So last nite i was checking my email and i get an update on my facebook page so i click the link to see whats going on and one of my notification was for my so called girlfriends page, where she states that she is having a midlife crisis (she is only 28). Anyways wanting to be the caring boyfriend or atleast curious to what is going on. I try to talk to her about it. She than tells me she is not happy here in hawaii and that she wants to travel and or just do things that her friends and family do like just be able pick up and do long family road trips and just have the freedom to travel. I understand that she grew up in Minnesota and had that freedom but to do that in hawaii requires alot of planning and saving to fly of this rock in the middle of the ocean. Also prior to us getting into our relationship i made it clear that i cant leave hawaii since i have a huge responsibility which is to take care of my son. So after 3 hours of talking and getting no where i kinda start to get frustrated with the whole situation. I became apparent that if i cant make you happy than we shouldnt be doing this, but she keeps insisting that its not me. But yet she cant point out what is making her so unhappy. So i tell to just let it go and maybe things will change. I go to sleep hoping to wake up to a new day, but to my surprise it bugs her first thing in the morning. As i arrive to work i receive a text message i look at the text and it says, He just has no respect for me at all. He keeps telling me I am unhappy and it is not about that. And i would never tell him he is an unhappy person. So i text her back that you just text the wrong person but now i know how you feel that makes things alot easier for me. So after about 20 text messages and pissed off as hell i tell her im done with you. So now my work day has just started and i am in for 8 hours of hell. I got alot of my shit at her house that i need to pickup and i told here i will swing by to pick it up. So now 4 years of my life and my sons life who we both thought this woman was going to be in for the rest of our lives is now gone. Sorry over

Cliffnotes: Got email from facebook
:email reveals g/f is unhappy
:talk to g/f about unhappiness
:unhappiness leads to breaking up

 

Avoid the relationship 5 days prior to the 5 days per month of uncontrollable moodiness. The P in PMS stands for pre-, present-, and post-. No matter who you find in life there will always be drama to deal with. It is easier to make yourself happy than to make someone else happy. Sorry for your relationship issues you are having to endure. Focus on your son, family will always come first.

 

do you think she text'd you that on purpose trying to make it seem like it was sent to the wrong person b/c she couldn't tell you directly? i've heard of it happening.

good luck an my only advise is also to stay focused on your son

 

Thing is she is on the pill so pms is so unpredictable. I try to keep track of it and steer clear of that. But my son has always been my focus and she gets jealous and upset when i cater to him and neglect her but it is not on purpose, i guess that should of been the first sign.

 

No cause her best friend from Minnesota moved here just a few months ago and i know she confides in her for everything. I have always put my son first no matter how bad things are.

 

If she's getting jealous about catering to your son then she might not be good long term material. This might be why she's acting how she is. It sounds like a call for attention considering she's posting on FB instead of going to you directly. Personally, if I was with someone that didn't understand that I'm choosing my children over her, I wouldn't keep her around.

 

It was a bunch of things that has lead to this but yeah she is definitely always looking for attention. If we are just chilling at home and watching tv she will start to text her friends to start a conversation instead of just chilling there with me and watching tv. But when her chick flicks come on she has full attention and will not even look at her phone. Whatever the case is there is no sense in crying over spilled milk at this point.

 

4 years is not easy to get over. I'm sorry to hear about things going this way. Unfortunately we don't have control of other people. From what you're saying, it sounds like she is not what you are probably looking for at this point.

Funny thing...most people would probably dream of moving to Hawaii. Maybe the grass is always greener no matter where you live. In which case you shouldn't move to begin with!

Good luck man...

 

I admit that living in hawaii is hard. Cost of living is expensive and you are totally isolated from the rest of the world. But the beauty of the islands and the people here are so caring that it makes it all worth it. I dont know maybe i havent experienced the traveling lifestyle to appreciate the fact that you can just do road trips on the weekend. I guess its hard when all your family is on the east coast and your on the west coast but i feel that you make the best of every situation whether it is good or bad. Idk.

 

I assume this didnt just pop up, there are probably other problems/fights/or issues that led up to this...

If so, 4 years or not, move on its all down hill from here. She will hate you for not letting her go or be pissed that you didnt fight to keep her.

You both are to young for this kind of drama, give her time to see how green the grass really is on the other side and if she comes back, great, if not then you saved yourself a lot of stress.

FYI my answer would be different if you had the son together.

At 27, you have a lot of living left in you.

 

I'll bet you within a week she'll come crawling back to you apologizing and begging you to take her back. Maybe it was just an argument that got out of hand. From what I've read, it doesn't seem like you're completely ready to get rid of her just yet. Talk to her and see if you guys can work something out. If she doesn't budge, kick her to the curb for good and continue to devote yourself to your son. My

BTW as for her "accidentally" sending you the text...do your name and her best friend's name start with the same letter or are close to each other on her contacts list? If not, she might have sent it to you on purpose.

 

Thats exactly how i am taking this, I am still young i have a great job that pay's very well or at least well to sustain my lifestyle and than some. Yeah we had our ups and downs as in every relationship but as of lately I could just slowly feel things fall apart since her best friend moved to hawaii. But my focus is my son and will always be.

 

Our names both start with J which could of been an honest mistake but because she vented to her friend and not to me about it makes me think what other things has she vented to her about. Nothing will get solved if you vent to your friends or not vent at all in my case. But yeah well see if she comes crawling back which may not happen since it happened to many times in the past, but the sad part about all this is i feel strong and ready to move on. Its like i have no regret or remorse like this was the straw that broke the camels back. I just fear more that my son will be affected more of this change than i will.

 

That's where its at brother... I had a similar situation with a GF of 4 years (no kids involved, I was 28 she was 30) and one day it hit me that I'm not marrying her and neither of us was happy.

She didnt want to admit it but knew it was true, after a month of "trying" and changing our ways I came home and started packing.

Granted it was hard to split ways after so long, both emotionally and especially since we lived together but I sucked it up and after things settled about 6 months later we went out to dinner and realized life is soooo much better.

Oh and the booty calls during the move process were a bonus.

 

I guess thats the only thing i can hopefully look forward to is the booty calls. But i know what will kill her is the fact that she will not be able to connect with my son and that alone will make it hard for her. It was at those very moments when she would connect with my son that i felt we were like a true family. Other than that i think we were just going through the motions.

 

You hit the nail on the head... often times the child keeps families together... and this seems like its the case here.

You have the hard decision to make since you have to explain all this to him and decide if you want her to be around.

I know you love your kid and feel like you have to stay together to keep things happy but I'm sure if he isn't old enough to see it now, once he is he'll know things aren't happy and then you wasted even more time and maybe missed out on some great times as a father.

...."everything happens for a reason"....


And you know, on the flip side you may be apart for a week and get back together better than ever....

Two more quotes: (in my own words)
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
If you let it go and it was meant to be it will come back to you.

 

As I posted that I read your sig...

Are you working to be with her, or with her because its working?

I think I just made that up...

Either way, don't mistake convenience for happiness.

 

Find someone who isn't a headcase

 

 

Yeah so my son is old enough now to understand what is going on. He will be 8 in october and i just have to accompany him more than ever to make this transition a little less noticeable. Time well heal the soul.

 

I need to find a woman a little less needing and more independent. I got tired of having to cater to her needs all the time and neglecting my own. Which may have also lead to this.

 

Yeah at 8, he knows whats up.
You have your head in the right place.

 

Thanks the first few months will probably be hard but this will also create a closer bond between my son and i.

 

So i just received a text from her stating that my airline tickets for my son and I have been canceled for a wedding we were suppose to attend together around thanksgiving time. So i have canceled the hotel and car rental arrangements on my end. This is going way beyond what we have ever taken anything before.

 

Good luck with that. lol

They all will claim they want independence...but what they dont tell you is this part.....SO LONG AS YOU PAY FOR IT. lol.

Move on young padwan. Do yourself a flavor.

 

God damn...what do you mean? You almost sound as bad as her in the drama department. You said you were done....WTF? Who gives a rip about a wedding you both planned to attend. Seriously. Or were you just saying you were done in a bitch like drama fest that really was just designed to create more drama and get back at her?

Dont worry about getting back at her. Best way to do that is move the fuck on! She sounds too drama filled and seems to be sucking you into the same category!

 

Yes it is time to move on. Glad i didnt get married to her two years ago that could have been tragic

 

Dude...I am 42 and havent been married yet. Trust me....all my friends tell me its not all whats its cracked up to be! lol

Same boat though my friend....was with someone 15 years till about two years ago....never would marry her for a polethora of reasons....one main one being half my stuff! Why would I just want to give away half my stuff?

In retrospect...who made the right decision?

I might add....I still have all my stuff. AND the Lexus I gave her to drive. Indiana does not recognize common law marriage.

 

neither does hawaii,for common law . Now i can go after all the pussy without having to wonder if i will only have the same one for the rest of my life. Must say my day is getting better knowing all the things i am able to do now

 

Yeah dude don't sweat that wedding bullshit, she did you a favor by making the first strike... now that she eliminated all the doubt you probably had that there was a chance to work it out.

Just remember, dont get immature and all bent about this deal, the stress isnt worth it... Roll with it, get focused, so you and junior can move on to good times.

That includes saving face with all your friends, dont talk shit or make her out to be bad... practice "I love her, it just wasnt meant to be"

 

and then hang out with her hot friends out so they can tell her how fantastic you are... When I left my ex, I started to hang out with her girls and they called me their "wing man"... meaning I hung out like the BF with all the benefits none of the stress.

 

She doesnt have hot friends or friends that i would be attracted to. But i will hang out with my friends who been wanting to hang out more as of lately.

 

F-ck brah sorry to hear about the drama. I had a mainland GF too, from NYC, and we were always beefing about whether we eventually would live in Hawaii. It ended up not working out, which actually was for the best. I cannot tolerate drama in a relationship, I'm way too tired from work to argue when I go home.

 

Exactly or even at work. Im to laid back to take things to seriously which is why we would fight cause it seemed like i didnt care but it was more like i care about you and would rather not fight with you and just didnt wanna argue over and over again.

 

you seem to be better off without her..same goes for your son..now you can spend more time with him without having to cater to her needs! your young still and theres plenty of fish in the sea! doesnt seem like your sweating it too much! and not having to answer to anyone is always a good thing see that your 27 and have your own career you dont need to be answerin to anyone anyways!

 

brah, I've been through this before but I was married. Thank God for no kids with her. When I divorced her I kept it cool but she was the one passing around all the dirt which wasn't true. Turned out that a good portion of her hot friends saw the true side of her as well and came calling. I'm still friends with them to this day and often get booty calls from them. Being single again is great!!! Women see when you got it together and that you have a son too, that's a huge responsiblity and they're attracted to that as well. Stay true to your son, REAL women encourages it and have no problems. The immature girls are the ones who do have problems with it.

 

PIITB. Nuff said.

 

+1 and life right now feels alot less burden some.

 

Happy for ya bro, events like these deserve tattoos.