Friday Joke Day
Thread Starter
Burning Brakes
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 816
Likes: 1
Friday Joke Day
Hey, all you TLr's
I have participated in many forums in the past. In one particular forum, Friday's were always "Joke Day". Everyone would simply post jokes to get the weekend started. Just to the one thread. That thread dies off at the end of the day and a new one gets started the next Friday. May I suggest we do the same?
I'll start with one of my long time favorites. Hope you like it. I'm not that good at telling jokes.
Here goes:
You might be a redneck if....
...your mother fails to remove the marlboro from her lip before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass
:lol1:
I have participated in many forums in the past. In one particular forum, Friday's were always "Joke Day". Everyone would simply post jokes to get the weekend started. Just to the one thread. That thread dies off at the end of the day and a new one gets started the next Friday. May I suggest we do the same?
I'll start with one of my long time favorites. Hope you like it. I'm not that good at telling jokes.
Here goes:
You might be a redneck if....
...your mother fails to remove the marlboro from her lip before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass
:lol1:
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Thread Starter
Burning Brakes
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 816
Likes: 1
And now for a longer joke.
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
Pro
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 512
Likes: 0
From: Cerritos
ooh...starting to get a little HOT in here with all the race jokes...hmmm...maybe it's best if we should stay away from them....but then again....
what do you call a mexican without a lawnmower?
UNEMPLOYED....
it's just a joke...hehehe
what do you call a mexican without a lawnmower?
UNEMPLOYED....
it's just a joke...hehehe
Pro
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 512
Likes: 0
From: Cerritos
Originally posted by w1n78
Why did the filipino cross the street?
Coz the sprinklers on the other side said PSST PSST PSST.
Why did the filipino cross the street?
Coz the sprinklers on the other side said PSST PSST PSST.
100k miles club
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,297
Likes: 0
From: 909, CA
100k miles club
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,297
Likes: 0
From: 909, CA
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there
sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa "The dick goes underneath the horse not on top."
"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there
sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa "The dick goes underneath the horse not on top."
Pro
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 512
Likes: 0
From: Cerritos
An American and an Italian were seated next to a Filipino on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the American bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious pancakes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the Filipino remained silent, the American smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop."
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the American bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious pancakes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the Filipino remained silent, the American smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop."
Pro
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 512
Likes: 0
From: Cerritos
The Seven Dwarfs went to the Vatican, and got ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey led the pack.
"Dopey, my son," said the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asked, "Excuse me, Your Eminence, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkled his brow at the odd question, thought for a moment and answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background the dwarfs started giggling.
Dopey turned around and gave them a fiery stare, silencing them.
Dopey turned back to the Pope. "Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time, all the dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turned around and silenced them all with an angry stare.
Dopey turned back to the Pope and said, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answered, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapsed into a heap, rolling and laughing, tears running down their cheeks as they began chanting: "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey, my son," said the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asked, "Excuse me, Your Eminence, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkled his brow at the odd question, thought for a moment and answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background the dwarfs started giggling.
Dopey turned around and gave them a fiery stare, silencing them.
Dopey turned back to the Pope. "Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time, all the dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turned around and silenced them all with an angry stare.
Dopey turned back to the Pope and said, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answered, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapsed into a heap, rolling and laughing, tears running down their cheeks as they began chanting: "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
Pro
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 512
Likes: 0
From: Cerritos
w1n78 www.fhm.com.ph bro...bar room jokes...and some sexy pinays...also try hmmm..might get kicked out if i post the other site 
...just PM me and i will sent it to you...but it starts out as www.pinaysxpo.....
...just PM me and i will sent it to you...but it starts out as www.pinaysxpo.....
Renaissance Man
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 162
Likes: 0
From: NJ
A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body.
“As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins. “The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
“Now do the same,” he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it.
When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”
“As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins. “The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
“Now do the same,” he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it.
When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”
CEO, Team Anthracite
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 2,899
Likes: 0
From: Bear Territory
Originally posted by flanagan
A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body.
“As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins. “The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
“Now do the same,” he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it.
When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”
A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body.
“As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins. “The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
“Now do the same,” he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it.
When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”
Instructor
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 216
Likes: 0
From: Sunny--Redondo Beach, CA
Why did the Marine cross the road?
His dick was stuck in a chicken!
"GO NAVY"
NathanSilver
*2004_Acura-TL_Anthracite_Ebony_6MT_Navi_Z600_T-Mobile
*2002_Blue/Silver_Schwinn_Aluminum_Strand-Cruiser_7Speed-Internal-Nexus-Hub
His dick was stuck in a chicken!
"GO NAVY"
NathanSilver
*2004_Acura-TL_Anthracite_Ebony_6MT_Navi_Z600_T-Mobile
*2002_Blue/Silver_Schwinn_Aluminum_Strand-Cruiser_7Speed-Internal-Nexus-Hub
two blondes go on a road trip to disneyland, when they get to an intersection with a sign saying "DISNEYLAND LEFT" so they turned around and went home
how do you get a blonde to laugh on saturday? you tell her a joke on monday
lol cool thread
how do you get a blonde to laugh on saturday? you tell her a joke on monday
lol cool thread
Instructor
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 216
Likes: 0
From: Sunny--Redondo Beach, CA
What do you call: A Blonde in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinking.
NathanSilver
*2004_Acura-TL_Anthracite_Ebony_6MT_Navi_Z600_T-Mobile
*2002_Blue/Silver_Schwinn_Aluminum_Strand-Cruiser_7Speed-Internal-Nexus-Hub
Far-from-thinking.
NathanSilver
*2004_Acura-TL_Anthracite_Ebony_6MT_Navi_Z600_T-Mobile
*2002_Blue/Silver_Schwinn_Aluminum_Strand-Cruiser_7Speed-Internal-Nexus-Hub
Instructor
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 216
Likes: 0
From: Sunny--Redondo Beach, CA
What do you call: A Constipated-Blonde in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-pooping.
NathanSilver
*2004_Acura-TL_Anthracite_Ebony_6MT_Navi_Z600_T-Mobile
*2002_Blue/Silver_Schwinn_Aluminum_Strand-Cruiser_7Speed-Internal-Nexus-Hub
Far-from-pooping.
NathanSilver
*2004_Acura-TL_Anthracite_Ebony_6MT_Navi_Z600_T-Mobile
*2002_Blue/Silver_Schwinn_Aluminum_Strand-Cruiser_7Speed-Internal-Nexus-Hub