If you care about him, which it seems you do, offer to hire a financial consultant.

 

i got bad experiance with mone/family sytuation its always hard to get it back etc and u dont wanna be a dush and ask for it for an example my fiance's mother lend some money to her bro few years back preety big amount and now when she ak if he is able to pay her back at list some of it the family turn on her and said that she got no hard and she nows he is in bad situation etc but nobody say nothin when she was out of job for a year and have to doughters to take care of and being single parent

 

I understand that you feel for him. Don't overthink it.
You are going to end up the bad guy one way or the other to somebody.
Question is do you want to be the bad guy with or without your money?

 

Point blank, he sounds like a bad business risk to me.

But really it depends on how much money you have yourself that makes all the difference in my mind. If you consider it a sum of money you wouldn't really fret about if it were gone, or wouldn't change your life much at all, it might be worth the high risk to maybe help somebody and be the hero. But if you're less than a millionaire and just kind of scraping by like most people, and he's asking for thousands of dollars that would impact your life if you never got it back, then no way man. No way.

 

I agree with others...if you're not willing to consider what you lend him a "gift", politely decline to a similar extent that Sarlacc said...

Something like "I've given this a lot of thought and because we are family, I can't in good conscience lend you the money over the troubles it could cause." would be good.

 

Hate to pile on the majority here... but do not do it. Run far, far away.

You're better off telling a white lie, something along the line of the fact that you have your own issues to sort out and you are not in a position to lend money.

As others have stated, if he's in that much trouble, he needs to get out of his "investment" property ASAP. Also, as Terry mentioned, if his wife is not willing to get a job while they are in dire straights, then that just goes to show you where their priorities lie.

Run.... run till you see Eskimos...

 

That's gonna be a long friggin' way if he's running South.

 

Doesn't matter which way he gets there... the further away, the better!

 

any updates?

from personal experience, i'm glad you were thinking about saying no. sigh, i'm still waiting on the $12k someone owes me AND I'LL PROBABLY NEVER EVER SEE IT AGAIN

 

That's a pretty penny

 

I said "no" and he said, in a nice way, "I can't take no for an answer right now."

 

So you said no, and he said that he rejected your "no?" Wow, some family member you have. Good to hear you said no!

 

So he robbed you?

Seems to me that is the only way a no can be rejected in this context.

WTF??

 

Ha, good point. No, he said "think about it again and talk to your wife–this is an all-to-real situation."

 

Gotcha, it reminded me of a show (Sports Night?) where the guy broke up and the girl said no we are not broken up.

 

Ha. That's probably close to what I felt.

 

Just stick to your guns. Let him know you're not in a position to lend money right now and he will need to seek assistance from someone else. Also let him know it's not up for debate and not something that you will change your mind on.

Do not give in. Don't let him guilt you into bailing him out of his own mistakes.

 

Guilt is definitely playing a part here.

 

Just tell him you can't spare any money at the moment. If he starts asking questions about that tell him to mind his own business. If it got to that point I'd be pissed. Actually I'd already be pissed with how he's acting and his priorities. What relation is this guy to you?

This is all easier said than done I know but you're not the only person in the world that he could ask money from. He probably came to you instead of other people because he figured it would be easiest to get it from you.

 

Tell him "no" again, and then tell him that he misspelled "too".

 

oh snap, the really real world!

 

i gave my step father 12500 to buy a car and all i got back was 400 after 4 months -.-

 

x2 with everything here. Don't budge. Isn't there anybody else he can ask?

Maybe you could set up a fund with other family members if you guys are part of a big family.

 

Well, tell the schmuck that you talked to your wife, she said "no," and you don't like trying to sleep on the sofa while she's smacking you upside the head with a frying pan (which is what my wife would do to me if I lent someone more than $500 without discussing it with her).

 

Not trying to sound like an ass, but tell him perhaps it's him who should speak to his wife. Specifically how they feel it not necessary that she get a job so their child can be home schooled. And how perhaps it wrong to expect others to finance their investments, especially how a refusal to do so isn't acceptable.

I truly hope you're not even considering this any longer.



Terry

 

I agree with you 100%. I don't think that it's fair that my wife and I work hard and his wife doesn't work at all. Before asking us for money, she should work first.

 

If he does this now, what do you think he's going to do when it comes to repaying you back?

Listen to us: DO NOT GIVE IN.

 

QFT

If his attitude is you have to loan it to him it will be you HAVE to wait and wait and wait to get repaid.

Just say NO!

 

SImply say, "I'm telling you no and I would expect it be done with and dropped"

If he presses from there, you're basically going to have a battle one way or another, so then its time to pull out the "maybe you wife should get a job and your kid sent to public school" And then walk away.

Dont give the guy a dime, he knows he is playing you right now.

 

Or just tell the guy, I do NOT want to have to sick Sarlacc on you!

 

direct him to this thread

 

Sorry I'm confused. What is it again that 'no' means?
Why exactly is this a debate about what you are going to do with your money?

 

him: I won't take no for an answer.
you: No is the nicest answer you are going to get.
him: Sorry, I will not accept a no.
you: Well then, how about "Go fuck yourself and never speak to me again." Does that work for you?

 

Just reiterate that no means no, some people never cease to amaze me

 

Hard situation, OP, but, it is UNANIMOUS: Stick to your guns. In the end, this will give you the most peace.

 

I agree with what others have said.

1. Take a look at the details of the investment. If you think its a good investment, then buy a % of it instead of loaning the money.

2. If its not a good investment, but you care for him / his family; consider what you'd normally give to charity and give it to him instead. "Here's what I can give you. Don't worry about paying it back. If and when you are able to, then just donate it to ___"

3. If he really is in a bad situation, his wife needs to learn how to get a job before he asks anyone on the outside for money. Its rediculous that they are forgoing 20-60k in annual income because they don't trust the public school system.

 

So....any updates?

 

Hell no.. there's no compromise you could make. He's preying on you. He knows you're soft and is using guilt to pressure you, that is a total bs move. Simply tell him you don't have the money nor would you loan it to him if you did and that it doesn't matter what your wife thinks, the decision is made.

 

No, no updates. However, I noticed that my wife has been removing her Fendi sunglasses and hiding them before a family event so that we don't appear to be "doing well." I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's as if we can't be ourselves and comfortable around family anymore.

 

^ It's a small price to prevent your relative from gossiping around the family that you can easily afford to lend him the money, but won't do it for xxx reason that's irrelevant.