I was in a class at NYU with some girl during the Spring semester last year for like two weeks, but I got out of the class because of time restraints. I always found her extremely attractive because she has that look I love: brunette, italian, dresses like she has money, about 5'3, not too thin, nice body.

I spoke to her once in like April in a bar and it basically consisted of her coming up to me really drunk and asking me if I'm in her Prose class, me telling her that I got out of the class, then us being introduced to each other, then having like a 2-minute conversation before her friends pulled her out the door of the bar because she was really sloppy. Whatever. This interaction will come into play later.

One of my friends happens to know her because they work together, and when this semester started I asked him to drop some names and maybe set me up with her. She got off a bad breakup and told my friend that she wanted to meet someone from New York from school and start over, and my friend dropped my name and she seemed happy to meet (or remeet?) me. A month went by, nothing happened.

I went into a college bar at like 1:30 on Friday night in the Village, fairly buzzed from drinking, and she was talking with two guys (looked like friends, honestly) at the bar. I saw her, told my friends it was her, and that was that. All of a sudden, I looked over her way and she was staring at me. These weren't small glances, these were 3-second stares followed by the infamous lookdown. This continued for about 10 minutes, and it even got to the point where my friend said, ''wow, she's grilling you.'' I won't lie, I was looking too. I decided to walk near her with my friends by picking songs from the jukebox, which was about 5-10 feet from where she was standing. When the jukebox wasn't really working, I looked over her way and she was staring, then gave me an eyebrow raise and a hello. I came up to her, as at this time she was with her two girlfriends, and I told her, ''hey what's up, you wanna come with me for a drink?'' she said ''sure'' and we walked over. This is when it got weird...

When we got near the bar I told her ''hi, I'm Matt by the way'' and she said ''oh no, we're playing this game? I know you from Prose class, Matt. So, what is my name?'' I played dumb at first and then played the game where you pretend like you're thinking but you really know the name and she said ''wow, very good, I'm happy you remembered.'' I asked her if she wanted to sit down (she ordered vodka and cranberry even though she wasn't drinking that night, shit) and she said ''I can't because I have to look over my friends in about ten minutes, she's getting really sloppy, but I'll stand here for a little.'' We ended up having a weird ass conversation, basically that we knew everything about each other but didn't really want to address it. She says to me, ''I couldn't believe you went to Xaverian'' because she went to an all-girl's school right down the street, and then we were talking about the fact that I'm Brooklyn and she's from Staten Island, and who we know from those places, that stupid game. Then, she says to me, ''you know, I remember you from last year, we spoke about this same stuff, we sat in this same exact bar and you bought me a drink.'' This really threw me for a loop, considering what I said earlier about us only talking for a few minutes before she got dragged away. I don't remember even having a long conversation with this girl and she remembers everything about me? WTF? Later on, her former best friend, who was in the bar too and who I know from one of my friends, comes up to me and says ''hey Matt'' just to piss off the girl I was talking to, which got a reaction of ''how do you know her?'' I said ''people know people, we are from the city and went to almost the same school.'' About five minutes later, we both went on our way or whatever. I'd say it was a decent conversation but it was kinda weird because we know everything about each other from the past and I was trying to play dumb because I thought that was the right angle to take. I didn't want to seem like I knew everything about the girl even though I do, and I wasn't expecting her to do so as well. Boy, was I wrong...

After we went our separate ways, my aforementioned friend that was supposed to set us up showed up to the bar out of nowhere. I was going to the bathroom and without noticing him, he suddenly pushes me to say what's up and gives me a huge ''HEY'' and a hug and shit. He happened to be talking to the girl at the time, and he introduces us like we weren't just talking for 15 minutes. We both start laughing about the situation and I go on my way to the bathroom. Then, I go sit down with my friends again, who at this time are talking to some girls at a table. I just sit there for a little while before she's about to leave, as she was with both of her friends for the next 20 minutes after I saw her talking to my boy. Then, when she's about to leave, I look over and she gives me a wave and a smile goodbye. I go up to her and say ''hey, if you want you know how to reach me'' and I walk away. Of course, this was a vague reference to thefacebook, as us college kids are used to this type of crap.

How do I go about this now? The girl was grilling me hard in the bar, I spoke to her, we had a weird conversation about how well she knows me, what do I do? I could friend her on facebook (I'm thinking I should, since it's a resource) and see how it goes from there, but I dunno what to do. I didn't even have my phone on Friday night (left it at my friend's before we left) so I couldn't try to get a number. Do I just play it cool or should I make the ''move'' of doing that? Ugh, I hate women...

(I'm not even going to cliffsnote this, by the way)

 

ok, sorry, no cliffnotes, no read

 

Well, everything is pretty specific so I can't really generalize it. If I don't get responses I'll be forced to do cliffsnotes.

 

Sounds like you should have got her number before she left Personally I don't like these sort of games, but if your into it then it sounds like you found your soul mate.

 

Cliffnotes - he's into this girl, seems like she's at least mildly interested. He bumps into her they talk that's it, down the road they bump into each other and act like they don't know each other even though they do. She drops some not so subtle hints that she's interested, he doesn't act and wants to know what to do.

 

you just said this?! ''hey, if you want you know how to reach me''

and shes supposed to assume to get at you on facebook?! you sure you didnt leave a few words out or something...

haha this facebook shit is out of control dude.. fuck that, should have just straight up gotten her number. HOWEVER, since you did not, go for the facebook thing.. youll friend, she'll poke or msg you or write on your wall, youll respond blahblah repeat cycle and then eventually youll get her # from there or vice versa then you can hang out

fn shit facebook sucks.. i mean i love it but its such a hinderance these days. just get the # next time its easier and its what youre gonna HAVE to do after college bc working people wont have facebook!! haha

 

I forgot a little tidbit of information. I forgot my Nextel at my friend's place before we left to go out, and when I found out I forgot it I said, ''shit, I know I'm going to need this phone for some reason tonight, I just know it.'' I was fucking right.

Therefore, the whole phone number thing was a wash, and I wish I hadn't left it at my friend's home. Besides that, was there definitely interest on her part? Should I have gotten the phone number? My friend, who was going to introduce us, just told me before, ''I heard good things about what happened the other night, you're good'' but he wouldn't give details because he's not getting involved because introducing a friend to a friend could get messy. Fair enough.

 

I am confused, what does you having your phone on you have to do with getting her number?

Back in the old days she could write it on a piece of paper, napkin or what ever and you would call her a few days later. I know its hard to remember the days before cell phones, but for a long time before cell phones people exchanged phone numbers all the time with great ease - so what's the problem again?

Sounds like your trying to create unwaranted drama for what reason I don't know. Its not rocket science, its just getting to know a girl.

 

Most of the info was pretty unnecessary, basically you ran into the girl you wanted to go out with for a long time and did nothing. Hope you do better next time man.

 

Grow a set.

 

If you are not going to bother reading the damn post, why post in the thread?

 

Matt,

It sounds like you should try dinner or something. You might have a normal conversation sober.....

 

Sounds like you're into the girl a lot, but you have some fear of rejection or maybe you feel like she'll think you're a loser for being so interested in her... Step up to the plate, ask her for a number and a date, if she rejects then at least you know where you stand and you don't have keep stressing over her.

 

well first of all, playing the dumb game after she already said she knew your name was stupid. stop being so middle school about it, friend her on facebook (like this will get you SO far), and CALL her. she obviously has interest in you. girls remember everything, even when we're drunk. we notice and remember details about a guy we like. don't play stupid, be confident and go get her. you snooze you lose.

 

My soulmate is a pain in the ass like me. We're actively avoiding each other (this is why we've never met and I don't know who she is). I think she probably lives in Sacramento now. Or maybe even New Jersey.
I don't waste my time thinking about the anti-but-opposite me.

A good grilling once in a while makes you think you're important enough to attract attention.
Nothing like a little false consciousness. The Big Man Upstairs is shaking things up for you. He's the guy to thank for your "good fortune."

I'm not bitter. I'm realistic. And a few years older.

 

Umm....how 'bout: "Do you want to hang out sometime?....Here's my number/what's yours?" -----> reach for PEN AND PAPER/NAPKIN/RECEIPT/ANYTHING if you don't have your cell phone...*sigh* People *did* get phone numbers before the invention or jump in popularity of cell phones....

Games = stupid and childish. If you'd like to get to know her - just be honest and say it already, or act on it.

The end.

 

P.S. You won't find many members who will read your entire post. If you want more responses -- make it shorter. Just a thought.

 

Only people like me will bother to read such a long essay.

Much agreed, but the Direct Approach rarely works.
Then again, it's all about how you pick the Target!

 

....Guess it depends on the person. If someone is somewhat mature and somewhat interested in actually meeting people and starting a decent relationship, I think the honest approach will work really well. People who are ready prob find "pick-up lines" and 'techniques' a lil old, immature, and boring at that point. Sometimes just being yourself and being open and honest is refreshing to someone who constantly has people beating around the bush. However, assuming this girl is only 19, she's prob still into the games and pick-up techniques.

 

Also, how about you just say here is my number, call me sometime? Not techno enough? Impress her with your knowledge of the subtle nuances of dating. Were you trying to come off like a dork? Seriously, just say wanna go out sometime? You're making this way more difficult (and way more akward) than it needs to be. You're a guy for chrissakes just say what you think. Mind games are a woman's territory, you are a novice by default.

 

Here's my deal that no one really understands. I happen to be fairly mature for my age and I get involved rather easily with women and jump into things, and I get very foolish when it comes to girls. My self esteem sometimes gets the best of me and I feel like I have to win a girl over, and every single time I do that it gets the best of me, I end up overthinking things, and I lose the girl because I'm too upfront about things and how I feel. It's a mistake I keep making and I'm trying not to get so involved with these women right away.

I wasn't trying to play games with the girl, I just didn't want to show too much interest because I figured that's how I'd scare them away. And as for how I was ''playing games with her'', I really wasn't sure if I was supposed to know everything about her even though I actually do. I didn't want to come off as stalkerish even though she knew everything about me.

Whatever, I facebooked her, she accepted, now I have to figure out my next move. I'm not going to wait another 6 months to see her at a bar again to talk to her, that's for sure. I know I made a mistake with not getting her number, that was definitely stupid.

 

By the way...sorry for being so out of the loop, but wtf is "facebook"?

Games = Not being yourself and trying to think of a really complicated plan on how to answer things/ask things/do things. Just relax and have fun...take it as it comes. And no, as you've mentioned about your past situations -- it's prob not going to keep her around if you profess your love to her within an hour.

 

Facebook is a college website. It's sort of like myspace, only it basically brings people from colleges together. It's a great way to stalk (sorry, ''find out about'') people because you have a profile, picture, photo albums, and other stuff to view.

And by the way, I'm definitely not going to confess my love to her within an hour, you know what I mean.

 

You told her to look you up on a website instead of just giving her your phone number or taking hers???

Personally, I wouldn't think you were horribly interested in getting together if that's how you went about things. Next time just do it the old fashioned way and get her number or give her yours. Why make it involve so much work for the same outcome (hopefully)?! Again, only my

 

I didn't read it, but the answer to your paragraph is:


The bitch is playing headgames with you. She's not worth your time.

 

lol, you didn't read but you assume she's playing head games

Matt, your story was very interesting....
From a girl's point of view, if I were her... I'd expect you to call me. You should have more guts to just ask her out or least take her to a dinner.

 

I know this is contextual, but its still funny. I've heard a lot of stories where females were quote as saying: "I hooked up with him last night?!?!" and "why did i wake up with my pants unzipped?!?!?!"


Bro, now you can ask for her phone # since she's your friend on facebook, which you should have done earlier. That would be the best way since like you said you might not see her for another 6 months. You could say "hey hope you had a fun time last weekend. give me your # so i can call you next time im there and we can meet up."

That's not too forward, asking her out to dinner at this point is, for 19 yr old college girl anyway.

 

stop playing games.

 

all girls play headgames


/thread

 

You should have borrowed your friend's phone to get her number. I think your opportunity just went out the window. Forget her and move on.

 

Thats how I read it. Women like to do this shit to see if your "up to the challenge"

So, unless you want to play that game, move on....

 

you sure don't sound like it.

 

but HE'S the one playing head games. Pretending he doesnt remember her, or her name. Acting like he doesnt like her. Meanwhile she is the one say , "are we going to play this game?" " I remember we talked about this before, in this same spot" etc etc.

Fuck man, grow up.

 

Ok, i finally read the whole thing and realized that he's playing headgames with her.


...and you're telling me to grow up? wtf. What type of advice does he need? Either you want to talk to her or you don't. He wants advice, yet, he's the one playing "headgames" with her.


and for the rest of you who didn't read the long paragraph and have been dying for cliffs:

CLIFFS: He met a girl. She remembers everything about him. He plays it off. He asks for advice for this situation.

 

Yeah, I realize I'm an idiot. I got the girl just where I've wanted her for months, and I blew it big-time. Maybe I was too drunk to function, I don't know. Everyone continues to tell me that I'm good and she was interested and she told some people that she was, but I still feel stupid because all of this was completely out-of-character. I tried changing my ways because I'm always too aggressive and over-the-top and instead I alienated someone that was interested in me and that I was interested in as well. Stupid, stupid move. And for the record, I'm never this way and that's why I'm asking for advice. I'm not immature, believe me. I'm usually the one all over girls and making moves, which isn't good either. I can't remember ever playing games with a girl that was interested in me. I guess I need to find a common ground.

By the way, I facebook friended her on Sunday, she accepted ten minutes later, and then I sent her a message on the internet late last night basically giving her my number and asking for hers nonchalantly and explaining why I didn't ask for it on Friday (left phone at friend's, the real excuse). She hasn't responded yet (only been less than a day), and I don't know if I would if I were her either. Actually, she's probably letting me sweat it out and taking her time, and I deserve all that.

 

It is really respectable that you understood what you did wrong. It's all a learning experience. Be yourself. If she doesn't like who you are, then it wouldn't be worth pursuing.

Good luck.

 

YOU my friend are a FAG. I dont mean that in a bad way. You are just inexperienced I guess. You should have gotten her number when she was ice grilling you. You should have gotten up when she was staring at you and said "hey dont I know you" "you are looking great " blah blah blah to let her know ur interested ... got her digits and bounced.

 

too long my friend....NYU girls always seem to want something

 

I give you credit for realizing you made a mistake instead of trying to play it off. You learned from this and will be wiser for it. Remeber, to be old and wise, you first must be young and stupid.

 

For the record, she never answered me back. It's been three days. Oh well, time to move on. Maybe I'll run into her sometime by school - if not, I deserve what has happened.