kabota

Just seeing if there was anyone that had waited to kiss before marriage. I am very conservative and believe in self control. How much more meaningful will it be if I have everything to give to my wife?

arstraub

You will never get to the point of having a wife if you don't kiss her. Withholding sex is fine - to some women - but you're going to have to kiss her so she knows you care. I'm not talking about kissing her like you kiss your mother, either.

Kissing someone has nothing to do with self control, but sex, now you're talking.

kabota

I disagree. What makes kissing any different than sex? It is bodily contact that has been accepted by society and okay for public.

wndrlst

Seriously?

Not no, but hell no. Kissing is such a HUGE part of determining sexual compatibility. A good kisser is an absolute must for me. I don't want to date a bad kisser, much less bind myself in marriage to one.




When you say you're conservative - what is it about your beliefs that would cause you to not want to kiss someone? Is it religious or something else? If religion - which one? (Or are you pulling our chain?)

Ken1997TL

Just when you thought fundamentalist Christians, Orthodox Jews and observant Muslims were "strict" due to prohibitions regarding premarital sex..

And now this..

I too am curious what religion or religious scruples you have regarding this.

wndrlst

Have you ever kissed a woman?

What makes kissing different from sex?

Let's see...anatomy involved; no possibility of pregnancy; limited possiblity for transmission of some STD's, no possibility for transmission of others; degree of intimacy involved; different/fewer hormones and other chemicals released by the body; less sweat and noise (typically); doesn't burn as many godiva chocolate squares...to name a few...

kabota

I mean conservative in that I play it very safe(not sure I can describe it, just my personality) and yes I am a Christian. I would not try to force this on anyone. However my beliefs do play a role in every decision I make. wndrlst you do make a good point.
Aside from the religious part. I would almost feel guilty for trying to kiss a girl. Kinda like I violated her somehow.

BEETROOT

arstraub

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's SO great! True though, kissing and sex are TOTALLY different. You're not ready for marriage at all if you can't distinguish between the two, much less a relationship at all.

kabota

But if you have wait to have kissed until your married you have no one to compare too.

arstraub

Oh she'll let you know if she's feeling violated, trust me

kabota

Now that was an unfair statement. You do not even know me. I understand his point. But its still physical contact that exchanges bodliy fluids that can lead to other things.

wndrlst

Ok, so there's no specific religious tenet that would actually prevent you from kissing a girl?

I find it very interesting that you say you would feel like you violated her. To me, that almost sounds like something I would recommend seeking counseling for. Is there a historical basis for this feeling? A history of sexual abuse within your family or something that happened to someone close to you? I know that's an extremely personal question, but I feel like "violated" is a very strong word, and it's concerning that you feel that way.

I'm just one woman, so I can only offer you one woman's opinion, but most that I know would agree that we like to be kissed. It's a natural expression of affection, and not something to be ashamed of.

moeronn

But she probably will have a point of reference.

Seriously, this is way beyond what anyone would expect.

Do you have someone you are dating that you haven't kissed? Are you considering getting married? What are her thoughts on this?

arstraub

Hence the self control you were talking about, kissing is fine, just don't allow it to lead to anything else if you'd rather wait until you were married. There's your test.

RMATIC09

Jesus freak alert.

wndrlst

Just because you don't know what you're missing, doesn't mean you're not missing it!

wndrlst

Me too, me too...

kabota

Honestly I have really only dated 1 girl about 3 months. Back in high school which was about 4 years ago. We were not BF and GF just went out and hung out with her family at her place. Maybe I am just afraid? I have been lead on many times and I dont have a trust for girls. I would feel comfortable with a kiss on the cheek.

kabota

there is no call for this.
Yes I do love Jesus, so what?

kabota

Actually it may be that I am more concerned with the emotional aspect of a relationship.

teranfon

It's totally up to you. I would consider it odd not to passionately kiss someone I was involved with, but I suppose it's up to you both to decide what limits to have in place.

You made a very curious remark, however, that kissing eventually leads to "other things". I find this odd as you associate one with the other. And you seem to be concerned you will not have any self control. By denying your urges by refusing to do something as simple and innocent as kiss, you may be disappointed when the big day finally comes.

Do the two of you hold hands? If so, are you not concerned this will lead to other behavior as well. And if not, how do you differentiate one display of affection from another? Why would a show of affection such as kissing be of detriment to your relationship? Life is short, enjoy it now, and find the confidence not to let it progress into something more if that is what you wish.

Terry

wndrlst

Have you considered talking to a professional about this?

arstraub

Awww; stop looking for the right girl, and you'll know it when she comes along. I wasn't looking for a relationship with I started college, and 1 month into it, I found THE guy; who I'm still with now that I've graduated. I have trust issues and I'm the one who cheated, I think you just need to wait until you find the right girl and then you'll know how far you become comfortable with going and what all you'd like and dislike doing. Why don't you go out to lunch with a girl from Campus Crusade, if you're in college, or find a nice girl @ church - no offense, not saying you're a "Jesus freak" - I have plenty of friends who are "churchy" , but that would give you something to immediately connect with her on. If you do do a lot of things with your church, maybe you should try team leading an event or vacation bible school, and you could meet the right girl there. If not at church, just make sure you're emotionally "available", and if you're not, that may be why you feel that you've been "led on" so much.

kabota

I actually have a lot of self control atleast when it comes to other things. But do you not agree though that kissing could lead to other things? Your not gonna start off with sex. I think it is natural tendency to go farther each time in nearly everything we do.
I do agree though with some of you comments.

teranfon

Sorry, but I don't agree. Kissing is indeed a physical act, as is sex. But you can start off with sex without kissing, and although admittedly kissing sometimes preludes sex, it doesn't have to. Plenty of people demonstrate affection by kissing, but have no other intentions of taking it further.

A natural tendency to want to do something more each time? Absolutely. But if you are confident in your self control and don't want to take it further, then why deny yourself such a pleasurable display of affection? It seems to me you are more concerned about kissing eventually leading to sex, and that is something you will have to deal with. But don't deny yourself other experiences.

Terry

Malayalee King

iTrader: (1)

well if you see it that way, you should stop talking and hanging out with girls because that could lead to kissing which could lead to sex? if you are in control, i dont see how it will lead to sex. only you can stop forest fires.

Will Y.

Not me. I think my wife may have kissed me first, actually. Then again, I wouldn't marry any woman I hadn't had sex with, either. A relationship includes discussion and agreements between the couple and letting the other person have some control as well.
And my wife did take everything I had to give...repeatedly... ...every payday...

Ken1997TL

So let me get this straight..

You plan on marrying someone and by that I assume for many years if not until one of you dies.. and you're not even going to kiss her first?

You do realize that to be happily married you must be compatible on several levels including physical attraction?

Sounds like you need to see a psychologist

Mizouse

cant wait for darksom1 to chime in.

darksom1

This shit just keeps getting crazy on here! This doesn't have a damn thing to do with no self-control! So your point is that if you kiss her you will automatically hit the ass??? Get the fuck outta here! Ask the women on here if they gave it up just because they got kissed!

So what if you marry her - then kiss her - then have sex with her...and feel nothing? No rocket's red glare, bombs bursting in air, and none of your toes move? What then? As a matter of fact, what if you kiss her and she absolutely SUCKSSSS at kissing? I mean serious saliva attack! I tell you what then...you are stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So kiss her and her kitty-kat so you know what's up dude!

If you are afraid to kiss, trust me, your issues with intimacy go ffaaarrrrrrr beyond that. Yeah...see the shrink! Jesus Christ!! (no pun intended)

P.S. - You better kiss her before someone else does...or you might be holding out a little longer than you thought you would have to! Hahahahaha!

Whiskers

and this is why masturbation is so popular....

Mizouse

I've honestly never even heard of withholding kissing until marriage until now.

Ken1997TL

I've known some VERY conservative/strict parents in my life but even they weren't this unrealistic.

Whiskers

I'm pretty sure you will marry the first girl you kiss....

PhiSigBrotha

If your curious about kissing, don't practice on your hand. Might lead to masturbation.

Seek counseling please.


luther

LIPPSTUH

iTrader: (2)

lets not bash the OP, its his life and his views. he posted here for opinions, don't let it get out of hand.

with that said, i agree with everyone else. its just too much. kiss on cheeks count for you op? i think you should rethink your logic. how many people will you find who will wait till marriage to kiss? its the one thing you can do to show emotion.

honestly, you're shooting for 1 in 10 million who will see your views and agree with you especially at your age of 21.

abstinence is one thing, but this is just a hole other level.

kabota

My parents do not force this on me. The have no idea of what I think. And the reason for not kissing would not be for because I am afraid of going to far.( Although this could be a problem for some people) I may have messed up on what I typed or something that led people to believe that. And I dont understand for the people bashing me, but hey its a forum. You make it seem like I am a terrible person, when I am a genuinely nice guy.
I was just asking to see if there was anyone out there that had tried this?
Maybe if I get dating a girl after a bit I will decide I am okay with kissing.
P.S.
I don't need a shrink

1StGenCL

I dont want to bash you either but you gotta understand how this seems odd to us. I think it is going to be very heard to find someone to marry if you never want to kiss them. Most girls are going to think you are weird unless you find another girl that wants this as well but like the others I have never met anyone with these thoughts. Some girls may be cool with the abstinence and even respect you more but not kissing is a whole different thing

About your self control, do you do anything else that could be considered lacking control? Do you drink or smoke?

Edit - im not trying to be mean but a shrink may be a good thing, there has got to be deeper issues here. You need to get them out and fixed or you may end up very unhappy later on in life

GrandeInter10

I"m all for respecting people's beliefs and whatnot. My best friend is also a pretty conservative Christian guy but this one's a melon scratcher.