OK, so here is my dilemna. I was at a seminar for work over the week-end (3 day seminar, Friday included), and I spotted a girl that interested me. I got lucky, and managed to insert myself with her dinner group on the first day.

Things went well, I got the right vibe off of her, and by the time we left, she made a point of giving me her business card with her cell phone number on it. Since I had her name, I decided to look her up on the interwebz that night, and that's when I found 3 major red flags about her:

a) She's 28, making her a little over 5 years my senior. She's my older sister's age

b) She's divorced (i.e. potential for psychotic ex-husband)

c) She's got a kid from said prior marriage

And kind of a side note, she looks a lot like a girl from a prior relationship in which things never ended well. I almost feel like the only reason I haven't ran for the hills with this girl so far is because is because I almost feel like I never finished off with my ex.

The question: Yay, or nay? I am f**king crazy here, or is there something here?

 

All three of those flags describes the majority of the single women over 21.

 

You should err on the side of caution and wait for a supermodel your exact age, with no children, and who either has never had a relationship, or whose exes are all deceased and therefore pose no threat to you.

 

bang her and peace out.

win

 

I don't see any of those as red flags. Age isn't a big deal, its more about maturity and where you are in your life. My gf is 4 years younger than I am and its not a big deal to either of us. She's divorced. Big deal. In this day and age divorce is commonplace. Everyone on my Dad's side of the family has been divorced, my parents included. Any girl you find may or may not have psycho exs regardless of whether or not they were married. The kid is the only thing you should concern yourself with. If you don't want to date a girl with kids, more power to you. If you know up front that you don't want them in your life right now, don't pursue her. Leave it alone, don't call, don't write. Nothing. The kid is a major part of her life, and will be a major part of yours too if you want to start something with her. And if doesn't wind up working out you risk hurting her and the kid.

 

Kinda what I'm thinking.

If it weren't for the kid, I wouldn't care about exes. The kid means the ex is still involved with her in some way or form. Shit, I have crazy exes, and I know it. And I never said she wasn't pretty

 

You are too young to get involved with someone that has a kid.

 

I think both of you guys hit the nail on the head here. The age isn't that big of a deal, neither is the divorce really. If it was just that, I probably wouldn't care less. I think litesout has a good point about the kid.

 

i agree with litesout. divorce is very common now'adays. being with someone older than you is common as well. i'm 26 and i'm engaged to a 30 year old. the kid in the equation is sort'of a deal breaker to me. i love kids, don't get me wrong...but i'd love my own kids a lot more.

dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

also, the fact that she resembles your ex is totally normal. most of us are drawn to the same type of people. i think back to all the people i've dated and they all have very smiliar qualities...kinda scary when you think about it.

good luck with whatever decision you make.

 

why the heck are you thinking so hard!?

>call her and ask her out.
>have a good time.
>profit.

ffs.

 

be a man?

Enjoy the person and not her luggage. No one is telling that you must marry her.

 

^hahah he hasnt even gone out with her and he's thinking about marriage.

 

If you think you can do better than her, then by all means. But sounds to me like all your issues are internal and not so much with her or her situation

 

Pics....Im not asking.

 

IMO It ain't asking much to ask a girl to match what you bring to the table on stats aside from IQ and salary (at least 70% same salary is good). And this one ain't matching, so... the only question to ask yourself is "how desperate am I 1 to 10?".. once you are getting on 30..35 and you are at 7 or 8 on the scale, then compromise. ha.

 

Look if you have all of these doubts now then dont get involve with her and you are too young for this. You will just end up hurting her and her child. Hell yours is nothing compare to my previous relationship. 23yrs old dating a 33yr old single mother of 2 children that went on for 5 years and a *%$@# (<--- you fill in) of mother in law >:[ who control her very action. Now I am dating a girl who is 2 years older than, divorce, and has a child so I agree with heavy_rl


Just be friends or better FWB and nothing more. Your move........

 

agreed

LOL

could not agree more.

 

That saved game analogy is great

 

i was reading your first post..

then when i got to this part..

i was thinking to myself.. this is a interesting thread.

then when i read on.. i was like awww....

 

I had the exact same reaction

 

You're already thinking about step 100 when you havent even started step 2 yet.

 

She probably looked you up as well and is now reading this.

 

He's going to avoid her when all she really wanted was to just bang his brains out.

 

^ agree that is probably what she is looking for since OP is just a young guy who cant handle the relationship

 

^At no point did my age come up, and I've deceived a lot people into thinking I'm above 25 everywhere else in my life. Weird how that works

Probably what she was thinking. I'm probably too retarded to see that all she wanted was a one night stand

I think that puts a nice bow tie on this topic.

 

<---Your age is right there



Most of the time when girls that much older than you seem interested they either don't know how young you are, or just want to bang.




Pics?

 

litesout and doopstr got it.

I'd just add that ex-husbands and kids are not red flags. They are just a couple things on a longer list of things you encounter as you get older. These things should not immediately be a deal killer, but things you consider and decide how much of it you are willing to take on by entering into the relationship.

Showing you the tatoo identifying her as property of a Hells Angel is a red flag.

 

So you didn't put the tip in?


And where are the pics?!?!????

 

Seriously OP, you're doing it wrong

 

Then educate me

 

And to answer the probably burning question, I never bothered calling her.

 

Plenty of good advice in the thread already, but leedog summed it up pretty well.


After the e-stalking it sounds like you either convinced yourself that you didn't like her anymore, or you do like her but were intimidated by what you found. Since you made a thread about it, my money is on the latter.

It sounds like you guys had some chemistry and you said she made a point to give you her number, so she probably liked you also and if you would've given it a try you probably could've had some fun.

But since you didn't try you'll never know! Sounds like fear got the best of you.

 

You young guys these days watch too much teenage girl shows on TV. You all think that the woman for you is a virgin that has absolutely no baggage.

 

Sigh.....

/life.

 

Lame thread! Why do people ask for always ask for advice on here just to ignore it? Or they seem to have made up their minds ahead of time? These guys speak from EXPERIENCE.

 

I never ignored any advice in this thread. Some people said stay away if you know you can't handle it, some said bang her. I chose to stay away. Who said I ignored the advice?

 

^ Like I said you are too young to handle a real relationship like that. So its good that you chose to walk away but at least be a man and tell her. Dont play the "I wont call her crap."

 

A real relationship?!?! He hasn't even had any interaction with her besides that first night. You guys are way too serious! You're young, have fun.

I just want to hear an interesting story damnit!

 

So call her and tell her that I chose to walk away? Really? If every girl I gave my number to called me and did that... We never interacted beyond that day man, it's not like I started talking to her at all. I think you're dead on the money with the walking away, but the calling her? Really?

 

^ my bad should have read everything. i thought you were already seeing each other.............