Let's hear them.

"Don't be silly honey, if I cared about looks, I wouldn't be with you in first place"

 

Me the other day, when the gf starts hinting about marriage:

Her: I'm not saying I'm ready or anything
Me: I know, we should probably wait until we find people we really care about.
Her:
Me:

 

This sounds like a repost.....

 

"remember that time when I told you i spent a spring break in cancun? well, i was actually in thailand ... and you might want to sit down for this but i was getting my physical and ..."

 

"That was it?"

 

Yeah, #79 was pissed when you said that.

 

"I like your face but my gorilla wants its ass back."

 

"Acurazine has decided Im gay"

 

"Yes Honey, that dress does make you look fat."

 

"Wow, it will take a few showers to get this stink off my dick"

 

"Not now, you naggy pig cunt. I have to reply to Always Dirty's post."

 

"I'm pregnant, it's yours, and I'm killing all three of us"

 

I called her Karen. Sharon and Karen sounds so muck alike, she didn't let me get away with that one.

 

"Being overweight can lead to such health risks as diabetes"


Specific experience in mind here

 

Wow, that's one more hit than Scott Peterson. Who didn't kill himself because he's not that crazy.

 

Are you gaining weight?
CUNT!
I don't like having sex with you!

 

yes.....interestring....I like it. I like it. Swift, to the point, and not too "heady".

 

"Honey, Honey, relax, it's just a little bump. I swear she told me she was clean! I'm sure it'll go away"

 

"I want your whore-ass out by wednesday. I'm keeping the house and everything in it. My attorney will contact you to work out the details and distribution of assets...I told you not to screw with me and now you will feel my rath. Oh yeah, and you're a whore now get out you stupid cunt."

As much as it hurt saying it, sure felt good saying it.

 

Eh...takes too long...you should've just punched her.

 

Oh believe you me it took every ounce of self restraint not to. And I'd NEVER hit a women - but she really, really, really deserved to be.

 

Props to you for doing it though. Sucks and all, but sounds like you had to do it.

 

Me: "Don't you find me attractive anymore; don't you want to have sex with me at all?"
Him: "Not really, no."

 

"You're just upset because your butt is beginning to spread."

 

"Shouldn't you consult the great Oprah on this one?"

 

"Sorry. I was just picturing you naked."

 

"Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"

 

Sniff Sniff.. "Is that CAT food?"

 

"Call Sue Johanson. I'm sure she can tell you how to make yourself good in bed again."

 

"Is it in?"

 

"Hello Hello Hello"

"Echo Echo Echo"

 

Worst thing a girl can say to a guy...

"Is it in yet?"

 

*casually looks two posts higher on the thread*

 

How bout..."Hey Baby, Ive been cheating on you.......with two of your friends"

 

What idiot would tell someone that

 

I have no idea...thank god it wasnt me. Id feel sorry for that guy

 

She's just a friend!!!

 

Dammit

 

Girl: "I'm late..."

 

after dinner and banging her on your kitchen table .. you wipe the table and say "let me wipe up all this ham juice"