Think that marriage is the ultimate status they can reach relationship wise?

IT'S NOT

The highest status you can reach is total commitment and happiness. Marriage doesn’t guarantee either.

thoughts?

 

The short answer is that "total contentment and happiness" may not be what you think. It isn't some quick fix, live for the moment, and have fun lifestyle. Most people that live that way are only happy for short periods of time and end up miserable... look at the celebrities and athletes that seem to have it all. Tons of sex... end up depressed and broken.

In a totally secular and hedonistic world, you are completely correct. Marriage is just a legal formality that will almost certainly cause you trouble later when one or both inevitably get restless.

On the other hand, some people hold marriage in high regard as a commitment to raise a family and stick it out "in good times and bad", cliche as that might be. In this lifestyle, you live for others, not yourself. When you get older, you MAY realize that's one of the secrets to contentment and happiness. It may sound backwards, and that's because it doesn't fit with a perspective based on greed, vanity, and doubt (which are blind spots for every one of us).

 

Marriage signifies commitment more than most other steps or formalities one can take with a lover.
Although marriage is neither a guarantee of commitment nor happiness, nothing else comes closer to being such a guarantee.

 

 

So they can spend every penny that their husband earns.....Oh wait. j/k

<<<<wishes he had a Sugar Momma

 

I guess it's not just women..........

Although I'm divorced, I loved being married. There were deal breaking circumstances that forced my divorce.

Mockenrue hit it right on the head. Thanks Mock. Well said.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. It's difficult sometimes for people to know if they have found the right person. Meaning that we may fall in love with many people in our lifetimes. I've been married more than once. I don't regret them at all. Each one had wonderful experiences to offer that probably wouldn't have taught us a thing had we not been married. I hold no ill will. Neither do they.

I would be married again, today, if it were not for circumstances that are well beyond my control. The man that I would be married to is well aware how I feel, but he needs to be somewhere that I cannot be. I'll keep looking.

I love to joke around in here. It keeps me laughing. Beyond all the joking though, being a mother and a wife is truely what I was meant to do, above all else. You may understand later. You may not. I hope you do.

 

 

Whiskey...... be good now......

 

Yes maam...

 

What is marriage other than an agreement to share half of your stuff usually monetary... The covenant that marriage once stood for has come and pass a long time ago. I guarntee we see more adultry in this day in age then ever before. The stats stand for themselves 50% of all marriages end in divorce... Whats wrong with being with somebody just to be with them w/o the institute of marriage; however, marriage is the smartest move a woman can make, unless she signs a pre-nup... my two cents, for what they are worth (go ahead and flame)

 

How gloriously bitter and sexist of you. That is very sad and I'm so sorry that someone did this to you. I hope you recover.

I've had more money and "stuff" than my husbands. They have made out quite well in our settlements. Actually there are quite a few marriages today in which the woman is the primary breadwinner. There are also men that aren't threatened by this fact.

I suggest you don't get married any time soon.

 

I won't recover anytime soon, maybe never... and obviously there is that other side where women are the bread makers, i just chose not to address it (thought it went w/o saying)

 

Oh snap...

 

Nothing goes without saying in here. Welcome to AZ where the few women that are in here are generally well appreciated in their views, and most of the men can let their guards down and be real.

I'm honestly very sorry for you. I can feel the pain in your writing.

And Whiskers, I'm thinking that you meant to follow me with your post.... maybe?

 

There are also *gasp* women who divorce well-off men without asking for a dime. True story.

We aren't all villains and thieves.


OP - I do think that some couples do just fine living without that final step, whether it's a lack of religion driving them, or just a mutual peace and belief in each other's strength of commitment.

Perhaps, though, you can see that a willingness to tie yourself to someone legally would speak volumes about your commitment to a more logic-minded person. Add in religion, and vows before a person's god, and you've got pretty powerful stuff for many people. It's a promise. Can it be broken? Of course. As pointed out, it often is. But it's a promise that is hopefully made with good intentions, at least.

 

Just because "this day in age" chooses to reject the values that stood for thousands of years does not mean that the values themselves are gone. It just means that more people ignore them. Is eating right no longer a good idea now that obesity has gotten out of control? Is saving money no longer a good idea now that spending and debt are out of control?

 

you are absolutely right... but then again I never said that the sanctity of marriage has been completely forgotten, the values are still there and many people uphold them.

 

I guess it's just me. I got issues...seeing my parents marriage fail when i was 13 messed me up. Not to mention that most dudes get stuck with the "cheaper to keep her" mentality...at the rate I'm going....i look @ relationships like business decisions... assets/liabilities...with the potential to lose half my earnings, child support, alimony AND palimony....and numerous chicks trying to get with me....like only 10% of me wants to get married...

 

And something like 80% of divorces are filed by women, so what does that tell you?

 

Then you haven't met the right woman yet. If you're ever lucky enough to meet someone who you trust implicitly, and who you really, truly can see yourself meeting life's adventures with until you're both old and crinkly, it won't feel like business. Unfortunately, I don't think everyone gets to experience this. And sometimes life gets in the way even for those who do. Anyone who makes it sound easy is either full of it or really, really lucky.


You're really young to be worrying so much about marriage, though, IMO.

 

Honestly at 22, it's very typical in our society to not even think about marriage. You should probably revisit this as you get a little older. The years of experience and wisdom that you pick up accumulate infinitely.

Both my wife and I have divorced parents after 20-something years of marriage. We still got married because we love each other. Sure we fight, but we communicate well enough to not let it bubble to a divorcing situation. We knew before and during that we always have to work at it.

As far as economics go, marriage usually benefits financially. You can't base your life on "what if I get divorced". What if I put my money in a stock or bond, will I lose it? Both situations should be closely researched before partaking in these decisions.

 

that tells me nothing. what should it tell me? just because they filed for divorce means that they are innocent?

 

Quite the opposite, it means men are more willing to work at recovering a relationship while women are more likely to just bail out. It also means that it is less risky getting married if you're a woman, which might explain why more women than men want to get married.

 

I'm not really worrying about it now, i just see all my friends do it for all of the wrong reasons.

"cheaper to keep her" Like i told one of my friends, watch how fast all that love disappears in a court of law when the laws are already predispositioned against males.

 

I'd have to say that in my experience with women, we tend to remain silent, sometimes for far too long, about the REAL things that are hurting us. We are also unheard at times, because we are emotion driven by nature. Often times, by the time we are "done", we are actually "done". It seems to me that often times communication can be difficult for both sexes. It definitly requires cooperation from both sides. As long as we women are still talking, even if it's bitching, you guys still have favor with us. When we stop talking for good, we have become apathetic, at which point we eventually leave.

Yes, we do file more often, but it may not be for the reasons you have stated.

 

That's some pretty tortured logic. Maybe it means men get caught unzipped more often than women.

 

It is less risky for women. Women are emotional spenders, thats why the court system is in their favor. If you're married, your wife will have control over your finances, and if you don't give in, she'll start rationing out sex. This usually works on the Average American Male, who is Pussy Whipped, but if it doesn't, she will threaten you to divorce, either way you're screwed...

I've seen it happen many times. Hell, Nas has to pay Kelis close to 40k a month so she can "support her lifestyle" pssh.

 

amisconception? Is that you?

 

That's what you guys get for being atheists. If you marry a God-fearing Christian woman, they actually understand the sanctity of marriage and you are very unlikely to get divorced, because the Bible is against divorce. I am definitely not marrying someone if she is not christian.

 

Poor baby. I'd ask that you not get married soon as I did to your buddy, but I don't think that's necessary. With this attitude no one will marry you. Good luck. I believe you will tire of being alone eventually.

One day, Son, you'll wake up and find yourself pussy-whipped, and guess what... You won't give a damn..... Mark my words.

 

I agree

 

Oh look. Tina's here too. Welcome sister. All the cool girls are in D&R today. Chime in at any time on any line. They're all good.

 

Married Life = Mediocrity...Building wealth/becoming successful is 10x easier when you do it solo...

The middle class lifestyle:
The Wife, the 2 children, the dog, the Minivan parked in the driveway, its all B S. I know people who live this life that are depressed and wished that someone would put them out of their misery.

No thanks

 

Happily, I'm in wayyy too good a mood for all this doom & gloom today!

 

Have fun with your wealth and success, oh angry one.

 

Me too.

 

THanks for generalizing

 

I'm just basing this on past experiences and seeing so many marriages fail around me.

 

Having a partner doesn't mean you have to live an ordinary life. I wish more people could see that. Some people will forego life's little wonders whether they do it alone or with a family. Others will seek out the goods. The important part is choosing well. I didn't choose so well for myself the first time. Not that he wasn't a good person, we just grew into different value systems over time. There are a lot of complex reasons why we're not together anymore, but it didn't help that he valued bumper paint and keeping up with the Jones'. I didn't. It's not a crime.

 

bumper paint.