...because I never take it, despite knowing you guys are right and me giving the same advice to others in simaliar situations as myself. Love is such a weird thing, it makes you make such bad/irrational descisions that you know are wrong and will lead to further hurt and despire but you do it anyway.

My relationship that I have written about on here before and left and gone back to is over and i think i finally can say for good. I don't really blame her, I think it is her love affair with the booze that really killed things. I knew i should never date a girl in college that hasn't had time to grow up and one that I quickly learned seemed to have more issues with alcohol then the average college student. It was so wierd and hard to comprehend watching her drink more and more even tho she really didnt want to and regretted it morning after morning.

She would try to stop because she does care about me and she knew it was killing our relationship. She was so good at suppressig the urge but it would finally over take her desires. It is like some power over which i still cannot understand that pulls her in and will make her do anything just to get the next drink no matter what the outcome. It is something that if someone had told me about or I watched on TV I would say no way, they can stop if they want to.

After disaappearing from 9PM to 10AM with no calls or texts of where she was and then me learning of her getting pulled over for drinking and driving and getting off, I realized nothing was going to change until something terrible happened. I wish it was that DUI because despite how it would mess up her life, it would only mess up hers and not an innocent person walking or driving around town and hopefully turn her around some. This was not the first time this kind of thing happened where she disappeared all night and left me to stupidly worry about her and it obviously isnt the last except that next time I won't know about it and therefore wont worry. The old saying Ignorance is bliss really seems to make sense now.

It is obvious that things have to get even worse before they get better and I dont want to be there for that. To everyone that doesn't think the people and general opinion on here are right, keep doing what you are doing against what people on the outside say. When you are sitting alone thinking you can't take it anymore, remember we have all been thru it to some degree and know your pain, you will get thru it too and hopefully not make the same mistake again because it is worse the more you do it.

Thanks for all the advise here guys and sorry I'm a little pansy and don't take it. It sucks to read thru these threads and see guys makes these dumb mistaks only to realize I have made the same ones and suffered the same outcomes they have or will.

As to the girl I care about so and have written about above, good luck and please take care of yourself. Many care about you and hopefully one day you will care about yourself.

 

stay strong bother, love is never cut and dry as you know. I'm going through some tuff times myself. Despite all the rational and intelligent information i know and have recieved, i cant help but fall short with some of my actions. I think ultimately it takes a few falls to really seal the deal for someone to properly move on.

You seem like an intelligent person. You can take the horse to the water, but you cant make it drink. Alcohol is very serious, and if she cant help herself, then you sure wont be able to.


Keep your chin up.

 

The best part is when you watch someone coming here talking about the exact same experience as you, so you tell them whats up, and they ignore you. At least maybe next time, if you can sort out the people being idiots or trying to be funny, you will realize there really is some pretty good advice to be had from the people on this board. Maybe next time it will be you able to give some good advice to the next person...who probably wont listen anyway.

 

People ask for advice when they know the answer but wish they didn't.

 

Agreed.

 

Hang in there bro. Alcoholism is a serious disease and you shouldn't be dragged down into her drama. You've tried to be there for her but she has to learn to help herself. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and i'm sure the next girl you date will appreciate that much more than your ex.

 

thanks all but no thanks Rick, i have a knack for picking the worse fucking relationships and hanging in too long. I think being alone is the way for me to go

 

Do not lose hope. There will be somebody out there. I feel like an old soul so I know where you are regarding the young ones especially those who seem to live without consequence.

 

Bingo! Nothing matters until morning and to some degree i went thru that too but this is over the top. I swore I would never date a 21 year old after the last relationship of three years that ended so badly in part due to our age difference right around her hitting the drinking party age. Why must the young ones be so tempting, women should grow hotter instead of peaking in the early twenties haha

 

Dude on the reals, there are hot women our age; plenty of them. We feel the need to make these girls our projects and fix them. We see a young piece of ass and you almost want to take her under your wing to make sure no guy "taints" her. I feel you brotha.

Keep it casual with the young ones, unless they have their head on right. At 21 drinking and partying is what they live for. They'll settle out of it and realize there is more to life then that and the ones who don't are older than us and still at the club on weeknights.

 

I thought this was a thread about a problem you had with someone. But it's a thread about somebody else, and you only have a problem with yourself.

You just need to do the same thing that a pro sports person needs to do when the game becomes too much like work to him...learn how to have fun again. Go out and have fun and let troubled people live their lives. Even misery and hard times stimulates growth when put into proper perspective! If they need you, and come calling, then be a friend. But you don't have to become part of their problem, nor part of their solution. Just be there for them if they need you.

Now. You are 26. These are your fuck years! Stop taking yourself and women so seriously. Have some fun dammit! You have plenty of time to worry about all of this shit later! Laugh, but smile bare minimum! You want to connect with yourself and open a portal to your soul for others? Then laugh and smile! It will endear women to you. Yes, those people with the nice racks and the donkey asses love to laugh and smile. Don't worry about crashing and burning. You can't win them all. But you can learn from failure! Enjoy the journey before you start writing the ending! Oh yeah, along the way, while having fun, if you see something resembling some bullshit you came across before, don't panic. Take a deep breath, get yourself together, and regain control of your environment - even if that means getting the hell out of there! Good luck and have fun!

 

I know where you are coming from 1stGen. The people on this board give really good advice. I should know, i had an issue a few months ago that bothered me to no end. It was hard. I got some great advice from some great people on this board. But in the name of love, or whatever it was, sometimes you just don't want to take the advice.

It's almost like you are in denial of the blatant truth that some people here put right in front of you. It sucks, but you seem like a very smart person. I wish i took some of the advice i was given, but at the time i had other things on my mind. Things that probably hurt myself more than just listening to people here.

Keep your head up, its been 4 months for me, and I'm still trying to.

 

It's really tough going through something like this.

I understand your feelings for her and why you fought to make it work. But sometimes what you need to do is be more selfish. Thinking about yourself and your happiness over someone elses. Especially when they are on a self destructive path.

Keep your chin up. The next one will treat you better. Something you need to go though these things to learn more about yourself.

 

Well this relationship basically started with her living with me down south (her 'rents live down there and she was there for the summer) and then I wanted to move up to gainesville for work and ended up staying with her since she was in school there. Needless to say i let my lease expire down south at my place and ended up living with her, stupid me.

Well I just went down to west palm beach and put an offer in on a nice condo in city place and moved all my stuff outta her place the other day. I guess i finally made the big step to get away and it is getting easier as the days pass. She has texted me and I feel guilty but I know i can never go back unless she stops drinking and is in a constant program to keep her from going back to it. Even then i dont think i could go back after all of this but i would love to see her happy and sober. She is probably the best girl I have met and pictured myself marrying her (wow do i sound old) but the alcohol killed it all :-/

 

Moving will probably help. Change of scenary, fresh start and all that.

At 26, don't start thinking of her as the best girl you have met, just think of her as the best you have met to this point. And obviously she ain't that great. Start focusing on the reasons you are NOT with her instead of the reasons you put up with all the crap in the first place.

 

She may well be the best girl you have ever met. Unfortunately she has a relationship going with something far more important than you, or anything else for that matter. And that's the booze. Until she gets help, it will always come first.

If you really care about her and you're willing, just let her know that you'll offer assistance when she finally decides to seek help. Not on a relationship level, but strictly a personal one. She'll know what you're talking about. I'm sure she is well aware of the problem she has.

I know it's hard to understand, but without help she cannot stop drinking. She has probably tried and failed countless times. Do understand though that it is a disease and she should not be faulted for having it. Her actions though? Those are definitely hers and she must be held accountable for them. It may be one of those actions, or the same one repeated countless times, with the same results, that wakes her up to the fact that she is not going to beat this herself. Many have tried. A lot of them are now dead.

People successfully treat this disease and go on to live happy, productive lives. Maybe she'll be one of them. But nobody is going to help her until she wants to help herself.

 

I know you feel guilty, and it's understandable. But the truth is - what you've just done is not only the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, it's also the best thing you can do for her. It takes a lot of courage and self-worth to walk away from the situation you're in when you genuinely love someone with an addiction. Congratulations. It's not going to be easy, but you've just taken a huge step in the right direction.

You can always offer your support to her if/when she's ready to accept it. It's so difficult to accept that you can't make someone want to find their way out, and you can't make them try. They have to find their own reasons, and unfortunately some never do. I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck.

 

Thanks for the help guys. I went over yesterday to grab my computer and some stuff that she had of mine. It went really well and I told her not to call me unless she needed help with the alcohol and was ready to commit to a solid program not just hope to get better. I have called counselors and told her I have information and would be willing to help her get in a program but cant deal with this.

It was nice to see her and leave on a good note. We did the crying thing hugged and I was leaving until I saw a receipt for the morning after pill while i gave her a hug. She claimed it was because she was worried about us being together but eventually admitted she had drunk unprotected sex with the guy she worked with. I'm now worried I have some STD because the guy is trashy but as hurt as I was there and am now, I still feel for her. She is going down a bad road and I guess she wont stop until she crashes.

Fuck, i just date the same messed up girls and never learn. Guess now i know for sure I made the right choice. What's rough is this fucker called me to tell me that she was too drunk to drive and he understood that he would be upset if his girl was out all night but not to worry nothing happened. That ballsy mother fucker, I can't imagine calling a girls bf after i just fucked her. Im sure he was very proud of himself

 

@ this story...