WICKEDFX

Ok guys. i'm stuck here. so give me your opinions

I'm most likely going to be getting a divorce. My wife and I bought the TSX 4 months ago and still owe 30K on it. I have done several mods and love the car very much. However I am on disability due to a motorcycle accident, and can hardly make the payment if i kept the car. So here are my options.

1. Keep the car and struggle to make the payments (but would keep the car)

2. Give her the car and she will just trade it into the dealership or sell it.

What would you choose?

synthetic

Give her the car. Never drive a car that you're struggling to pay for. You'll eventually hate the car and yourself.

Now you'll hate me for the rest of this post but:

Mate you're too young for a divorce. If you still love your wife try everything possible(and impossible) to make things work. It's these hard times that prove to be the concrete foundation of a long-lasting marriage.

Forgiveness adds a whole new dimension to life. One that 90% of the earth's population never get to enjoy.

matvey

Get some marriage counseling and do everything you can to prevent the divorce.

PWPTSX

sorry to hear about this dude, but like synthetic saids, try everything possible, i know i am still young, but i just don't like to see people getting divorce due to a small problem.......( i assume), think of some ways other than divorce to solve the problem!! good luck man

LIPPSTUH

iTrader: (2)

i couldn't agree more with the posts above.

i'm sorry to hear about your situation, but try working things out.

Good luck!

revitupwriteitoff

Since you asked....

Take the car back. I completely agree that you will feel much better once you can put the money somewhere else. If you're having a hard time making payments on a car you just bought (you owe 30K still, right), it would definitely be more beneficial to bite the bullet and cut your losses now (to use two cliches in one sentence).

Since you didn't really ask, but you divulged...

Hang on to the wife. Do whatever you can - you promised her forever and that's what you owe her. What's done is done and there's nothing to do now but to fix the problem if it's ongoing or to work on forgetting it if it isn't. If it's a problem from her end, be the bigger person and show her the forgiveness the whole world needs to use. If the deal is problems perceived from both ends, agree to disagree, try to fix the problem (whether it exists or not) on your end, and move on. That's my rant about divorce.

We're (most of us, anyway) here if you need any help/advice. Good luck with the car and the wife - remember which one is worth the struggle to keep.

WICKEDFX

Thanks for all the help and advice guys. Since this has turned into a keep he wife, allow me to shed some info on the situation. I have been divorced before due to my ex-wife sleeping around. Years later i met an incredible woman and was with her for 2 years and asked her to marry me. 1 year ago we were driving home from arizona to northern cali and we got hit by a drunk driver. My fiancee died that night and I was lost for good. life was meaningless afterward. Well recently i met my wife at work (hospital) and she knew everything that happened to me and acted caring. Things were so great and I had love in my life again. Carefully i did not ever compare the 2 and did everything i could to treat her right. We got married a month later i know it's soon but it felt right for both of us. Well soon afterwards my wife starts complaining to me saying that she thinks i'm still in love with my ex. She made me get rid of all the things i kept from my ex (in a box in the closet) i got rid of it all. Then she wanted me to stop talking to everyone i knew that was a woman. reluctantly i did with a few good friends. Well recently she also wanted me to stop talking to my ex's parents who i rarely talk to anyway. She threatons divorce every time we fight. And we never have any fight other than my wife complaining that my ex was a horrible person and i love her more. Things wil be perfectly fine and then out of no where she starts in with different odball reasons why i'm more in love with my ex. So we went to counseling as a last chance. After several counseling sessions the counselor basicaly told my wife that she needs to change and not act like this anymore. and told her to stop talking about my ex. Well at the end of all the sessions the counselor told me that she doesn't know why i put up with her and that i should leave.

After we left i told my wife that i still wanted to be with her but she said no it's not working out. Your too much in love with your ex because you didn't stop talking to her parents like i asked. so she told me she wants a divorce yet again. This is the 15th time she said she wants a divorce.

So now you guys know what's going on. any new advice?

Tsx536

Wow, man. You've been through a lot at a young age. I'm not going to sit here and give you advice on your marriage because when it comes down to it, I just don't know both of you. I know what I think based on what you describe above, but I still don't feel as if it's my place to say anything.

In terms of the car, definitely sell it. You can get another TSX later. And it could even be the next gen TSX with even more bells, whistles, and boost .

Benz_05_TSX

iTrader: (1)

Damn...that sucks man. You've been through alot at the age of 26! wow... Just hang on.

I am too young to give any advice on marriage or financial problem, but...try to work it out. I know a few things about love/relationship, but I know marriage is alot more different since so many things are involed.!

ponster1

I think you've probably thought long and hard about the situation and sometimes its best to part ways. You have tried to amend the sitation by meeting her requests but she's using the "ex" trump card. It could be she feels that she may not measure up. Ask her if she truly loves you and ask yourself if you truly love her. Love hurts the odd time but there's a reason we have soul mates and maybe she's not the one. Not trying to be negative but my girlfriend told me after we picked up our Acura TSX in December that she had cancer. My whole world came crashing down. After 2 and a half months of chemotherapy and an experimental virus injection, she still had cancer cells. The doctor did a second radical virus injection plus two weeks of chemotherapy and now she has no cancer cells in her body - I felt bad as this time I had to be in Alaska (BP Prudhoe Bay) to inspect an NGL line. I didn't want to go but she was okay with it. Its made us closer as we have overcome obstacles and I've made sure she got all her meds.

The car is secondary for our lives and she is the primary driver and she shakes her head everytime I show her a mod from the site here. So far just the K&N CAI. LOL. I tell her its the TSX bug - you just can't stop at one mod. I wouldn't struggle to keep the car as your young and you'll always have the opportunity to buy another one. I understand why you would want to keep it as its a beautiful car to drive (except for the rough idle/vibration in cold weather). Keep your head up high and let us know how it works.

SoCaliTrojan

Wow, maybe your wife doesn't want to deal with someone on disability, or she was just in it to get half of your stuff *shrugs*

Anyway, the TSX is too expensive for your budget. It's a $30k car, which means higher insurance rates and higher license fees when renewing your vehicle (lol, I didn't expect to have to pay twice as much on my TSX as my accord, but they use the vehicle's price to calculate license fees). You'll need the money to pay for rent, food, etc.

Sell the car to a 3rd party so that you can at least get half of it (rather than letting your wife use it as a trade-in). Or trade it in yourself and get a cheaper vehicle. You can always get the 2nd generation TSX when it comes out (turbo, all-wheel drive, etc)...by then you should be settled down again.

You shouldn't use a majority of your paycheck just to keep your car. Otherwise, you might have to move back into your parents' house. Or maybe find a roommate...you need to watch your budget and save money whenever you can.

v62kaccord

hey wicked ur from vsixp rite? i heard of your story when u had the accident i knew you loved ur fiance so much cuz i remember you're always talking about her on the forum....

well as for the car i think you should sell it.... and like tsx536 said, u can get another tsx later on

well hope everything works out well for you

WICKEDFX

Thanks guys for everything. to answer a couple questions, this whole thing has nothing to do with my dissability. i'm still getting paid. Also my wife acts like she has a dual personality. one minute she loves me to death and tells me that . then the next minute she wants a divorce and uses my ex as an excuse. this is the only thing we have ever faught about and it's the same fight every time. if i ignore her then she starts bad mouthing my ex and saying mean things about my ex and my family until i finaly tell her to stop. then she says i'm sticking up for them and taking their side instead of sticking up for my wife. it's very frustrating. It's like being with a teenager. (no offense to the teen people here) she's very immature. And i try to reassure her and make her feel loved, because i see in her exactly the same things i did when i first got married at 18 years old. so i try to think back to what i was feeling when i was doing some of the things that she's doing. But it seems only temporary. I have never had this as a problem. I have dated a couple people since my accident and none of them have put me through this. I always had a joke in my head that vietnamese girls are crazy. well so far this is the second viet girl i have been with and both act the same. . . . . completely psycho. Some of you say to just keep loving her and try everything. I know what you mean and tried to do this every time so far until this point. But lately i just feel no love anymore. i'm starting to not even be attracted to her anymore sexually either and she's a hottie. Today when she said it was over for what is now the 15th time, my heart didn't even sink. no sadness anymore, nothing. So maybe this is a blessing. My ex-wife recently took my kids and moved to so cali so i don't see them much. I didn't move also because of my job and my wifes job. but now i guess i won't have much keeping me here in nor cal. I will let everyone know how things turn out. But if we don't keep the car, i have several custom mods on the car that won't go back to stock. they have to be swapped out. ie: white side view mirror lights instead of amber. led's inside the door panels, rear lower bumper reflectors flash with the turn signals, almost done with led tails conversion, tein s-techs, clear headlights and just got the umnitza angel eyes kit but have not installed them. I don't want all my work to go to waste is the only thing.

moda_way

The relationship is just as unhealthy as that motorcycle has been (btw, I love motorcycles). The point is, you have no true control over other people. I hate to say it but your current wife needs to grow up or get out. Threats are BS. If she wants a divorce so bad, provide her the paper work and let her sign it next time. If she chooses not to, then she has no right to bring it up again. Life, as you have witnessed, is too damn short to put up with needless stress. I was once with a girl who put me through this same type of stressful crap for over a year. The point here... I WAS ONCE WITH HER.

No car, no job and no woman (or man depending upon your preference) is worth this kind of crap you are putting up with. Your children are the only thing in this world worth fighting for. How can you be a good dad if you can't be happy first. I have 2 boys (2nd one just born on 2/5/07) and I would do anything for them including finding happiness (which I'm 100% in love with my wife).

WICKEDFX

Thanks man, i agree 100%

PJS

Sorry to hear the story Wicked, but it sounds like you both rushed into something without knowing each other properly, and without you knowing her temperment.
She's obviously insecure, and by forcing you to rid yourself of various things, is projecting it onto you. I'd say she blames you for something - lack of adventure, sex life only so-so (not trying to cast asperstions here), having to do things for you.
So, assuming the marriage guidance councillor said what you said above, then I have to agree with him, no matter how painful it may seem.

Now, back to the car - What year is it?
Have you considered trading it in for a older model, presuming it's '06?
Also, work out the cost of removing the parts fitted, against fitting to the older one you could manage to make the payment on more easily, or selling on ebay or to other members here or other TSX forums you may be in.
Looking again at what you've done, the only thing is the springs - there's no value in those by the time you pay to remove them, so leave them be.
As for the rest - similar story I believe, but depends on how attached you are to them. You could easily redo it again with the older/another car if you so desired.
I'd also return the Angel Eyes for starters for a refund and worry about those another day.

Once again, I am sorry to hear this story, but maybe it's for the best and the next partner you meet, don't be in such a rush to marry - it's only a bit of paper. It proves nothing about how strong your love is for one another!
Live together before marrying, then you'll both know if it's what you want.
Hope everything works out for you, and don't be shy about tapping the boss for a pay rise either.

WICKEDFX

hehe this reply made me laugh a bit. I understand what you saying, also i don't have too much of a problem letting the car go. We rushed into marriage because we are both military and she's an officer and i'm enlisted. so if we were caught together we would both be kicked out. so it was either get married or say goodbye. also the reason why i can't ask for pay raise.

moda_way

OUCH!!! You didn't mention the military part. Geesh, that explains a ton. My advice is still the same.

LoveMyTL-S

Being retired Military myself, I wonder if her being an officer has gone to her head? Apparently your wife is the very jealous type. My wife is hispanic and she gets that way at times. We've had our share of problems and issues. Was even separated for 13 months once. But we are still together, now for almost 26 years. Perhaps you can try a separation first and see if that will change things. Perhaps with you gone for a while she may realize what she is doing. If not, well you tried.

If you can't keep the car, you may be able to trade it in for an 04 TSX. Or sell it.

Good luck........

matvey

Wow what a story. Hope it works out well.

I want to say a few things:

1. The whole ex- deal; its not the real issue. Its just a button that she is trying to push, a lever. Same deal with divorce threats and you taking to people she doesn't want you to talk to... Try to find the REAL problem.

2. The man who wins the war is the man who refuses to fight. Once she has provoked you into a fight, you've lost already. (hope that makes sense). Don't use logic when taking to her.



3. Sell the car - it's not worth the trouble.

dom

Give her the car. Keeping it makes no sense. Get your life in order first, They'll always be cars to buy.

Good luck.

moda_way

I still say draft some papers: http://www.legalzoom.com/pricing/div_pricing.html

Could be the best $250 modification (to her attitude) spent

jwood_06TSX

I'm really sorry to hear about your marriage troubles and i am not at any place to try and give you advice but the only thing i would say, is just try to make it work at all costs unless it becomes way to unhealthy for the both of you. Ya just gotta think about what you said when you got married in the first place....

As for the car, def just sell the car, it is certainly NOT worth the additional stress at all. You will be able to still get a very nice car cheaper than the TSX with a much lower car payment and insurance prices.

Good luck!

Not sure where you stand spiritually or if your a religous man but i would def pray about it. I'll pray for ya regardless, but give it a shot, He is always listening

moda_way

^^I would agree if it seemed the effort was reciprocated. I'm religious enough to forgive if the confines of the vows were maintained, but the respect and honor at this point seems to have fallen by the wayside.

JAB00

I agree with PJS that this latest marriage may have been rushed irrespective of the difference in rank. I'm also in the military and I see a ton of young kids married (more so enlisted) but they still act like their in high school. This is followed by an equally large number of divorces. Marriage should be for better or worse. The same amount of scrutiny we use when buying a car from test driving, visiting forums, research, etc... is how we should apply (not literally) in deciding to marry. Scrutiny must be placed on not only their personality/temperament, but spending habits, social habits, the type of friends etc. Marrying someone is just as much a practical and calculated decision as passion and romance, IMHO.

You are in a tough situation now. It seems as if you are the bigger one (based from a one sided post) and tried to salvage the marriage. Heck, I can't tell you to stay with or leave her. Just be careful with your future choices. Sell the car and split the money if you guys split up.

Sorry for the sermon. Good luck.

waTSX

Really sorry about you effed up situation, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of letting her sell or trade the car. Do it yourself

CJams

Don't you dare let that bitch get the car!!! JK. Dunno bro, good luck with it.

GIBSON6594

Get rid of that car and that woman, you will better off without them, sorry to hear about your situation man. Life is shitty sometimes.

studville

From a financial aspect, I'd say dump the car and get something that you can completely afford. The road to financial success is not only sacrifice, but also building up cash flow to invest in other avenues.

VegaTSX

Get rid of the car, If you can't pay for it why keep it. Sorry to hear about your life stories, but if your marraige isn't working out, get a divorce why stay in an unhappy marraige. I know people recommend you to go to councelling and all, but in the long run if you are unhappy with each other there's no point in staying together. Let this be a lesson because if you meet someone else you do not have to get married right away stay with her for couple of years before you decide to get back into that married life again.
Find a decent 2nd hand car that you can use it to get from point A to point B, you're still young. Do you have good friends and family? If so now is the time to get their support since you're on disability.

brandt

Wow! You've had a lot of life for a 26 year old. Sorry for your troubles. Being 48 and married 17 years to the same woman I'll give you my perspective. It is worth exactly what you paid for it so you know you are not getting ripped off It always takes 2 to tango...but...

1. Get rid of the car - it's just a car - and last time I checked they are making more of them
2. You've got a plateful right now. Focus on your kids and being a parent. That is your primary responsibility and will give you the biggest source of satisfaction today and for the future.
3. Your current spouse is a control freak and she is using manipulation to control your behavior and keep you off balance.
4. Add balance back into your life.

Good luck and best wishes on a successful and healthy outcome!

ACURA TSX'D

Being only 23 years old i'm sorry i can't provide any feedback towards your situation with your wife.

About your car however, i'm actually in the same boat. I'd say get rid of it. Like the previous posts, getting rid of it isn't that much of a big deal compared to your other problems. Maybe starting off fresh can help you immensely. I'm thinking about getting rid of my TSX because i pay too damn much for it. I'm a licensed nurse and can fully afford it but since i live at home with my parents i'm now more into saving money than pretending i have money. As a nurse i'm able to accumilate a significant amount of cash but by having this car, it decreases the amount that i can actually save. I figure later on when i save enough money i can get myself a better car. A car that i can be totally happy with regarding the monthly and interest.

WICKEDFX

I know some of this looks one sided, and i'm sorry there is nothing i can do about that. But do know that i was married before and even have kids, My parents got divorced and moved far away when i was 18. Yes i have been through a lot and it has forced me to grow up very fast. I do not know of the partying years that most people have in college and early 20's. but I feel that i have learned a lot from all my relationships. mainly what matters and what does not. My wife on the otherhand This is her first marriage and her first big relationship. I see in her the same things i did when i was 18. and she is 31 right now. She very much acts like a kid and when we argue i try to stress to her that later on she is going to look back on this and realize that what she's doing does not matter in the least. I pray every day. I am very religous, that's why also in a big way i believe that I am not meant to be with someone else. I had my chance with my first wife and since it didn't work then i am supposed to be single for the rest of my life. Well that is what most churches say. and i think it might be true. I know for a fact that i am not going to get married again. If i have a nice person to be with then that is ok but i do not want to marry again. 2 is too many for me.

About the car, my thinking is in 2 ways.
1. Get rid of it and get a used integra or civic.
2. I am still waiting on a settlement from when my ex passed and i can either keep the car and pay it off or get something brand new and pay that off but will loose all the hard work i put into this car. And i have not had a car that i liked this much in a very very long time. i feel no need to upgrade except when i drive a G35. but when i'm away from the dealerships then i am content with what i have. also it has room for my kids.

jwood_06TSX

Dude, i seriously can't believe what you have gone through at only 26 years old. You just keep adding to your list of things now with your parents leaving when you were 18.

Praying everyday is awesome and i def encourage you to continue that, which i know you will. However, i have no idea what church you go to that tells you you can't be with some else. If i understand your story correctly, your first wife cheated on you, which biblically allows you to remarry and the next woman you were almost to marry was killed in a car accident, again, allowed to remarry. So i wouldn't go thinking that you aren't suppose to marry anyone else every again. Ya know God works in mysterious ways but i'll let it go at that...i don't want to sound preachy either.....sry if its too late for that!

As for the car situation, if you can wait til that settlement comes through, then i think you know what you have to do. If you can pay off the car do that, if you can't then yea get something cheaper!

Just to try and keep you positive man, you have to believe your being built for something great, because the things you have gone through i can only imagine!!

synthetic

If she's 31 and she's acting this way, I take back what I said. Let the ungratefull idiot go and find a man who beats the hell out of her everytime she starts acting like a bitch.

Dude you're 5 years younger than your wife and from what you've written here, it seems like she's mentally 10 years younger than you. That's a very bad thing.

BTW, which ex is your wife nagging about? Your ex-wife or your ex-fiance(may she rest in peace)?

If the latter, then I would suggest forcing your wife to go to a mental hospital. She needs medical attention.

WICKEDFX

Thanks guys. yes she is consistanly talking down my ex that passed away. I tell her every fight to grow up. I know that i need to save money. i accually feel like i can get ahead again when i start working if i'm single as my wife makes more than me but she also has 4 times the debt as me. You know the funny thing is I had it made before. I was debt free and had no bills and was building credit with my credit cards and was doing good about paying off my car, then out of nowhere i get hit by a punk ass kid whos driving drunk under age and has no lisence and has multiple convictions and then not only do i loose the best girl i have ever been with but i loose all my savings, max out all my credit cards and go back into debt because the insurance would not give me what my car was worth. So yea life sucks very much sometimes. The worst thing is that i feel so lost even when i'm with my kids. We used to do all kinds of things but now i don't know what to do with them anymore. Maybe i just need to get into having them everyday again. I filed paperwork to have a judge make a set schedule so my ex-wife can't keep my kids from me anymore.

I guess my only thinking is that if i get rid of the car, i will only have my bike for transpertation and depending on how long it will take me to save up i might need a car to take my kids places and not have one. I guess i need to start working again but my knee is damaged. hmm anyone know if i can make a thread in the performance section about if anyone needs work done to their car to call me? I do all my own work on cars and can do almost everything except welding and some internal engine stuff.

04rob

vsixp

joerockt

First off, who's name is the car in? If both your names are on the car, then you're still liable for the car payments, even if she takes the car. So you better work that out, otherwise if she is ever late on the payments, or dosent make them at all, then your credit gets fucked.

Personally, I would just sell it, split the difference between how much you still owe on the loan and move on.

Overtaxed

Yes, sorry to hear about your troubles, but the last poster is very right. Especially if your wife has lots of debt/spends a lot.

Don't let her sell the car either. I read about a spouse who was angry at her ex and sold the car for 50 dollars. She won't care about the trade-in value of your TSX if she's acting immature and pissed off. Trade it in yourself for a less expensive car.

You've been through a lot. But you've become stronger. Don't regard this divorce as a sign of you being a failure in some regard. You're not. It just hasn't worked out.

p.s. Your wife's behaviour is quite immature. You can wait for her to possibly change. But she may not change, and your life will be quite hell. I'd say it's only worth it if she recognizes this and wants to change. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Not good for the kids. Happier parents make better parents IMO, even if that means being divorced.

Trophyhead

My advice is the same for both the car and the wife...cut your losses and get out.

As someone who went through a divorce three years ago, I know it's the worst thing in the world...as do you, I'm sure. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. In most cases, I wouldn't wish a divorce on anyone--even my worst enemy. But no one should have to endure what you're enduring. Get out while you still have your sanity. However, the best advice I can give you is to wait a long time before getting involved again. Find out who you are again and focus on getting yourself right. After a couple of years, you may feel like going through the whole relationship thing again. But I would give it some time. Best of luck to you.