Hello Acura-CL.com!
I have been away forever and a day, and just like the prodigal son I have returned!

OK so here is the deal:
Me and my wife have been on pretty shitty terms for the last 4 years, and the last 2 years we have had an open marriage. Its an unspoken rule in the fact that we have never agreed on the situation, but both of us have people on the side. I really don’t give a shit who she is with or who’s dick is in her mouth, I just want her to keep it away from my son (he’s 5) and out of my our bed. But she doesn’t care to offer me the same respect I give her, and she lies constantly about her activities, who is in my house, and what she is doing with my son.

So here is the advice part:
I know one of her boyfriends is coming over to my house tomorrow while I will be at work. I work in Federal Law Enforcement, this boyfriend of hers works for Corrections and is married with a kid, so things could get ugly quick.

So do I show up, or just ignore it and be happy I have a good thing going?

And plz don’t give me advice like “OMG u should get a divorse”

Thanks in advance, Internet!

 

set some rules.

 

Can't really get mad at the other dude, so no use in showing up while he is there.

You need need to set your wife straight. She can't be bringing random guys over the house all the time for your son to see. Long term that will fuck him up.

 

Fuck that! I would show up. I wouldnt come at the guy but if he came at me i would have to defend myself. She is dead wrong for bringing that into your home and around your child. That is the ultimate disrespect in my eyes. Show up and set that shit straight. I hate females that have no respect and constantly lie for what reason??? I dont know.

 

I say show up and make it uncomfortable for him and her. If he gets abusive - it is your house - and you can legally defend yourself in your own home. Make it clear that this does not happen under your roof. Oh, and seek a lawyer to get a divorce. That would be the healthiest solution for your son.

 

I mean damn...I only dream of these kinda things. (open relationships)

Set some Ground rules!

 

My only advice is do not let it effect your work, i.e. giving the other guy a reason to press charges... at the end of the day giving her a reason to prove you unfit as a father or causing legal drama in your life will hurt the child more.

IMO, you are on the fail train just waiting to get off... it may not happen today or tomorrow but this wont end well no matter what.

 

I couldn't agree more.

All I have to say is this: Please consider your son first. Do what's best for him.

 

I would talk to the wife and make it an explicit agreement regarding visitors.
Maybe she will no longer need to lie about her activities as well.
Stupid idea, as it is unnecessarily risky and confrontational for all. OP's son shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of immature conduct if it can be avoided.

 

x2
rules need to be set.

 

I would install wireless cameras for us to see and judge. AZ is an excellent site for commentary and relationship advice.

 

I find it laughable that you say your wife doesn't offer you the same "respect" you give her. Are you kidding? At this point, neither of you has any respect for the other, period. Your 'people on the side' and wanting to stay married to each other despite the feelings you both (don't) have for each other negates any meaning of the word respect. So does the fact that you would want your son to witness an unhealthy marriage. You might think he doesn't sense it, notice, hear things, or see things...but trust me - he does. People don't give children enough credit.

Respect would be about ending the marriage and letting her move on with life in an appropriate, healthy way (or working on the marriage to make it work), and SELF-respect would be wanting the same for yourself.

And btw, although you mention not caring what your wife does on the side --- the fact that you'd even care or consider showing up to cause a scene shows you do have feelings about it.

 

wow...

 

well rules can be applied if its appropriate.

does she pay for the house? who's house is it?

if she does pay then she gets half the share of bringing people into the house. but set rules, like they cant be there when your son is there, or cant be doing it on your bed and such. set boundaries, and explain the consequences if they are crossed.

open marriages usually end ugly tho.

 

Holy shiiiiiiit... how the f do you lie next to a girl each night who's gargling some other guys jizz.

This is doomed for

 

crazy situation but can't get mad at dude if she's disrespecting the situation ..i mean i would'nt really give a a damn especially if i have something on the side also ..because at the end of the day you and him get into it something god forbid something happens to you or him from you and he's still around then she will still be messing with him and you might lose out on more than you want to ..my advice keep your son in the for front of your mind at all times being around for him ...

 

Dude, put the keyboard down....

And Street Spirit... :standingovation:

 

+1

 

Im horny.

 

I agree with street spirit. It seems to me you have both decided to enter into relationships without any real rules or guidelines being established. You cannot expect your wife to abide by your wants and concerns, as there hasn't been any clear definitions of what's appropriate in this open relationship. If both of you want to pursue this, then it's best you decide now what's to be expected. It seems to me you both have a general lack of respect for each other, and you can't expect her have your interests in mind if neither of you care what the other is doing. Both of you are equally to blame if you feel your son is being witness to something he's not.

Lay down some ground rules with respect to your son, keeping his interests in mind. Showing up while you wife is with someone else isn't going to help the situation, instead only creating hostility and anger by everyone involved.




Terry

 

Those of you who say you'd love to be in an 'open' situation like this -- how many of you have broken up with a girlfriend or WOULD break up with a girlfriend if she was seeing someone on the side? I bet most of you would find it 100% unacceptable, so I call BS on most of your replies. Why do you think this sounds like such a cool deal when it involves a MARRIAGE?! Usually marriage implies an even stronger sense of commitment, trust, and comfort in each other than a casual dating relationship, making this situation even more . If they're both happy with other people, why bother expecting or 'forcing' the other to come home to you every night (by staying married)?

And OP: She doesn't respect you because she messes around with other men - not because of where she does it.

 

Could not agree more. I actually was tempted to post last night, but I really couldn't get over how messed up this is to form a coherent thought.

OP: You are totally missing the point if your focus is on protecting your son from this situation. He knows, at five, that mom and dad don't love each other. I give it another 2-3 years and he'll be fully aware you're having sex outside your marriage, whether you or your wife parade strangers through the house or not. And when he learns the truth - and he will eventually - you will have messed him up for a lifetime. You are living out in front of him a broken, dysfunctional way of relating to women. He will grow up to treat women as recreation, and is almost guaranteed to end up in a broken marriage if he even attempts one.

So if you are at all interested in sparing your son some of the heartache and troubles you are experiencing now in your relationships, change it. He's destined to repeat what he sees unless you break the cycle. This is on you dad, not mom. Sons learn how to treat women by watching how dad treats mom (and daughters learn how to be treated by watching the same).

 

Again agree. Why be in an open marriage? Because if it's "for the kids", they are doing them WAY more harm my modeling out a dysfunctional relationship than just seperating and showning them a healthy one. And if its not for the kids, seperate and be single already.

 

 

WOW I haven't been on this section in a while and this is the first thread i see. Azine never disappoints.
I wanna hear from the OP, and what he has done. Did he come home early, did he confront the guy? Or he shot him in the face and is in jail right now so he is not posting. Anyone from OC hear about any shootings of whorish wives and their boyfriends?

 

I have watched too many episodes of Snapped, and a few of them start off like this. Do the wise thing and move on. Nothing but trouble will ensue and you have left the door wide open.

 

it seems like you are doing this for your son which i completely understand. however you have to do whats best for you and your family. your son is getting older and smarter and you have to make a the right decision. If its not working out with the wife, then you gotta break it off, but I would first have a long talk about your future and see if she is willing to compromise.

 

I say, sell the house, get a divorce and have joint custody of your son. When your then ex-wife have men come over, make sure your son is staying with you.

 

Agreed^

People are going to do whatever they want to do. There isn't a thing you can do to stop it.

Sell the house (even if you loose money), get a divorce, and move on.

 

Wow...this has to be a joke


The OP probably won't come back to update