Picking a Best Man (Long)
07-13-2010, 03:36 PM
#1
Picking a Best Man (Long)
Dislcaimer: This is a long post and may have moments that don't make sense.
My fiancée and I are slowly planning our wedding, which will be sometime next September. Part of this planning is for me to pick a best man. I'm having the hardest time ever with this.
I have three friends who would be candidates for the "job", but they all have their problems.
Friend 1 is someone I've known since about 8th grade. We used to hang out all the time. He moved to Albuquerque mid way through our Junior year in high school. I made 3 trips out to Albuquerque to visit and hangout in 2005, but after that decided the ball was in his court. The ball hasn't moved. We're still good friends, and when we do talk on the phone (which is very rare) we seem to be able to pick up where we left off. However, our wedding is going to be a bit unconventional. The ceremony will be one Saturday, and the reception will be the following Saturday (it's what the fiancée wants). To add to the equation, he's getting married in May. Between his wedding plans and other stuff, I don't know if he'd be able to make it out to attend both the ceremony and reception.
Friend 2 is someone I've been friends with since 5th grade. A new high school opened my sophomore year, and he chose to continue to attend the old school (even though his house was in the new school's area), and I went to the new school. We drifted apart a bit since then. He's come out to visit a couple of times, and I've visited him a few times, but we really haven't truly "hung out". He was my first friend when my family moved from the Bay Area to the Central Valley, and like Friend 1 we seem to be able to continue from where we left off when we're hanging out. However, I feel weird asking him to be my best man since we haven't really hung out much in the past 4-5 years.
Friend 3 is a relatively new friend. He's a co-worker of mine who I've known for three years. We get along really well, and we both refer to each other as "friends" before "co-workers". We've hung out outside of work many times. He's a really great guy. He's someone I talk to about just about anything (like when complaining about teh "women", as an example.). We carpooled for over a year, so we know each other pretty well.
So, in the pressure of trying to figure this out, I asked Friend 3. He was honored and happy that I asked him and would be happy to be my best man, but he told me he wanted me to be sure he was the right guy for the job since the "typical" best man is someone who's been a life long friend. This started my doubts. I assumed Friend 1 and Friend 2 wouldn't be able to do it, but I didn't ask them. I'm now thinking I should ask one of them. Because of Friend 1's distance, I'm now thinking I should ask Friend 2...but I don't know.
A part of me is telling me that I should pick someone who's been a "lifelong" friend...or at least close. But I don't know.
This shouldn't be so complicated, and I feel very weird typing this out. Help me think this through, Azine.
My fiancée and I are slowly planning our wedding, which will be sometime next September. Part of this planning is for me to pick a best man. I'm having the hardest time ever with this.
I have three friends who would be candidates for the "job", but they all have their problems.
Friend 1 is someone I've known since about 8th grade. We used to hang out all the time. He moved to Albuquerque mid way through our Junior year in high school. I made 3 trips out to Albuquerque to visit and hangout in 2005, but after that decided the ball was in his court. The ball hasn't moved. We're still good friends, and when we do talk on the phone (which is very rare) we seem to be able to pick up where we left off. However, our wedding is going to be a bit unconventional. The ceremony will be one Saturday, and the reception will be the following Saturday (it's what the fiancée wants). To add to the equation, he's getting married in May. Between his wedding plans and other stuff, I don't know if he'd be able to make it out to attend both the ceremony and reception.
Friend 2 is someone I've been friends with since 5th grade. A new high school opened my sophomore year, and he chose to continue to attend the old school (even though his house was in the new school's area), and I went to the new school. We drifted apart a bit since then. He's come out to visit a couple of times, and I've visited him a few times, but we really haven't truly "hung out". He was my first friend when my family moved from the Bay Area to the Central Valley, and like Friend 1 we seem to be able to continue from where we left off when we're hanging out. However, I feel weird asking him to be my best man since we haven't really hung out much in the past 4-5 years.
Friend 3 is a relatively new friend. He's a co-worker of mine who I've known for three years. We get along really well, and we both refer to each other as "friends" before "co-workers". We've hung out outside of work many times. He's a really great guy. He's someone I talk to about just about anything (like when complaining about teh "women", as an example.). We carpooled for over a year, so we know each other pretty well.
So, in the pressure of trying to figure this out, I asked Friend 3. He was honored and happy that I asked him and would be happy to be my best man, but he told me he wanted me to be sure he was the right guy for the job since the "typical" best man is someone who's been a life long friend. This started my doubts. I assumed Friend 1 and Friend 2 wouldn't be able to do it, but I didn't ask them. I'm now thinking I should ask one of them. Because of Friend 1's distance, I'm now thinking I should ask Friend 2...but I don't know.
A part of me is telling me that I should pick someone who's been a "lifelong" friend...or at least close. But I don't know.
This shouldn't be so complicated, and I feel very weird typing this out. Help me think this through, Azine.
07-13-2010, 05:36 PM
#2
Registered but harmless
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No biggie-- the other guys can be invited as groomsmen.
IDK that there's a "lifelong friend requirement," either-- my best man was a guy I met in college; I picked him over a buddy from kindergarten and another guy from college.
Oh, conrats, and
! 
IDK that there's a "lifelong friend requirement," either-- my best man was a guy I met in college; I picked him over a buddy from kindergarten and another guy from college.
Oh, conrats, and
!
07-13-2010, 05:37 PM
#3
Team Owner
Who's your current best friend? Ask him.
I'm assuming you don't have any brothers that you're close to.
I'm assuming you don't have any brothers that you're close to.
07-13-2010, 05:45 PM
#4
Go Giants
Pick me....
07-13-2010, 07:28 PM
#5
Team Owner
iTrader: (4)
I think you asked the right dude. You are currently close to him, and if he is likely to be in your life longer, then it makes sense.
Friend 1 and 2 are kids from your past. Invite them and ask them to be groomsmen. If you think they will be offended then you can tell them that your fiancee knows them better. But really a true friend should not be offended.
And of course....Congrats.
Friend 1 and 2 are kids from your past. Invite them and ask them to be groomsmen. If you think they will be offended then you can tell them that your fiancee knows them better. But really a true friend should not be offended.
And of course....Congrats.
07-13-2010, 07:48 PM
#6
Suzuka Master
I was bestman to a groom and we had only known each other for 3 years. But, we lifted weights at the same gym, went clubbing together every weekend, and golfed every Wednesday afternoon. IMO pick the guy who's your best friend at the moment. It's not about "how long" you've known each other but "how well" you know each other. Carpooling together for 1 year is a pretty damn good way to know someone else. Plus, having your bestman local is key when he's planning the debauchery to be inflicted on your bachelor party. That's the only reason I agreed to do the job. Planning a nice dinner with the boys, VIP service at the club, and a good excuse for a half dozen recon missions to teh strip club to smooth out the logistics. I swear that's the only time I've been at a strip club during the day. Damn is it empty LOL.
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07-13-2010, 11:12 PM
#8
Thanks guys. My fiancée agrees with what everyone has said and she thinks I made the right choice. The more I sit on it the better I feel about my choice. He is my "best friend" of today and knows the present me better than any other friends of mine. 
07-14-2010, 05:24 AM
#9
The best man is typically someone you feel very close to, are current with, and someone you trust to stand beside you and support you throughout the process of preparing for and getting married. It's supposed to be an honour, although most people dread it. 
I wouldn't feel forced to ask someone just because you've known them longest but actually haven't seen or been in touch with regularly for years...doesn't seem like someone who would know you very well anymore or be current with your life. It doesn't sound like someone who's even met your fiancee or gotten to know her much either, and what would they be able to talk about (aside from you at 5 years old) during their speech?...they don't know you anymore. I think it would be awkward for you and him (#1 and 2).... I wouldn't necessarily feel obligated to have them in the wedding party at all either if you guys only hang out once every 3-5 years. Just my thoughts though.
I wouldn't feel forced to ask someone just because you've known them longest but actually haven't seen or been in touch with regularly for years...doesn't seem like someone who would know you very well anymore or be current with your life. It doesn't sound like someone who's even met your fiancee or gotten to know her much either, and what would they be able to talk about (aside from you at 5 years old) during their speech?...they don't know you anymore. I think it would be awkward for you and him (#1 and 2).... I wouldn't necessarily feel obligated to have them in the wedding party at all either if you guys only hang out once every 3-5 years. Just my thoughts though.
Last edited by Street Spirit; 07-14-2010 at 05:29 AM.
07-14-2010, 06:15 AM
#11
You made the right choice.
When I got engaged, I asked my lifelong best friend to be my best man. He did not answer me. No phone calls, e-mails, whatever. Then one day, three months before the wedding, I get a phone call from him and I asked him then, and he said he would have to get back to me. I told him I would give him two days to decide. He did not get back to me.
That made me really think what a flake he was. I asked my college roomate and current best friend, and I have no regretted it, as he is my son's Godfather. I would trust him with my life.
My other friend and I have not spoken since the whole debacle. He did not even attend my wedding.
You made the right choice.
When I got engaged, I asked my lifelong best friend to be my best man. He did not answer me. No phone calls, e-mails, whatever. Then one day, three months before the wedding, I get a phone call from him and I asked him then, and he said he would have to get back to me. I told him I would give him two days to decide. He did not get back to me.
That made me really think what a flake he was. I asked my college roomate and current best friend, and I have no regretted it, as he is my son's Godfather. I would trust him with my life.
My other friend and I have not spoken since the whole debacle. He did not even attend my wedding.
You made the right choice.
07-14-2010, 06:41 AM
#12
Safety Car
Join Date: Apr 2002
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I had the same predicament when I got married - 29 yrs ago. To make the sting seems a little less painful to my many friends I chose my brother. No feelings were hurt yet I also feel I made the right choice, too. He was very instrumental in turning my life around and helped make me who I am today - may he RIP.
07-14-2010, 10:42 AM
#13
Senior Moderator
You made the right choice.
When I got engaged, I asked my lifelong best friend to be my best man. He did not answer me. No phone calls, e-mails, whatever. Then one day, three months before the wedding, I get a phone call from him and I asked him then, and he said he would have to get back to me. I told him I would give him two days to decide. He did not get back to me.
That made me really think what a flake he was. I asked my college roomate and current best friend, and I have no regretted it, as he is my son's Godfather. I would trust him with my life.
My other friend and I have not spoken since the whole debacle. He did not even attend my wedding.
You made the right choice.
When I got engaged, I asked my lifelong best friend to be my best man. He did not answer me. No phone calls, e-mails, whatever. Then one day, three months before the wedding, I get a phone call from him and I asked him then, and he said he would have to get back to me. I told him I would give him two days to decide. He did not get back to me.
That made me really think what a flake he was. I asked my college roomate and current best friend, and I have no regretted it, as he is my son's Godfather. I would trust him with my life.
My other friend and I have not spoken since the whole debacle. He did not even attend my wedding.
You made the right choice.
@ your former "best" friend. Some friend.
07-14-2010, 11:11 AM
#14
Yea my cousin will be my best man, as he is my best friend as well. Has been for my whole life. My current best (non related) friend who has been my best (nonrelated)friend since I was in 9th grade has ALOT of personal issues hes gota figure out. LOL
I think you made the right choice. Its hard to say someone you knew in K-8 is your best friend because noone reallly knows who they are until later in life. Now if you guys wouldve stayed friends(more than you are now) into adulthood it would be a diff story.
I think you made the right choice. Its hard to say someone you knew in K-8 is your best friend because noone reallly knows who they are until later in life. Now if you guys wouldve stayed friends(more than you are now) into adulthood it would be a diff story.
07-14-2010, 01:46 PM
#17
I asked my lifelong best friend to be my best man. He did not answer me. No phone calls, e-mails, whatever. Then one day, three months before the wedding, I get a phone call from him and I asked him then, and he said he would have to get back to me. I told him I would give him two days to decide. He did not get back to me.
...[he] and I have not spoken since the whole debacle. He did not even attend my wedding.
...[he] and I have not spoken since the whole debacle. He did not even attend my wedding.
I have a younger brother (19), but I don't think he'd be up to being my best man. I love him and whatnot, but it's just not something I could see him as right now, ya know? I don't think he'd be able to handle the responsibility (not that it's that hard...).
The more I think about it the more I realize I made the best choice.
07-15-2010, 05:13 PM
#19
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right choice
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