Wifey is Upset With Me
09-23-2009, 10:20 AM
#1
Wifey is Upset With Me
So last night I broke it to the wife that I am having her bumper repaired because of some scratches that she put into her car. She got pissed because she doesn't want to get the car repaired.
I told her that she needs to be careful when taking the stroller out of the trunk, backing up, etc. to avoid scratches in the rear bumper. She said she'll always be clumsy and that she can't help it.
I told her that clumsy is just stupid people who don't think. Of course, she got pissed off at that. I told her that if you just think about what you're doing, and are careful, then you can greatly reduces "clumsy" accidents.
Anyways, I value having nice-looking cars. I like keeping the cars up and running and in good condition, and she said she appreciates that, but she said that she doesn't understand why I would value something that is cosmetic. I told her to get rid of the fucking makeup on her face, and then she got silent. Point scored, didn't get laid.
I told her that I understand some of her values: going to church, donating to charity, going out to charity events, and quality time. I told her that I haven't been good at supporting her values, and would make an concerted effort to support them. She was still pissed off, and we went to bed mad at each other.
Am I being unreasonable for asking her to support my values?
I told her that she needs to be careful when taking the stroller out of the trunk, backing up, etc. to avoid scratches in the rear bumper. She said she'll always be clumsy and that she can't help it.
I told her that clumsy is just stupid people who don't think. Of course, she got pissed off at that. I told her that if you just think about what you're doing, and are careful, then you can greatly reduces "clumsy" accidents.
Anyways, I value having nice-looking cars. I like keeping the cars up and running and in good condition, and she said she appreciates that, but she said that she doesn't understand why I would value something that is cosmetic. I told her to get rid of the fucking makeup on her face, and then she got silent. Point scored, didn't get laid.
I told her that I understand some of her values: going to church, donating to charity, going out to charity events, and quality time. I told her that I haven't been good at supporting her values, and would make an concerted effort to support them. She was still pissed off, and we went to bed mad at each other.
Am I being unreasonable for asking her to support my values?
09-23-2009, 10:23 AM
#2
Race Director
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NY
Age: 38
Posts: 12,434
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'm just upset you didn't get laid 
Nah - I think what you said was completely understandable, and if you actually do make an effort to support the things she likes doing, then I don't see any problem.
Nah - I think what you said was completely understandable, and if you actually do make an effort to support the things she likes doing, then I don't see any problem.
09-23-2009, 10:25 AM
#3
Go Giants
So, does this means she's available?
09-23-2009, 10:26 AM
#4
Senior Moderator
iTrader: (2)
Join Date: May 2000
Location: where the weather suits my clothes
Age: 55
Posts: 27,921
Received 1,080 Likes
on
661 Posts
Wow good luck with that relationship. If you truly told her the things you posted and I was her, I would have 
Ya think? :shakehead
I told her that clumsy is just stupid people who don't think. Of course, she got pissed off at that. I told her that if you just think about what you're doing, and are careful, then you can greatly reduces "clumsy" accidents.
09-23-2009, 10:29 AM
#6
Great. Now he's loose.
Foolish, foolish man. You'd better have your pr0n handy. This could take a while.
You called her stupid, and insulted the way in which she attempts to look pretty TO KEEP YOUR ATTENTION!
UUUUGH!
You called her stupid, and insulted the way in which she attempts to look pretty TO KEEP YOUR ATTENTION!
UUUUGH!
09-23-2009, 10:29 AM
#7
Three Wheelin'
Trending Topics
09-23-2009, 10:34 AM
#10
Go Giants
And the rule is you need to post pics of her...The hotter she is, the more right she is...That's the rule, sorry.
09-23-2009, 10:35 AM
#11
Go Giants
09-23-2009, 10:55 AM
#13
Earth-bound misfit
Gatr, gatr, gatr...I could smack you right now. 
I don't think bumper paint qualifies as a "value" in the same vein as church, charity, and spending time together. I can totally see why she doesn't want to have it fixed, because then she'll just worry about damaging it again. Like she doesn't have enough to worry about just getting all the kid's stuff loaded & unloaded, and getting whatever errands run with the kid in tow. Doing it all while worrying that Herr Gatr is going to call her stupid and unthinking would be enough to get her wheels turning about emotional abuse. No kidding.
It's no fun to be tied in knots because you're worried about the consequences of stupid little mistakes.
I won't even go there about your definition of clumsy people.
Son, I am disappoint...
09-23-2009, 11:05 AM
#16
Race Director
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NY
Age: 38
Posts: 12,434
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Gatr, gatr, gatr...I could smack you right now. I don't think bumper paint qualifies as a "value" in the same vein as church, charity, and spending time together. I can totally see why she doesn't want to have it fixed, because then she'll just worry about damaging it again. Like she doesn't have enough to worry about just getting all the kid's stuff loaded & unloaded, and getting whatever errands run with the kid in tow. Doing it all while worrying that Herr Gatr is going to call her stupid and unthinking would be enough to get her wheels turning about emotional abuse. No kidding.
It's no fun to be tied in knots because you're worried about the consequences of stupid little mistakes.
I won't even go there about your definition of clumsy people.
Son, I am disappoint...
hmm.....this sort of makes sense....women generally confuse me with all their jibber jabber but you've done a good shedding some light on your species process of thought.
09-23-2009, 11:14 AM
#17
Racer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Texas
Age: 44
Posts: 294
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I agree. I tell my wife, I take care of what I have because I have earned it. Nobody gave me my car, therefore I take care of what is mine (ours) and want her to be the same.
Sometimes she says I exaggerate, but I tell her that nothing in my life has been given to me. My parents supported me through college and paid for half, and I appreciate everything they ever did for me. They didn't spoil me, they taught me to appreciate what I had. I left for my first job a week after graduating with a bed, a TV, clothes, and a dresser and started from there. Everything in my house is because of my hard work, so I want my wife to treat our things the same way.
Enough of a ramble, but your right. She'll get over it, but don't expect her to treat your rear bumper any better. I agree with the 3M suggestion...
Sometimes she says I exaggerate, but I tell her that nothing in my life has been given to me. My parents supported me through college and paid for half, and I appreciate everything they ever did for me. They didn't spoil me, they taught me to appreciate what I had. I left for my first job a week after graduating with a bed, a TV, clothes, and a dresser and started from there. Everything in my house is because of my hard work, so I want my wife to treat our things the same way.
Enough of a ramble, but your right. She'll get over it, but don't expect her to treat your rear bumper any better. I agree with the 3M suggestion...
09-23-2009, 11:30 AM
#18
Great. Now he's loose.
Nice job wndrlst. Now where's sasha..... street spirit?
He difinitly needs help, not advice on keepling his wife feeling shit upon.
Keep it up gatr. lol She'll only take being called names and insulted for so long. Sorry Honey. You have to understand that she doesn't have the same priorities that you do. Her priorities seem to be more human aimed, not item aimed.
Make it right. You've hurt her.
Then take the advice about the bumper bra if that's REALLY what's important to you.
Clumsy=stupid?????? No, that statement=stupid
He difinitly needs help, not advice on keepling his wife feeling shit upon.
Keep it up gatr. lol She'll only take being called names and insulted for so long. Sorry Honey. You have to understand that she doesn't have the same priorities that you do. Her priorities seem to be more human aimed, not item aimed.
Make it right. You've hurt her.
Then take the advice about the bumper bra if that's REALLY what's important to you.
Clumsy=stupid?????? No, that statement=stupid
09-23-2009, 12:06 PM
#24
Registered but harmless
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Age: 59
Posts: 14,845
Received 1,106 Likes
on
764 Posts
Well, gatr, at least you can use touch-up paint to touch up the wife's car bumper now that you'll be living in the garage for a while.
Here's a thought: focus on her values and use those to manipulate her, don't mention your values.
Example: Tell her, "Honey, I'd like to fix your car bumper so it'll be worthy of how beautiful the driver is."
09-23-2009, 12:15 PM
#26
Earth-bound misfit
09-23-2009, 12:27 PM
#27
Creepy guy in the mirror.
While your approach might have been somewhat inflammatory... I hear your pain.
This is how I explain it to my wife (who has the same clumsy problem... Usually it involves hardware from overpriced Coach bags dragging down the door)...
Eventually, what she views as 'not a big deal', or 'just a few scratches' will become an unsightly mess of missing paint and ugly rust. She will then be unhappy and bored with the car. It is her car, no I will not take it and get her a new one. She ruined *her* car. By that time she will have devalued the car to the point that it will be worth nothing for sale or trade-in. This is the only car I bought her... The next one she buys...
I (and she) know full well that she cannot afford to replace the car without maintaining the current investment to help retain its value. Her overpriced bag habit combined with the disposable wear-once clothing budget ensure that she will need to drive this car 10 years from now. If she doesn't care for it now... She will be rolling around in an embarrasing clunker only fit for Pimp my Ride.
This is how I explain it to my wife (who has the same clumsy problem... Usually it involves hardware from overpriced Coach bags dragging down the door)...
Eventually, what she views as 'not a big deal', or 'just a few scratches' will become an unsightly mess of missing paint and ugly rust. She will then be unhappy and bored with the car. It is her car, no I will not take it and get her a new one. She ruined *her* car. By that time she will have devalued the car to the point that it will be worth nothing for sale or trade-in. This is the only car I bought her... The next one she buys...
I (and she) know full well that she cannot afford to replace the car without maintaining the current investment to help retain its value. Her overpriced bag habit combined with the disposable wear-once clothing budget ensure that she will need to drive this car 10 years from now. If she doesn't care for it now... She will be rolling around in an embarrasing clunker only fit for Pimp my Ride.
09-23-2009, 12:34 PM
#28
Well, seeing as how she pulls the crying card every time we argue, I don't think that's fair. She's using it to her advantage for emotional warfare. I end up caving like a little bitch. I take out my mancard, she punches a hole it it to take a little part of my manhood, and then she gives it back to me.
I'm tired of this.
LOL at women using crying as emotional warfare.
Anyway, she may not like it, but she'll get over it. The bumper will get repaired.
I'm tired of this.
LOL at women using crying as emotional warfare.
Anyway, she may not like it, but she'll get over it. The bumper will get repaired.
09-23-2009, 12:36 PM
#29
Earth-bound misfit
I wouldn't have cried, but I might have made a solid effort at seeing if the stroller would fit up your ass. 
09-23-2009, 12:44 PM
#33
Earth-bound misfit
09-23-2009, 12:49 PM
#34
Burning Brakes
Isn't repainting a bumper quite costly? Is it REALLY bad and people laugh at your car all the time, or is it just a few small scratches? If it's just a few minor scratches then it seems like a foolish thing to waste money on unless you're rich.
09-23-2009, 12:56 PM
#36
Registered but harmless
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Age: 59
Posts: 14,845
Received 1,106 Likes
on
764 Posts
Maybe "almost worthy of how beautiful the driver is" would work better? 
From the tenor of your original and 2nd posts, her reaction may be due to the way you express yourself to her: that it's your feelings that are important rather than hers. 1) Pick your battles- some issues are no big deal.
2) Next time, focus on: a) what your wife would want and b) if what she wants will adversely impact you at all. Then use language that reflects her values and desires.
You know what will trigger your wife's reactions-- try avoiding inflammatory verbal and body language (even if you have to think about how to say things beforehand) when discussing a disagreement with her.
G/L.
09-23-2009, 01:14 PM
#39
Here's a great idea! It's almost Xmas, right? (some of you may know where this is going....)
Put a brand new bumper on the car and take the old one and wrap it up like a present and put it under the Xmas tree. When she opens it, tell her that you used the money you were going to spend on her present to fix the bumper she destroyed so you felt it was only fair that she get the old one.
Put a brand new bumper on the car and take the old one and wrap it up like a present and put it under the Xmas tree. When she opens it, tell her that you used the money you were going to spend on her present to fix the bumper she destroyed so you felt it was only fair that she get the old one.
09-23-2009, 01:17 PM
#40
Great. Now he's loose.
Maybe "almost worthy of how beautiful the driver is" would work better? From the tenor of your original and 2nd posts, her reaction may be due to the way you express yourself to her: that it's your feelings that are important rather than hers. 1) Pick your battles- some issues are no big deal.
2) Next time, focus on: a) what your wife would want and b) if what she wants will adversely impact you at all. Then use language that reflects her values and desires.
You know what will trigger your wife's reactions-- try avoiding inflammatory verbal and body language (even if you have to think about how to say things beforehand) when discussing a disagreement with her.
G/L.