TSX69

Acura RL: Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner, Better

Last fall, the Acura RL won two of the highest honors that can be granted to a vehicle, garnering both the greatest number of votes in Stick Shift’s What Should a Rabbi Drive? poll, and winning the ensuing Los Angeles Drive-Off against its closest competitor, a Cadillac. But while my frummy friend Reb. Bookstein got plenty of wheel time in the Japanese luxo-cruiser, I was relegated to the (roomy) back seat. So when I was offered a week in the brand’s flagship offering this summer, I had to check it out and see if it was nokh emetsns gust (to my liking.)

Turns out, the Acura RL does pretty much everything well. It’s as refined as a 50-pound bag of white flour. It contains as much buttery leather as my mothers’ walk-in closet. Like an ideal bedroom buddy, while it doesn’t appear to be ominously huge, it feels delightfully enormous inside. And, thanks to its torque-vectoring Super-Handling All Wheel Drive, it’s as easy to place into corners as Jennifer Grey is difficult.

If you get it with the Technology Package (like my Titanium tester), it also features a crazily advanced navigation system with enough integrated apps to make the menu at T.G.I. Friday’s jealous. These include a noise-canceling device that plays mind-scrambling synthetic frequencies that counteract the rumble of the road; a hard-driven Zagat guide that allows you to read relevant reviews of every nearby restaurant you pass; and mysterious live traffic reports that appear on the map with eerie accuracy and alacrity (I have a theory that they’re provided by the cell-linked hive of the nation’s tweeting tweens as they’re chauffeured from activity to lesson). One thing that is still left to humans, at least for the time being, is the spotting of unwittingly hysterical vanity license plates, such as this Tranny tag I spotted over the screen’s binnacle near the NY/NJ border. (It reads JOE2JO, if the resolution appears unresolved.)

So what’s wrong with the RL? Well, besides the stubby and unlovely infotainment controller that protrudes from the dash like Hedwig’s inch, and certain rhinoplastically abhorrent aspects of the front fascia (which it shares with every model in the brand’s lineup) not much. Except for the fact that it’s about as interesting to look at as Warhol’s “Empire.” I don’t mean this as an insult—or not only as an insult. Like the white-wigged master’s conceptual touchstone, the design is technically proficient and features a perfectly pleasant silhouette. But after staring at it for about 15 seconds, you’re bored to hell with it. A great car should inspire something more than a recognition of competence. It should pump my pistons. And this sedan, sweet as it is, stirs about as much passion as a greeting-card photo of a long-haired cat sleeping in a prism of sunlight. Purr. Snore.

Acuras were never Maserati-gorgeous, but they used to have a sort of sinewy sexiness that complimented their athletic moves, like the young Skeet Ulrich. Now? Well, have you seen Mr. Ulrich lately? I’m a fan of the brand’s original identity (and, obviously, of anything that answers to”Skeet”), so I hope they both find their way back, soon.

Brett Berk writes gaily about culture, politics, and cars for VF.com, and is the author of The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting. Visit him at www.brettberk.com or follow him on Twitter.

neuronbob

That was a pretty good review, though. I think I see Acura's marketing ploy here....there have been some articles in very unexpected places. They are trying to get the general luxury car-buying public to look at the RL. We'll see if it works.

darmok

So they've got a sadistic streak, eh?

037

I'm having a hard time reading that review...my vote for the review is "lame"

Not quite sure what they are comparing the car to when they say it doesn't look good.

CL6

He writes about gay parenting so he must be a car expert.

Pint

useless review

OLD_HATCH

I'm I the only one who didn't get what the hell this guy is talking about?


seems like he was a little tipsy when he decided to write this. Kinda babbling and no coherent thoughts to be found anywhere in that article

wackjum

It's pretentious writing. A lot of overstated analogies. But this is in-line with the expected writing style of the publication and far from incoherent. I can almost visualize Sex In The City type work when reading it.

TampaRLX-SH

ummmm.....it's Vanity Fair.