AcuraKidd

iTrader: (1)

Lately it's been kinda hard for me to find a girl, even to just be friends with. I don't know if its because I have a very busy life (work monday - friday till 9pm), or because I just don't know where to look for them.

I'm usually free on weekends, but whenever I call my friends to go out to chill, they're always busy studying for tests, or hanging out with their girls, or doing something else thats important.

So now I'm like completly clueless on where to go to hang out, and what the hell to do to meet some girls.

Maybe its just cause life is boring in NYC, or maybe its because I don't go to the right places. Anyways, anybody got any advice on what I should do?

FL3.2TL

Damn dude.. I feel your pain, check this: Be yourself first of all. Never try to be someone to impress girls nor act all cockish (Not saying you do).. Girl's are all over the place, but the question lies what kind of girl are you looking for? If you be more define what kind of girl, then we can give you spots to check out..

Also, the best way to acutally meet girls though, is through your friend's girlfriends or just girls that are friends with your homeys..

ILLustriousUA6

iTrader: (2)

x2.. try to get out with your friends and meet new peeps... Don't be all uptight and be yourself... you should be fine.

MikeCLS6

Try meeting girls through friends, i think that is someo of the best ways. I really dont dig picking up girls at the bars, they are usually not what im looking for anyways.

amisconception

You can talk to girls anywhere. Don't limit yourself to just girls you'll run into when hanging out with your friends.

If you see a girl at Taco Bell (or any other fine restaurant) and you think she's cute, talk to her! Say hi! Don't let your fear of rejection prevent you from meeting a new girl... and for God's sake don't try to be her best friend off the bat either. HAVE FUN.

And you're borderline if you think NYC is boring!

p.s., this "be yourself" advice is crap. If you continue to "be yourself" you'll wind up in here again posting the same complaints. You DO need to change. You CAN'T rely on your old friends to entertain you. YOU have to be proactive about your life, whether it's women, friends, or a job.

yohan81718

^ agree about "be yourself" part

AcuraKidd

iTrader: (1)

what do you mean by that?

There's really not that much to do in NYC, especially at my age, since I'm not 21 yet, can't go to clubs or bars, and when I do go, I gotta use my cousins ID to get in, and then still get hustled by the bouncers, and gotta take care of them ($$$).

One more thing, how do you guys think I should change? I already have a nice car, I dress nice, act nice (although I am a little shy at first), have a nice job....

so you guys got anymore suggestions?

hornyleprechaun

I agree with others.. Since you friends have g/fs try to meet a girl through them.

amisconception

If you can't have fun in NYC, you can't have fun anywhere. Try being more social and getting to know more people. Where do you think girls are that are under 21? Go there.

That stuff is all fine and dandy, but obviously you have a problem.

You also shouldn't "act nice" just for the sake of acting, either. And why are you shy?

What's the problem? You can't find ANY women/girls to hang out with or date, obviously. But are you even approaching girls? Are you trying to have fun? Or are you a nervous wreck that can't relax? Are you treating women like fragile angels and putting them on pedestals? Do you not have any social skills?

What do you want out of a girl? Sex? A relationship?

What do you like doing for fun? Tell us more about yourself...

AcuraKidd

iTrader: (1)

holy crap

this feels like one of those seesions with a social worker or something, lol

to answer your first question about being shy, I was always shy in my life but once I get to know somebody and become a little more comfortable around them, I'm not shy anymore. I don't think being shy is something I could control, its just something that automatically happens. I also can't speak infront of large crowds, or at meetings or anything like that.

Secondly, you say that I can't find ANY girls to hang out with. Thats not entirly true because there are a few girls that I hang out with every once in a while. One is just a friend, but not the type I would go out with, and the other is my cousins girlfriends sister. Now that girl is who I wanted to go out with at one point, but she found a boyfriend just a month before I knew she was single. I even know the kid she goes out with, and I can't say I'm best friends with him or anything, but I'm cool with him.

Occasionally though, when me and my cousin go to hang out, he takes his girl, and she takes her sister, but her boyfriend cant come along cause of one of two reasons, a) he doesn't know, or b) he's busy doing other shit. So I end up being her unofficial boyfriend for the night, which doesn't really mean shit cause she doesn't think of me that way.

my cousin keeps telling me to get with her, but I just don't see myself stealing someone like that.

She also probably knows that I kinda like her, but can't dump her boyfriend cause of some unknown reasons. Her boyfriend is also 2 years younger than her, and she's the same age as me. Me and my cousin keep calling him a kid, cause I remember him when he was young, and he still is a young little fucker...

You then say that I'm not approaching any girls. Thats kinda true but kinda not. When I used to go out, if I see a girl I like, I try to start a conversation with her, which usually doesn't lead anywhere, but atleast I try, lol....

But then theres times when I see a girl I like at a party or club or bar, I just cant seem to man up and walk up to her and start a conversation. I guess its the shy part of me thats taking over at that point.

To answer your other question about trying to have fun. Yes, thats exactly what I'm trying to do, HAVE FUN.

About being a nervous wreck that can't relax, I dont think I am, but family problems do get to me sometimes, but I'm a VERY easy going person. I can relax very easily, and I don't get pissed at little things in life cause its not the end of the world.

I think social skills is what I really need to start working on, and I need to somehow stop being shy.

Renegade

You're not putting yourself out there as much as you should, I have the same problem.

amisconception

So what is it that you want from girls again?

You forgot that part

AcuraKidd

iTrader: (1)

oh, I guess I just wanna have lots of girls to choose from, some to be friends with, some to fuck, and some to hang out with/go out with. is that asking for too much, lol?

amisconception

OK. That's better

Well first of all, you have to work on your self-respect, shyness and your ability to socialize and meet new friends. Then you can worry about picking women up.

Success with women is not so much about how you act or feel toward them. It has everything to do, though, with how you feel about yourself. Self-respect is crucial. Some cocky guys who act like complete jerks toward you can turn into limp-wristed wimps when it comes to women. They fear women.

Improving your life, your character, developing your passions, being indifferent to the outcome of an approach - those are the things that are going to be attractive to a quality girl.

You say you want to be able to have a lot of girls to chose from to have sex with - or just be friends with. Well, that's entirely possible. But, in the end, no one is going to make that happen for you. The first step starts with you and your attitude - not just towards women - but life in general.

If you have any passions, if you have anything to be proud of, leverage that into the realization within yourself that you are somebody of value. If you don't have that in your life, DEVELOP it. Otherwise, you'll never feel worthy enough of being with a hot girl. You'll just continue to mope and whine. That has to end.

Once you gather some self-respect and confidence, then you can start approaching girls. That's as simple as just walking up to random girls you find interesting or good looking and saying "hello" or, my personal favorite "hey, i saw you earlier at the bar (or whatever) and wanted to meet you" - then just being indifferent toward the outcome of that approach. Sure, it sucks to be rejected, ignored, etc. But that's just a part of life. You have to get over that.

Once you start becoming indifferent, enjoying your life and your passions more often, you'll naturally start attracting women and/or feel better about yourself and realize that as a man, you deserve x, y, or z girl.

And finally, make new friends! Are you in college? Join a frat, business group, a car club - whatever. Just make new friends that you can do whatever the hell it is you want to do with. But, don't be afraid to do shit on your own! You're a big boy now you don't need anyone to hold your hand

It really is important that you have fun though! Don't take this shit so seriously, they're just girls after all

Renegade

I agree with all that is said, but about developing passions and becoming indifferent, at first glance no woman can tell this about a guy, correct?

AcuraKidd

iTrader: (1)

thats sounds like some really good advice there, I guess I'll start working on it and see what happens.

and one more thing, you still haven't told me where to go to hang out?

amisconception

You'll be surprised. A lot of women are incredibly observant and can pick up false confidence. Besides, if you have no self-respect based on something real or tangible, chances are, she may call you out on your presumptions about yourself.

The most important reason for developing a passion and indifference, however, is for yourself. Being paralyzed because a girl gave you a shit test is going to ruin any chance you may have if a girl has her defenses up. Knowing you're of value, deep down inside, is what will allow you to successfully maneuver the figurative slap to your face. It's the foundation that gives you the understanding, as a man, that you won't put up with shit because you are some body. Or that you don't HAVE to have sex with this girl - or that one - to be happy/aloof.

If you approach a girl it's usually a defensive encounter for her. She doesn't know who you are. You could be a piece of shit who just wants to bang her, like all the other guys. And that doesn't mean that you DON'T want to bang her, but at least you bring something to the table other than a raging hard on. That has to be communicated to her. She has to know that.

Ultimately, you have to build rapport. Different people can do it in different ways - by the way you look, who you are (fame), your body language, the tone in your voice, etc. Getting to know her, building off of what she says so that she's comfortable with you, etc.

One of the best ways to do that is to desensitize yourself to going out and meeting or approaching women. You don't have to start off with trying to have sex with them. You can start off by just starting casual conversations. Keeping it short and then saying goodbye. After you get comfortable with that you can then start working on trying to get numbers, then dates, then sex.

It takes time, but it's a long term plan. Otherwise, you can keep trying to do what you've been doing, but you'll probably garner the same results. If you're happy with that cool, "just be yourself".

Who knows, You may find one hot girl who torments you, that you fall in love with, or whatever. But because you don't feel of-value you may take a lot of shit from her that you probably shouldn't. A high level of self-esteem would have probably steered you away from that destructive situation in the first place.

amisconception

I don't know, do what's fun to you.

Develop some hobbies. Pick up an instrument. Do something artistic. Whatever, the specific thing you learn to do, go out to do, isn't what's important. The important thing is that you don't stay at home doing nothing.

Go for a walk until something inspires you.

Mike 350Z

http://www.succeedsocially.com/

Specifically http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife

I think you have the same problem as a lot of guys, or maybe even people as a whole. "Being yourself" doesn't work. Sometimes you have to think outside your box and do something even though it's outside your comfort zone.

the_Osk

the problem is you're putting the p*ssy on a pedestal.


but on a more serious note:

people are attracted to confidence. unfortunately, most nice guys are also shy, and not overly confident. on the flip side, most "bad guys" are really confident. so, it's not that girls don't like nice guys, or like bad guys.. it's that they like CONFIDENT guys.

it's okay to be nice, but make sure you respect yourself, and command respect. you need a good balance of nice and confidence.

i should probably take my own advice, but start off by just saying "hi" to random girls. they don't even have to be super attractive.. you just need to get into the habit of saying hi, so that it comes natural. once you get that down, you can start having small conversations with random girls. and then, hopefully, you'll graduate and be able to have good conversations, that end in phone numbers and/or action.

good luck, bro!

03bl AC k CL

with only skimming thru the posts i can say this from personal experience: if you need to work on confidence start exercising if u dont already...you'll feel better about yourself which does wonders for confidence... without a doubt theres a lot more to meeting girls than that but its a nice foundation

MikeCLS6

I think AMISCONCEPTION is owning this thread, he speaks the words of wisdom you should learn from. GREAT INFO! not that i need it, but for people with the same demeaner as Gamezilla.

be more social, be able to hold a conversation on almost any subject that way your always included. Be able to actually strike up a conversation that will make somebody interested in talking to you.

The one thing that hurts you is that your shy. Most women will actually find that a turn-off if you arent VERY ATTRACTIVE and can get by on your looks.

Scottman111

Just play the numbers game.

The more girls you talk to over a certain period of time, the more chances one of them will eventually like you. The less girls, less of a chance.

Bottom line: Always talk to strangers




And listen to everything amisconception is saying. It's all great advice.

KCPreki11

amisconception does give great advice, but I bet the OP is dumb-founded on how to go about actually putting into action this advice. Which is fine because the point is a lot of what amisconception is saying comes with age. But having this info to grow on will help you, but don't feel like you can't understand it right now, it will come with age. Some obviously just mature faster than others.

Crazy88

I thought I had the same problem as you. I'm either in suburban Chicago or Colorado for school. Both places have tons to do, especially Chicago. I go to bars alot, but never really found a girl.

In high school i never thought I would have a girlfriend before college, and before I knew it, I had a girlfriend. Fast forward to Jan 07, I broke up with my girlfriend. 7 months pass and still no girl. Sure enough at summer school, I met my new girlfriend.

My philosophy is that if you try to hard you will never find someone, and when your LEAST expecting it, you will find a girl or a girl will find you. It will happen and you will be on your marry way.

AcuraKidd

iTrader: (1)

haha, everything you guys are saying is soo true, especially KCPreki11.

And don't think that since I rarely post in here that I abandoned this thread, I check it every time there's a new reply, so keep the advice/comments coming.