^ Good post dude! As I said before, our advice is to give you a barometer of sorts so that you can make heads or tails of things. To "cope", if you can't, you need a professional's guidance. And yes, it has nothing to do with NOT being a man...but ALL about being a man!

 

i am not suppose to be on AZ while at work but fuck it. i really feel alot better and i feel that alot of the questions i had witch i was asking myself have been answered here.

You guys have no fucking idea how hard this shit was for me to post up here but i am so glad i did. Darksom1 i love you dude and i really mean it. thanks to everyone else who gave advise. starting tomorrow i am gonna stay out of the fucking house while i am not working and try to hang around with friends and just try not to think about her as much as possible.

my work sechdule it pretty full so that should help as well and i belive i have 2 days off this week so i am gona take a drive up to seattle or portland and try to stay busy there.

I am gonna keep you guys posted, thanks again for all this help.

I LOVE THIS DAM WEBSITE AZ rules

 

And we love ya back! That's why we get paid the big bucks man! Just pay it forward!

 

To agree with SuperTrooper a Psychologist is much better than a Psychiatrist, simply because medication does not actually solve shit, it's just the easy way out, but in the end creates more problems. Darksom has given some excellent advice, and to be honest, I think this in the one website where you can learn how to rebuild your car, grow as a person, learn so many perspectives in sports, gaming, investing, photgraphy etc where people aren't dicks and everyone is goodnatured enough to help a fellow out, We might all be "E" friends which sounds gay as shit, but i've learned soo much from the peeps around here I'm proud to be part of AZ and to be enlightened enough to be able to contribute and help another brotha from anotha motha out.

 

At this point darksom1 is my Psychologist but if i can't seem to get my shit under control soon i might really need to go to one.

 

I finally had time to read this thread, and instead of adding to all the advice, lemme just say anytime you're having problems go re-read dark's posts.

He's as straight up as you can get, while still addressing the issues... and that's what you need right now.

Dark - it's nice to have someone around that can put that shit into words so well... it's also nice to have someone around who thinks along the same lines as me when it comes to relationships... i'm just not so hot with the words!

 

I have never been in this position but I feel for you, and wish you the best. Good to hear you put the bottle down, thats the first step to recovery. Drinking by yourself is the worst thing you can do in a time like this.... if anything do it with a bunch of buddies in an fun environment, not by yourself.

There is excellent advice everywhere in this thread.... just go back and read it again and use it to carry on and move forward in your life. Just accept that fact that she's moved on at this point and do the same, if sometime down the line she wants you back (unlikely) then thats great, BUT DON'T EXPECT IT. Your kids need you, you need to fight to gain custody of them.

 

First of all, I'm sorry about what happened. It must be really hard to understand how life can suddenly turn around. But that's how life is - constantly changing and unpredictable.

What I'm basically getting from your story is that both of you started a family at a young age and you have no problems with it. She, on the other hand, later realized that she missed out a lot of experiences her peers are enjoying because she became a parent early in life. She now wants to be as carefree as she used to be. It may be very hard to take it in, but you have to accept her realization that her happiness does not lie on being with you anymore. It is frustrating since you have 2 kids, just make sure they still get all the care and attention from both of you.

Feel free to use this forum as a means to vent out your frustration. Talking about your problem is better than keeping it all bottled up inside. I just hope that you have close friends or family members who you can be there for you especially when you are feeling really down. We here in AZ can advise you to stop turning to alcohol, but we can't be physically there with you to ensure that. Remember, drinks can make the bleak days blurry and ease your pain... but the numbing effect is only temporarily and won't solve your problems! The next few months will be tough, but you need to pick yourself up after a fall.
Start going out again, immerse yourself in a hobby, and as others have already said, seek professional help. Good luck, man! I hope that the day all wounds will heal is just around the corner



*I also want to thank all those who shared their stories. You guys are giving INSPIRE 32V hope that things will be better... that there is something to look forward to the future despite today's loss. I'm glad that you have all been supportive of him.

 

sometimes life throws you some shit man... keep your chin up. You're YOUNG, you've got so much of your life ahead of you. Trust me I'm not trying to downplay the situation, its rotten and WILL take time for you to get over but thats just the truth, with time, you'll get over it and things will eventually fall into place. It sounds like you know whats right, the kids obviously. Coming from a broken home, I know 1st hand how hard it can be with only 1 parent around at a time and when the 2 are together all they do is fight. Just make sure to separate your relationship with her from the relationship you have with the kids. You'll eventually move on from the relationship stuff... its hard and will take some time but the sooner you can let go the easier it will be.

GL man, we're all here for ya.

 

i am also going through some difficult times rite now....so hard that i wanted to physically inflict permanent damage to someone and have been a mess emotionally


i just wanted u guys 2 know that reading this thread helped alot


thanks guys

and inspire, just pm me if u ever wanna talk...i def can relate 2 u honmie

 

Thanks for all the help guys just wanted to post some updates

Grew some balls this morning before work to finally show up at her moms house to tell her that i ain't going no where that i am gonna be here to support my kids and that i don't want her to move back in with me anymore

She was very surprised to here that coming from me since for like a month i was telling her to come back and what not. anyways i also told her that if she is gonna go out and do crap with guys, its non of my business and i don't wanna know about it and that i am gonna keep my business to myself as well

She was kinda in a shock while listening to all this because even she couldn't believe that i was saying these things. after work i went back to pick her up and brought her home so she can get some of her stuff that she needed and dropped her back off.

She says that she is trying to get her own place and once she gets it she will take everything else of hers from my house unless i am in a hurry than she will just take it now but i told her i don't care cuz really her stuff is not in my way and doesn't bother me and its not like i am bringing a girl home tomorrow that might say something to me or anything.

In conclusion she was surprised by my decision and was kinda speechless but did say that she wants me to be happy and she is glad that i am understanding all this. we aggreed to meet once a week and have a family day with the kids in a public place ( was that a bad idea?)

Also she started to open up to me a little more towards the end and started to tell me that just because she doesn't show it that doesn't mean that all this is easy on her. she says that she is having a hard time right now too but she i s better at not showing it and i belive her because she was crying when she was saying all this

After hearing that for some reason i felt even better inside. it was sad to see her like that but what can i say, this was all her choice.

One last thing is that i knew that she has tons ans tons of friends here because she was born and raised her so while we were talking about something, i can't remember what she said that if i feel lonely she is sure she can find someone for me. i told her that i wasn't looking for a relationship anymore and that i am not sure if i ever will after going through all this with her. and than she says "so what you want someone for like a one night stand or something" and i said maybe not like one night but maybe like a week stand, lol anyways should i say yes to that once i am ready or should i find someone that she doesn't know on my own.

Overall life is looking a bit better and hopefully everything will be back to normal soon

 

Good too see your starting to make the right moves! Keep it up. Using your ex as your matchmaker, however is probably not the best idea.

 

I'm glad to hear that you have gained acceptance and started moving forward! That takes courage. Kudos, my friend!

By the way, will the kids stay with her and you're just going to meet them once a week? If so, make sure your kids feel that you are not leaving them and perhaps you can try explaining the situation to your eldest.

^ Hell no! It sounds convenient, but that's just weird!

 

Communication.

 

Good stuff!

Very happy to hear that! Don't be disappointed if you have nights where this stuff still makes you feel terrible inside. It's not a setback. That's why it's called a healing "process". 12 rounds playboy! But excellent beginning. In the end, if things continue to progress as they do, you will begin to recognize the blessings here and there in this situation. The more you go out and do things, not necessarily with friends or with a woman, sometimes alone, you will begin to clear your head of the baggage and b-r-e-a-t-h-e! And that my friend is a truly wonderful feeling to be able to take a hit, fall down, get up and dust yourself off, and keep going. That is all about being a man. So you are doing very well.

I think you should "pace" yourself with being around your ex. You still have healing to do. Don't take your feelings for granted. Sure you feel better, but just be honest with yourself about "the getting over her" part, and you will eventually get over her all the way. Living your own life will guarantee that! The once a week family thing is good only if you can maintain that schedule. Try not to set anything in stone right now as you don't want to disappoint the kids, nor piss her off by not being able to show up. In due time you can set that up as far as something you can maintain, because yes, it will be necessary as there must be some stability and to give proper time to the kids. Just do what you can for now. That scheduling, while a good gesture, tends to invite stress unintentionally to a situation. At any rate, you are a Dad 24/7. So no need to say see them just on Wednesdays. They may need to see you on Monday, get the drift? So, just do what you can when you can and just have an open mind to visitation, working together, and being accountable. I do agree with Sasha that a little time with the eldest to explain on his level why Daddy is here and Mommy is there, can be helpful. But no need to bumrush him with the details. Whatever you do, respect your ex's space and privacy, and have her do the same with your's. Man, you may not see the fruit of it yet, but it is a beautiful thing when two parents that have separated can work together for the kids to make sure they are alright! Beautiful, and very fulfilling as a parent!

As for the ex and her offer to hook you up...HELL NO!!! LOL! That is weird as hell and a bad thing to do bro! You did right. Don't ask about who she is with, and don't tell her about who you are with when you are with someone neither. But because everyone knows each other there, you can be sure that it might get back to her anyway when you finally DO start dating, so wait until you are strong enough to deal with that. But what is of the utmost importance is to build YOUR world totally separate. LOL...you might've been screwed socially trying to use the ex as a matchmaker! You can do good and bad with women by yourself dawg!

Hang in there and keep healing man! Glad to see some women on the board give you some female perspective too! I was going to ask some for it. Keep us posted if you don't mind. I am flattered by the comments, but that pales in comparison to how happy I am that you are getting healthy!