Would you forgive your wife or girlfriend if she insulted your mother????
05-27-2011, 02:13 PM
#1
Would you forgive your wife or girlfriend if she insulted your mother????
My fiancee got very rude towards my mother during the middle of an argument towards me. Me and her were arguing and my mother never takes sides. She always tells ME to be quiet. If anything she sides with my fiancee usually. During this occasion my fiance got very nasty towards my mom, hold her to shut up and also if she knows about relationships why is she divorced herself. When someone is bad towards me i always find it in my heart to forgive them. Im not so sure if i can do that if someone insults the women who worked day n night to raise and feed me
05-27-2011, 02:15 PM
#2
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I'd forgive her. You might want to ask your fiancee just how she feels about your mother.
Good luck.
Good luck.
05-27-2011, 02:24 PM
#3
Suzuka Master
People can say horrible, insulting things in the heat of an argument. That's cold sh-t calling out your mother on being divorced though. How come you guys were arguing in front of you mother in the first place? Take that sh-t behind closed doors, that's not cool putting your mother in the middle. I'd talk it over with your fiancee and insist she apologize straight up to your mom then forget about it.
05-27-2011, 02:26 PM
#4
05-27-2011, 02:58 PM
#6
Further proof of a serious lack of respect in younger generations. Your girl treated your mom as her peer instead of her elder. This is not right. This might be a red flag as to how she gives respect to others, including you.
05-27-2011, 03:01 PM
#7
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05-27-2011, 04:31 PM
#8
Senior Moderator
People can say horrible, insulting things in the heat of an argument. That's cold sh-t calling out your mother on being divorced though. How come you guys were arguing in front of you mother in the first place? Take that sh-t behind closed doors, that's not cool putting your mother in the middle. I'd talk it over with your fiancee and insist she apologize straight up to your mom then forget about it.
Well said, Doc.
05-27-2011, 07:41 PM
#9
Senior Moderator
. Even if you aren't desi, disrespecting one's mother isn't a good thing. I think you should sit down with her and talk to her about how she feels about your mother.
I don't mean to pry or anything but does she come from the same background or culture as you? If not, it may just be resentment for the fact that she had to give up her bed for your mother among other things. Talk it out and see what she has to say.
If you truely love you fiance and let it out in the open you'll find it easy to forgive what she did.
05-28-2011, 08:29 AM
#11
Suzuka Master
No one should insult an elder, especially if it's your mom or mother-in-law. I don't care if you are in a heated argument, there's no excuse to do that because it's very disrespectful! :thumbsdow
If I were in your shoes, it would be really hard for me to forgive my spouse... So did your fiancee apologize to your mom?
If I were in your shoes, it would be really hard for me to forgive my spouse... So did your fiancee apologize to your mom?
05-28-2011, 02:07 PM
#13
Yes she apologized to her. My fiancee has got severe anger management issues but she is a great person and has put up with lots of my nonsense too and i wouldnt ever want to be with anyone else. They say its not really love until the cops are called and someone gets hauled off in handcuffs.
05-28-2011, 03:04 PM
#14
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Yes she apologized to her. My fiancee has got severe anger management issues but she is a great person and has put up with lots of my nonsense too and i wouldnt ever want to be with anyone else. They say its not really love until the cops are called and someone gets hauled off in handcuffs.
If my GF every disrespected anyone in my family we would have huge problems, and visa versa.
05-28-2011, 04:54 PM
#16
Team Owner
IMO you need to treat your mother in-law like you would treat your mother. Anything less is disrespectful. If it were me I would tell her flat out that she better not treat my mother like that again. If she did, our relationship would be over.
If my mother in-law does something to piss me off I just suck it up and let my wife know. I'd rather her argue with her mother rather than me
If my mother in-law does something to piss me off I just suck it up and let my wife know. I'd rather her argue with her mother rather than me
Last edited by doopstr; 05-28-2011 at 04:57 PM.
05-29-2011, 11:42 PM
#17
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
she has more than anger issues. It's better you know now than later.
05-31-2011, 10:14 AM
#18
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Good to hear that she apologized, I would definitely forgiver her, your mother however may not.
My ex used to say really shitty things to ME about my mother, but never said them to my mother. Whenever I kicked her out, she went on a rampage comparing me to my mother and insulting me and her, which I will never forgive her for. But that's a big reason why she got the boot in the first place. If you don't respect my family, you don't respect me
My ex used to say really shitty things to ME about my mother, but never said them to my mother. Whenever I kicked her out, she went on a rampage comparing me to my mother and insulting me and her, which I will never forgive her for. But that's a big reason why she got the boot in the first place. If you don't respect my family, you don't respect me
05-31-2011, 10:19 AM
#19
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One of my ex's wasn't too fond of my mother and also had severe anger management issues, but she NEVER said anything directly to my mother that was even remotely disrespectful. You really need to evaluate this one bc this is a sign of deeper issues.
06-01-2011, 03:18 PM
#21
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Several issues to comment on here.
1) Don't ever argue like that in front of parents or in laws. First off, you put your mother in a bad spot in that she feels compelled to take a side. She probably sides with her more because you are the safer target and she's trying to maintain good relations with your fiancee. Second is that your mother's instinct will be to protect you if she thinks you are being mistreated, which drives a wedge between her and your fiancee whether she says anything or not. Third, when you display your private business in front parents or in laws, you make their business to intervene and get involved. You can't air this dirty laundry and expect them to remain neutral. You don't need any of this interfering with your marriage.
2) Good she apologized to your mother, but that kind of disrespect cannot repeat itself. Your marriage is in for a very rough time if your wife and mother are at war. You will forever be in the middle of drama. If it was a heat-of-the-moment thing, and the apologies were genuine, seems like everyone can move on. But keep your eye on that - lashing out like that can have roots in underlying resentment of some kind. So you may want to be sure that she is not secretly hiding resentment towards your mom over some issues you can't see. The fact that she played the "you were divorced" card caught my attention. That's something that you pull out to wound someone when the feelings are deeper than what they appear to be.
This doesn't have to be a big deal to figure out. It's as simple as, "Hey - thanks for apologizing to my mom. I know you were upset. Is she doing something that I can't see that's getting under your skin?" If she says anything other than no, keep talking this one out.
Probably not a bad idea to get your mom one-on-one and ask her the same thing.....
1) Don't ever argue like that in front of parents or in laws. First off, you put your mother in a bad spot in that she feels compelled to take a side. She probably sides with her more because you are the safer target and she's trying to maintain good relations with your fiancee. Second is that your mother's instinct will be to protect you if she thinks you are being mistreated, which drives a wedge between her and your fiancee whether she says anything or not. Third, when you display your private business in front parents or in laws, you make their business to intervene and get involved. You can't air this dirty laundry and expect them to remain neutral. You don't need any of this interfering with your marriage.
2) Good she apologized to your mother, but that kind of disrespect cannot repeat itself. Your marriage is in for a very rough time if your wife and mother are at war. You will forever be in the middle of drama. If it was a heat-of-the-moment thing, and the apologies were genuine, seems like everyone can move on. But keep your eye on that - lashing out like that can have roots in underlying resentment of some kind. So you may want to be sure that she is not secretly hiding resentment towards your mom over some issues you can't see. The fact that she played the "you were divorced" card caught my attention. That's something that you pull out to wound someone when the feelings are deeper than what they appear to be.
This doesn't have to be a big deal to figure out. It's as simple as, "Hey - thanks for apologizing to my mom. I know you were upset. Is she doing something that I can't see that's getting under your skin?" If she says anything other than no, keep talking this one out.
Probably not a bad idea to get your mom one-on-one and ask her the same thing.....
06-01-2011, 03:39 PM
#22
My fiancee got very rude towards my mother during the middle of an argument towards me. Me and her were arguing and my mother never takes sides. She always tells ME to be quiet. If anything she sides with my fiancee usually. During this occasion my fiance got very nasty towards my mom, hold her to shut up and also if she knows about relationships why is she divorced herself. When someone is bad towards me i always find it in my heart to forgive them. Im not so sure if i can do that if someone insults the women who worked day n night to raise and feed me
My moms straight old skool. As soon as she would have heard the words "shut up", your fiancee would have caught a closed fist straight in her grill and i would have to pry my moms off top of her. After that, i guarantee she would never come out of the mouth "dumb" anymore. Problem solved. No more respect issues
06-02-2011, 11:55 PM
#23
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Wow, doubt if anything would happen like that on my end.
My moms straight old skool. As soon as she would have heard the words "shut up", your fiancee would have caught a closed fist straight in her grill and i would have to pry my moms off top of her. After that, i guarantee she would never come out of the mouth "dumb" anymore. Problem solved. No more respect issues
My moms straight old skool. As soon as she would have heard the words "shut up", your fiancee would have caught a closed fist straight in her grill and i would have to pry my moms off top of her. After that, i guarantee she would never come out of the mouth "dumb" anymore. Problem solved. No more respect issues
06-03-2011, 09:29 AM
#24
IMO you need to treat your mother in-law like you would treat your mother. Anything less is disrespectful. If it were me I would tell her flat out that she better not treat my mother like that again. If she did, our relationship would be over.
If my mother in-law does something to piss me off I just suck it up and let my wife know. I'd rather her argue with her mother rather than me
If my mother in-law does something to piss me off I just suck it up and let my wife know. I'd rather her argue with her mother rather than me
08-16-2011, 10:04 AM
#25
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Yes she apologized to her. My fiancee has got severe anger management issues but she is a great person and has put up with lots of my nonsense too and i wouldnt ever want to be with anyone else. They say its not really love until the cops are called and someone gets hauled off in handcuffs.
I know I'm late to this discussion, but....
Desi, you're still young-you're 28 years old. You'll learn that if your fiancee has "severe anger management issues", she needs to deal with them NOW-before you two get married. That could possibly be a deal-breaker in most instances. It will effect your marriage for the duration of....
And I know you're just kidding (or at least I hope you are) when you made the comment about not being real love until someone gets hauled off in handcuffs. PLEASE, tell me you are just kidding.....
I dated a girl who said I spoiled my Mother....game over, end of story-you're out of here.
Most women judge a man by how well he takes care of his mother. If you don't take good care of her, they don't want you either because they view you as unable to take care of them. Women want to feel safe with a man-trust me on this one....
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97BlackAckCL (08-17-2011)
08-23-2011, 07:07 PM
#26
Drifting
I'm pretty easy going and most things roll off my back. However, anyone who knows me knows to never say a word about my mother. Ever. Any girl who doesn't like my mother doesn't make the cut.
So to answer your question, I'd have a talk with your finance and make her realize her disrespect was uncalled for and ensure it doesn't happen again.
So to answer your question, I'd have a talk with your finance and make her realize her disrespect was uncalled for and ensure it doesn't happen again.
08-24-2011, 06:37 AM
#27
arguments already and you are not married and she dissed your mom? Wow this is going to be one rocky ride that is going to crash and burn.....
08-24-2011, 01:33 PM
#29
GEEZER
They are 2 adults. let them figure it out. I mean if you ever want to hook up with your girl again.
08-24-2011, 02:32 PM
#31
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Champ.. that's grounds for fucking her mom. Then after two weeks, if she brings it up, tell her to stfu.
08-24-2011, 03:44 PM
#32
lol if my woman ever did something like that, she'd never leave the kitchen again 
08-24-2011, 08:28 PM
#35
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08-24-2011, 08:33 PM
#36
^^^concur wholeheartedly.
In reference to OP question, would depend on circumstance. My Mom isn't absolved just because she's my Mom...she does stuff and says things she shouldn't...as does everyone. That said, I'd have a hard time dating a girl that was hot headed enough to just snap at her and skip the whole respect for my mother thing.
In reference to OP question, would depend on circumstance. My Mom isn't absolved just because she's my Mom...she does stuff and says things she shouldn't...as does everyone. That said, I'd have a hard time dating a girl that was hot headed enough to just snap at her and skip the whole respect for my mother thing.
08-24-2011, 08:42 PM
#37
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^^^ Agreed, there are ways of dealing with a situation without snapping to a parent of a boyfriend.
She really needs to deal with HER issues....
She really needs to deal with HER issues....
08-25-2011, 12:07 PM
#38
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08-25-2011, 12:20 PM
#39
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^^ seriously - cops?
Yeah, that's a sign of good things to come... that's right up there w/ hitting & punching, also something that should never occur in a healthy relationship
08-25-2011, 12:29 PM
#40
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Champ - I would get out of the relationship on that alone.