Keeping it short:
1. Proposed and engaged last year with the girl I have been with for almost 8 years.
2. She broke off the engagement couple of weeks ago and is moving out today.
3. Her reason is we are from different background (me from middle class, she is from prominent well-off but broken/divorced family). She has doubts about marriage in general, but mostly realizing the lifestyle we have might not be the one she wants.
4. She has been crying her eyes out and struggling with this conflict. But eventually decided to move on.
5. She said to see how life takes us, if she comes back, then it will be forever.

Besides my depression, my epiphany?
1. Unlike what you see in movies, love is not everything, irony that her favorite movie was The Notebook.
2. Life is too short to be upset. One thing I am learning these days is that I should appreciate my life and my health, and should make the best out of all unhappy things.

Just to rant a bit, thanks for listening, my fellow Aziners

 

Sorry to hear. But it sounds like you're in the right frame of mind.

I was never a believer in the "see how life takes us, if she comes back, then it will be forever" IMO that's just a way of letting the other person down gently. Move on and try not to look back. Good luck.

 

Wow, 8 years is a long time for someone to decide that you don't have enough money. I think she just freaked out and that was the only excuse she could think of. Was she ever ashamed to bring you around her "rich" family?

 

Damn...So sorry..

 

you live in NYC... plenty of other girls... move on... i got that b/s answer in my previous engagement too... we were together for 4 yrs and she cheated on me because she was too secure in our current relationship... i said screw you and moved on...

if you want to be with me, i would hope that it would be a no-brainer...

rock on OP!!!

 

sorry to hear but atleast she came forward with this before the wedding. if it were after, this would be a whole different sticky situation

 

Better to know now then later after you've tied the knot or even had children. At least you don't have to go through a messy divorce BTW, that's a load of crap that you're from different backgrounds. Christ, it's not like you're from the ghetto or trailer trash. You're still young and in the most exciting city in the U.S. with tons of interesting, smart, and attractive women. Make the most of it and remember that time heals all wounds.

 

i think kamlung just extended you a relationship request :ghey:

 

My guess is she has another prospect already lined up.

 

Thats truly sad, especially after 8 years. I'm with a few of the others here that her reasons are a smoke-screen hiding the real issue. I think your real reason is right there in your description of her - she's from a divorced family, and she hasn't really come to terms with that. Some people can handle that situation, some can't. I have a friend who came from a similar deal - basically he was never shown an example of what a successful marriage looked like. He had no role model. He's lived in fear of making the same mistake as his parents (and therefore hurting his children the same way he'd been hurt) and has avoided marriage for his entire life. Good news is that he found someone, and he's ready now. I'm wondering if the same fear is really what's bothering her.

However, I've said a number of times on D&R that one of the ways you know if you're with "the one" is whether you can imagine a life without them (or can imagine even wanting a life without them). If she's walked out, and you can see yourself being happy with someone else in the future, you've probably been given a gift. As surfer rick pointed out - better now than after 2.5 kids and a mortgage.

Best of luck to you -

 

Although sad right now, this may be a blessing in disguise. It's time to move on and not look back. Even if she was sincere about things maybe working out in the future, that is not something to even consider. You seem to be seeing things the way they are. Stay strong and let things happen.

 

I would chop her into bits with a chain saw and put the body parts in a barrel of acid.

Well, maybe not.

 

Killer, based on this and your post in the "depressed" thread, I think you need to add some fiber to your diet.

 

Damn...sorry to hear that it didn't work out, Mr. Butt.



But, on that note...WTF is it with relationship breakups when a couple isn't married after the 6 year mark...? It happened to me, several people I know...and it's always the girl who does the breaking up. And often, out of nowhere.

 

Oh please..I am the happiest fucker on the planet. (Just about)

 

Was this recent or a previous relationship?

As for the 6 year mark, I think women are hard-coded to have a relationship expiration date that can only be extended by diamond engagement rings. Six years seems to be about the max.

 

Previous relationship. She gave more or less the same type of reason/excuse for the breakup as what was given to peegu. Sure, there were lotsa tears from her end and etc. etc. etc...



I'm still getting married in August.

 

True that we actually didn't get married, otherwise, it would've been even more hurtful. Through out the 8 years, we were on and off couple of times (more for the same reason). The thing is that we felt like that we were married for a long time, you know to the point that you know each other's exact movement, expression, pet peeves and everything. Love, caring, personality compatibility are still there, but sometime it is just not enough.

Anyway, I am optimistic person, always look at the bright side. To me, I try to convince myself always not to be upset or depressed on thing for too long, because life is too short. There are people out there clinging on last breath to survive. So I should be grateful, always

 

On and off and off due to the same reasons...? Yeah, also shows another trend with relationships: couples tend to break up for the same reasons even after getting back together...

 

Forget about that whole "if-we're-meant-to-be, I'll-be-back" crap at this point in your life. In other words, she wants to see what else is out there and if no one else compares, she wants to give you another chance (heh...not the other way around, btw). A lifetime partner should never be your second choice!

 

Sounds like a few people who frequent D&R.

 

i agree with this one.. i've been in the situation too, and i think i went back and forth like 5 times over 2 years time frame

 

Same thoughts here.

As everybody already pointed out, it's better that you guys broke up while engaged rather than going through divorce later down the road.

 

Wow, sorry to hear it man but damn you have the right mind set! I hope you keep it that way because as I am sure you know, it will make it sooo much easier. I honestly don't know how people do the on/off thing, it fucks with my head big time. I literally start to go crazy

Good Luck

 

Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep your head up and good luck.

 

That sucks dude. Keep your head up.

 

youll get through it

and seriously, whats up with women freaking out cause they are too comfortable???

 

Well we all know women like drama, I'm too nice and too available. Sounds like the OP may have a similar "problem" because women are so freakin' weird

 

I can vouch for your situation. Screw all that whiney crying BS. You want out, fine, just don't come back crawling and begging because there ain't no chance in hell it's going to happen.

WTF is up with girls crying their eyes out when they tell men they have cheated...give me a break!

 

Sorry to hear about this hope everything works out for the better.

 

honestly, i think the whole different backround story is b.s ... you guys have been together for 8 years and it bothers her now? i honestly think your better off single other than with someone that looks at love in that prospective...

 

Sorry, wasn't trying to get too personal.

 

Sorry to hear. Sounds like you'll be back on your feet in no time.

 

Few women are just not grateful, I know a lot of guys that will Not man up and pursue marriage. When their girlfriends are just waiting for the day.

Normally when women want to drop out of a relationship they have a backup plan, but don't worry, someone else is just gonna get your sloppy 2nds while you live happily ever after.

 

You know how they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Well it sounds like she's heading down that path again with the prominence and broken family things. Sounds like you dodged a bullet since her future looks like a repeat of her parent's experience.

This is one of the main reasons why I've never really considered dating girls from broken homes...or at least it's a severe blow to her chances

 

Ok, Mike.....lol. You're severly limiting yourself there. You may miss out on someone wonderful. Not a smart move. I think that's called "prejudice". There are more from broken homes than not these days, aren't there? Just because parents don't make it in a "forever" situation, doesn't NECESSARILY mean the kids are all fucked up. lololol

 

I'm with sasha and street spirit. It's a line. She isn't comming back unless "plan b" doesn't work. Even then, she's going to want to be the one in charge of taking YOU back. That was right on point. Lame. Very lame. It's just not supposed to have "conditions" and time limits. Really loving someone...forever... travels through all that stuff.

Forget the money and statis stuff. I was raised in that too. It just doesn't matter once you grow up enough to realize what's important.

You have a real good attitude. Keep it.

Welcome to AZ.

 

really sorry to hear that man
look at it this way - better now than later
A divorce would have sucked more.

 

I'd offer you this one thing to think about - all marriages require effort (more effort than 99% of the people getting married really understand). My parents have been married for 46 years - my in-laws 48. Even with no shortage of "good examples", my marriage still takes work.

I think what you are describing definitely presents an additional challenge, but maybe not a deal killer IMO. Depends on how she handled it. Maybe the bad example served as an excellent illustration of what NOT to do. Maybe she's determined to "not make the same mistake". To me, what I'd look for is their attitude towards being married themselves and how they intend to approach it. I'd look for whether they are honest about - or in denial of - what they've experienced. You might just find someone more determined to have a successful marriage having seen the impact of one that wasn't.

 

"If she comes back, then it will be forever," negates the changes that happened between leaving and coming back. Personally, I believe she got a touch of reality after saying yes and began to question things she maybe should've in the 8 years prior. If she is boiling it down to lifestyle differences... that is a tad selfish, but better to be honest than do further damage in a marriage. I don't think she's done with the relationship... how could someone after eight years, but only you can answer how appropriate it would be to restart a relationship with someone who essential felt material possessions and comforts of life outweighed commitment, love and loyalty.