Ever since my one year and a month relationship ended, everyone is telling me that I'm too young to want to settle down. To be honest, I've done the fooling around thing and the random dating and I just don't want to play the field. First is was my ex, who said something to the effect (this is a pseudo-quote from memory, but its close to the original), "I don't understand why you're dating so soon. I don't mean like getting over me, but like why don't you want to fool around a bit and see what's out there?"

Then, two of my other friends said I was acting like an old man and were absolutely puzzled why I was so upset about having a 2 week relationship (shortly after the year long one). I was upset that I was just an "experimental" boyfriend.

Then, to add to it all, my freakin' MOM says, "You're young, you weren't ready for a long relationship anyway." She says this JUST after I had broken up after the year long one.

So is it just me? Am I crazy? Or is it perfectly good to want to settle down at my age?

 

Well I think most people say that because they feel relationships can significantly hamper other goals you may have... if you have no other goals that require most of your time/energy... then maybe it's not that big of a deal.

 

I don't think its odd at all. Some people prefer to play the field and some don't want to deal with the BS. I'm the kind of person that values stability and if I ever get into another relationship, I would want it to be one that was meant for the long term. Of course there is no way to guarantee the life of a relationship, but I'd rather be in a good committed relationship than floating around from person to person.

 

That's the way I am. I like to stay committed for as long as things are good. I can hope it's lifelong, but if not, at least I tried. And it's not like I can't have a career just because I'm in a serious relationship...I'm almost done University, I'm ready to settle.

 

I'm single

 

 

I feel the same way, I would like to settle down and have a stable relationship. Actually I did, for the past 3 years, but it didn't work out so I'm trying to move on. I met someone 2 weeks after my split and we've been together for almost 4 months but I don't see it going anywhere. I might have to get out of it before it gets too complicated.

It's hard to be single when most of your friends (at least in my case) are dating or are married. But there is time and place for everything and I guess my time is not here yet.

 

I'll join too

 

100% with this statement. It is a lot harder to be single when you're surrounded by everyone who is not

 

YoungTL - did you hear that?

I may have missed the latest in your dating situation - are you still dating the younger guy?

There is nothing wrong with wanting a committed relationship, but I honestly do think 21 is a bit young to be thinking about truly settling down. I'm not saying you should do something just because those around you are telling you to, but they are most likely just trying to look out for you.

 

I get the "you should date around more" from my mom all the time.

I'm one of those people who believes that if a relationship is not going anywhere, then there's no point in being in the relationship. That's not to say I can't remain friends with the other person, but that we just shouldn't be "boyfriend and girlfriend." Right now, I've been in my current relationship for nearly 3 years and both my girlfriend and I feel that we would not have stayed in this relationship if we didn't feel that there is potential for things to go the distance.

And vice-versa. It's hard to be in a relationship when all of your friends are single and screwing around. The temptation to join in on the fun can be unbearable at times.

 

Naw we busted up after two weeks. I was an "experiment" apparently. Just curious as to what your reasons are that you think 21 is too young to think about truly settling down? I've had all the sex outside of relationships I could ever want, and it got EMPTY very quick, and experimental dating is SO high school...

 

I completely disagree! I (used to) love being the only single one of my friends. When you are the only single guy everyone else always tries to hook you up with the other single people they know. Also the couples I know are usually enthralled by events from the world of single people so they always want to hear all my stories .

 

If my single life were exciting I'd probably feel the same way Unfortunately my single life is of the DOA variety

 

Yeah it helps to be a whackjob I guess.

 

Generally speaking, at 21 you don't know $hlt about:
- yourself
- life around you
- what you want (other than love and money)
- what you need

Again, this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone, but it's generally true. While you may have experienced more than the average 21 year old with regards to dating, there is still much more outside of that which affects your wants and needs. People change as they get older, and what they want out of life changes along with them.

 

My pictures all suckzor.

 

But I know what I want NOW. It's not like I have to move in with anyone. I honestly don't see my ideals changing all that much. What can I say, I like a good looking exterior and a nerdy interior, and I don't think that will change because I'm a nerd myself and will be for life...

 

People change at 25, 30, 35, 40. Just things to think about. How's Canada these days eh?

 

It's fine up here. It's a little easier to get a date in than I thought. I'm sorta "seeing" a computer engineer who works for the military...haven't done anything yet, but the tension is high . I think this one could be going somewhere.

 

Canada has a military????

 

It's normal having the urge to settle down at a young age. Usually, it means you are tired of the the non-fulfilling escapades and you want a stable, meaningful relationship.... but that doesn't equate to actually being ready to settle down.

Don't rush. Being single is actually a good opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself. When you reach the stage of being able to accept and truly love yourself, then you are in a better state to love someone else and give fully without expecting anything in return.

 

21 is young, and most folks tellilng you to chill are simply noting that. You can settle down if you want, but be aware that, with the complexity of our culture, the twenties tend to be a time of continued dynamic change for most folks. Career starts, potentially career changes, grad scool, completing grad school - it's a busy decade. Not saying you should be forced to play the field, but it may help torecognize that you're still very much a work in progress and that the plaster's still wet in the mould. Give yourself some time..........

I met the love of my life at 31.after several false starts (ranging from a few weeks to three years) and a period of time when a one-night stand would have been an enduring relationship. We married when I was 37, and I am glad that I waited to grow up just a tad.

 

Thanks sasha and ric, both of what you said makes sense. I'm only 1.5 years away from an excellent career (and a new TL ), but yeah I guess I kind of need some dating experience because my circumstance prevented me from doing the normal junior high and high school dating thing. I didn't get a date until I was almost 18.