JJ4Short

Here's the fucking situation
Me and my girl got back together and the same shit happened
Heres what happens

My girlfriend is at a party, I find out drug dealers are there I calmly say in a smart ass voice "Huh, drug dealers there huh?" She spazzes out and gets defensive

SO ANYTIME I ASK HER ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she automatically gets defensive, then I get mad!
I found her diary and read it and read that she was having feelings for her ex (why we originally broke up) and she turns it on me gets defensive and tells me I never should have read it...even though it was on her online blog

Now am I wrong that I have trust issues with her?
When I tell her "Hey if you didn't get so defensive everything would be cool."
Her answer to this is "Why should I respond a certain way?"

GoDucksCLSPride

Sounds like Smitty's fault to me. Or maybe bad Karma for PM's at three in the morning

TLover

My philosophy is: I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to.

Sounds like she's given you plenty of reasons.

spidey07

Have you seen all the recent posts about drama queens?

Well looks like we have another. I'd be pissed as well having to put up with that kind of crap.

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

YES, you're wrong. You the one that has trust issues. She's dating you. If she has feelings for some other dude, then either you talk to her and address it or break up with her.

Further more, she should have absolutely no faith in you. What the hell were you doing reading her diary? That's messed up.

JJ4Short

Was I wrong for reading her online diary?! She stays blaming me "Why did you read it" and before that entry I found out she thought I didnt support her, ACTING, and that i must be jealous. When I was just being a guy and saying "Ok, cool you got a part" I was happy but damn I am not going to throw a fucking party. So she got mad when I started supporting her because I changed only because I read that in her diary.

TLover

It's an online blog. If doesn't want anyone to read, why put it on the Internet?

JJ4Short

So you find a phone number on your spouse and your like "umm who is this" and they blow up on you...do you trust them? I am not an angry guy and I don't curse at her or Have ever accused her of anything.

The reason I read it was me and her stopped having sex as much and she started acting shady and I kept it to myself and when I did confront her she answered "I don't know" so I read the diary. I am sorry but I think I acted pretty damn adult about it.

TLover

People who get overly defensive all the time are hiding something.

Gpump

Different chapter, same shit. Leave now.

BTW, does Ravin know what the hell a blog is? Public domain - not exactly picking the lock of her secret memoirs.

CLPowersWife

Not necessarily... she may be frustrated because he keeps questioning her actions when she hasn't really done anything wrong lately.

If she's making an effort to be good, and you're questioning her every move, she has a right to act defensive. You're putting her in a defensive mode by offensively asking her about every move she makes.

I mean, if you really trusted that she wouldn't do drugs, then you wouldn't have even mentioned the drug dealers at the party, would you? So she may be really struggling to not go buy drugs from them, and be a good girl, but then you say, "Gee, drug dealers, huh?" in a manner that suggests you think she's doing them anyway, and honestly, what's the point? If she's trying to be good for YOU and you're not even willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, imagine how frustrating that must be for her.

I'm not saying you're WRONG; I just suggest that you think long and hard, assume that she's telling you the truth, and then put yourself in her shoes in these situations. You have to assume that she's being truthful to you; otherwise, why are you even together?

I understand what others have said, that she's given you reasons to be distrustful, but if you didn't think she could change, you shouldn't have given her another chance.

TLover

^^^True. We're only getting one side of the story here. It sounds like you two need to have a long, serious but CALM discussion about all these issues.

JJ4Short

That's the thing there is no effort. Her mindset is "I am this way and that's me stop trying to change me." My mindset is "Ok this is upsetting her maybe I should look at what i am doing a be a bit more considerate of her needs"

JJ4Short

I just tried that, I was like "Stop yelling at me and let's calm down and talk about this"
SHE STAYS BEING UPSET!
The thing is I see other relationships and girls get bitchy, then calm down her she doesn't she stays bitchy.

I know we are breaking up I just want to know if I am that horrible of a boyfriend

CLPowersWife

No, sweetie, you're not. Not if she's not trying. Plus, if you were horrible, you wouldn't care whether you were horrible or not.

doopstr

Link to blog please

JJ4Short

Actually let me spell everything out for you guys.
Everything was good up until this Decemember around my birthday. She didn't have enough for a gift so she didn't want to come visit me (1 and a half hour drive I do every weekend) so I told her "I just want to see you" and she kept making excuses and I was like "I come see you all the damn time can't you just come here this once" So she comes and she is pissy the whole time and I am pissed.

Another time she gets mad at me because I tell her to pay for herself at the theatres. Instead of saying "I am low on cash" she pays and get's pissy and walks away from me and my 2 friends we are double dating with to watch a different movie while we were waiting for our movie. I tell her "If you would have told me I would have paid since I have no bills"

NEXT TIME we stop having sex (I only see her one day out of the week, would like some kind of sex) she says her vagina hurts, I am like ok then lets oral "NO" she makes no kind of effort and even if I ask for a hand job she rolls her eyes

This goes on for a while and we are getting less intimate and before when she was happy to see me and excited she just doesnt seem to care, I find her online diary and read it.

She gets mad because I read it and I am like lets just get past this and move on. The no intimacy keeps going on and I keep asking her "What the hell is wrong?!" She blames school work. Now I know school is stressful but she is Psych Major and has 4 classes and our relationship is getting ruined over this?! So I tell her BS and she gets mad (although I understand her getting mad I can't fathom ruining a relationship over some BS classes)

So now we argue and we get pissed and such and she is telling me "You want me to act like something I am not" and I keep telling her "No I just want you to be less defensive"

Now I know some things are my fault, like I should leave her alone and not keep asking her what's wrong but its hard when I only see her 1 and a half days a week and she has all week to do whatever she needs to do then gets mad at me and says its school work, sorry I just can't deal with that answer in my mind its tough to be mad for 6 months over this shit.

JJ4Short

LOL she took it down

CLpower

FYI, her vagina probably hurt cause she got nailed by her ex

JJ4Short

It's funny at this point that's actually funny

CLpower

glad you can laugh at the truth

doopstr

She does sound high maintenance to me. Why do you bother with her?

CLpower

they are all high maintnence

Red-CL

You're too young to deal with bullshit.

My # 1 rule is "Don't chase 'em, replace 'em".

It makes things alot easier if she knows you have this mentality.

JJ4Short

Yeah I should have done it along time ago I just thought she might be the one cause she had a level head in the beginning. Oh well.

spidey07

That's the whole purpose of dating - to see if she turns into a pscho bitch from hell. Guess you have your answer.

DarkSithCL

iTrader: (1)

crazywomen+ you= youcrazy +women...simple algebra

DarkSithGirl

that's more drama than anyone person should have in a lifetime...you are young...move on!

iTimmy

So then what does this mean crazywoman + crazyyou= ??

moeronn

Jerry Springer guests?

BC2G

sorry your girl is a nutcase

Ken1997TL

If you two cannot sit down and calmly talk about all this like adults, you should NEVER be together.

Relationships require trust, friendship and attraction.

55M2G7L

god damn mike get a new girl jeez

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

she was your ex for a reason, move on, you don't need the bs

Water-S

here's my take on the issue(take it however you want): IMO you are trying to control her. you are telling her who she can and can't hang out with. as long as she isn't doing dope or running dope what's wrong with hanging out with dope dealers. I know people who run dope. I'm not saying what they are doing is right. but a lot of dope runners aren't what you vision them as the "low life" scumbags who steal and cheat and rip people off. I've seen a guy who makes 50-60 k a year and has a family running dope on the side. not a wise move but he's still running dope. he's a nice guy. grant it, I don't hang out with him as much as I used to because he made the choice to run dope. but occassionally I stop over to see him.
Here's why I think she got defensive. you were telling her LOOK YOU CAN'T HANG OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE. to her you seem like another father. of course you don't have that position. so your authority being questioned. it's a battle of power over her.

virtualbong

Dude she seems like a major headache. I believe that couples can have small arguments from time to time, but this frequency screams "Pain In Ass" Relationship.