dmassott

***My apologies for this being so long, if you dont want to read it i dont blame you, but if you can help, id really aprricate it.

ok so i never thought id be online asking for this kind of advice but ive seen the good advice people get on here so here it goes:

Me and my ex were together for over 3 years(end of high school, begining of college) on and off a couple times but mostly together. Then out of the blue she decides she doesnt want a relationship. So that was like May of '07. It took me awhile to get over it, its was a tough couple months if not year.

So we then really didnt talk over the next year, just on birthdays and stuff like that to see how each other were. then this past spring '08, we start talking alittle bit again. then she finds out i was going to a prom with some girl and got alittle jealous. so at this point im like wtf? anyway long story short, we end up meeting up and bangin a couple times over the summer. then once again she runs away saying that she cant handle a relationship right now but wants to be with me??

Now, just last sunday we end up bangin again, i dont know why, we just did..I never think of her as a booty call since she means more than that to me but i wasnt thinking anything more of it.
Now this past saturday night, im at dinner with my brother and sister in law.they say that their neighbors neice is staying with her and she thinks im cute(she was looking at their wedding pics) and that i should come home with them and meet her.
So i go back with them and meet her, girl is beautiful and funny. we hung out for while and then decided to go out for dinner the next night(sunday) before she went back home. (lives about 45 min away in jersey). So sunday comes and we go to dinner and have a great time. and go back to my bros house and watch tv for a while the whole time just talking and stuff, really hitting it off. i guess the only thing is that shes a senior in high school. But who cares right?

So i put on my facebook that "I finally have that feeling again". 2 min later my ex texts me asking me to explain my facebook. and she calls liek 5 times.

Supposedly she thought we were making progress with our relationship?@?!?!? it took her finding out about another girl to finally say somehting??
any way i end up talking to her last night on the phone and shes crying saying that she doesnt want to be "jsut friends" anymore, she wants more.(what i've always wanted in the past)
So wtf? i meet a nice girl and hit it off and now her she comes trying to get me back?? My head has been spinning liek crazy for the last day. I told her i need alot of time to think and make a decision on what i want. I mean i would love to be back with her, but i just met this girl and we're going out agin this weekend.

So i dont know what to do i guess just think about all of it for while and still go out with the new girl this weekend?

Thanks, and sorry again for writing so much

wndrlst

It sounds to me like your ex is one of those girls who doesn't really want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. It's a control thing. And frankly, I think it's a maturity thing. I'm not trying to imply she's a bad person - she probably really can't help it because she does care for you, but not enough to be with you. Hopefully she'll grow out of it, and grow INto better control over her emotions.

Let it go, and move on. She's messing with your head, and that's just not cool.

TL1999

^^i am with wndrlst

time to move on...

Rounder

Agree with the above.

She had her chance with you. See how things work out with this new girl.

dmassott

and for the most part i agree with you guys..but like i always knew we'd end up back toghether and like both of our moms say they know we are getting married lol we really do have that kind of connection. but i really want to have some fun with the new girl.
Im going out with the new girl Gianna Alexis, even her name is hot lol this weekend and i'll try to decide sometime next week what i want?

wndrlst

You're young. Play the field. Don't be an asshole about it, but play the field.

dmassott

^ and when i picked her the other night she said "is that an acura" i told her yes and that i was impressed. then she was like "thats the car i want" lol..she has a '08 civic tho, not bad for a senior in high school.

1killercls

ass to mouth...STAT!

Derk's K24

Dont worry about the ex. When you're young just about any girl you can get along with and have fun with for an extended period of time you think you're gonna marry. It sounds like your ex wants her cake and eat it too which isnt fair to you. Try your hand with the new chick and see what comes of it, you owe it to yourself.

amisconception

I'd be interested in hearing your opinion on how exactly to "play the field" without being an "asshole".

greco9885

iTrader: (1)

she doesnt know what she wants, very indecisive, say you get back with her and she pulls the same shit again. imagine how you are going to feel after she breaks your heart again? i would just let her go and give her some time to "mature" im guessing shes maybe around 18-19?

greco9885

iTrader: (1)

but on the other hand she could of realized how good you were to here after she dated a few guys and they treated her like shit.

sasha

Your ex is obviously possessive about you. As someone already pointed out, she wants to be the only woman in your life even though you guys have already broken up. She can't accept the reality that your attention is not focused on her anymore and perhaps even expected that you'll wait for her to come around.

Now she realizes that she can lose you to another woman and the jealousy makes her feel like she wants to be with you again. It's sad but a lot of people don't realize how much the other person means to them until he leaves.

The question is, do you still want to be together with your ex? Or are you willing to risk losing her because you want to pursue the new girl? If I were you, I'll ditch the ex because you already gave her so many chances to work things out and she always end up breaking the relationship.

dmassott

thanks for all the tips guys, i am so freakin confused. thats the thing, i dont know if maybe she finally has realized how good i was to her, and that shes not going to find that with anyone else(not to sound conceided). idk i guess i gotta decide if i want to pursue a realtionship or just mess around. although i do like the new girl, i only went out once with her, but i dont really see it turning into a real relationship. just since shes still in high school and going to college next year, she doesnt really need a relationship

Dr. Colorado

Don't let pussy cloud your judgement. Tag the jersey girl and in 1 month you'll be like "ex-girlfriend who?" Your ex sounds like a manipulative, controlling, insecure person so cut that crap out of your life like a cancer

dmassott

forgot to mention that she came home from school last night (only liek 45 min away) bc she wanted to talk to me in person. But i had to ref a hockey game and really didnt want to see her..

wndrlst

Date around. Be honest. Don't play games. Keep your ego in check. How is that difficult, shnookums?

phipark

good call...might as well get something meaningful out of that "relationship."

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

Please tell me your car is debaged... because if she saw the A emblem and asked if it was an Acura...

by the looks of your avatar it isn't...




lol I'm just kidding, sort of. But yeah not all high school girls are complete bad news, don't worry about it too much, if anything it's better because you have the upperhand in the relationship, young girls like older guys. See how things workout with the new girl, tell your ex to blow you. (take that as you will.)

RMATIC09

Your EX wants you for the wrong reasons. She wants you to belong to her, and nobody else.

GO out with the new girl, don't miss the opportunity. You've gone this long without being with your EX, you can go a few more weeks.

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

My current gf is 17!

I'm the pickiest son of a bitch too. If I can do it, you can do it man!

yohan81718

Go with your heart. I'm pretty sure one side is pulling your heart stronger than the other. If you are serious about the relationship, don't look back and go on once you made your mind. Very simple but not easy concept.


And stop banging your ex in any case. It would do no good.

amisconception

Any attempt to escape the Darwinistic cruelty that exists in today's dating world is very often met by women with some call for men to transcend and become wonderful (by a woman's ideal) human beings. But why isn't it universally accepted by men? Because the incentives for doing so are simply "good feelings" and a thumbsup. It's no secret that while women parade this call for men to become altruistic in their motives, women have sex with jerks at frat parties (for example) often with zero precondition.

Dating around with this noble intention is foolish. The barn doors have been opened and the cows are roaming freely.

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

^^haha, all too true.

michimonster

she likes the idea of you. thats about it. go out with the new chick and have fun!

dmassott

hahaha na my car isnt debadged, but she said it as soon as we walked outside looking at the side of the car from the top of the steps.

lol and shes still 17..she'll turn 18 around the same time i turn 21. Shes hot too lol high school prom again?? holla

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

Yeah seriously... I really don't want to go to prom again, especially not junior prom

I'll probably hold off on that one.. haha

But she's slammin, this girls got all the qualities I want right now... her parents raised her well.

I'll post a pic of my girl if you post one of yours!

dmassott

thanks again to everyone for everything..this is prob the hardest stupid decision ive ever had to make in my so far.

im going to tak while to think it over and in the mean time, go out with the new girl and see how that goes

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

before you go!!

dmassott

haha what you talking bout? i love proms lol i ahve a blast.. ha i dont have any pics yet.i was messing around trying to take one the other night and she waslike "you wanna show me to your friends"
we'll see maybe this weekend..ill be like.. i want a pic of us lol

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

there you go Tiger! I'll post mine for 5 minutes... I really don't feel compfortable showing my gfs on AZINE for a permanent amount of time

sit tight

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

dmassott

yeah boy, haha good luck with it dude, wish me luck

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

Thanks!
Good luck!

Eoanou

Why would you bother putting that on your facebook when you know that your ex would most likely see it?

Stop trying to make your ex jealous and linger around playing with her feelings just leave her alone and continue with the new girl.

txlancer

why not date them both? tell the ex that you dont want to rush back into a relationship... just date and see where it leads. Dont tell her about the other girl since it is none of her business since you are just dating. And then as you are dating both of them, decide which one you like being with more. It shouldnt be too hard considering the ex lives 45 minutes away. Learn to play the field.

Also... like others have said... the ex is just trying to control you, but probably not intentionally. I just got done doing the same thing, I broke up with my gf, she found another bf, and then i told her i wanted to get back together with her so she dumped the other guy and got back with me. Within 1 month I broke up with her again because I realized I didnt want a relationship with her, I just want her not to date anyone else, haha. I didnt mean to be a dick, since I still had feelings for her, but it came out that way.

I learned from it though, and Im more mature now cause I wont make that mistake again and I forced myself to move on. So be cautious about getting back with her, cause she might just end up breaking up with you again real soon, because she doesnt want a relationship with you, but she still cares for you so she doesnt want to see you with someone else.

Hapa DC5

Yes, cosigned. Just move on, at 20 this isn't worth the BS. It's not like you have a kid and a mortgage.

aznkikaz

iTrader: (2)

shes your ex for a reason

wndrlst

While this theory works for you, it doesn't work for the percentage of the population actually looking for Love. (Which I realize is like looking for Santa Clause in your eyes, but what can it hurt to play along? Let him have his childhood.)

There are all kinds of women out there, just as we get a decent cross section in this subforum of the the kinds of men out there. Perception plays a great role in our behavior toward each other. Some people are willing to date around (honestly, kindly, with an open mind) until they find someone who has a similar perception of what a relationship "should" be, and who is looking for the same thing they are. Whatever that "thing" may be. Don't knock it just because it's not what you seek.

For you, it's sex with a monster-hot tigress with no strings attached. There are women out there looking for sex with a monster-hot stud with no strings attached. If you happen to fit that bill, then fabulous. Match made in temporary heaven.

dmassott

update..so this was really bothering me all last week(messing with my head, and work performance) so i decided to try to figure it out.
So we went down the shore together for the weekend. All in all it ended up being a really nice getaway. we talked about everything and just spent some needed time together.
She wanted me to know that she isnt confused about this anymore and that she knows she wants this(us) and shes willing to wait untill whenever i am ready.
so i dunno, just taking my time, thinking about what i want..we really had a great time together down the shore.