I almost had to kill my wife last night..why do some women use emotion to decide.
03-28-2007, 09:03 PM
#202
Racer
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Originally Posted by Street Spirit
Enroll her in some in-car driving lessons. No joke. This many collisions in such a short amount of time just isn't normal! 
I sent her to planned parenthood and ended up with 3 kids. Not sure she is such a good student .
03-28-2007, 09:56 PM
#205
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
Nope, she truly is bright white, Red hair and all. She can sunburn in the summer without even leaving the house. She doesn't tan, her freckles just kinda get closer together.
See this for more info
03-28-2007, 10:11 PM
#206
I don't want to my lite of your situation. My Mother-in-law has been in 3 or 4 accidents with other cars in the last year in a half. The main reason is her mental abilities, in short, she's got some problems. These problems keep her from paying attention to what she should be doing, because she's constantly thinking about other shit.
We're working on getting her some more help.
We're working on getting her some more help.
03-28-2007, 10:57 PM
#208
_____ like a rabbit
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
I don't know if it counts but whenever we play slap and tickle and she says "Ouch!", I drive it in hard again and , in my mind, I deduct a $1.00 from total investments lost due to crashing.....
-Mark
P.S. if I "accidentally" hit her in the pooper I deduct $10.00
-Mark
P.S. if I "accidentally" hit her in the pooper I deduct $10.00
hahahahahaha omg it hurts!
03-28-2007, 11:39 PM
#209
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
I don't know if it counts but whenever we play slap and tickle and she says "Ouch!", I drive it in hard again and , in my mind, I deduct a $1.00 from total investments lost due to crashing.....
-Mark
P.S. if I "accidentally" hit her in the pooper I deduct $10.00
-Mark
P.S. if I "accidentally" hit her in the pooper I deduct $10.00
03-29-2007, 09:05 AM
#210
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
I sent her to planned parenthood and ended up with 3 kids. Not sure she is such a good student .
but seriously, you need to break it down to her, like SS said, that just is not normal.
03-29-2007, 09:08 AM
#211
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Originally Posted by LSBoogie
I don't know if it counts but whenever we play slap and tickle and she says "Ouch!", I drive it in hard again and , in my mind, I deduct a $1.00 from total investments lost due to crashing.....
-Mark
P.S. if I "accidentally" hit her in the pooper I deduct $10.00
-Mark
P.S. if I "accidentally" hit her in the pooper I deduct $10.00
03-29-2007, 09:18 AM
#212
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Originally Posted by LSBoogie
Not to bring an old thread back from the dead but the wife wrecked her truck again.......sigh.....Only got the mirror this time but I swear she thinks I'm an idiot.
Heres how the notification call goes:
Wife: "Hey, you need to look at the Durango, the drivers mirror just fell off?"
Me: "Fell off?? the mirrors don't just fall off? What the hell are you talking about?"
Wife: "Well, ahhh, yeah, it just fell off.....after I hit the garage backing out."
Me: "Great! I'll look at it when I get home."
Wife: "Doesn't look like anything is wrong, the plastic cover just fell off."
Me" "Plastic cover? huh. Oh, nevermind, I'll check it out at home."
So, sure enough I get home and find that she hit the side of the garage opening, knocked the glass out of the mirror which of course cracked after hitting the ground (still useable but is shattered). She didn't happen to notice that the white trim around the garage door opening is now cracked and pulled away from the wall and the outer edge of her black mirror has white contact paint all over it.
So I grab the glass and snap it back into the mirror (mainly wanted to make sure I wouldn't have to buy a whole mirror and that it actually would go back together) and walk back into the house.
Wife: "Did you fix it?"
Me: "Well, the glass is cracked but yes, it went back in."
Wife: "I just don't understand how that happened, all i did was hit the rubber seal around the door, why would it break my mirror like that""
Me: "Oh, so you just hit the rubber, nothing solid?"
Wife: "No, no just the rubber"
Me: "Then why the HELL is the trim around the garage door broken and how the HELL did the white paint get all over the outside of the mirror??"
Wife: "Oh, ahhh, hmmm, ahh, What do you want for dinner?"
Sigh....I swear......
-Mark
Heres how the notification call goes:
Wife: "Hey, you need to look at the Durango, the drivers mirror just fell off?"
Me: "Fell off?? the mirrors don't just fall off? What the hell are you talking about?"
Wife: "Well, ahhh, yeah, it just fell off.....after I hit the garage backing out."
Me: "Great! I'll look at it when I get home."
Wife: "Doesn't look like anything is wrong, the plastic cover just fell off."
Me" "Plastic cover? huh. Oh, nevermind, I'll check it out at home."
So, sure enough I get home and find that she hit the side of the garage opening, knocked the glass out of the mirror which of course cracked after hitting the ground (still useable but is shattered). She didn't happen to notice that the white trim around the garage door opening is now cracked and pulled away from the wall and the outer edge of her black mirror has white contact paint all over it.
So I grab the glass and snap it back into the mirror (mainly wanted to make sure I wouldn't have to buy a whole mirror and that it actually would go back together) and walk back into the house.
Wife: "Did you fix it?"
Me: "Well, the glass is cracked but yes, it went back in."
Wife: "I just don't understand how that happened, all i did was hit the rubber seal around the door, why would it break my mirror like that""
Me: "Oh, so you just hit the rubber, nothing solid?"
Wife: "No, no just the rubber"
Me: "Then why the HELL is the trim around the garage door broken and how the HELL did the white paint get all over the outside of the mirror??"
Wife: "Oh, ahhh, hmmm, ahh, What do you want for dinner?"
Sigh....I swear......
-Mark
we have too many here already and we don't need another one
03-29-2007, 10:57 AM
#213
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Meh, in her defense, shes really not that bad a driver. Its the whole starting from a stop thing that she needs training in. If you look at her history, rear ended RL after already being stopped at a red light behind him, hit bridge after leaving a red light, got rear ended in my old car (not her fault btw) while at a stop sign and now, took off a drivers mirror after just backing out of the garage.
I tell her that I think what is happening is that when she stops at a light or what not, she takes the time to do things (i.e. pick up pacifier for baby, look at dayplanner for day, change radio stations etc etc) and then starts moving the car without pulling her head back out of her ass and scoping the situation out.
I have instructed her (like she actually listens to me
) to take 2 seconds before moving and recheck the environment.Usually, this is about the point in the conversation about why she sucks at driving that she starts to look at me as if she might posion my food and I let it go for another day.
-Mark
I tell her that I think what is happening is that when she stops at a light or what not, she takes the time to do things (i.e. pick up pacifier for baby, look at dayplanner for day, change radio stations etc etc) and then starts moving the car without pulling her head back out of her ass and scoping the situation out.
I have instructed her (like she actually listens to me
) to take 2 seconds before moving and recheck the environment.Usually, this is about the point in the conversation about why she sucks at driving that she starts to look at me as if she might posion my food and I let it go for another day.-Mark
03-29-2007, 11:07 AM
#214
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
I have instructed her (like she actually listens to me ) to take 2 seconds before moving and recheck the environment.Usually, this is about the point in the conversation about why she sucks at driving that she starts to look at me as if she might posion my food and I let it go for another day.
-Mark
) to take 2 seconds before moving and recheck the environment.Usually, this is about the point in the conversation about why she sucks at driving that she starts to look at me as if she might posion my food and I let it go for another day.-Mark
A little poison won't hurt you.
03-29-2007, 11:14 AM
#215
Go Giants
Buy her a tank...
03-29-2007, 11:41 AM
#216
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Originally Posted by saiko_cl_duck
dude, you gotta man up. You're letting it go, and she's wasting money.
A little poison won't hurt you.
A little poison won't hurt you.
When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
03-29-2007, 01:26 PM
#218
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Originally Posted by LSBoogie
Man up! When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...
Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
03-29-2007, 01:37 PM
#219
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
Man up! When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...
Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
Hilarious....
Edit:
7k posts.
03-29-2007, 03:09 PM
#221
Senior Moderator
and congrats on the 7k
03-29-2007, 06:18 PM
#225
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Originally Posted by LSBoogie
Meh, in her defense, shes really not that bad a driver.
You're saying this after how many incidents and posts???!
At least the rest of us now realize how great our SOs are at driving in comparison!
Glad you're managing to keep perspective though. And suggest you try to talk to her about inattention while eating in a restaurant to minimize potential for poisoning.
03-29-2007, 07:51 PM
#226
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by LSBoogie
Man up! When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...
Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
When you watch your dainty little, sweet wife go through extreme pain while delivering three children as they tear there way out into the world for her to then grasp the blood stained trolls, holding them tight against her bosom to whipser "mommy loves you" , you suddenly realize that you, the man, the husband, the hunter and gatherer, are no longer in charge...Plus, I can just see it now:
Police report:
dated: x/x/07
Paramedics noticed as they arrived on the scene that the bloodied victim was incoherent and muttering the same phrase over and over. They hushed the crowed that had now gathered so they could hear what the victim was saying. Over and over, using his last breath, Mark, Husband to crash, father of three was heard saying:
"The AZ guys said to man up, tell her whose in charge, take away her cell phone...."
Autopsy findings:
Although not the cause of death, Doctors removed partially digested body shop invoices and a cell phone from from the victims stomach. Doctors have not yet confirmed how these objects ended up in his stomatch but are investigating further into what appears to be tears in his rectal lining. They will update once investigations are complete.
-Mark
Dude, I can't stop laughing.
But see, she's got that power over you. Don't worry, you won't have to worry about embarrisment, she'll hide the body. You'll never be found.
03-29-2007, 11:37 PM
#228
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HAHA! You guys crack me up! Its such good, cheap therapy to come on here and post up my problems. You guys are the Best!
By the way, if I suddenly stop posting for a long period of time, please please notify my local police department and go ahead and assume that she found this thread...
-Mark
By the way, if I suddenly stop posting for a long period of time, please please notify my local police department and go ahead and assume that she found this thread...
-Mark
05-31-2007, 08:32 AM
#231
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Originally Posted by gatrhumpy
Holy crap. I can't stop laughing. You need to be a humor columnist. Whatever job you are doing, stop it, and become a humor columnist! I want to know that I knew the next Dave Barry!
awww
shanks!
05-31-2007, 08:40 AM
#232
Engineer
this thread is hilarious...
06-01-2007, 06:06 PM
#235
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anymore recent events
06-01-2007, 06:30 PM
#236
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Originally Posted by CCColtsicehockey
anymore recent events
Nope, nothing really dramatic. She did pull too far into the garage and crush the holdy-ony thing for the lawn mower but thats about it.
Matter of fact, I just today got her truck back from the body shop. They had to do some touch up from the bridge incident and i ended up having to replace the whole mirror assy. So, I'm sure that now that its back to purdy I will be updating here again soon...
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