TS_eXpeed

Just curious who has stayed single for the "long haul" and your reason(s) behind it, and if you've been happy/'ok' with it. And by single, I'm more specifically meaning not married.

I'm not insinuating I'm already planning my long-term future...just curious.


I know there are people out there that for various reasons (job, personal decision, just haven't ever found 'the one') have stayed "single" throughout their life. I'm curious who is and how you feel about it. Overall, do you feel it has been the 'better' path? Did you originally set out thinking you didn't want to get married? If so, are you ok or happy with the fact that you didn't get married? Regret it? Just never found that special someone?


Not at all judging anyone here... justinterested in the feedback/responses.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

I thought I wanted to be single.
until the girl left me.

We had plans together.
but it dont mean shit now.

JBlueCLS6

iTrader: (2)

I for one stayed "single" due to the limitations I would be subjected to in the event of getting hitched, or having children.

I set several goals
At minimum - get my M.S. (graduating in 3 weeks) and ideally an MBA as well as reach a certain income level that I believe I would not have been able to have the time to invest if there was a long-term partner around. Financial problems are one of the biggest factors in a couple splitting. There were also several sport activities that I knew I would be discouraged from participating in as well and having a steady partner would limit my time doing this activity that I thoroughly enjoy.

I primarily wanted to focus on myself and wanted to be happy where I was at. I've enjoyed the company of several women, but did not set any expectations (long-term) with any of them, and if there was any confusion on their end, indicate I'm nowhere near ready for that and am focusing on myself, so I would believe there are no hard feelings.

I lived with an incredibly attractive and intelligent girl for 3 years, whom I believed I would have gotten hitched with. However, I was young (early/mid 20's) and she had several flaws (bipolar and developed a drug problem after I split with her) that I am glad we did split as I believe she would have hampered my development and be nowhere near where I am currently had I remained.

I'd say be comfortable with where and who you are first before you consider any serious companionship. If you're not content yourself, how can you make someone else happy.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

Thanks, I appreciate that.

I also, have goals for myself.
thanks for putting it into perspective.

Mafyoso

iTrader: (1)

After my marriage I felt like this. I felt like not wanting to be with anyone and I started working on myself. I even went back to school to continue my Degree even further. After being married for all the wrong reasons, I have now devoted myself to getting me fixed and then Ill look for that special someone again. I think Ill be single for quite a few years cause I just don't have time to be with anyone right now especially if they are going to get in the way of what I am trying to achieve. Sucks but there is always One night stands LMAO

Anachostic

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. It definitely takes a special mindset to be single forever, because you have to enter into a relationship knowing it's not forever. That would affect the amount of effort you put in to the relationship, which probably affects your level of satisfaction and that of your partner.

On one hand, you could be happy to be doing new things all the time with someone new, on the other, you could be doing something and thinking "I'll bet #23 would have loved to do this." Everything is a compromise in life. What you gain from being single, you lose from having a deep relationship, and vice versa.

teranfon

I'm nearly fourty-six years old, and have never been married. Without trying to sound callous or ignorant, there have been opportunities to tie the knot, but I have never been able to convince myself to take that walk down the isle.

My choice began at an early age, when the idea of marriage made me uncomfortable. I've always been the type of individual that wanted to be accountable to himself, and didn't want the distractions of a marriage to infringe upon my actions. Is this selfish? I suppose it can be interpreted as such, but I also believe having my convictions not to marry prevented any emotional hardships between me and a wife. I know there would have been many if I had chosen to marry.

I've basically been focused on my company, and I suppose I'm married to that at the moment. People often ask me now that I'm fortunate enough to obtain the things I've wanted and have secured a financial future, that perhaps I would like to share it with someone. Yes, I've thought about it, but still can't see myself ever making a lifelong commitment to someone just for the sake of having a companion. I do believe, however, that you can make a commitment to someone without having to enter a union recognized as marriage. I know more than a few people that have been relationships for extended periods without ever even entertaining the idea of marriage.

I enjoy the single life. I like to travel when I can, enjoy the company of those I chose to have around me, and have to answer to no one but myself. I can honestly say I'm very content and love life. Would I feel the same if I had a wife? Possibly, but I'm not curious enough at this point to find out.

silver3.5

That's the exact mindset I used to have.....being single and having to answer to no one, go where ever, whenever I want, buy whatever pleased my desire, and sleep with whoever fills my needs.

Then the big "30" hit me. The bars, clubs, parties scene slowed down mainly due to 1: most of my hangout buddies were married and 2: same old same old thing week after week. Plus, 9-5pm, 40+ hours/week was a norm, along with tons of bills to worry about. Suddenly, life have changed and I'm not young anymore. My parents have always stressed the importance of raising my own family, passing down my seeds, etc. Suddenly, I began to think....I wanted to be able to play with my kids and not be on a cane, see them graduate from high school, college, see them marry and see my grand kids.....After awhile of soul searching and dating girls left and right, I found the girl of my dreams. Married at age 32 and now with 3 beautiful princesses. No regrets whatsoever.

Street Spirit

I think a lot of people have the idea that they would love to be married. I think those are sometimes the people who find themselves in trouble in the long-run, because it's usually the idea of marriage or companionship that they are actually attracted to and so they aren't necessarily as committed to finding the right person to enter that commitment with.

I think if you stay open-minded, you'll either stay single, or without trying - the right person will find her way into your life without you searching for her. When and if that does happen, you will feel it and know it.

I never went out searching for the right person....I was content in the idea that if I was meant to find someone at the time, that it would happen on its own. If I was more determined to be in a relationship or had an end goal in mind, perhaps I would've been on the look-out for a partner, but I wasn't in any rush and didn't place much priority on it at the time and I think that's what helped our relationship happen naturally and build naturally.

For me, I think of the future....the long-run. I know having a great circle of friends can be very fulfilling, but I think old age will be so much sweeter when you have someone special to share it with -- whether it's a partner or a husband/wife. I think ahead to holidays and family dinners, and having the table full of family, children, grandchildren.... A little dinnette or table for two my whole life would just feel too empty and sometimes lonely when I think of decades, and decades ahead.

silver3.5

^^ I should elaborate that I never went out to purposely look for someone to spend the rest of my life with; I went out/dated girls with an open mind and met my wife out of the blue. The moment we started talking, then dating, I knew this was it.

Street Spirit

My comments weren't directed towards anyone specific.

mystikk

Been single since 2005, not by choice though. It's been a real rollercoaster when I ask myself if I'm happy about my lack of a love life for so long. Right now, I'm happy I'm single, mainly because

1) Thinking back, having a girlfriend made me not want to move out and start my career, and I instead ended up attending my state's shitty university.
2) I can move anywhere, no obligations, no one to tie me down.
3) I didn't have the money or self-esteem to take care of someone else. I've tried to lose weight for so many years now, but only ended up gaining weight. If I can't even take care of myself, I can't take care of another.

Street Spirit

I only know of one person in my own life who is your age and actually wanted to be married at the time (not in the future, but right then). In fact, this person was married at 25 and became a parent just before they turned 26. In my circle, even just getting married seems to be happening closer to the age of 28-32. So I wouldn't find it odd that you are pretty content having the freedom and self-discipline to achieve your goals without anything or anyone interfering. I think things change for some people (not everyone) as they get older and well into their lives. I'm not there yet, but I would think things start to feel differently into your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, etc. It's one thing to be a bachelor and 'free' man in your 20s and 30s, but when you're 50-60-70 years old and your parents are gone and your immediate family (siblings) have a well-established family of their own, things might feel a little lonely without someone around.

Majofo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYwyaCd8MyI

1Louder

Those familiar with my posts around here know I'm the LAST person to comment on this topic. But that's not going to stop me, because SS made some very good points worth repeating.

I'm almost 44 and will be married 21 years next month. I have a very close friend from high school who stayed single until ~42, just got married, and presently has a 6 month old baby. In fact, three of my friends had babies last year, and one more this year. I have single friends, and married friends without kids. We're an interesting bunch when we get together.

I mention all that just to make one point - there is no universal right or wrong answer to this issue. All my friends chose different paths, and all of them are happy. But more precisely, I think the right answer is when you follow what's in your heart, recognizing what you honestly want your life experience to be. The wrong answer is to fight that and do what our culture or your family tells you.

I think staying single takes some courage in our culture. You get lots of messages that will tell you "normal" is married with two kids by your early 30's. It takes a bit of resolve to not let that drive you into something you really don't want, or are not ready for.

I think many people get married because they think they ought to, not because they are ready. A successful marriage takes a specific mind-set. Having kids also takes a specific mind-set. I have tons of respect for people who know enough about themselves to say that's not them, and live out a life that IS them. My single friends are happy, because they know that's who they are and what they want. My married friends without kids are the same, very happy. No regrets.

So as long as you are in touch with who you are, who you want to be, and why - proceed accordingly. I think happiness will follow.

fuzzy02CLS

iTrader: (2)

I am content with my life. I don't have anyone steady, & rather enjoy not having to worry about a wife or long term relationship & the things that go along with that. All my friends got married, & now have kids. And they all are generally unhappy about how their life went. They got hitched in their 20's had kids within a year. Had no time to enjoy being married or enjoy the wife. I don't really want kids. Not that I hate kids, I'm very good with them, I just have no desire for kids.
Some of the woman I know & grew up with also had this idea of marriage bliss. Like being married is OMG so great. IDK for me, after what I have seen from others, I'll take single.

I was engaged once. After the girl broke it off I was like WTF? She then emerged a few years later married to some low life dude & only got married cause she had a kid with him. Then they kept popping out. She's up to 5, & the guy is still a lowlife.

whudini3000

iTrader: (1)

I can't cook,Im screwed (thanks Mom) therefore I can not be single for long. 6-8 months is the longest I've been single.

Costco

I'm young so for now being single isn't a big deal to me. I know I'm not ready for a long-term relationship and so I'm not really worrying about it for now.

I'm not sold on the idea of marriage other for than the associated tax benefits. I've always thought it was stupid that in our society a piece of paper could have so much meaning.

I would like to raise a cohesive family of my own one day without being bound by the 'vows' of marriage... but I would follow the same principles. The problem is finding a spouse who is that open minded... then there's the whole issue of her family being okay with it as well. I don't even know what my family really expects either, but it's not like I've always listened to my parents.

I like kids and want to have my own someday, but if life takes me on a different path I'll be fine with that. At this point in my life I'd much rather be an uncle. I'm 22 if it matters.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

^do you have a sister?