Racer5M3

Hey all,
Just ended my relationship with my gf of six months.

Basically, I felt that the relationship was one-sided. I was calling her more often than she was calling me, and I tended to set things up on the weekend, where she would only do that from time to time. I thought it kind of odd that six months into a relationship, we still did not talk every day.

What did it was Valentine's Day. I planned a night out, with dinner, a room, a bottle of champagne, and chocolate-covered strawberries that I made! What did I get from her? Nothing.

I met up with her at a bookstore Tuesday evening. All the things mentioned in this post I mentioned to her. Her response: Valentine's Day has never really been important to her, and she didn't know that we were gonna do something that big on the weekend. She did think about getting me something after the fact. She didn't want us to break up, and she felt that she had shown a sufficient degree of caring.

In a nutshell, I told her that she did not show caring with the same intensity as I had. I ended with the following: I told her that if she could afford me the same degree of importance as I had shown her, she could call me. But if she couldn't, I guess that was goodbye. With that, I picked up and left.

Funny thing is, after I left the store to get my car, I drove by the bookstore as I exited the parking lot. She was still sitting at the table.

I don't really know where to go from here. Did I make the right decision? Was it a rush to judgment? Will she call? Any help from my fellow CLers would be appreciated.

Ashburner

Dude, I have been in the same situation a couple of times. I think you did the right thing. If you care about her, and want to take things to the next level, she needs to be on the same step as you.

She may have a wall up, or not know how to love... If it is the latter, maybe she is not the right person for you.

Love is tough man, good luck with it. Hopefully she had a wall up and she will knock that shit down for you.

knv8

i think you shoulda tried communicating first, like tell her you think shes not showin that she cares, and see if she changes, and make a decision from there. all relationships need work mang.

Racer5M3

The issues that came up last night had come up a few times before over the six months that we were together. I felt that since the same issues were coming up, things were not going to change. She did mention she was trying to change, but I did not really see it.

Python2121

i think you did the right thing

and the right thing is hard sometimes, but

TLD

How lopsided were the phone calls? 10-1? 20-1? If this girl never called you, you did the right thing.

GeishaGirl

wow, kind of sounds like the situation is usually the other way around. You did the right thing if you didnt feel you were getting much out of the relationship. Sometimes you have to walk away for the other person to realize that they fucked up/were an asshole. If you felt you deserved more from the relationship and you weren't going to get it, that is the best thing you could have done. Now you are free to move on to greener pastures

Waddy

I was in a situation almost exactly like that a couple years ago. Great girl, hot, intelligent, ambitious, etc. But she had intimacy issues, she just could not reciprocate the feelings towards me that I ahd for her, she was almost incapable of doing/feeling the emotional things that people who are in a relationships experience.

I finally had enough and broke it off, she was hurt but she knew it was coming and the thing was it was almost like she wanted it. Almost like she felt she didn't deserve to be loved and she was just waiting for me to "wise-up" and realize that my love was wasted on her so she could go back to being alone and miserable.

I never figured it out, I just knew I was never going to get what I wanted from her emotionally, so I bounced. I still talk/see her once in a while and she is still the same way, I don't know what happened to her before me but it messed her up good.

blackmagiCL_S

Sounds like you may have pulled the trigger to soon IMO unless you really mean that she never even emailed you. I can imagine that you were really (I mean REALLY) sour on VD but at the same time I am getting married to a girl that hates Valentines Day with a passion. I gave her flowers and they nearly ended up in the trash because I don't give flowers often enough. I will say that dating, we called each other whenever the mood hit us but overall it was email as far as the "constant" daily interactions. I am not so old (32) but I totally believe that their are girls out that that might be a little more grounded than a lot of the girls that buy into the "I need this, that, and 2 dozen roses" stuff. If you like her then ask her what she was thinking. She may come back and say "not you". Problem solved. If she comes back and tells you...you are in.