I'll try to make this one as non-confusing as possible. I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 4 years now. I use Facebook and Myspace to keep in touch with friends from HS and college, but occassionally send a few messages back and forth to people I haven't met. I've been talking to one girl on myspace for the last 6 months or so, and she just asked if I wanted to meet her and her friends at a bar to see the Violent Femmes this Saturday. She knows I have a girlfriend, and we've never been "flirty" in any messages. According to her page, she's single. Seems like a cool chick.

My gf and I are mostly a "weekend warrior" couple. We only see eachother on the weekends, and she's the "has to be attached at the hip" person. We don't really hang out with other people that often, and complains when I suggest it.

So do I hang out with this chick? It's a potential friend in the area, and she knows I have a gf. If so, how? With my gf? Without? I could possibly defer this weekend's hanging out with the gf since we'll be hanging out all next week (vacation). On the other hand, my gf could get all weird/jealous about it. And I'd miss out on a potential friendship with a cool chick. What should I do?

Cliffs:
1. In a relationship for 4 years
2. gf is "attached at the hip" type, we only hang out on weekends
3. random single myspace chick wants to hang out, no flirting before.
4. I never met/called this chick
5. I'm not looking to cheat on my gf

 

I think you can if you do two things.

1) Tell your gf what is going on. If you dont tell her and she later on finds out your going to be for it.
2) Make sure this girl knows its friends only and that your not planning on hooking up.

Other then that I dont see why you cant have friends of the opposite sex.

 

make sure u tell your girl as soon as possible (if you plan on going).

this might be a monkey wrench in the whole relationship- but i dont know your girl.

depends on her type.

is she fit/cute? (the potential friend)

 

random female friend whom you met over myspace... Yeah that's not going to sit well with your girlfriend no matter how honest you are about it

It's a different ball game if you met her through other friends or if you're new to the area.

 

I'll echo everyone else's sentiment here. If you are leaning towards making friends with this "new chick," it is IMPERATIVE you let your G/F know as soon as possible. Remember, most gals are very insecure when it comes to their man sniffing the asses of other gals. Even tho your intentions seem OK, gals always consider these kind of things as "choices." You CHOSE to initiate contact with this new gal (on myspace nonetheless, which will emit a nice large red flag from your current G/F). You CHOSE to consider being this new gal's friend (at the expense of your current G/F's friendship, perhaps?). The one thing your G/F will ask is, "Why can't I come along? Why can't I meet this person?" If you can't answer this question without hesitation or hemming/hawking, you may have ulterior motives that you are denying.

You probably understand this but for gals, they overthink and overcomplicate everything. They will question your intentions, set up false expectations, and do everything in their power to mold you to fit what they "want." Or maybe, that's just my gal. In any event, communication is key in all long-term relationships so this is a prime example when you have to step up and do the right thing.

 

You have a gf and you are exchanging flirtatious messages with another girl you just met through MySpace? What signal do you think you are conveying to her other than that you are interested in her more than as a friend?

If you are truly just interested in having her as a friend, at least let your gf know about it (although I think she'll probably be suspicious).

 

I say hang out with the girl and bring your girlfriend with you, your new friend can be a friend with the both of you. If you go along that would seem a little fishy and that will give your girlfriend a reason to get mad and/or jealous. I also say share how cool she is or how great of a friend you think she may be, with your girlfriend. Then your girlfriend would feel as though she is involved and will not think that you are hiding this friendship. You never know she might want to met her and become friends with her as well.

 

Tell the GF your intentions of meeting up with this girl that you want to be freinds with. Im sure your GF will ask where you met her, of course. When you mention to your GF that you met this girl on myspace shes going to wonder how many more girls you have probally been messaging.

This all depends on how open your GF is in the relationship. Some girls dont mind their BF having friends that are girls, other girls wont stand for their BF having friends that are girls.

 

This isn't a question of ethics. It shouldn't be a question of "should you or should you not" but rather "when and where." The fact that you have a girlfriend shouldn't automatically negate the possibility of having new friends, regardless of sex. And the fact that your girlfriend would become insecure and jealous over this minute issue calls to question the trust in the relationship. Sure there are concerns for feelings here but again the question should not be "is she going to be hurt" but rather "I hope this chick isn't going to kill me."

Look, having a girlfriend is not and should not be indicative of the end of all your possible future relationship (friendly and platonic ones of course) with other girls. MySpace has been known to have some crazy bitches but for the most part, and I'm sure you'll agree, there are some pretty damn good looking or damn interesting (in a good way) people. So unless you met this girl through www.letshavesextonight.com , you're girlfriend should have no reason to be mad at you.

And as far as telling her, it's really up to you. You have no good reason to and no good reason not to. Since she's a woman and she'll get mad either way, you might as well just tell her.

 

Mastertl is right, she'll probally get mad if you do or dont tell her about the girl you met on myspace....

 

Everything else you said I agree with, this one I don't. I think she'd have some justification to feel a little insecure, unless he at least offers to have his gf meet her soon.

Like I said earlier, different ball game if this was a friend of a friend, or if he's trying to meet new people because he moved into another city etc...

 

^

 

Your intention never matters if it was never brought up, but to simplify all concerns, ask yourself how you would like her to react if she was in your situation.

 

Thanks for the input, folks! It helps to work through it hearing your perspectives.

iamhomin -- I don't think I'd really mind her meeting a guy randomly off myspace -- if she cheated on me, I'd be pissed. But I trust her. It actually kinda ticks her off that I don't get jealous about stuff like that -- she thinks I don't care for her because I don't get jealous.

georgia/mike -- I don't think my gf would be into going with. I told her we could hang out from Sun-Thurs, and I'm gonna hang out with some friends on Friday, then this thing on Saturday. I haven't told her yet, because as mastertl said, she'll get mad either way. I figure if things work out as far as a friendship goes with this other chick, then I'll tell my gf. If things don't work out (e.g. she's boring, psycho, etc), then I won't tell my gf.

I guess this all boils down to this question:

Is it possible for people in a relationship to make new single friends of the opposite sex?

 

I dont think many of you men out here would trust the intentions of another man wanting to meet up with your woman off of myspace to just hang out.

and just because she knows you have a gf doesnt mean shes not trying to get with you.

 

For me, no. I'm not wasting time becoming friends with a girl unless I'm trying to bang her. So any new female "friends" I would meet would cause great concern with my gf, and rightfully so.


In fact, some girls only like to get with guys that have gf's. Less chance of the guy becoming needy/clingy.

 

would you still meet up with her if she was a huge ugly chick with the same personality?

 

NO NO NO NO. WTF are you doing talking to a girl you DONT KNOW on MYSPACE when you have a girlfriend?? Im not like your girlfriend in the sense that im not attached to my boyfriends hip and he basically does what he wants, but i would go slightly nutso if i found that out. I never see men making new female friends when they have girlfriends. What are you looking for? I was under the assumption guys are only friends with "hot" girls and only for the chance they could get lucky one day.... If your girlfriend has any bit of jealousy about her nature then she's not going to be happy.

 

[QUOTE=Mike 350Z]For me, no. I'm not wasting time becoming friends with a girl unless I'm trying to bang her. So any new female "friends" I would meet would cause great concern with my gf, and rightfully so. [QUOTE]

Exactly