Just got out of a mentally abusive relationship. Now what?
07-12-2010, 09:13 PM
#1
I'm Craig
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Just got out of a mentally abusive relationship. Now what?
Didn't think I'd be posting here since I'm a pretty private person and don't really share my feelings too much but here goes.
I just got out of a pretty bad relationship. It'll have been a year come August 7. As embarrassing as it sounds, she beat me down to nothing. Made me feel worthless. She started fights all the time and then blamed them all on me. An example? We'd be texting back and forth and once the conversation died down, the logical thing would be to wrap it up. So I'd say something like "I'll let you go because I've got some stuff to do. I'll text you when I'm done." Her response? "Why are you "letting me go"?" "Well there's not much else to talk about and I need to do something." Her- "Yeah alright whatever. I don't care."
Immature, right? I'm not going to continue giving examples because they're just silly and pointless. God forbid I got upset about something- she didn't give two shits about it. It'd just end in "Oh well sorry." But shit, she beat my self-esteem down to nothing. She'd constantly ask me how she looked and I'd say "great" or "beautiful" and she'd reply with something like "of course I am." Which only made her come across as an arrogant b, but hey I loved her at the time. She never would compliment me- okay whatever I'm a guy, guess that's cool. She never would support me and my modding and detailing of my car- something that's my absolute pride and joy. If I installed a new mod she'd be like "cool I don't see the difference but alright." Or if I spent all day cleaning it- "looks the same as it did before but ok." And she generally thought cars were dumb pieces of metal. If I got upset with her about her not caring, well she would just care even less. Whereas I put my balls between my legs for her and went along to the mall with her when she wanted me to. She never really talked to me when she was around her friends, just kind of brushing me off to do my own thing.
I think you guys get the point. Towards the end of our relationship I had/have become so attached. She's made me believe she's the only person I'm ever going to be able to date. My self-confidence is in the shits. I shower and get ready in the morning and ask myself why the hell I'm even trying to impress anyone. The day after we broke-up I actually Tweeted this- "I'm just another worthless stupid piece of shit today. Maybe tomorrow I'll have some purpose."
I know I should have aborted that POS relationship sooner, but just couldn't. I was brainwashed into thinking she's the best I'll have. Now that we're broken up, she's texting me trying to act like nothing is wrong. Ugh. I'm not going back to that. I know I did all this to myself by staying in the mentally "abusive" relationship, but honestly, I was brainwashed into thinking it was alright.
But do you guys have any advice on what to do? How to regain some of my confidence? Much thanks in advance. This sucks.
I just got out of a pretty bad relationship. It'll have been a year come August 7. As embarrassing as it sounds, she beat me down to nothing. Made me feel worthless. She started fights all the time and then blamed them all on me. An example? We'd be texting back and forth and once the conversation died down, the logical thing would be to wrap it up. So I'd say something like "I'll let you go because I've got some stuff to do. I'll text you when I'm done." Her response? "Why are you "letting me go"?" "Well there's not much else to talk about and I need to do something." Her- "Yeah alright whatever. I don't care."
Immature, right? I'm not going to continue giving examples because they're just silly and pointless. God forbid I got upset about something- she didn't give two shits about it. It'd just end in "Oh well sorry." But shit, she beat my self-esteem down to nothing. She'd constantly ask me how she looked and I'd say "great" or "beautiful" and she'd reply with something like "of course I am." Which only made her come across as an arrogant b, but hey I loved her at the time. She never would compliment me- okay whatever I'm a guy, guess that's cool. She never would support me and my modding and detailing of my car- something that's my absolute pride and joy. If I installed a new mod she'd be like "cool I don't see the difference but alright." Or if I spent all day cleaning it- "looks the same as it did before but ok." And she generally thought cars were dumb pieces of metal. If I got upset with her about her not caring, well she would just care even less. Whereas I put my balls between my legs for her and went along to the mall with her when she wanted me to. She never really talked to me when she was around her friends, just kind of brushing me off to do my own thing.
I think you guys get the point. Towards the end of our relationship I had/have become so attached. She's made me believe she's the only person I'm ever going to be able to date. My self-confidence is in the shits. I shower and get ready in the morning and ask myself why the hell I'm even trying to impress anyone. The day after we broke-up I actually Tweeted this- "I'm just another worthless stupid piece of shit today. Maybe tomorrow I'll have some purpose."
I know I should have aborted that POS relationship sooner, but just couldn't. I was brainwashed into thinking she's the best I'll have. Now that we're broken up, she's texting me trying to act like nothing is wrong. Ugh. I'm not going back to that. I know I did all this to myself by staying in the mentally "abusive" relationship, but honestly, I was brainwashed into thinking it was alright.
But do you guys have any advice on what to do? How to regain some of my confidence? Much thanks in advance. This sucks.
07-12-2010, 09:23 PM
#2
Sounds like she loved being able to tell people she had a boyfriend, but didn't have too much concern with who it was (sorry) -- just liked showing off and feeling proud to be in a "relationship."
How do you move on and regain your self-esteem? --- Don't define your esteem or self-worth by someone you're dating. They come and go, as do some friends, but you live with yourself forever. So stay true to who you are or who you want to be and no one can change that...don't give them the power to (especially someone you're not even with).
How do you move on and regain your self-esteem? --- Don't define your esteem or self-worth by someone you're dating. They come and go, as do some friends, but you live with yourself forever. So stay true to who you are or who you want to be and no one can change that...don't give them the power to (especially someone you're not even with).
07-12-2010, 09:27 PM
#3
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Be your own person. Do things you like to do. And don't go looking for another relationship for a while, discover who you are. Sounds like you're already working on it 
07-13-2010, 12:06 AM
#5
Turd Polisher
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Sounds like you stuck with a girl you thought you could change .. but it never happened and you got attached.
Take the advice from the 3 gentlemen above me, it's pretty much all you need.
Take the advice from the 3 gentlemen above me, it's pretty much all you need.
07-13-2010, 07:01 AM
#6
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Best to not subject yourself to this type of selfishness she offered you. Let some other smuck take over that duty. You are better off without her and her divaness.
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07-13-2010, 08:52 AM
#8
Stage 1 Audi S5
HELLLLLO COLLEGE! That is the time when you really start to realize, there are plenty of fish in the preverbal sea. Some fish you just want to hook in the mouth once or twice, some you want to fillet (if throwing your current girl back doesn't work, you could always kill her...), others you want to pull aboard and hang out with a bit longer. Just remember, throw them all back until you hook the mermaid.
Yup, ignore her. It is tough to date at that age because there are so many things happening. Not to mention, you really don't have any responsibility, minus maybe a part time job for spending money so people don't seem to be accountable for their actions and don't seem to care about things (bf, car, parents, class, etc)
Good luck, you will be fine
Yup, ignore her. It is tough to date at that age because there are so many things happening. Not to mention, you really don't have any responsibility, minus maybe a part time job for spending money so people don't seem to be accountable for their actions and don't seem to care about things (bf, car, parents, class, etc)
Good luck, you will be fine
07-13-2010, 09:08 AM
#9
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At least you got out now, trust me and DO NOT GO BACK
I dated a girl very similar to this, and I wasted 5+ years of my life going back to her time after time. It ruined my self esteem and permanently damaged my emotions, just be your own person. Girls most of the time won't appreciate cars or mods, but at least find a girl that accepts that it's something that YOU like. You are 17 and have a lifetime of dating and good times ahead of you. Just move on and find a girl who is nice to you and appreciates you, if the next one doesnt', don't wait a year, give it a shot and then pull the parachute if it doesn't work. I am in another long term relationship that is ending, but for different reasons this time, either way you just have to know when enough is enough. Just know that there's always another girl out there to meet and or date. G'luck bro
I dated a girl very similar to this, and I wasted 5+ years of my life going back to her time after time. It ruined my self esteem and permanently damaged my emotions, just be your own person. Girls most of the time won't appreciate cars or mods, but at least find a girl that accepts that it's something that YOU like. You are 17 and have a lifetime of dating and good times ahead of you. Just move on and find a girl who is nice to you and appreciates you, if the next one doesnt', don't wait a year, give it a shot and then pull the parachute if it doesn't work. I am in another long term relationship that is ending, but for different reasons this time, either way you just have to know when enough is enough. Just know that there's always another girl out there to meet and or date. G'luck bro
07-13-2010, 01:54 PM
#11
Team Owner
You are young and learned something. Look on the bright side, you got 
and girls your age are easy to pick up.
and girls your age are easy to pick up.
07-13-2010, 02:04 PM
#12
Race Director
iTrader: (8)
Ex's phone number and address... we'll do the rest...
07-13-2010, 02:53 PM
#15
Go Giants
07-13-2010, 03:06 PM
#16
I'm Craig
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Thanks for all the advice and support guys. Really makes me feel better reading all the advice. Greatly appreciated. I keep reading some of these posts over and over.
I'm trying my best to ignore her. Sure is a weird feeling having her chase after me.
That's exactly what happened. I got into it and noticed some of her flaws but figured that they could be changed...nope...
Haha I like that analogy you made there. I know there are plenty of more fish in the sea but its just hard seeing them right now. I know its just another high school relationship but damn...now I have to start all over again sometime. I really need to take some time for myself. I want and enjoy my independence as a 17 year old guy.
Indeed. I've been trying to keep busy. I'm at my lakehouse right now with my mom and that's helped to take my mind off of things. I went for a long ass kayak ride last night and that real peaceful.
I sure as hell did learn something- never date someone who's more into themselves than the person they're dating.
I wish. I'm not that mean though. lol.
She's 17.
I like your thinking. Damn would that piss her off...
HELLLLLO COLLEGE! That is the time when you really start to realize, there are plenty of fish in the preverbal sea. Some fish you just want to hook in the mouth once or twice, some you want to fillet (if throwing your current girl back doesn't work, you could always kill her...), others you want to pull aboard and hang out with a bit longer. Just remember, throw them all back until you hook the mermaid.
I wish. I'm not that mean though. lol.
I like your thinking. Damn would that piss her off...
07-13-2010, 04:33 PM
#19
As others have said, just do your own thing. In fact, block her form your phone, that way, you won't even know she texted you.
You want someone who will share your interests, and apparently she was not it. Romance just happens in a weird way.
You want someone who will share your interests, and apparently she was not it. Romance just happens in a weird way.
07-13-2010, 07:55 PM
#21
Stage 1 Audi S5
Totally know what you mean about hard to see anyone else, search for my threads here haha Sounds like you are going in the right direction, time for yourself, and they will come.
07-13-2010, 08:26 PM
#22
I'm Craig
Thread Starter
iTrader: (2)
Shit I need a drink. And I don't even drink.
07-13-2010, 09:49 PM
#24
Team Owner
07-13-2010, 09:54 PM
#25
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your 17...got your whole life ahead of you, don't worry bout shit like this. There are so many other women out there. Bro comming from a guy who grew up about 50 mins north of you in Lafayette, married a lafayette girl, now divorced.....now i'm with a great girl, from MD, last place on earth i thought i'd find someone, and could'nt be happier....
ps: purdue gots lots and lots of girls! GL!
ps: purdue gots lots and lots of girls! GL!
07-14-2010, 05:24 PM
#27
I'm Craig
Thread Starter
iTrader: (2)
your 17...got your whole life ahead of you, don't worry bout shit like this. There are so many other women out there. Bro comming from a guy who grew up about 50 mins north of you in Lafayette, married a lafayette girl, now divorced.....now i'm with a great girl, from MD, last place on earth i thought i'd find someone, and could'nt be happier....
ps: purdue gots lots and lots of girls! GL!
ps: purdue gots lots and lots of girls! GL!
And haha yeah my sisters both went there.
07-14-2010, 05:42 PM
#28
Whats up with RDX owners?
iTrader: (9)
You're 17. Go out and have fun. Just ignore her. She seems like an attention whore to me. Bang her friends if you want (I would, just to piss her off).
07-14-2010, 05:48 PM
#29
I've been in that EXACT situation before.. it's hard man, and happened back when I was your age (although I'm 20 now). but looking back on it now I laugh at it. You have to hold your head up and take it day by day, finding things to keep you occupied. It's a slow go process but no matter what, everything will be okay. It is her loss and don't fall for her game trying to text you and get you back in her life, it's bologne. Trust me, with her attitude and ego/personality etc, she will not go very far in life. The things is, YOU ARE SOMETHING, something better at that! It might take a few days for you to realize it, but you'll come around. Just keep that chin up, keep a smile on no matter what (as gay as that sounds but it works for me), and enjoy life bro!
Oh yeah, I saw my ex that brainwashed me/what not a few months ago at a RedBox with her new boyfriend. I laughed at her at what she had become.
Oh yeah, I saw my ex that brainwashed me/what not a few months ago at a RedBox with her new boyfriend. I laughed at her at what she had become.
07-15-2010, 07:11 AM
#31
Team Owner
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damn..'lil sluts...man up son..
07-15-2010, 09:31 AM
#33
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I know I've still got my whole life ahead of me. Its just hard getting over this obstacle to get back to being happy. I don't want anything to do with her anymore, believe me. I'm not trying to dwell on the past but christ it just sucks.
And haha yeah my sisters both went there.
And haha yeah my sisters both went there.
My best advice: look what you have learned about, women, relationships, etc.., take it for what its worth, learn from it, and apply it to the next time around. When i got divorced, i could'nt just say i wasted 4 years of my life, i took a step back, and said to my self, what have i learned from this. I looked at the bad and good things that i did, and told my self if i can learn from this whole thing, i can draw a positive from it. So i did, and i apply what i learned into my new relationship, and i'm as happy as can be.
99% of people go through bad relationships. It only makes you stronger my friend, my old relationship has made me who i am today. I would'nt change a thing. Live, learn & love. You will be fine bro...for short term.
go bang out some chicks.
07-15-2010, 09:58 AM
#35
I think the best way to sum up everyone's point is to say that you are 17. This will not be the first or last girl that you will meet that is crazy. Some people got strangely in depth with you about their relationship, but as for me the best and most real advice is that they only get crazier with time my friend. Enjoy being 17 while it lasts, pound some vag drink some beers and make mistakes... =)
07-15-2010, 11:08 AM
#36
when i was younger i never undwerstood why older guys always told me to just have fun and bang plenty of chicks. now i find myself telling your dudes the same thing.
go out and bang some chicks. youre 17!! have some fun, diversify your tastes and party
go out and bang some chicks. youre 17!! have some fun, diversify your tastes and party
07-15-2010, 12:13 PM
#37
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Bang her mom.. or at least give her address & phone number to Whisky.
You'll be glad you broke up with her down the road. Life is too short to be miserable. I'm sure she'll find some ass to abuse later on who will get her pregnant, she'll get fat.. and then he'll abandon her because she's a bitch.
You'll be glad you broke up with her down the road. Life is too short to be miserable. I'm sure she'll find some ass to abuse later on who will get her pregnant, she'll get fat.. and then he'll abandon her because she's a bitch.
07-15-2010, 03:08 PM
#38
Holy shit this. I was in the OP's seat twice actually. Both times I was all devastated and pathetic after the fact, but once I got out of it, I looked back thinking "wtf was I even doing with her in the first place?"
07-15-2010, 03:21 PM
#39
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I'm 17.
Just saying.
Question: Who started it and who ended it?
Anyways, if I were you I'd spend a weekend with a couple of your closest buddies up at the lakehouse. A friend of mine recently went through something similar (dumped at prom and girl hooked up with best friend's date), and we went to a cottage for a weekend, had some fun, man time. Sounds kinda gay, but it works.
And try to avoid relationships for a while. Take the summer, keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with family and friends.
Start your senior year in September and fuck shit up.
Just saying.
Question: Who started it and who ended it?
Anyways, if I were you I'd spend a weekend with a couple of your closest buddies up at the lakehouse. A friend of mine recently went through something similar (dumped at prom and girl hooked up with best friend's date), and we went to a cottage for a weekend, had some fun, man time. Sounds kinda gay, but it works.
And try to avoid relationships for a while. Take the summer, keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with family and friends.
Start your senior year in September and fuck shit up.