Count Dracura

If you've seen the Tao of Steve you already know where this is going... but if not, the main character is a ladies man, who by all physical accounts shouldn't be. But he follows the "Tao of Steve," a three-part code for getting women to fall for, or at least sleep with him.

1) Be desireless
2) Be excellent
3) Be gone

Basically, as he puts it, "We pursue that which retreats from us." It's pretty much the same as "nice guys finish last" only you can still be nice, just not emotionally available.

I'm a firm believer that this whole game of not wanting to seem interested works. But unfortunately, the only girls i've been able to accomplish this feigned indifference with are the girls with whom i've actually been indifferent.

Girls i seriously like, even if i try to do this, either see right through it, or simply wouldn't have liked me as more than a friend anyway.

I'm going on 6 years now of not liking the girls that like me, and liking girls that last all of two weeks with me, if any time at all. By now i can pretty much assume that i need to point the finger at myself, only i don't really know what i'm doing wrong.

I'm sure i've come on too strong from time to time, but damn. Do i really have to pretend not to like a girl to get her to like me? And if i do win a girl over this way, is it going to be ok to switch gears and act like myself again once we're together?

Anyway, I don't really expect an answer, but it's food for thought. Anyone else get that feeling sometimes?

sasha

That might backfire... I don't like playing mind games so I want to be with someone who is not afraid to reveal a bit of himself. If I sense the guy is not interested, I'm not going to waste my time on him.

In the end, depends on the kind of girl you are dealing with. Just be aware that this will not work with all women.

anothercls

I recently found someone I can be open and honest with about everything and that works so much better than showing no emotion or feeling. I have changed my outlook on so many things and have been able to show feeling. My friends even noticed it and were impressed.

But whatever works for you and makes you happy.

Count Dracura

That's what i'm saying tho, it's not making me happy. It's getting me laid and that's a decent temporary solution, but i can't seem to get the girls i actually like to like me back.

So much of this whole game is timing, so i imagine someday i'll be able to just be myself and make it plainly obvious to a girl that i like her. But right now that just seems to drive them away. no one's fault but my own, just frustrating sometimes.

ric

Maybe because sex without passion and emotion that lasts beyond the hectic moment gets pretty mechanical and unfulfilling......

Exposing one's emotions to someone else is daunting, but I know of no other way to initiate and sustain an intimate relationship or - without sex - a close friendship.

SDCGTSX

There's a big difference between showing that you like someone and being like an excited puppy dog that's peeing all over the place because he can't contain himself. My guess is that you are doing the latter. For example, you probably don't like those girls who like you because they act in a manner that is deprecating to themselves and they throw themselves at you when you make it pretty obvious that you are not interested. Or you treat them bad and they still come back for more. That sort of behavior reveals lack of self-confidence.

The whole point of non-attachment and acting like you don't like them isn't to be aloof and rude. That's where a lot of guys make the mistake. The point is to be like Ewen McGregor in that movie Alfie. You want to be charming and playful but not a suck up. You want to cultivate THEIR interest in you and fan the flames. I think people who play games with phone tag and being rude and playing mind games are just stupid. The right way to play the game is to keep it playful and fun and exciting for both sides.

Finally, the "game" only works and you can only pull it off if you TRULY believe that you have something to offer to her. If you think you have no chance and you really want her but don't know what you have to offer her, then you are screwed. Your desperation and desire will show through no matter how hard you try to fake it.

Shadzilla

I agree with this Tao of Steve shit 100%, and I'm not surprised your getting laid following it. However, I only think this applies to younger girls, or girls who aren't ready to settle down into a serious, more mature relationship. An older woman who is ready to settle down with someone will be more responsive to you showing full interest in her. I can't comment for the ladies, but in my experience it seems that:

Younger women (high school, college) - looking for the wild child, the "bad boy" to have fun with, doesn't matter if hes a loser, uneducated, treats her like shit, etc. etc..

Older women (couple years out of college, late 20's) - looking for prince charming, nice guy w/ stable income, the "husband" to raise children with.

So although you may not be finding the right woman right now, keep at it. I think over time (if you consistently date women your own age) you'll notice a change in priorities and attitudes among women, and eventually you'll find a woman who will not only desire, but truly appreciate, everything you have to offer

Elephantman_nosefacehead

A woman knows if she likes you in the first 15 minutes...don't play games. Just like you as you don't want to settle for certain ladies certain ones don't want to settle for you. It's a harsh reality that you may want to explore with the Tao of Jack Black movie...Shallow Hal.

mrsteve

iTrader: (1)

Tao of MrSteve > Tao of Steve

Count Dracura

I have to semi-disagree with you here. I have seen many relationships develop out of friendships in which the two people didn't have that type of interest in each other to begin with. I think you know whether you'd sleep with someone on a physical level in the first 15 minutes, but not whether you like them in any deeper sense.

I totally agree. I am dating girls my age (pretty much, girl i'm seeing now is a month shy of 23, I'm 25) and it's one of those instances where i'm attracted to her physically but not so much on the emotional/intellectual side of the coin. So i'm not trying to be mean in any way, but it's very easy to seem desireless, because in this case i am. So, needless to say, it won't last long and i'm sure i'll end up the asshole even though we've talked about what we have being a NSA thing.

I expect someday that the timing will be just right and no games will be required to get things going. I guess i'm just ready to have that again, even though i have no intention of being married any time soon. Just a meaningful relationship would be nice.

I know what you're saying and I'll concede a portion of it as true. It seems so rare to actually meet a girl i think i could have a full relationship with, that i'm sure i do make my feelings more obvious and come on a little stronger in my attempts to find things to do and make time to be together. But i'm by no means a "peeing puppy" though i appreciate the colorful metaphor. I have lots to offer as far as i'm concerned so my self confidence is only lacking in that i've failed to find a true partner since i was 18. I have confidence in myself, maybe just not in my relationship skills because it's been so long since i've had a good one.

Really what this all comes down to is that i'm frustrated with my eventual lack of success with all of the girls i've had real feelings for lately. Not that i plan on giving up or anything. Someday it will all fall into place

Doesn't everyone need to rant to a bunch of total internet strangers from time to time? So thanks for listening.

supermegaglossy

who the fuck is steve?

mrsteve

iTrader: (1)

SDCGTSX

I think herein lies some of the problem with your attitude. You really don't know whether you will have a relationship with anyone until you actually do. You don't know if she'll be interesting until you really get to know her after the initial love struck phase is over. A girl knows when a guy is really heavily into them without really knowing anything about them other than what their tits and ass looks like in tight shirt and jeans.


Don't have unreasonable expectations for yourself. It's like wanting to dunk but being 5'5". Have fun with learning to better your "skills" instead of getting down on yourself for not being perfect. Make a game out of chatting up women, they pick up on positive vibes, not fear and nervousness.


Also, take note on how these girls, that you like so much, view you. Do they think you are not physically attractive? Not cool enough? Weird? Come on too strong too early? Figure it out and work on it. You'll gain confidence in your dating skills once you have a good feel for what girls think of you. Here's some examples so you get an idea:

Hot but a meathead
Smart and cool in a nerdy way
Gentlemanly but a little uptight
Hornball and gross
Charming, rich, and handsome

supermegaglossy

i know who you are.. but "the tao of steve"? he made it sound like it was this famous person on TV or something..?????

Shadzilla

I never heard of this shit before, but it makes sense. Steve was a smart mother fucker whoever the fuck he is.

SDCGTSX

I hope you are joking. Tao of Steve is a movie. Mr.Steve is joking. I hope the SuperMegaGloss isn't reflecting off all information transmitted to you via the electromagnetic spectrum.