Need Advice on an Issue with a former friend...
05-19-2008, 02:57 PM
#1
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Need Advice on an Issue with a former friend...
First off, no, this is not about a friend that I like or care for now.
I started working at my job about 2 years ago where I made numerous friends. Well a few months ago, a new worker came in (female) and he fell in love with her at first sight. Let me just say that she is a woman that you cannot find anywhere, she's down to earth, smart, a little ditzy at time (she's blonde), and is basically an angel, I will call her Jessica for now. Well my friend, let’s call him bob, talked about her and how he just loved her. I said basically that you better commit to this as he had done a lot of crazy things with other women and dating. Well, I told him to go ask her out in a week or two after she got situated a little bit as she was just moving here to Florida. He goes up to her about a week or two later and asks her out, well she replies to him "bob, I think you more of a co-worker than a person like that, I'm sorry about that, and also I'm in a relationship with my current boyfriend, and cheating on someone is not a thing I would do."
These words simply crushed him, he lost it. He left work 10 minutes after and didn't come back for a day or two, coincidently with her day off. I called him up a few times and we chatted about this and he said that this woman was the love of his life and he knew it. As well, he implied thoughts of suicide during this conversation. After hearing all of this, at work I went to my superiors who have a free counseling service for employee's during hard times, and told them of the situation. They said they would call him in and talk to him, which they did do. The next day he came up to me while I was on break and told me that they had called him up to the "psycho" office to talk to him and how he just lied and didn't say a word about this woman who he wanted to kill himself for.
Well about 3 months after this incident, my boss tells me that this girl has been moved to my friend’s position and would be fired for his poor performance. I talked for about an hour explaining that he had some problems (didn’t go past that), and tried to tell him that he would get out of this soon and be back on level. My boss reluctantly agreed to my proposition that bob take Jessica’s job and Jessica takes his job. He also told me to work with her and help her get situated. As well, he mentioned that we may have to do planning projects and such for various firms, so to be on good terms since we would be spending a bit of time working on projects.
She moved into his position and him into her's, and then the trouble started to escalate. Bob and I were talking and he said, he has been going though from tough times, his dad died, and well, that just taking a glance in this girl’s direction would give him a smile and forget his worries. Coincidently, that same day, after we just talked, my supervisor came to me and told me that I had a big project to work on with her, that was due in 5 days. Well I promptly went up to her and told her what the supervisor had just told me and she said ok, and then we started working on the project. For the first 2 days, all I did was work on this project at work for a few hours then go home to relax. I realized that it would not be done by the 5 day mark so at work, I talked to Jessica about this. I said that we could stay here a bit later or come in a little bit early to advance on this project, but she gave the idea of coming to my house and working on it there. I made any and almost all excuses that we should do it at work, but she still insisted that we should work on it at my house.
Well I reluctantly agreed to do this and she came to my house after work to finish up on the project, and we did make some good progress. I get off of work at 3, and we were at my house at around 4:00. Well at around 7:00, we were both hungry and because it's stupid Daytona Beach, the only places open are fast food, which I will never go to.
I cooked up some food and while cooking we were talking a bit about work and what we hated and like, and then the topic of bob somehow arose. She said to me in these exact words "Your buddy bob still seems to like me after all of that, what's up with him?" Those words will remain in my mind forever, I was in a bind, I could either lie up the ass for him, or tell the truth and ease it over with him, and I chose the latter option. I told her basically "bob things your this angel, he loves you quite a bit, and knowing him for a bit, it is true love for him." Jessica was a little bit taken back by this, but she replied "Well, I would have gone out with him, but he's really weird, and then a few weeks ago, he came up to me, really nervous and asked for a picture of my ex (she broke up with him, apparently long distance relationships don't work)
Jessica then asked me, why did he do that? I said, just guessing at this point, “He probably wanted to see how your ex looked so he could mimic him and be more of a person you love.” She gave me this weird look and then said, he’s a really odd fellow.
Well work rolls around and it’s the day before the project is due, day 4, and we hoped it would have been done by the end of the day, but it wasn’t, so she had to come to my house to finish it up with me. Well I tried again to make excuses, but she kept on pushing it. I agreed again and she came over like before. We worked and got done at around 8, but after we talked for maybe an hour or so and then she left.
The next day at work, Bob was furious with me; he would not talk to me or say anything to me. From another friend there, let’s call him Larry, he talked to bob and told me, bob’s pissed at you, you talked about him with Jessica and told his secrets about her. I said blatantly, what secrets, everyone could see it and stormed out. I tried to talk with him, but he would not even listen. I finally then wrote him a letter basically saying this:
Bob, you are a good friend to me and the same as I. I have not talked to her about any of these secrets that you have about her, hell, I don’t know even what secrets. All I said to her was that you wanted to go out with her, that’s it.
I left the letter on his desk and after my arrival from lunch, I found a note from him on my desk, it said this:
“You told her that I would get happiness just by glancing at her, that I was madly in love with her and wanted to kill myself over her and would do anything to get her love. After that he said, you are not a friend, a un-named person told me that you two have been mingling for the past few days, and now that you want her for yourself and wish to do anything to destroy my love. “
I was furious at this and wrote to him this:
“I have done no such mingling with her as this un-named person as stated, we worked and that was it, nothing more. I did not say anything like that, just that you wanted to go out with her, that’s it. You should really re-evaluate your situation, you are trusting un-named persons over one of your best buddies. And also, before you start ruining friendships, make sure you know what you are doing, as I am the only reason you are working here, ask the boss. “
I didn’t get a reply from him after that letter, and Bob continued not to talk to me or acknowledge me. I continued working and did projects as necessary for work, and one more time had to do a project with Jessica at her house for work, which was around 2 Fridays ago.
Monday rolls around and I am assigned another project with Jessica. We do our work in the office and she only came to my house once to pick up some papers.
Saturday rolls around, and well, I walk in and everyone is staring at me like I did some crime. I work as I normally do, and when I walk around the office, people just hush up like I’m there to fire them. Well I walk up to Larry after seeing this and he tells me this:
“Bob is telling everyone that you are a back-stabbing idiot that should never be trusted and should be fired.”
After hearing this, I got really angry. On a side note, I have had to take anger management classes before as in the 10th grade; I got so mad at a teacher for bitching at me that I copied a paper when I worked my blood into it, that I threw a desk across the room. But like I said before, I got really angry and did the few small things to calm myself down, and wrote this in a formal letter to bob.
“Bob, I have been a good friend to you and have done nothing of the sort wrong. If you wish to defame me and to spread rumors, you can no longer be a friend or a co-worker to me. You can take this simple statement any way you want to as I no longer care.”
I left it on his desk before I left and walked out. Today I came into work and the antics of other co-workers continued, but Jessica and Larry were still pleasant towards me. Before I leave, I see Larry come up to me and he hands me a note, and says it’s from bob. I look around and see bob staring at us. Well I take the note and read it, and this is what is says exactly (besides the names)
CSMEANCE,
I just want to say that you have showed me that trusting you is a mistake. I’m so happy that I know when I tell you something or Larry tells you something, it will be repeated to Jessica (I hope you realize my sarcasm) And man, is it comforting to know that you take what isn’t your business and give it all to Jessica. Thanks for screwing me and Larry (your friends) over. It’s opened our eyes to know that we should not trust you with crap. I don’t know who you think you are to do this to us, but this is getting old. I never stooped this low, but don’t worry, Jessica will hate me forever after you get this note.
Anyway, have a good life of backstabbing and having people you think are your friends.
BOB
PS>. I thank you for showing me who my real friends are, and it is definitely not you.
I am furious now that he wrote this to me, and I punched my monitor at work and broke it (another thing I have to pay for, darn it) and left work early. I need help on what to do, do I leave my job, and do I write something back, what do I do? I am sincerely lost and can’t get help from counseling as they were cut a few weeks ago. What do I do?
Sorry for the long read, typing this for an hour has helped calm me down a bit. Thanks for your help.
Cliffs:
New Girl at work. (Jessica)
Friend falls in love (bob)
She says no to date him
He’s crushed
She gets his job and works with me
I had to save his ass at work and regret it now
We finish work projects at my house
We talk briefly about bob and he gets info that I told Jessica everything
We exchange a few heated letters (read the last one)
Need help on what to do
I started working at my job about 2 years ago where I made numerous friends. Well a few months ago, a new worker came in (female) and he fell in love with her at first sight. Let me just say that she is a woman that you cannot find anywhere, she's down to earth, smart, a little ditzy at time (she's blonde), and is basically an angel, I will call her Jessica for now. Well my friend, let’s call him bob, talked about her and how he just loved her. I said basically that you better commit to this as he had done a lot of crazy things with other women and dating. Well, I told him to go ask her out in a week or two after she got situated a little bit as she was just moving here to Florida. He goes up to her about a week or two later and asks her out, well she replies to him "bob, I think you more of a co-worker than a person like that, I'm sorry about that, and also I'm in a relationship with my current boyfriend, and cheating on someone is not a thing I would do."
These words simply crushed him, he lost it. He left work 10 minutes after and didn't come back for a day or two, coincidently with her day off. I called him up a few times and we chatted about this and he said that this woman was the love of his life and he knew it. As well, he implied thoughts of suicide during this conversation. After hearing all of this, at work I went to my superiors who have a free counseling service for employee's during hard times, and told them of the situation. They said they would call him in and talk to him, which they did do. The next day he came up to me while I was on break and told me that they had called him up to the "psycho" office to talk to him and how he just lied and didn't say a word about this woman who he wanted to kill himself for.
Well about 3 months after this incident, my boss tells me that this girl has been moved to my friend’s position and would be fired for his poor performance. I talked for about an hour explaining that he had some problems (didn’t go past that), and tried to tell him that he would get out of this soon and be back on level. My boss reluctantly agreed to my proposition that bob take Jessica’s job and Jessica takes his job. He also told me to work with her and help her get situated. As well, he mentioned that we may have to do planning projects and such for various firms, so to be on good terms since we would be spending a bit of time working on projects.
She moved into his position and him into her's, and then the trouble started to escalate. Bob and I were talking and he said, he has been going though from tough times, his dad died, and well, that just taking a glance in this girl’s direction would give him a smile and forget his worries. Coincidently, that same day, after we just talked, my supervisor came to me and told me that I had a big project to work on with her, that was due in 5 days. Well I promptly went up to her and told her what the supervisor had just told me and she said ok, and then we started working on the project. For the first 2 days, all I did was work on this project at work for a few hours then go home to relax. I realized that it would not be done by the 5 day mark so at work, I talked to Jessica about this. I said that we could stay here a bit later or come in a little bit early to advance on this project, but she gave the idea of coming to my house and working on it there. I made any and almost all excuses that we should do it at work, but she still insisted that we should work on it at my house.
Well I reluctantly agreed to do this and she came to my house after work to finish up on the project, and we did make some good progress. I get off of work at 3, and we were at my house at around 4:00. Well at around 7:00, we were both hungry and because it's stupid Daytona Beach, the only places open are fast food, which I will never go to.
I cooked up some food and while cooking we were talking a bit about work and what we hated and like, and then the topic of bob somehow arose. She said to me in these exact words "Your buddy bob still seems to like me after all of that, what's up with him?" Those words will remain in my mind forever, I was in a bind, I could either lie up the ass for him, or tell the truth and ease it over with him, and I chose the latter option. I told her basically "bob things your this angel, he loves you quite a bit, and knowing him for a bit, it is true love for him." Jessica was a little bit taken back by this, but she replied "Well, I would have gone out with him, but he's really weird, and then a few weeks ago, he came up to me, really nervous and asked for a picture of my ex (she broke up with him, apparently long distance relationships don't work)
Jessica then asked me, why did he do that? I said, just guessing at this point, “He probably wanted to see how your ex looked so he could mimic him and be more of a person you love.” She gave me this weird look and then said, he’s a really odd fellow.
Well work rolls around and it’s the day before the project is due, day 4, and we hoped it would have been done by the end of the day, but it wasn’t, so she had to come to my house to finish it up with me. Well I tried again to make excuses, but she kept on pushing it. I agreed again and she came over like before. We worked and got done at around 8, but after we talked for maybe an hour or so and then she left.
The next day at work, Bob was furious with me; he would not talk to me or say anything to me. From another friend there, let’s call him Larry, he talked to bob and told me, bob’s pissed at you, you talked about him with Jessica and told his secrets about her. I said blatantly, what secrets, everyone could see it and stormed out. I tried to talk with him, but he would not even listen. I finally then wrote him a letter basically saying this:
Bob, you are a good friend to me and the same as I. I have not talked to her about any of these secrets that you have about her, hell, I don’t know even what secrets. All I said to her was that you wanted to go out with her, that’s it.
I left the letter on his desk and after my arrival from lunch, I found a note from him on my desk, it said this:
“You told her that I would get happiness just by glancing at her, that I was madly in love with her and wanted to kill myself over her and would do anything to get her love. After that he said, you are not a friend, a un-named person told me that you two have been mingling for the past few days, and now that you want her for yourself and wish to do anything to destroy my love. “
I was furious at this and wrote to him this:
“I have done no such mingling with her as this un-named person as stated, we worked and that was it, nothing more. I did not say anything like that, just that you wanted to go out with her, that’s it. You should really re-evaluate your situation, you are trusting un-named persons over one of your best buddies. And also, before you start ruining friendships, make sure you know what you are doing, as I am the only reason you are working here, ask the boss. “
I didn’t get a reply from him after that letter, and Bob continued not to talk to me or acknowledge me. I continued working and did projects as necessary for work, and one more time had to do a project with Jessica at her house for work, which was around 2 Fridays ago.
Monday rolls around and I am assigned another project with Jessica. We do our work in the office and she only came to my house once to pick up some papers.
Saturday rolls around, and well, I walk in and everyone is staring at me like I did some crime. I work as I normally do, and when I walk around the office, people just hush up like I’m there to fire them. Well I walk up to Larry after seeing this and he tells me this:
“Bob is telling everyone that you are a back-stabbing idiot that should never be trusted and should be fired.”
After hearing this, I got really angry. On a side note, I have had to take anger management classes before as in the 10th grade; I got so mad at a teacher for bitching at me that I copied a paper when I worked my blood into it, that I threw a desk across the room. But like I said before, I got really angry and did the few small things to calm myself down, and wrote this in a formal letter to bob.
“Bob, I have been a good friend to you and have done nothing of the sort wrong. If you wish to defame me and to spread rumors, you can no longer be a friend or a co-worker to me. You can take this simple statement any way you want to as I no longer care.”
I left it on his desk before I left and walked out. Today I came into work and the antics of other co-workers continued, but Jessica and Larry were still pleasant towards me. Before I leave, I see Larry come up to me and he hands me a note, and says it’s from bob. I look around and see bob staring at us. Well I take the note and read it, and this is what is says exactly (besides the names)
CSMEANCE,
I just want to say that you have showed me that trusting you is a mistake. I’m so happy that I know when I tell you something or Larry tells you something, it will be repeated to Jessica (I hope you realize my sarcasm) And man, is it comforting to know that you take what isn’t your business and give it all to Jessica. Thanks for screwing me and Larry (your friends) over. It’s opened our eyes to know that we should not trust you with crap. I don’t know who you think you are to do this to us, but this is getting old. I never stooped this low, but don’t worry, Jessica will hate me forever after you get this note.
Anyway, have a good life of backstabbing and having people you think are your friends.
BOB
PS>. I thank you for showing me who my real friends are, and it is definitely not you.
I am furious now that he wrote this to me, and I punched my monitor at work and broke it (another thing I have to pay for, darn it) and left work early. I need help on what to do, do I leave my job, and do I write something back, what do I do? I am sincerely lost and can’t get help from counseling as they were cut a few weeks ago. What do I do?
Sorry for the long read, typing this for an hour has helped calm me down a bit. Thanks for your help.
Cliffs:
New Girl at work. (Jessica)
Friend falls in love (bob)
She says no to date him
He’s crushed
She gets his job and works with me
I had to save his ass at work and regret it now
We finish work projects at my house
We talk briefly about bob and he gets info that I told Jessica everything
We exchange a few heated letters (read the last one)
Need help on what to do
05-19-2008, 03:18 PM
#2
Team Owner
iTrader: (4)
WTF. Sounds like he has a lot of freaking issues.
He needs to realize that the world does not revolve around him. And maybe he also needs to think that because he loves some chick it is not a given that she will feel the same about him. Damn, how freaking diluted some people can get really is annoying.
I think you're better off if he leaves you alone.
By the way....if someone posts that I should look at my wife instead of asking for pics of someone else....I AM KIDDING!!!
He needs to realize that the world does not revolve around him. And maybe he also needs to think that because he loves some chick it is not a given that she will feel the same about him. Damn, how freaking diluted some people can get really is annoying.
I think you're better off if he leaves you alone.
Originally Posted by MOST MALE MEMBERS OF AZINE
This chick....she hot? And pics please
05-19-2008, 03:24 PM
#4
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Infamous425
:highschooldrama:
go tell your boss to fire his ass
go tell your boss to fire his ass
05-19-2008, 03:33 PM
#5
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
heres one, well the only one I though was good enough. This photo is about 3 years old according to the description....
05-19-2008, 03:35 PM
#6
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Infamous425
:highschooldrama:
go tell your boss to fire his ass
go tell your boss to fire his ass
Trending Topics
05-19-2008, 03:49 PM
#8
GEEZER
Sounds totally immature and like none of you should be having relationships at this time in your lives.
Tell your friend Bob to go fuck himself. If that doesn't work beat his ass.
Oh yea, she is pathetically average and neither one of you should even give a shit.
Tell your friend Bob to go fuck himself. If that doesn't work beat his ass.
Oh yea, she is pathetically average and neither one of you should even give a shit.
05-19-2008, 04:03 PM
#10
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by 1killercls
Sounds totally immature and like none of you should be having relationships at this time in your lives.
Tell your friend Bob to go fuck himself. If that doesn't work beat his ass.
Oh yea, she is pathetically average and neither one of you should even give a shit.
Tell your friend Bob to go fuck himself. If that doesn't work beat his ass.
Oh yea, she is pathetically average and neither one of you should even give a shit.
05-19-2008, 04:04 PM
#11
Moderator Alumnus
Originally Posted by 1killercls
Sounds totally immature and like none of you should be having relationships at this time in your lives.
Tell your friend Bob to go fuck himself. If that doesn't work beat his ass.
Oh yea, she is pathetically average and neither one of you should even give a shit.
Tell your friend Bob to go fuck himself. If that doesn't work beat his ass.
Oh yea, she is pathetically average and neither one of you should even give a shit.
05-19-2008, 04:08 PM
#13
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs
I want to change my vote from "let it be" to "bang her and see what he does."
05-19-2008, 04:12 PM
#14
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Rounder
Girls are not worth that much trouble.
Boo hoo I like her and she doesn't like me back. Tell Bob to grow up.
Boo hoo I like her and she doesn't like me back. Tell Bob to grow up.
Bob, you are acting very immature and you should grow up. I have done nothing to you and you continue to believe others that have lied before. As well, you have defamed me as payback. I have not stabbed you in the back and have been a good friend to you, and you fail to recognize that. You can do whatever you please, I really don't care anymore for you, just don't defame me for your immaturity and stupidity.
05-19-2008, 05:36 PM
#16
You guys were passing notes at work....and even had to do it through friends??!!? WTF..... Please say you guys are older than 14.
I'm sure one face-to-face conversation (outside of work) would've put everything on the table, rather than a long, drawn-out, edition of note-passing and rumours.
I'm sure one face-to-face conversation (outside of work) would've put everything on the table, rather than a long, drawn-out, edition of note-passing and rumours.
05-19-2008, 05:58 PM
#19
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by TypeSAddict
once bob started talking suicide over a girl he barely knew, you should have known that bob was one crazy motherfucker
No shit!! Dude, Bob is probably going to off himself soon and take his ex-best friend with him. I would look for a new job, you've fucked things up there. And no, I'm not joking, Bob sounds like he really, really, has some issues.
05-19-2008, 05:59 PM
#20
Swift 3 B-A-N-G-E-R
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Salinas, CA ~to~ Yuma, AZ
Age: 41
Posts: 4,819
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Talk to your boss... your boss will more then likely bring Bob in to talk to him as well... This will clear things up... especially with your boss... tell Bob to bring in the letters you wrote to him and vice-versa...
At work you have no friends...
Either that, or bring 8 oz. boxing gloves to your bosses office and propose you two duel it out... Pics and video is a must...
At work you have no friends...
Either that, or bring 8 oz. boxing gloves to your bosses office and propose you two duel it out... Pics and video is a must...
05-19-2008, 06:04 PM
#21
Suzuka Master
Saturday rolls around, and well, I walk in and everyone is staring at me like I did some crime. I work as I normally do, and when I walk around the office, people just hush up like I’m there to fire them. Well I walk up to Larry after seeing this and he tells me this:
“Bob is telling everyone that you are a back-stabbing idiot that should never be trusted and should be fired.”
“Bob is telling everyone that you are a back-stabbing idiot that should never be trusted and should be fired.”
05-19-2008, 06:10 PM
#22
If you're still seriously concerned about Bob's well-being, or are fearful that he might become dangerous to others (rather than only to himself), I would continue voicing your worries to a third party, who can serve as a trusted, educated witness, and also as someone who can help ease this situation --- professionally.
05-19-2008, 06:13 PM
#23
is learning to moonwalk i
I read the first the paragraphs, cliffs and responses...
First - you should not have said anything to the boss about Bob.
Second - Bob is certifiable - stay away from him and don't have any more contact with him
Third - Bang Jessica, take pics and send to Bob. That should get him out of your life for good. Or he might end yours. Either way, you don't have to deal with him any more.
First - you should not have said anything to the boss about Bob.
Second - Bob is certifiable - stay away from him and don't have any more contact with him
Third - Bang Jessica, take pics and send to Bob. That should get him out of your life for good. Or he might end yours. Either way, you don't have to deal with him any more.
05-19-2008, 06:27 PM
#24
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
thanks for the responses. Ok, let me clear this up, BOB is acting like a fucking 14 year old. I leave the notes on his desk and he get's his other friends to drop his off. I have tried numerous times to talk face to face with him and he is being stupid, he won't say a word and acts as if I am not even there. The only reason I am passing these notes is to clear this shit up with him and get my name cleared. I have been careful in what I have written, only stating the truth, no threats, and just being rational. I took a few law classes and know what can be held against me, so I'm good on that subject.
I haven't fucked up anything, all I did was do my fucking job and be a good friend, but in this crazy motherfucker bob's world, that doesn't work. I'm not going to quit my job as I would end up hurting myself in the long run as I love it there besides this shit going on.
During the time I stopped posting and typed this one, I went back to the office to apologize for the monitor and everyone was acting like before, at least on the later shift. My boss was cool with the monitor and he joked around saying I needed a new one anyway, but I will talk to him and explain whats going on with this entire thing. Also no, I probably won't fuck the "girl of his dreams" and send him pics of it, I love my life too much
Street spirit, I was worried at one point about him commiting suicide, but it doesn't seem as if he would do it, but I still will talk to a third party about all of this, most likely with another counselor, if I can dig up the number and she can do me a favor...
After reading these posts, I think tomorrow I should talk with my boss and a counselor, and just finish up the matter there with BOB. I don't think I should quit nor get him fired. Also of course, cease contact with him. Am I right in wanting to do this? And also, thanks for your help guys, you have really calmed me down and made things a bit clearer, esp. with that colorful vocabulary.
I haven't fucked up anything, all I did was do my fucking job and be a good friend, but in this crazy motherfucker bob's world, that doesn't work. I'm not going to quit my job as I would end up hurting myself in the long run as I love it there besides this shit going on.
During the time I stopped posting and typed this one, I went back to the office to apologize for the monitor and everyone was acting like before, at least on the later shift. My boss was cool with the monitor and he joked around saying I needed a new one anyway, but I will talk to him and explain whats going on with this entire thing. Also no, I probably won't fuck the "girl of his dreams" and send him pics of it, I love my life too much
Street spirit, I was worried at one point about him commiting suicide, but it doesn't seem as if he would do it, but I still will talk to a third party about all of this, most likely with another counselor, if I can dig up the number and she can do me a favor...
After reading these posts, I think tomorrow I should talk with my boss and a counselor, and just finish up the matter there with BOB. I don't think I should quit nor get him fired. Also of course, cease contact with him. Am I right in wanting to do this? And also, thanks for your help guys, you have really calmed me down and made things a bit clearer, esp. with that colorful vocabulary.
05-19-2008, 06:39 PM
#25
Suzuka Master
I think tomorrow I should talk with my boss and a counselor, and just finish up the matter there with BOB. I don't think I should quit nor get him fired. Also of course, cease contact with him. Am I right in wanting to do this?
This is NOT going to go away while you both work there, someone is going to have to go, it's just a matter of time. Bob is going to go out of his way to create a hostile workplace. He is going to try and get people on his "side" because he obviously feels he needs a side. If you are lucky, Bob will just quit, but I'm guessing you are in for a long tough couple of months before one or both of you is fired or quits.
05-19-2008, 07:01 PM
#26
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by TzarChasm
You are ABSOLUTELY right in wanting to do that. But as someone who worked in the mental health industry for years, Bob sounds like he really has a problem, and it sounds like he has made you a target, I would be surprised if this goes away quietly.
This is NOT going to go away while you both work there, someone is going to have to go, it's just a matter of time. Bob is going to go out of his way to create a hostile workplace. He is going to try and get people on his "side" because he obviously feels he needs a side. If you are lucky, Bob will just quit, but I'm guessing you are in for a long tough couple of months before one or both of you is fired or quits.
This is NOT going to go away while you both work there, someone is going to have to go, it's just a matter of time. Bob is going to go out of his way to create a hostile workplace. He is going to try and get people on his "side" because he obviously feels he needs a side. If you are lucky, Bob will just quit, but I'm guessing you are in for a long tough couple of months before one or both of you is fired or quits.
05-19-2008, 07:04 PM
#27
dumber than a box of hair
What Bob did (calling you a backstabber in front of your co-workers) constitutes harassment. Make sure that whoever handles HR in your office is aware of it. Get it on the record ASAP, and do it in writing with copies to your boss and for your personnel file. More than likely this is a violation of state law. Once you've notified the company in writing, it's up to them to make this right.
Having said that: Talking to one employee about another employee's personal life is playing with fire. That kind of talk inevitably finds its way back to its target, as I well know because it happened to someone I used to work with. A manager (male) said some things about a subordinate (female) of a sexual nature, to a third party outside the company...what some would call "man talk"...and the remarks totally backfired on him. He was forced to resign.
Having said that: Talking to one employee about another employee's personal life is playing with fire. That kind of talk inevitably finds its way back to its target, as I well know because it happened to someone I used to work with. A manager (male) said some things about a subordinate (female) of a sexual nature, to a third party outside the company...what some would call "man talk"...and the remarks totally backfired on him. He was forced to resign.
05-19-2008, 07:29 PM
#28
Suzuka Master
I don't want to take this thread over giving examples and my experiences, so I just want to agree with a couple other people and say you need to go to HR and your boss ASAP. Tell them everything, because anything you don't tell them, if they find out anyway, is going to be a big problem for you. Lay it all out, and hopefully everything turns out ok. Good luck, it sounds like a big mess. 
05-19-2008, 07:34 PM
#29
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by TzarChasm
I don't want to take this thread over giving examples and my experiences, so I just want to agree with a couple other people and say you need to go to HR and your boss ASAP. Tell them everything, because anything you don't tell them, if they find out anyway, is going to be a big problem for you. Lay it all out, and hopefully everything turns out ok. Good luck, it sounds like a big mess.
05-20-2008, 01:10 AM
#30
~Da Nocturnal Cheetah~
Wow! 
"What About Bob?"
Ok...on a serious note...Jessica, work and retaliation from Bob. I'm gonna give it to you straight, with no bs. High school or not, here goes man.
1st - Jessica. CSMEANCE...you are wrong man. Big time on this one. Let's go back to the moment where you thought about how to answer Jessica's question. Right at that moment, that was the time to shift into neutral and say nothing but "I have no idea why Bob acts like that, but he is a pretty cool dude." That way you maintain loyalty and a confidante with your friend, and you instantly have no value to Jessica as far as a "source". You stay cool with her, and she is cool with you. She thinks whatever of Bob, that's her business and his. But nope...you tried to give an answer that was favorable and calming to her, and you fell for the "female pumping you for info" move! I know you know, but who told Bob what was said between you two? Jessica! She told you she would've gone out with him, so she had to like him a little. So could Jessica be trusted? Did you know if she could before you said that? No. But you answered anyway, and now Bob is running around black-balling you. I'm not saying Jessica's intent was to cause a problem, but her loyalties were to her cause, not to you. Your loyalty was to Bob. As crazy and "out there" as he was, you liked him enough to help him keep his job, so you could've also helped him keep a shred of dignity. You live and you learn...
Put this in the mental vault: When you have a male friend, and a female comes into the mix, don't let her mix shit up. Keep it real with your friend! That's your boy! Too many dudes do that and it is now at the center of this problem with Bob. He can't get past you selling him out to this broad. But he should...and he will. You owe him an apology, but just give it time and give him space. You might accelerate this process by dropping a hint to Larry that you are sorry for doing that and that you were wrong, and give him the low-down as far as your intentions why you said it. He seems to be your 'Liason" with Bob and might go leak it anyway. LOL! After that, just fall back and let things die down.
2nd - Work. This dilemma does not necessitate an aggressive move from you. In other words, quitting not only should NOT be considered an option, but it is just plain ludicrous to consider it! You have bills and needs, none of which Bob, Larry, or Jessica will supply relief with. Plus, you love your job! Fuck Bob! This back and forth at work has to stop. Don't write anything else. And certainly don't do anything to jeopardize this man's job. Let him do it on his own. It is unwarranted. Be the bigger man and ignore it. As much of a popularity pool as your job "seems" to be, it is still first and foremost a job. But this dilemma has turned it into a juvenile classroom, with other co-workers entering the mix. All over a woman. Fuck her! Work with her, and leave her alone. If she was so sweet, why didn't she just respect your friendship with Bob and understand the consequences of her actions by telling him what you said? She could have just made a mental note of the info and left it there. She couldn't WAIT to get back to work and say shit to Bob! She is no angel. Maybe not an asshole intentionally, but definitely not a saint! You don't need to be friends with Bob, just ignore him. As for the boss, if things get crazy, then say something. Crazy means Bob steps to you on the job aggressively. But "he say, she say", fuck that and just chill and do your job man. Means nothing unless you give it meaning bro...so don't!
3rd - What about Bob? Yes, Bob is chomping at the "crazy ass mofo" bit, no doubt. Any fool that would contemplate suicide over a woman, let alone a "fresh-out-of-the-aluminum-foil" woman - is definitely a nut job!!! Steer clear of him, and just do your job. Doesn't make you a punk to do that. It makes you gainfully employed. No need to patch things up with Bob, as he clearly doesn't want to hear from you or deal with you. But, as that is emotional, he may also relent and realize that all of this over a broad that didn't even really care for him that much is ridiculous! If he doesn't...fuck him! As for fear of retribution, it ain't coming. Bob is weak. If he was strong, Jessica never would have had that effect on him, and he never would have said those things about you. Nah, he is more interested in garnering support for his whining. Weak men don't attack. They lament aloud. If he wanted to confront you, he would've done it by now. Now, having said that, cost him his job, and that is a different story! Then you have an accumulative effect. Whoa! So don't go there. Go back to none of this being any of your concern, where you should've stayed in the first place. Cool? Good!
Let me know how this played out.
Cliffs...none...you know how I do...
"What About Bob?" Ok...on a serious note...Jessica, work and retaliation from Bob. I'm gonna give it to you straight, with no bs. High school or not, here goes man.
1st - Jessica. CSMEANCE...you are wrong man. Big time on this one. Let's go back to the moment where you thought about how to answer Jessica's question. Right at that moment, that was the time to shift into neutral and say nothing but "I have no idea why Bob acts like that, but he is a pretty cool dude." That way you maintain loyalty and a confidante with your friend, and you instantly have no value to Jessica as far as a "source". You stay cool with her, and she is cool with you. She thinks whatever of Bob, that's her business and his. But nope...you tried to give an answer that was favorable and calming to her, and you fell for the "female pumping you for info" move! I know you know, but who told Bob what was said between you two? Jessica! She told you she would've gone out with him, so she had to like him a little. So could Jessica be trusted? Did you know if she could before you said that? No. But you answered anyway, and now Bob is running around black-balling you. I'm not saying Jessica's intent was to cause a problem, but her loyalties were to her cause, not to you. Your loyalty was to Bob. As crazy and "out there" as he was, you liked him enough to help him keep his job, so you could've also helped him keep a shred of dignity. You live and you learn...
Put this in the mental vault: When you have a male friend, and a female comes into the mix, don't let her mix shit up. Keep it real with your friend! That's your boy! Too many dudes do that and it is now at the center of this problem with Bob. He can't get past you selling him out to this broad. But he should...and he will. You owe him an apology, but just give it time and give him space. You might accelerate this process by dropping a hint to Larry that you are sorry for doing that and that you were wrong, and give him the low-down as far as your intentions why you said it. He seems to be your 'Liason" with Bob and might go leak it anyway. LOL! After that, just fall back and let things die down.
2nd - Work. This dilemma does not necessitate an aggressive move from you. In other words, quitting not only should NOT be considered an option, but it is just plain ludicrous to consider it! You have bills and needs, none of which Bob, Larry, or Jessica will supply relief with. Plus, you love your job! Fuck Bob! This back and forth at work has to stop. Don't write anything else. And certainly don't do anything to jeopardize this man's job. Let him do it on his own. It is unwarranted. Be the bigger man and ignore it. As much of a popularity pool as your job "seems" to be, it is still first and foremost a job. But this dilemma has turned it into a juvenile classroom, with other co-workers entering the mix. All over a woman. Fuck her! Work with her, and leave her alone. If she was so sweet, why didn't she just respect your friendship with Bob and understand the consequences of her actions by telling him what you said? She could have just made a mental note of the info and left it there. She couldn't WAIT to get back to work and say shit to Bob! She is no angel. Maybe not an asshole intentionally, but definitely not a saint! You don't need to be friends with Bob, just ignore him. As for the boss, if things get crazy, then say something. Crazy means Bob steps to you on the job aggressively. But "he say, she say", fuck that and just chill and do your job man. Means nothing unless you give it meaning bro...so don't!
3rd - What about Bob? Yes, Bob is chomping at the "crazy ass mofo" bit, no doubt. Any fool that would contemplate suicide over a woman, let alone a "fresh-out-of-the-aluminum-foil" woman - is definitely a nut job!!! Steer clear of him, and just do your job. Doesn't make you a punk to do that. It makes you gainfully employed. No need to patch things up with Bob, as he clearly doesn't want to hear from you or deal with you. But, as that is emotional, he may also relent and realize that all of this over a broad that didn't even really care for him that much is ridiculous! If he doesn't...fuck him! As for fear of retribution, it ain't coming. Bob is weak. If he was strong, Jessica never would have had that effect on him, and he never would have said those things about you. Nah, he is more interested in garnering support for his whining. Weak men don't attack. They lament aloud. If he wanted to confront you, he would've done it by now. Now, having said that, cost him his job, and that is a different story! Then you have an accumulative effect. Whoa! So don't go there. Go back to none of this being any of your concern, where you should've stayed in the first place. Cool? Good!
Let me know how this played out.
Cliffs...none...you know how I do...
Last edited by darksom1; 05-20-2008 at 01:13 AM.
Dark is right on the money
05-20-2008, 07:57 AM
#34
Suzuka Master
Dark, I agree on the woman part, but what's done is done. On the Bob part, you may be right, Bob is certainly weak, but he is also the type who keys "Ahole" on the hood of your car. Maybe he isn't the type to go postal, maybe he is, who knows? On the job part you couldn't be more wrong if you tried. What is already going on is causing a hostile workplace. That's a big HR nono word. People file lawsuits over that every day. If someone besides Bob or CS goes to the boss and says something like "there is an argument between Bob and CS going on and it's making it hard to work" guess who is going to get fired. Thats right, BOTH Bob and CS. The workplace is not going to be figure out whose "fault" it is, nor are they really going to try. If it were just between the two of them, this could be ignored, but it sounds like the whole office is involved and people are already a little uncomfortable, so it's already gone too far for "ignore it and hope it goes away".
05-20-2008, 08:29 AM
#35
~Da Nocturnal Cheetah~
Originally Posted by TzarChasm
Dark, I agree on the woman part, but what's done is done. On the Bob part, you may be right, Bob is certainly weak, but he is also the type who keys "Ahole" on the hood of your car. Maybe he isn't the type to go postal, maybe he is, who knows? On the job part you couldn't be more wrong if you tried. What is already going on is causing a hostile workplace. That's a big HR nono word. People file lawsuits over that every day. If someone besides Bob or CS goes to the boss and says something like "there is an argument between Bob and CS going on and it's making it hard to work" guess who is going to get fired. Thats right, BOTH Bob and CS. The workplace is not going to be figure out whose "fault" it is, nor are they really going to try. If it were just between the two of them, this could be ignored, but it sounds like the whole office is involved and people are already a little uncomfortable, so it's already gone too far for "ignore it and hope it goes away".
The only aggressive move that has been made thus far is the one where Bob contemplated taking his own life because of Jessica. No attempt has been made so far, but CS told the boss about this scenario at that time. It just didn't include the added "CS told Jessica all of my secrets" nonsense being bantered around by Bob. No, the boss is already on full alert about Bob and his unstable mindset. It would not be too much of a stretch for CS to convince him that Bob is over-reacting to something Jessica said to him. Not really at all. Plus, they will also take into consideration the work history and the track record of the persons involved. And where do yo think that will lead to?
So, the only concern here is about Bob going off, and I work around people who talk shit all the time everyday. After a while, it goes away. But I disagree that HR or whoever has no history on this on file.
If I were to go to my boss right now and complain that another co-worker was talking about me behind my back off the job, to a girl I like and he is supposed to be my friend, then they would laugh in my face, let alone give ME a few lessons about being a man and sticking to my work when at work and leaving the personal stuff out of the workplace. The scenario that Bob is mad about took place at CS's home. And is about a woman he likes. All personal. Bob bought it to the job, and were people to file into the office at this point to give an account of this, it would include all of the aforementioned and would substantially prove CS's case.
CS has a job to do. If he is doing his job and Bob is not, that will take care of itself after a while. People need their job. No need to go tryng to get someone to lose his or her's job over what at this point amounts to immaturity and gossip. That would be a gross over-reaction, and I really think this will die out. Hell, we would have no one left working at my job if this was the course of action taken by managment every time something like this happened.
BTW...I work at that hostile environment you mentioned..."postal". You would get no mail if they did that, and everybody would be dead if they carried thru with what Bob's mentality implies. No, I assure you the number of people that do this is very small, and most of the time is an employee who was fired by what he or she feels is unjustifiable reasons and they have all kinds of personal issues going on. Not because someone told a girl they love them behind their back. There are nuts, and then there are weak, pathetic fools. Bob may be a little nutty in the way he thinks, but he is mostly weak and pathetic and can't get out of his own way. Actually, the only thing that really threatens to make him an over-the-edge person is what is happening to him with his family (Dad and bills). So, if CS were to make a move on his job right now, and that get back to him, that would be the nail in the coffin maybe...that might be a bad move...for CS.
Last edited by darksom1; 05-20-2008 at 08:33 AM.
05-20-2008, 11:00 AM
#36
Suzuka Master
Your workplace is in for a HUGE lawsuit that they are going to lose. You also obviously dont understand the concept of hostile work environment. It has nothing to do with physical agression.
http://www.law.ucla.edu/volokh/harass/breadth.htm
You can't even talk about politics without it being dangerous to your continued employment, never mind going around with people walking on eggshells because of you having a feud with another employee. In most instances, companies don't bother to find out who is right or wrong and just fire both people involved.
Workplace harassment law is a speech restriction of remarkable breadth. It goes far beyond slurs, hardcore pornography, repeated vulgar sexual propositions, and the like, and can suppress, among other things,
political statements,
religious proselytizing,
legitimate art (such as prints of Francisco de Goya paintings),
sexually themed (perhaps not even misogynistic) jokes,
and other kinds of speech that are generally seen as being entirely constitutionally protected.
political statements,
religious proselytizing,
legitimate art (such as prints of Francisco de Goya paintings),
sexually themed (perhaps not even misogynistic) jokes,
and other kinds of speech that are generally seen as being entirely constitutionally protected.
You can't even talk about politics without it being dangerous to your continued employment, never mind going around with people walking on eggshells because of you having a feud with another employee. In most instances, companies don't bother to find out who is right or wrong and just fire both people involved.
05-20-2008, 04:39 PM
#38
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
let me clear up some stuff, first of all jessica did not tell bob anything, they dont talk at all. But I did talk to jessica about this and she said she told a friend what I had told her, and that friend told bob as she is also a co-worker there. I think that her friend fucked things up altogether by twisting words. What's done is done and I don't think that bob will ever be my friend. Also no, I don't have feelings for jessica anymore and she probably has none for me either. I probably am going to ask to be switched to another shift or to another position where I can get away from all this shit, and move on with my life.
05-20-2008, 06:15 PM
#39
Oh Hullow
this all sounds very childish if you dont mind me asking how old are all of these people including yourself and what kind of job do you guys do? i feel like these people that surround you are immature and spend way too much time with "high school hallway" bullshit than actually performing a job they are paid to do. from what you have told us it seems you are the only one serious about your job, but it also sounds like ultimately in the end these people are going to bring you down and your career (at least at this place) may suffer because of it. dont bother switching swifts it may just add fuel to the fire, just go about your job and distance yourself, because drama always leads to trouble.
05-21-2008, 07:36 AM
#40
Team Owner
iTrader: (4)
Originally Posted by csmeance
let me clear up some stuff, first of all jessica did not tell bob anything, they dont talk at all. But I did talk to jessica about this and she said she told a friend what I had told her, and that friend told bob as she is also a co-worker there. I think that her friend fucked things up altogether by twisting words. What's done is done and I don't think that bob will ever be my friend. Also no, I don't have feelings for jessica anymore and she probably has none for me either. I probably am going to ask to be switched to another shift or to another position where I can get away from all this shit, and move on with my life.
I think switching your shift is retarded. Why change your hours to fit someone else's needs. BOB can go eat a dick if he is really that pissed off at you. I would just tell him that is he has issues with you personally, then so be it. But don't let it mess with your job. He should be adult enough to at least be professional.
As for Jessica....so it didn't work out. It's not the end of the world. I take it you two are still at least going to be able to talk to each other.
I always feel that dating someone in the work place can be tricky, but the fact is you spend more waking time at work than most other places. And attractions happen. What always baffle me is how people cannot be professionals and leave their personal issues at the door.
Good luck.