Say you were talking/hanging out with Person A and you were also talking to Person B. Things with Person A were slow to develop, and things with Person B went quicker and you ended up with that person. Now you have been in a long term relationship with person B, you are in love, you have a great relationship with them and even talk about being with them for a long long time. However, you seem to have this curious, what could have been feeling with Person A. Is that ok to have? Is it ok to talk about it with Person A without saying anything to Person B because this is something you're trying to figure out on your own and not create any doubts with Person B?

 

I think it is better to find out if you truly may have something with Person A because you don't want to commit to Person B now and then have it fall apart 5 years from now. Plus the "what if" will always be in your mind if you don't settle it. I would want to know.

 

I think its okay as long as you dont act on it.

May I suggest downloading "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks

Edit: Dont say anything to person A. This will create drama (the fun and interesting kind) that person B wont be able to compare to. This will be confused with realy love and when that eventually wears off, youll be left starting a new thread with a similar theme: "What if I had stayed with her."

 

Hmmm, all depends on your feelings for person B IMO. The fact that your thinking about exploring things with person A tells me your feelings for person B aren't as strong as you think they are. C?

 

Dont act on it..

Its natural for people to wonder "what if" in the beginning of a relationship. Focus on person B and Person A will disappear from your mind with time.

 

Why not act on it if you have a chance? I think you should experience the whole thing to make sure YOU know exactly what you want. I disagree with that Ken, if Person A hasn't disappeared while "Now you have been in a long term relationship with person B, you are in love, you have a great relationship with them and even talk about being with them for a long long time" then it probably won't go away. The man needs closure.

 

I don't know if it's "right," but I would say it's normal.

 

There's nothing wrong with the "what if" thoughts. You'll get them early on, and later in the relationship, you'll probably have "what might be if things were different" thoughts with others. Ask youself if you're willing to risk the one you have. If you really are happy, the "what if" isn't necessarily going to haunt you.

I had a classic case like you described in college. At the end of the Spring semester, I met a girl that I uncomfortably attracted to, and she was really cool too. However, the timing wasn't right and, being the clueless fool that I was, I didn't think I'd have a chance with her. Fast forward to the next Fall semester, I started dating another girl. She was great, but not to the same level of attraction that I had with the first one. Long story short, I became aware that I probably could have dated girl #1. I had a few doubts and we'd even occasionally exchange "what if" glances. Still, I decided that girl #2 was too good to pass up on a risk. 14 years later, I'm still happily married to girl #2, and I'm very thankful that I didn't blow it.

 

90 percent of the time Person A is not what you make them out to be then your stuck because Person B will be like "We had something great and you left to fuck around you douche" I say go explore only if you don't mind losing the person you are with. If you have something good you would have to be a retard to go see if everyone you ever fantasize about lives up to it.

Think if you were Person B and you loved a person who was "curious" about someone else. I don't know if I would be able to trust that person again and may look at them as flighty especially if everything is awesome, think how they may feel if things get a little bad.

Edit: this actually happened to me and I found out my last ex had was curious about her last ex who dumped her for being insecure. Well she felt she was no longer insecure and was curious about "what if" well she never acted on it but I found out she jokingly (jokingly in a way that would 'test the water') and I couldn't trust her anymore. It would have been better if she kept it to herself because he has a girl and has no interest in her and we ended up breaking up. Now she is stuck.

 

It's natural. I still sometimes catch myself thinking of what-could've-been with my ex-GF of 6 years before we broke up in '01...

 

Do person A and person B know each other?

 

Thoughts are OK. Acting on it behind the back of Person B is not. Either do it out in the open or don't do it unless you are looking to undermine the trust in your relationship.

Mike

 

IF they don't know each other I would let them alternate days. Variety is a luxury nowadays.

 

Person A and B don't know of each other, but they know OF each other...


Here's the twist....

Say you are Person B and you found out that your significant other was having these what if feelings about person A. But your SO doesn't know you know... THEN what do you do?

 

create a situation to make the So think that you no longer have feelings for Person A. You win.

You are an asshole if you let B find out about feelings for A. I hope we are not expecting a Ameoba post soon.

 

Titand, I'm not the one who has a person A or B, so no worries

 

If things are goin well? Let it pass.

I say this because I used to be in the same scenario. Took a couple years of "what ifs" but I finally realized what a douche person A was and how glad I was to be with person B.

 

It seems the person who has person A and person B has said things to Person A about these What Ifs, and that they are really happy to see Person A and would like to hang out at the frequency they do. It almost seems though Person A may be a backup plan? HOWEVER, to their defence, they have said, it would be nice meet up to talk about the new job, person B and life in general.

 

i say if they both don't know each other, just go out on a date with person A and don't say anything to person B.

my girlfriend has to told me to go out on a date (no sex or anything) with another woman to help me make sure of what i really want. she doesn't want to know if i do. i have not done what she suggested and don't really want to, although i am tempted because there are alot of really attractive women at church and my girlfriend always tells me how nice they are.

 

DRM, I don't think that would be appropriate give the fact that this person has a strong (supposedly) relationship with person B, i.e. they have talked about their future together, a ring, marriage, kids, etc etc.

 

person A was slow to develop??? was she... 12??

 

just messin wit ya!

 

I don't think there's any problem with WONDERING as long as you don't act on it. Human nature involves making choices that affect the course of your future, and in any capacity, it's normal to wonder what might have been had you made a different choice, whether it be a certain job, a place to live, or an old flame.

I mean, the day before my wedding I found out that my ex (from 6 years ago) had just gotten engaged, and I'll admit that it sort of took my breath away, which is retarded since it's not like I wasn't already committed for life to someone else, and since I have no interest whatsoever in ever seeing the ex ever again, much less rekindling our retarded relationship...

I guess my point with that ^ is to show that it's natural to wonder what your life may be like if you had done something differently, but that doesn't mean that where you are now is unsatisfying to you.