the reason i titled it that way is because i think i'm going through one right now.


Its been a habit of mine to try to control my perception on things for the sake of my mental stability. For example, i've basically fallen for a girl who has the same social tendacies as i do. We study and enjoy completely different aspects of life from an educational point of view, yet when we are together, we can indulge ourselves in the finer and simplier things in life. We take walks, eat, converse, discuss, argue, talk, annoy, enjoy, lay around, drive through town, go on trips, care and listen to each other on a level of compassion i couldn't begin to describe. My social life and priorities don't allow me to develop attachments and i've learned that the less time i spend dwelling on immaterial nononse that can wait like relationships, the more time i find for things more worth my while.

Fuck, this is getting me nowhere. i love this girl and i can't deny it. Since she left back for school about three weeks ago, i've been continuing to practice my mental trickry according to my own personal status quo that i've developed. I've slept with two different women and i can truly say from a purely physical aspect that im satisfied.

now, the only thing to take care of is how i feel when its 2:43 in the morning and i have the wrong girl laying in bed next to me. I'm going up to visit her in two weeks. The way our relationship has survived is that we each take half a year of our alloted vacation time to visit and spend time with each other. She lived with me for about one month and a half in the summer. She stayed with me for a total of about three weeks between september and now. after new years, i'm taking a drive upstate to meet her and stay with her for about two weeks.

The funny part is, i really miss her smell. Just the way i can sense her around when i'm sleeping. her quirks, her noises, its kinda of pathetic.

for the person who never gets attached, i'm fucked.

just though i'd share.