCKER!
Till I met my current..then all bets were off and eff that. I'm in heaven now in comparison as far as healthy happy and awesome relationships go. But you need to eat shit sometimes to know you don't want to anymore. That's how we all end up with filet mignon from our 30's on.
Unless you refuse to change and you keep attracting and being attracted to the same people.
12-07-2011, 10:19 PM
#111
Safety Car
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bro just from hearing your story about how her family treats you is kinda stupid on there side. I think you dodge a bullet on this one. Just think about it if you were to ever to get married not only do you marry her, but you married into the family. Do you really want to be that guy that always dreading to go see the mother in law.
yes 9 years is a lot of time being toss away, but hey its life. No matter how hard you try things happen, and they are out of your control. All you can do is push forward. I know easier said then done.
Your situation reminds me of this.
At one point in time I was also like this, and I am pretty sure everyone has experience heart break also.
yes 9 years is a lot of time being toss away, but hey its life. No matter how hard you try things happen, and they are out of your control. All you can do is push forward. I know easier said then done.
Your situation reminds me of this.
At one point in time I was also like this, and I am pretty sure everyone has experience heart break also.
12-08-2011, 06:01 AM
#112
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Wow, Thanks everyone for all that input. My thoughts on just having sex with someone isn't my cup of tea. I feel in a sense I am still with her though I am not. I was always loyal and faithful to her in 9 years and have passed up many other girls who wanted me. Two of those girls are talking to me right now but I made it clear I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING other than FRIENDS. Friends being used with the faint of heart because they should have respected the fact I was with someone. That video thisaznboi posted was the story of our 9 years together. I have a huge exhaust box that I kept everything she's given me for 9 years. I currently have it stored in my attic, I don't know what to do with it over time. I don't want to go through it as I am trying to be strong and move on but eventually I need to go down that path and do something with it.
I don't think she's going to come back to me. She's made it clear for myself to move on in life and work on me. I have been working on me, been doing the best that I can. After the holidays I will have enough strength and support to get out there and talk to girls but not saying ready for dating, just a conversation will be a good starting up. For everyone that has someone now, don't take things for granted. Enjoy it, because one day it can be gone forever. I live at the gym now (Not really) go everyday and work out for almost 2 hours. There are a lot of beautiful girls in the gym but I don't care about it right now, I'm focused on me and my goals. I appreciate everyone's support! You guys/gals are all awesome!
I don't think she's going to come back to me. She's made it clear for myself to move on in life and work on me. I have been working on me, been doing the best that I can. After the holidays I will have enough strength and support to get out there and talk to girls but not saying ready for dating, just a conversation will be a good starting up. For everyone that has someone now, don't take things for granted. Enjoy it, because one day it can be gone forever. I live at the gym now (Not really) go everyday and work out for almost 2 hours. There are a lot of beautiful girls in the gym but I don't care about it right now, I'm focused on me and my goals. I appreciate everyone's support! You guys/gals are all awesome!
12-08-2011, 07:34 AM
#113
^^^you seem to have gotten the gist and are going to be just fine.
PS...even during those 3 years after for me...I DID tell every single girl...I just want to be friends, let's just see a movie or dinner. Just to have someone to share with but no s*x. Because s*x creates expectation no matter what they say...it does. So it almost always would turn into wanting more than just being friends. Unfortunately, when you tell a girl that, they mostly take it as a challenge and they try really hard to bed you. And most of the time, I would end up giving in. I was mourning...not g*y.
PS...even during those 3 years after for me...I DID tell every single girl...I just want to be friends, let's just see a movie or dinner. Just to have someone to share with but no s*x. Because s*x creates expectation no matter what they say...it does. So it almost always would turn into wanting more than just being friends. Unfortunately, when you tell a girl that, they mostly take it as a challenge and they try really hard to bed you. And most of the time, I would end up giving in. I was mourning...not g*y.
12-08-2011, 09:16 AM
#116
Senior Moderator
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(Mid-Atlantic)
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Today, is a hard day. Every 7th of the month we celebrate our anniversary leading up to the special 1 year mark in October. I was getting milk and cereal after the fun yesterday and had a damn cougar hit on me, offering sex basically. I wish I can make this shit up, but I said I am in a long term relationship I'm sorry and have a great night. Soon after that it hit me again that I am without her. This Christmas and new year will certainly be very difficult. I pray every night to the lord for strength to over come. I've been listeing to Greek music with headphones on, my way of drowning out the world so my mind doesn't always think of her. I will be around people with their significant other firming the up coming weeks till the new year starts, tough times ahead.
Wow, Thanks everyone for all that input. My thoughts on just having sex with someone isn't my cup of tea. I feel in a sense I am still with her though I am not. I was always loyal and faithful to her in 9 years and have passed up many other girls who wanted me. Two of those girls are talking to me right now but I made it clear I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING other than FRIENDS. Friends being used with the faint of heart because they should have respected the fact I was with someone. That video thisaznboi posted was the story of our 9 years together. I have a huge exhaust box that I kept everything she's given me for 9 years. I currently have it stored in my attic, I don't know what to do with it over time. I don't want to go through it as I am trying to be strong and move on but eventually I need to go down that path and do something with it.
I don't think she's going to come back to me. She's made it clear for myself to move on in life and work on me. I have been working on me, been doing the best that I can. After the holidays I will have enough strength and support to get out there and talk to girls but not saying ready for dating, just a conversation will be a good starting up. For everyone that has someone now, don't take things for granted. Enjoy it, because one day it can be gone forever. I live at the gym now (Not really) go everyday and work out for almost 2 hours. There are a lot of beautiful girls in the gym but I don't care about it right now, I'm focused on me and my goals. I appreciate everyone's support! You guys/gals are all awesome!
I don't think she's going to come back to me. She's made it clear for myself to move on in life and work on me. I have been working on me, been doing the best that I can. After the holidays I will have enough strength and support to get out there and talk to girls but not saying ready for dating, just a conversation will be a good starting up. For everyone that has someone now, don't take things for granted. Enjoy it, because one day it can be gone forever. I live at the gym now (Not really) go everyday and work out for almost 2 hours. There are a lot of beautiful girls in the gym but I don't care about it right now, I'm focused on me and my goals. I appreciate everyone's support! You guys/gals are all awesome!
12-09-2011, 02:54 AM
#117
Very simple: Stop thinking about her. Live your own life now. Months from now, you'll realize how foolish (but open/smart) you are to even make this thread. You're 26, you're relatively young and still have a long road ahead of you. Go ahead and have sex or whatever is fun to you. You're SINGLE, you don't have to loyal to anyone, but to yourself. When you feel like you're ready to take it serious again, find that 'special someone'. Though many will disagree, time heals all wounds, if it doesn't, than you have issues. Go out with your friends and just chill and just forget this happened. It will be hard, but you're going to have too. Its almost Christmas/NY, time to fucking enjoy life, not dread about a past relationship.
12-09-2011, 07:19 AM
#118
...Time DOES heal all wounds. I agree with that 100%.
Also, the day I realized I didn't have to "get over" my ex...but just realize she wasn't good for me and it was time to move on...was the day I was able to FINALLY move on. Almost like a mental block...like, Oh I still think of her so I have to figure out a way to be with her. Then It hit me...I won't stop thinking about her and the good times we had...just stopped thinking about her being MINE.
Also, the day I realized I didn't have to "get over" my ex...but just realize she wasn't good for me and it was time to move on...was the day I was able to FINALLY move on. Almost like a mental block...like, Oh I still think of her so I have to figure out a way to be with her. Then It hit me...I won't stop thinking about her and the good times we had...just stopped thinking about her being MINE.
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justnspace (12-09-2011)
12-09-2011, 01:13 PM
#119
Suzuka Master
Very simple: Stop thinking about her. Live your own life now. Months from now, you'll realize how foolish (but open/smart) you are to even make this thread. You're 26, you're relatively young and still have a long road ahead of you. Go ahead and have sex or whatever is fun to you. You're SINGLE, you don't have to loyal to anyone, but to yourself. When you feel like you're ready to take it serious again, find that 'special someone'. Though many will disagree, time heals all wounds, if it doesn't, than you have issues. Go out with your friends and just chill and just forget this happened. It will be hard, but you're going to have too. Its almost Christmas/NY, time to fucking enjoy life, not dread about a past relationship.
12-09-2011, 01:25 PM
#120
Effin A right...
The great unknown...not knowing if TODAY would be the day I met the person that would be my other half or someone interesting or a fun experience or WHO KNOWS...that was the BEST feeling! Feeling well put together ready to take on whatever opportunity knocked was awesome.
I mentioned before...but having not knowing what may come is a lot better than a guaranteed unhappy.
The great unknown...not knowing if TODAY would be the day I met the person that would be my other half or someone interesting or a fun experience or WHO KNOWS...that was the BEST feeling! Feeling well put together ready to take on whatever opportunity knocked was awesome.
I mentioned before...but having not knowing what may come is a lot better than a guaranteed unhappy.