Shoplift the Pootie?
09-17-2005, 06:59 PM
#1
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Shoplift the Pootie?
So I went on a date last night with this girl that I met about a week ago at a party. She's 29, I'm 28. I go to pick her up and I'm looking around the apartment at the many pictures around. There's a bunch of little kids and I'm thinking they are of her and her sister (met her at the party too) when they were younger... Then she pops out the "I told you that I had a daughter right?"
At this moment, I did a good job of not screaming and running out the door. I played it cool and we went to dinner and had a good date and came back to my place where we drank wine, watched TV and talked about a bunch of stuff. We kissed a bit and I wasn't in any shape to drive her home so she ended up spending the night in my bed where I didn't press any moves on her. We did the cuddle sleep thing but nothing more than kiss.
Now, I'm have a decent understanding girls and I know she sort of likes me and doesn't want to put out on the first date and so I didn't push the issue. She text msgs me today that she enjoyed last night and so I txt msged her back saying that I did too and that we should hang out again...
So here's the problem.
I don't know if there is a future between us because I don't know if I could handle the whole daughter thing. If she didn't have the daughter I think she's one of the most compatible girls that I've dated and I like her already. I'm thinking that if we got together physically, it might get too messy to break apart later. But at the same time, I liked the time we spent together and she would make a pretty good girlfriend. I'm soliciting advice mostly from women but guys can chime in too.
Would it be alright to pursue a relationship with a single mom when you don't have ultimate intentions of marrying the girl? I know it's early but I don't like going down roads that don't go where I'm trying to go. I keep thinking about Jerry Maguire.
Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.
At this moment, I did a good job of not screaming and running out the door. I played it cool and we went to dinner and had a good date and came back to my place where we drank wine, watched TV and talked about a bunch of stuff. We kissed a bit and I wasn't in any shape to drive her home so she ended up spending the night in my bed where I didn't press any moves on her. We did the cuddle sleep thing but nothing more than kiss.
Now, I'm have a decent understanding girls and I know she sort of likes me and doesn't want to put out on the first date and so I didn't push the issue. She text msgs me today that she enjoyed last night and so I txt msged her back saying that I did too and that we should hang out again...
So here's the problem.
I don't know if there is a future between us because I don't know if I could handle the whole daughter thing. If she didn't have the daughter I think she's one of the most compatible girls that I've dated and I like her already. I'm thinking that if we got together physically, it might get too messy to break apart later. But at the same time, I liked the time we spent together and she would make a pretty good girlfriend. I'm soliciting advice mostly from women but guys can chime in too.
Would it be alright to pursue a relationship with a single mom when you don't have ultimate intentions of marrying the girl? I know it's early but I don't like going down roads that don't go where I'm trying to go. I keep thinking about Jerry Maguire.
Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.
09-17-2005, 07:07 PM
#2
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Tracy, CA
Age: 51
Posts: 7,698
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You've only had one date. I think you're putting way too much pressure on this. I say date a few more times before deciding anything. If you're really that compatible, I say go for it.
09-17-2005, 07:34 PM
#3
Banned
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: You Tell Me ?
Age: 44
Posts: 51
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
The daughter has got to be what...5? I say wait it out a little longer...you never know...but you do know its highly likely that this chick is dating so she can find a new daddy for her daughter...which is gonna put pressure on you to be a father type to the daughter. Im guessing...so I dont know what the mothers relationship is with the ex...so like I said you never know. Show me the money!
09-17-2005, 07:35 PM
#4
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well strangely enough, the last girl that I went out with and hit and quit on had a kid so it's the second time in a row. This time inadvertantly without my prior knowledge. That's all. I've had to think about this before.
09-17-2005, 11:46 PM
#7
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 973
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I dount that the woman is looking for a new daddy for her daughter. She is probably very lonely because nobody will give her a chance because she has a kid and people think she is a whore because the daddy isn't around. I am sure that she is looking for a man in her life first, and for a father-figure for her daughter a very distand second. If you are mature and ready to step up and be many things to many people, then go for it. If you just want to fcuk, go elsewhere; I am sure that this woman has enough assholes in her life that just want a lay.
Trending Topics
09-18-2005, 01:04 AM
#8
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by gary_william
I dount that the woman is looking for a new daddy for her daughter. She is probably very lonely because nobody will give her a chance because she has a kid and people think she is a whore because the daddy isn't around. I am sure that she is looking for a man in her life first, and for a father-figure for her daughter a very distand second. If you are mature and ready to step up and be many things to many people, then go for it. If you just want to fcuk, go elsewhere; I am sure that this woman has enough assholes in her life that just want a lay.
09-18-2005, 07:23 AM
#9
Safety Car
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Philadelphia, PA USA
Age: 75
Posts: 4,246
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Um, any single mom who is dating is always thinking that any relationship that might turn "real" has to have a guy willing to be a stepdad; if she's not, she's not being aware of the welfare of her kid.
If you want to date this girl, and don't want to be a stepdad, then be upfront about that on the second or third date, so that she can understand the nature of the relationship boundaries. IF she wants to have a warm relationship that has companionship and intimacy without prospect of marriage, that is her call. But -date her four or five times without addressing this, and while growing closer, and you're just misleading her.
I had no intention of marrying a woman with a kid, but when the right woman came into my life, the fact that it was a "package deal" was OK. My stepson and I are close, I love him deeply, he is an important part of my life and, judging from the time he spends with me, I am important in his. He was 5 when I met his mom, 10 when we married. He just hit 30.....
If you want to date this girl, and don't want to be a stepdad, then be upfront about that on the second or third date, so that she can understand the nature of the relationship boundaries. IF she wants to have a warm relationship that has companionship and intimacy without prospect of marriage, that is her call. But -date her four or five times without addressing this, and while growing closer, and you're just misleading her.
I had no intention of marrying a woman with a kid, but when the right woman came into my life, the fact that it was a "package deal" was OK. My stepson and I are close, I love him deeply, he is an important part of my life and, judging from the time he spends with me, I am important in his. He was 5 when I met his mom, 10 when we married. He just hit 30.....
09-18-2005, 07:28 AM
#10
Race Director
Give it a couple more dates with this woman before you run.
if you decide you really like her, then meet the kid. If its a nice sweet little girl, then whats wrong.
If its a demonic screaming spoiled brat child, then yes, run the fuck away.
if you decide you really like her, then meet the kid. If its a nice sweet little girl, then whats wrong.
If its a demonic screaming spoiled brat child, then yes, run the fuck away.
09-18-2005, 03:06 PM
#12
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well, it looks like a 2nd date is coming so I'll play it by ear. I think I'll wait until the end of the 3rd date or just before having sex (which ever is first) to tell her that I would like to have a non-commitment relationship. I agree that you never know what life brings and I still don't know much details on how, why, what's the deal with the dad, etc. So I'll wait to make a decision until then.
09-18-2005, 03:35 PM
#13
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 973
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by SDCGTSX
Well, it looks like a 2nd date is coming so I'll play it by ear. I think I'll wait until the end of the 3rd date or just before having sex (which ever is first) to tell her that I would like to have a non-commitment relationship. I agree that you never know what life brings and I still don't know much details on how, why, what's the deal with the dad, etc. So I'll wait to make a decision until then.
That the kid is already 5 or so is a good deal for you if you do become step dad; no midnight feedings or poopy diapers to change. Kids at that age can already talk, walk, tell jokes, understand simple instructions, etc. and are basically much more fun than babies. So, you see, this girl just may be saving you 5 years of waiting by offering you instant family right now. If I could have found the right girl and she had a kid I would have had no hesitations about stepping up.
Worst case scenario; you could end up doing a Woody Allen on her.
09-18-2005, 05:11 PM
#14
Originally Posted by gary_william
just get those details before you hit it. best to go into a situation fully informed, for both parties. If you tell her that you are not looking for a relationship and she still give you some, then you are in the clear.
That the kid is already 5 or so is a good deal for you if you do become step dad; no midnight feedings or poopy diapers to change. Kids at that age can already talk, walk, tell jokes, understand simple instructions, etc. and are basically much more fun than babies. So, you see, this girl just may be saving you 5 years of waiting by offering you instant family right now. If I could have found the right girl and she had a kid I would have had no hesitations about stepping up.
Worst case scenario; you could end up doing a Woody Allen on her.
That the kid is already 5 or so is a good deal for you if you do become step dad; no midnight feedings or poopy diapers to change. Kids at that age can already talk, walk, tell jokes, understand simple instructions, etc. and are basically much more fun than babies. So, you see, this girl just may be saving you 5 years of waiting by offering you instant family right now. If I could have found the right girl and she had a kid I would have had no hesitations about stepping up.
Worst case scenario; you could end up doing a Woody Allen on her.
Last edited by JesusJuice; 09-18-2005 at 05:16 PM.
09-18-2005, 05:54 PM
#15
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I do know that the dad does live in San Diego and that he gets her for the weekends and they share custody so he's still in her life. And the daughter is 7. I think the best course is to take it slow and not get her caught up in the romance of things so there's no hard feelings or attached emotions in the near term.
09-18-2005, 06:04 PM
#16
Suzuka Master
Listen to Tom Leykis (on the radio). Find him and listen to him.
His advice is to run. Why would you want to take over raising someone else's child??????
His advice is to run. Why would you want to take over raising someone else's child??????
09-19-2005, 07:58 AM
#17
TL-S driver
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Springfield, NJ
Age: 45
Posts: 2,898
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'm in the same boat, but she has 2 kids. Everything was great in the beginning, then you have to start worrying about getting a sitter and stuff when you go out. No private time when you want, and it's always something going on. Just this past weekend, she canceled on going to a wedding with me because the sitter canceled last minute and couldn't get a replacement. Things like that really puts a damper on a relationship. I've already decided that I need to move on and it's not going to work. You need to realize that if it's not going to work, don't go forward. If the kids get attached too, your screwing with them too.
09-19-2005, 09:42 AM
#18
Team Owner
Don't bang the mom and leave her. I'm sure she gets plenty of that 
If you don't plan on sticking around, leave now.
If you don't plan on sticking around, leave now.
09-19-2005, 01:07 PM
#19
Suzuka Master
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: MD
Age: 40
Posts: 5,124
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Just be honest and say you're not ready to be a father figure, and even if she says she doesn't want you to be, say it's gonna happen anyway, unless the kid is NEVER around (which won't be the case).
09-19-2005, 02:07 PM
#20
Corpretty
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: SF
Age: 44
Posts: 1,665
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Mike97 3.0P
Just be honest and say you're not ready to be a father figure, and even if she says she doesn't want you to be, say it's gonna happen anyway, unless the kid is NEVER around (which won't be the case).
She wasn't looking for a step-father for her kid, she was looking to have some fun after a 4 year relationship that had recently ended with the father.
Under the right circumstances you can date a mommy without having to be involved with the kid, but if she ends up really liking you (and you like her), you'll have to make an important decision.
09-19-2005, 02:53 PM
#21
Suzuka Master
Join Date: Jan 2001
Age: 44
Posts: 8,746
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by gary_william
I dount that the woman is looking for a new daddy for her daughter. She is probably very lonely because nobody will give her a chance because she has a kid and people think she is a whore because the daddy isn't around. I am sure that she is looking for a man in her life first, and for a father-figure for her daughter a very distand second. If you are mature and ready to step up and be many things to many people, then go for it. If you just want to fcuk, go elsewhere; I am sure that this woman has enough assholes in her life that just want a lay.
I really couldn't have said it better myself. I'm no single mother, so I really don't know for sure, but I can put myself in her shoes. If the girl is 7, then the mom has plenty of experience raising her on her own; she doesn't need HELP... she needs companionship. It doesn't make her a different person to be a mom, it just drastically reduces her chances of finding a life mate. She could be a really awesome person whose babydaddy didn't work out... I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt, especially if she's a cool chick.
Just think, she's mature, she knows how to cook, she has things going on in her life that are more important than you, she's obviously able to support herself AND someone else... I mean, other than the inconvenience of finding a sitter, what is wrong with her?
09-19-2005, 04:33 PM
#22
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Caliadria
Just think, she's mature, she knows how to cook,
[bold]she has things going on in her life that are more important than you, [/bold]
she's obviously able to support herself AND someone else... I mean, other than the inconvenience of finding a sitter, what is wrong with her?
[bold]she has things going on in her life that are more important than you, [/bold]
she's obviously able to support herself AND someone else... I mean, other than the inconvenience of finding a sitter, what is wrong with her?
09-25-2005, 12:46 AM
#24
'Big Daddy Diggler'
Seriously man, what kinda girl spends their first night in some guys house? Even if she didnt have sex with you, thats the kind of chick you have fun with, but not the kinda girl you bring home to mom. Imagine how many other guys she just kissed and slept with.
09-27-2005, 09:39 PM
#27
Pro
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Here
Age: 52
Posts: 697
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I am a single mom...if you are not interested in being a step father, then STOP dating her now. Not 2 or 3 or 4 dates from now...No matter what she says about looking for a potential mate or not, it is always there. Single parents don't frivously date anymore. They date with the intentions of having a long term relationship. I have stopped dating many men because of this exact dilema. If you decide not to date her, DO NOT MEET THE CHILD! The last thing a child of a single parent needs is to be confused by the men in and out of her life. And if you do decide to continue dating her, wait 6 months before meeting the child. TRUST me on this!
09-27-2005, 10:56 PM
#28
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You are right. I thought as much and decided not to see her again after last Friday.
We went out again last Friday and I pretty much decided it wasn't worth it when I was faced with trying to just "hit it" with her or go for a relationship. She was too innocent and nice that I felt bad about just trying to have sex w/o a relationship and I don't think I could have a relationship with her. I ended the date sort of early. I got a call on Saturday from her and didn't call back until Sunday night and just chatted a little bit and told her that I've got to go. I think it's for the best. I did meet some of her friends though....
We went out again last Friday and I pretty much decided it wasn't worth it when I was faced with trying to just "hit it" with her or go for a relationship. She was too innocent and nice that I felt bad about just trying to have sex w/o a relationship and I don't think I could have a relationship with her. I ended the date sort of early. I got a call on Saturday from her and didn't call back until Sunday night and just chatted a little bit and told her that I've got to go. I think it's for the best. I did meet some of her friends though....
09-27-2005, 11:28 PM
#29
Senior Moderator
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Age: 47
Posts: 17,085
Received 740 Likes
on
309 Posts
good move.....a lot of the comments here were spot on, so I don't need to repeat any of them, but I will say that even though you brushed her off, you need that closure with her. Even though you simply cut the date short, and left her sort of hanging in the phone convo on saturday, she might still be expecting to hear from you. Don't just ignore it, or else those friends of hers that you mentioned, you may never see them again because you chose to abruptly end the friendship with no explanation. Best bet is to tell her how you feel and leave it at that. If she's mature, which I'm sure she is, she'll understand and you'll be in the clear with her friends.Ed
09-28-2005, 12:10 AM
#30
Pro
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Here
Age: 52
Posts: 697
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
ABSOLUTELY!! Be the man she needs you to be right now and tell her the truth. Not that you don't want to date her because she is a single mom, but that you are not ready for the kind of committment that that requires. She will more than understand and appreciate the honesty!!
09-28-2005, 12:31 AM
#31
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You mean I shouldn't just leave it hanging so it'll lead to the inevitable drunken hook up? j/k. She's going to be out of town this weekend with out of town visitors so I'll just leave it to her to call.
09-28-2005, 10:31 PM
#34
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by bigman
Seriously man, what kinda girl spends their first night in some guys house? Even if she didnt have sex with you, thats the kind of chick you have fun with, but not the kinda girl you bring home to mom. Imagine how many other guys she just kissed and slept with.
1. A little alcohol
2. A little humor
3. A little charm
And the thing that brings it all together. A good kiss.
Oh and of course, she's gotta be in that "I just want to hook up with this cute guy" mood.
09-29-2005, 12:18 AM
#35
Racer
Join Date: Feb 2005
Age: 48
Posts: 431
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hey man here is my take if you want to make this a sex and family relationship.
I have 2 kids 2 & 7. Wife is 30 and I am 29. Been married for 10 years. Let me just say wife sex drive is no where what it use to be w/o kids in our life. I am a horney mother, but my wife does not have the sex drive as she use to w/ having our kids. it pisses me off. She says it b/c having kids ect....
So what I am saying to you is sex prob be good for a while, but after so long,, your GF probably will slow down and you probably be sitting on blue balls. it sucks man. I masterbate more now then I ever did. Fuck I think I masterbate more then I have sex in my total life time.
Oh yea... no blue balls for me.
I have 2 kids 2 & 7. Wife is 30 and I am 29. Been married for 10 years. Let me just say wife sex drive is no where what it use to be w/o kids in our life. I am a horney mother, but my wife does not have the sex drive as she use to w/ having our kids. it pisses me off. She says it b/c having kids ect....
So what I am saying to you is sex prob be good for a while, but after so long,, your GF probably will slow down and you probably be sitting on blue balls. it sucks man. I masterbate more now then I ever did. Fuck I think I masterbate more then I have sex in my total life time.
Oh yea... no blue balls for me.
09-29-2005, 06:16 PM
#37
One Lucky Lady
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Osawatomie, KS
Age: 39
Posts: 35
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Shift_it
Hey man here is my take if you want to make this a sex and family relationship.
I have 2 kids 2 & 7. Wife is 30 and I am 29. Been married for 10 years. Let me just say wife sex drive is no where what it use to be w/o kids in our life. I am a horney mother, but my wife does not have the sex drive as she use to w/ having our kids. it pisses me off. She says it b/c having kids ect....
So what I am saying to you is sex prob be good for a while, but after so long,, your GF probably will slow down and you probably be sitting on blue balls. it sucks man. I masterbate more now then I ever did. Fuck I think I masterbate more then I have sex in my total life time.
Oh yea... no blue balls for me.
I have 2 kids 2 & 7. Wife is 30 and I am 29. Been married for 10 years. Let me just say wife sex drive is no where what it use to be w/o kids in our life. I am a horney mother, but my wife does not have the sex drive as she use to w/ having our kids. it pisses me off. She says it b/c having kids ect....
So what I am saying to you is sex prob be good for a while, but after so long,, your GF probably will slow down and you probably be sitting on blue balls. it sucks man. I masterbate more now then I ever did. Fuck I think I masterbate more then I have sex in my total life time.
Oh yea... no blue balls for me.
Jen
09-29-2005, 06:22 PM
#38
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Yeah, it's women like your Aunt Sue that gives men real reason to avoid wanting marriage. Why do I want to get married when I can have sex with multiple women instead of not having sex with any women?
09-29-2005, 06:38 PM
#39
One Lucky Lady
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Osawatomie, KS
Age: 39
Posts: 35
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by SDCGTSX
Yeah, it's women like your Aunt Sue that gives men real reason to avoid wanting marriage. Why do I want to get married when I can have sex with multiple women instead of not having sex with any women?
jen