Im at another fork in my life because of the situation that i fall into time and time again. as some of you know, i am engaged and have been so for over a year and a half. I have 2 kids with her and thats about all we have in common. Sure, reality tv is nice too but i can only watch so much of Americas next top model! Anyways the details are long and drawn out and i can only type so much on my phone.

For those who have read this far, did you settle or am i just suffering from a case of "The grass is always greener?"

 

If you can wade through the eventual post-whoring...check out my Decisions thread. There's good discussion somewhere in there about finding happiness, and whether or not it's sustainable, also.

My short answer to your question, is no. Obviously it depends on what you want from life, and I think that when you add kids into the mix, the waters become much muddier. Sometimes it's probably worth "settling" for less than total fulfillment on a personal level if it means getting to stay with your kids full-time. Obviously, if it's an unhealthy relationship, most experts will agree the kids are better off when the parents don't stay together.

 

I would never settle. IMO, you will spend your life knowing you settled. Of course, my decisions have never included children, so your situation is totally different from mine. Good luck, I hope you are able to work it all out, it sounds like you have alot to deal with.

 

Ash,
Your last two years have been quite temptuous and fulfilling, yet stressful. It appears to me that your current relationship, as it stands now, is one of total commitment to your kids. A happy family makes a happy home; an unhappy family does not make a home. If you truly want this relationship to progress, you may need to seek counseling but both parties need to attend open-minded sessions. If, on the other hand, yuou are ready to move forward with your life then now is the time. You can still care and raise your kids as a single parent. Not sure how the mother/fiance' will react or welcome your suggestion of professional help. If you both agree that it is time to move on in different directions then do what you can to helpmake her life less traumatic. Does her mother still live with you? Texas law will give your fiance' the upper hand since you have been living together for some time now. I suggest you speak to a lawyer and see what you may be facing prior to dropping the curtain on her. I have not been married 27 yrs without being able to work out problems and both parties giving and taking. If your relationship is dull now it certainly won't get much better in your later years. You both need to learn to grow togethrer or you will grow apart. Have you been back to the Hooters looking for that greener grass?

 

No. But don't think you are "settling" until you KNOW there's something else out there that's better for you and only you. You're not "settling" if you only think or hope there might be something else out there that is better. Without knowing the details behind this, I think everyone can get bored in a relationship from time to time, but that doesn't mean it's time to jump ship.

Take a step back, try to be objective, and think about whether you are "settling" or if you're just in a short term rut.

 

What makes you think you might be "settling?" Is there something that you want that you don't have from your SO?

Talk to your SO to see if you and the SO can do something to get whatever is lacking.

I know I didn't settle-- my wife tells me every day I'm damn lucky...

 

When you can fart in the bathroom with the door open then walk into your bedroom and still get sex you have found the right woman.

 

^^^

 

I appreciate all of the advice and I think I have decided to take a step back with her and try to figure out what we can do to make things better. The kids are my number 1 priority but i do want to be happy too.

 

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. Maybe some counseling can help, but definitely giving it a try before giving up is what's best. If it doesn't work then at least you know you put in all of your effort.

 

Ash, it is easier to make yourself happy than to make someone else happy.

 

The american dream is not about settling. You should make it big and date a pornstar

 

Fixed.

 

guess i found the right woman

 

ditto...i found the right woman too...lol...it's get even better though...

 

NEVER settle for less than what you deserve! I think people who settle are selling themselves short. If you feel that you deserve more than what you are getting than go out there and get it. No one is stopping you but yourself!

 

the problem is, ive never been happy and who knows if i ever can be

 

^^^ maybe you just need to be a bit more wise in choosing a partner. Either that or you need to work on yourself. In order to be happy you need to be able to be happy with yourself.

Good luck!

 

and there may lie a problem in itself Ash. Have you ever been truly happy in life, in general ?

Some people aren't really ever happy, and there can be a variety of reasons why.

 

I think this happens to a lot of people. It's natural to be jealous of your single friends or those that have "more functional" relationships...but then when you're single you end up missing that companionship. Happens a lot.

 

I think you are stupid for settling. I think it is a good way to doom a relationship and mess up your kids. Because 9 out of 10 times there is limited future for your relationship. If you are that 1 out of 10, then I guess I'm wrong.

 

The key issue here is to distinguish "settling" now that you are a grown man of 29 from what your old POV was 5-6 years ago.

In other words...are you settling now or have things just not turned out the way you envisioned things would work out when you were still a young buck?

 

if you settle, DO NOT marry. Living together is OK but if you are not 100% in love, then just live together. Had a buddy marry his g/f cause she was preggie. 2 years later, she left and got half of all he owned and child support.

 

Thte challenge with settling is that, somewhere down the road, you may meet someone that really does resonate with you, and you will have complex entanglements to deal with.

If you think that, with work, this relationship could become more than it is, go for it. If, after a time of effort on your part and hers, it does not get there, better to cut your losses.

I was raised by a couple who stayed together for the benefit of the children, and I guarantee that - for the kids - it was not worth it. My parents openly detested each other, and as a child, I grew weary of watching the dissention. I left as soon as I could, never looked back.

 

 

love the cartoon...




kinda depressing tho - I always wonder how do you ever know it's the 'right one' ... i don't believe that there's ONLY one person with whom you could make it work... but some people are right and some aren't...

 

there's no way there is only one person for each of us. what would be the chances of meeting the one person in the world that is perfect for you? We just have to take the best that comes along.

 

Yeah I totally agree that there's NO WAY that there's only one person...

But say you go with what you think is the best that comes along... and then later on down the road something better comes up... or is that usually just a case of the grass being greener on the other side??

 

That's life. That's why that cartoon cracked me up cause we all worry about that.