Why is it that all your posts are always negative about relationships? Its like you hate women.

but i agree with your comment, but thats how you learn about the other person. You can adjust or if its that bad... then move on.

 

Oddly, Scott is the anal clean freak, but I'm the one who has stringent folding requirements. We basically do exactly what RJANACONDA does; I fold, he puts away. Because otherwise.... neither of us are happy.

But that took nearly 5 years to work out. I wish you good luck in determining your own parameters.

 

 

haha thank you. It shouldn't be bad, i'll just have to smack him around a bit

haha jk

 

hahaha cut it out Mike, you can't wait!

 

Don't say you're kidding just yet... I'd like a 6-month update on how many times you actually did need to smack him around. I predict... at least once a month. Probably more. Let's go with between 6-10 times in 6 months.

 

I'm sure there'll be a long period of adjustment and just learning each other's daily habits that you might not have been exposed to before. And I completely agree that there WILL be things that you guys are used to doing differently. In the same token, I'd say pick and choose your battles...I honestly couldn't see myself arguing for months over how to fold something.

 

^^ We do like to argue more than the average bear...

It wasn't a serious months-long argument, just something that continually cropped up until I finally took away folding duties from him.

 

I understand. Whatever works for you guys, well, works for you guys.

My advice to them is just to really choose what's important to them, or they'll be able to find ten things a day that they could argue about....probably all things, that in the grand scheme of things, really isn't important or worth fighting about. Everyone does things and lives life a little different. Just go into the situation with that awareness, and don't expect him to be a perfect clone of how you live. I think it'll actually be a great learning experience for her to learn about who is actually is and what matters to her in day-to-day existence with someone she cares about.

 

^^That's good advice SS, esp the "picking your battles" part. I tend to pick on everything, so I'll have to ease up a bit.

 

We've been using the slogan "pick your battles" since our very first day of living together. The problem comes when you both pick the same battle. Because that will happen too.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad or afraid... I'm just telling you stuff that nobody told me.

 

Trust me, i'm not into changing people to the way "i live". I'll be the first to say I'm not perfect and I have no problem saying so. Mike is more the type to try and mold people to be like him.

I dont really like to think of moving there as doing it for a learning experience either. No offense and all..... I'm considering doing it because I want to be with him, not beacuse I want to have a great learning experience.

 

haha no it's cool, i already know me and him could fight until we are blue in the face about stupid stuff. and i dont think once i move there it's going to magically disappear. it's just gonna have to be in the back of both our heads.

 

Oh! So that's why!

I wasn't implying you would move there only FOR it to be a learning experience and then move on, I'm saying it WILL be a learning experience.

 

Good point!

 

I moved over 1000 miles b/c my fiance got a job in another state when there were none where we were at the time. I had to finish my first college degree in the mean time so we did LD for like 2 yrs, it sucked. One thing, though, I knew I wanted to marry him and he put an engagement ring on my finger before I moved. It all has worked out for me, I was able to continue my education when I moved (he helped with $$$). It must be working, b/c I am currently in the planning stages of my wedding! So my advice is that if you really believe this it it, go for it. Besides, if it doesn't work out, you can move back, or whatever. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

 

I came across this today: http://www.drdaveanddee.com/cohabitation.html

But it seems to me this is misleading because in my mind, those types of people that rush into things like marriage probably rush into a lot of other things too, like moving in together for instance even though the decision was not fully thought out. Thoughts? (I don't consider myself one who rushes into things btw.)

 

it is the better next step rather than living separate and then getting married and moving in together. you may have quirks she may not like and vice versa

 

Living together is probably the hardest test ever. Trust me I'm right in the middle of it. It's like night and day difference.

Not fun right now.

 

I read a lot of stuff about that before we got married, and I came to the conclusion that... people who do not live together before marriage are more likely to be religious, or to have serious family expectations regarding celibacy, marriage, divorce, etc. It's not that people who live together have the "can always get out" mentality after marriage... our mindset changed drastically once we got married, just like other couples. It's more that people whose families will allow them to live together are more likely to be "allowed" to divorce. That's my opinion, at least.

 

My wife spent the first two years merried in a LDR due to both of us being in the Navy. We got 24 days togather during those 2 years and 3 monthes living in the same house but one or the other being out to sea. Email was our friend. The other 21 months we were not in the same house, she was in FL, GA, or MO and I was in Hawaii so there was no driving to see each other. It made us grow closer and be stronger as a couple once we got to live as a couple. I guess it is what you are willing to do for each other.

 

I think that it is ok to live together within six months of the planned wedding date. I would think you'd want to be settled after you get married.