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Life with bees:

Mama Wagon pulled some honey out of the hive last month and while we're not flush with honey, there is enough that I've been enjoying a dash in my bourbon.

Last night, this little fucker decided we were sharing.



We were not. His little drunk ass got fished out with a spoon and got flung back into the yard.

 

Any time you post something longer than a sentence, I get excited.
Again, you did not disappoint.

*speaking to the bee, naturally

 

did you video mama pulling honey out hive for your own viewing pleasure at a later time?
I probably would have.

 

Yes. Whenever she goes into the hive, she sets up the GoPro and gets some 4k video.

 

And I knew that sort of response was likely.

I tried to write it as non-double entendre as possible, but it's just not possible to write about beekeeping without sounding like a perv.

 

yeah, that sounds like a sticky situation...
how many hives do you have?
are they the new age type where you just pull a lever and it basically scrapes the whole thing into the channel
or is it old school smoke a cigar and manually harvest and hope for the swelling to go down by dinner time?

 

also please don't forget a big part of my worth is the accumulated "likes" from a post you may have found clever.
tip your bartender.
Thank you,
Management.

 

drinking on the job... fuggin lazy bums they better bee careful or immigrunts gunna come and steal their jerb.

 

Just the one. For now. My wife, Baphomet bless her, tends to go way overboard on things and I've noticed that additional boxes have started to show up and get hidden away around the house.

But yeah it's one of the new school ones. Some Aussie cunt did engineering and made these pretty trick units. The bottom box is a traditional hive for the bees to do their bee lifecycle stuff, and the upper box has some plastic frames that you can access from the outside to crack open and the honey just flows out a spigot.

The whole thing showed up in a big box, all laser cut wood flatpack style like Ikea shit, and we spent an evening putting it all together. The amount of forethought the guy put into it is pretty impressive. It's a really quality product. Supposedly, a lot of old school beekeepers shit on it because it's like the Easy Button (TM) of beekeeping. But fuck that noise. Shit's pretty cool.

She still needs to open it up and see how the bees are doing, so there's some amount of smoking and old school care/maintenance involved. And stings.

First night she picked up a swarm of bees to put into it, I got stung right in the gawtdamn forehead. But that's bee it so far. She's been stung... a lot more.

Hasn't quite learned that it's like motorcycle riding and need to AGAT. All Gear All The Time. Keeps thinking she can go fuxxor with the bees without gear and they're like, "hell no. I'mma stab you in the face with my butt".

#YOLOSWAG4BEEZUS

 

no work today

 

And what sort of enterprises didjoo do on your nice day off?

 

got my haircut

 

Noodle bowl over head and shave hair that is not covered?

 

I always look forward to reading something from Cu2waggy.


Florida man, I’m flying to Orlando in a couple weeks. Maybe we’ll run into each other!

 

thankfully my parents never sunk that low (read cheap) and took me to a proper place for haircuts

 

Oh...my Ma cut my hair up until I was 10...

 

me too but until I was about 15...

 

she did alright but she did not know how to use clippers to save her life...first time she put a giant hole in the side of my head and had to run me to supercats.

 

Dude, and when the original hives came out that required scraping I'm sure bears in a forest were like "PUSSY!!! knock that shit off a tree and put your nose in it!".
I love that you're doing that, I think it's super cool. My mom's old neighbor moved near where I live now in Broward on some property and he has about 8 hives...we
walk over to show me and he's like follow me so they don't sting you...so they didn't sting me but they nailed him.
Anyway, half of his are new age and the other half are old wooden ones. They actually applied for an agriculture thingy so they can catch that tax break...they're
growing some rare vanilla beans to be used in vodka among other things.

Anyway, you're not a whore just because you're into horticulture.
I actually have a decent green thumb...but never delved into maintaining something like that.

 

yeah, your bamboo stalks benefitted from your green thumb

 

what a nightmare!
I can't believe you remember that...
last I drove by I can't see them from OVER the house anymore so I'm assuming someone had them professionally dug up!

 

I wasn't 100% sold on the idea of keeping a bunch of bees at home considering we live in the burbs and the neighbors are close enough to hear me fart. But you know how wimmins are... so no we have beez.

She had everything set up in the best location in the back/side yard, but the neighbor over there got all Taco bitchass whiney babypants twatwaffle about it so now it's on our porch. Funny little critters though, they do seem to have a bit of persistent memory because they'll chase down the wife when she's outside, but don't mess with me because I don't try to steal their precious.

I will admit that, while I'm not sure I love the idea of having a box of beez right outside, it is kinda neat to be able to look out the window and see them coming and going.

Also now planning on putting together a bit of a container garden next year since we have a fucktonne of pollinators standing by. Should be really good for growing plants.

And because of that, I've started a compost container to turn some of my food scrap waste stream into a beneficial product. It's interesting how much food waste and byproduct we generate. Just like when I started separating recycling, it's been a bit eye opening how much actual trash we generate vs, things that could go other directions.

All because of some little insects.

 

oh yeah,

Sun Up.

 

 

Taco Thursday?

 

I want to compost as well but I don’t have a garden .

 

I'm going to make a bucket garden. Buy a bunch of those orange Homer buckets from Home Cheapo and build a simple tiered structure to put them on. Probably dress it up a little bit so it doesn't look like a construction zone, but KISS.

 

Oh I've seen the nicer version of those and they sell for like 400 bucks

I wanted to maybe do some hydroponic system in my patio but decided... ehh fuck it, i'll stick to what i know... sucking dix

 

It rains so much here that anything outside becomes a hydroponic system.

But nah. I'm too cheap for anything like that. 5-gallon buckets and DIY compost dirt. Hopefully = hot peppers for weeks.

 

This is the one I was referring to https://www.lettucegrow.com/


stupid expensive

 

That's some real bougie whitebread cracka ass cracka shit right there ladioboi.

This is more like it:

 

Sad and pathetic looking.

Like me.

 

Speaking of compost, my Mom is all about gardening (me, no) and for her birthday this weekend, I scored her the Vitamix composting machine. Seems cool and takes away the muck involved.

Check it out.

 

Thank you for saving bees, dude. That is going to be my son's Eagle Scout project...

 

The more I inadvertently learn, the more interesting they become.

What's a sonufabitch though, is that we've had 3 or 4 mass die-offs in the past 3 months or so she's had the hive. Every time the mosquito trucks come by to spray, there will be a mass of casualties to the bees. And around here, they spray fairly frequently in the summer months.

By far, humans are doing their best to kill off the bee populations; intentionally or not.

 

Is there anything you can do to ward off those chemicals?

 

Not really. They either use a fogger truck that drives through the neighborhood during the witching hours disbursing it up and everywhere, or it's dispensed via airplane and carries wherever depending on prevailing winds.

Nearest I can tell, it's not the dispensing that kills the bees, rather the next morning when they go out to collect pollen and nectar. Since they can travel something like 5 miles in any direction, it's damn near impossible to prevent exposure.

My wife's theory is that she might be able to trap them in the hive for a day to let the pesticide wane in the local area. But the problem is that it's hit or miss knowing when they apply. There's no schedule and no report of when it happens. I made the association one night because I was up and heard the truck and then saw the bees dying the next morning. But this last time, nearest we can figured, it was an actual application like 75 miles away. So that's almost impossible to protect

 

Fuckers.

 

That should have been "aerial application 75 miles away"...

But yeah, it's a double edged sword. On one hand, fuck the mosquitoes right to hell. But on the other hand, teh beeez!!! I do wonder what other unintended consequences we get from the spraying though.