18anatak

Well today my worst fears were realized, and i guess you could say right now i'm kind of a wreck. I've know my girlfriend for a little over 2 years, for a while we were on and off, but we've been going really strong for a few months now. The subject of living together, marriage, and even kids came up. After all the girls i've dated, went out with, had a relationship with......she was the one. I love her, no two ways around it. A few months back she mentioned she was gonna try to go back to school. I figured it would be around here somewhere, maybe UCF. Today she tells me she got accepted into a school in Atlanta, and that shes leaving in 3 weeks. She's packing up her apartment, getting all her stuff, all in 3 FUCKIN WEEKS!!!! What am i gonna do now, she already told me she doesnt want to do the long distance relationship, it'd be too "hard" on her she said. Atlanta is not that far from Orlando, but i dont have to time or the money to drive or fly up there on a regular basis. Oh BTW, her school is gonna take 1 1/2 years to finish, thats what she needs to get her degree. 1.5 years is a long time, and she said that we would be the same after all that time. The truth is, we wouldnt. Things change, people change. Feelings change. There is no way everything would be the same after so much time apart. I've had a lot of bad/failed relationships, but this one is by far the worst. Whenver i've been with a girl, i've kind of held back, not wanting to give to much , for fear that it would hurt that much more when it ended. I thought this would be different. I gave my all to her, every last bit. Now i know why i never gave myself like that before. It hurts so much right now. I came to the conclusion today that i'm never gonna get married. Ever. This is not the only reason, i've seen many relationships end, and in a bad way. The worst had to be when my parents divorced, and i saw the way it hurt both of them. If i never get married maybe i wont feel that pain. Im definently gonna be single for a long time, i dont know if i can ever feel that way about anyone again without fear of getting hurt like this. I know all guys are supposed to be "playas" and pimps, and treat girls like nothing, but theres a time when you move past all that, and you really care for that one special one. How can i ever find a special one if shit always ends so bad?
Why did it have to happen to me, again? just when i thought it was all going so good. Fuck man i cant believe this shit. I'm sorry about putting out such a long post about this, but i just have to get it off my chest. How can i deal with this? What should i do? I know time heals all wounds, but it feels like this is never gonna stop hurting. What do i do?

Sarlacc

You'll figure it out. If it was meant to be then it will happen. If not then you will move on with your life. Not right away, but it will happen. Im going through the same shit right now and i know it aint easy.

Just keep trucking brother.

phinthesky

Snap out of it man.................
Shit happens.
How you handle it determines your strength of character.
If you handle it like a little bitch, then how can you call yourself a man?
Now is not the time for emotion, so quit freaking out.
Gather yourself together (this isn't easy) and THINK rationally.
You need to figure out how she honestly feels.
If it is not in tune with you, you need to let it go man.
There is not alternative.
If you are not on the same wavelength, don't force it. You will only end up cheating yourself.
Remember, You're reality is what you make it.
Be a man, deal with this shit rationally.
You are smart enough to figure her and this shit out.
-Peace

brian6speed

iTrader: (5)

I know how you feel man. Im sorry for you. I was with my last girlfriend for over 4 years. We went to different colleges in different states for 3 years and were still together. But then at the end of this summer out of nowhere she calls me and tells me shes never been on her own and needs to find out who she is first before she desides to marry anyone blah blah blah. I tried to convince her it would be fine, but i didnt even get to see her. She just left. Almost 5 years and i didnt even get a goodbye or a warning. She didnt bother to give me my stuff back or get her shit from my place. That was a little over a month ago and she hasnt called me since. Talk about cold. I did everything for this girl. But none of that matters now. I feel like ive wasted the last 5 years. Its hard but youll get over her. She obviously doesnt feel the same as you if she will let you go that easily.

thatguy

swclown

it's gonna hurt for a while bro. it's probably going to get worse, but you'll get through. i broke up with my ex last december and am still not really over it, and for a long time i gave myself shit for being the way i am, but then i realized that i just really care about people
try to do stuff to keep your mind off of it (exercise is awesome for this type of thing)
talk to her and get some sort of closure and then
move on
it's probably for the best for both of you, and eventually you will open up to new chickadees again

oh i couple of beers might not hurt


ok bulldog, your turn

CL P Diddy

Damn,
I don't usually read long threads but I felt compelled to read yours.

An old man (and good friend R.I.P) once told me, "if you have a good women you'd better hang on to her. I didn't want to get married either, but I didn't want to loose a good women".

That was his advice to me, and I got married shortly afterward.

Long distance relationships are a bitch and have no guarantee. I'm speaking from experience X3.

It is a good thing you didn't say yes to the moving in and marriage thing (if you wasn't feelin' it at the time) because if she was weighing her option not to go to school based on the future of your relationship, she would've brought it up in the future. Plus, if you ain't ready then you just ain't ready. Women don't understand that very well from a male's perspective.

If I were you, I'd do everything I could to keep in touch, but still date. 1 1/2 years really ain't that long. And, screw the money, find it and visit her as often as possible. Nevertheless, keep your antennaes up to make sure she's still feelin' you. If not, cut your losses.

Good luck with that, hope that helps some.

1killercls

If she loved you as much as you wish she did, the thought of leaving you would have never entered her mind.
Wasn't ment to be dude...move on. (Sorry)

Bulldog01

Yikes!

It surely is not going to be easy for you. This likely isn't easy for her, either, so you may want to try to talk to her about it, to see what her motivation is. If you're as important to her as she is to you, then she'll let you know. She'll also let you know is you're not...and that'll hurt like hell. But, you'll be better off if you know now rather than much later.

It's crazy painful at first, but you will learn to move forward and concentrate on yourself. Despite your relative youth, do you know what you truly want in your life? Can you achieve your goals with her? Without her? It's likely that she has a good idea what she wants (given her choice to go "away" to school), and if you are not a part of what she wants, for whatever reason, it's not really fair to expect her to stay with you. When my heart was broken this past Jan/Feb, I finally realized I had never lived my life on my own, for me. I was always with someone else (started dating a girl at 18, married her at 23, divorced at 28, moved right to a girl I met, and was with her for almost a year-and-a-half).

It sounds cliche, but cliches are born out of truth. You cannot truly be ready for someone else in your life until you are really safe and secure with yourself. Stay busy, exercise, like swclown suggested, focus on your car, do anything that will keep you busy. Occupying your mind will help immensely, as you move forward with your life.

Please do not be afraid to open yourself up to other people solely because this hasn't turned out the way you expected. If you think about past relationships, have you approached things differently in successive relationships? Do you draw on your life's experiences? Perhaps this is another test for you to learn more about yourself and to grow.

I apologize for this being so scattershot, but I'm wicked retaaahhhded today...haven't been out in the fresh air, and my mind is a little foggy from beer last night.

You'll be fine, if you expect to be fine. Think about good things in your life, and know that you have it better than many people. Talk to whomever will listen, and get shit out...it's amazingly effective for healing one's hurts. Keep your head up.

Good luck!

gdubb

I feel for you bro, I dont have really any different to say than the other peeps here. Atleast be thankful she is giving you a reason. Hell mine came home one day and said "I dont love you anymore and Im leaving" that was that, and it fucking sucks.

mikeymobiles

not to be a dick..but shouldnt this be in love making section?

gdubb

not to be a dick........the mods have seen it and have not moved it. It will get more hits here and he needs some real advice. He did not start this thread about some chick he met in a bar. Come on!

kensteele

Dude, sorry to hear it. But you are right. Atlanta is too far away from Orlando to continue your relationship. And 1.5 years is too long to pickup where you left off.

Can you not move to Atlanta?

chef chris

Well put!

YuppieCL

i was in the same situation only i was the one who decided to move and she was the one that didnt think it was a good idea....
its a HARD situation my friend. i'm still not over it...

ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. i have NO encouragement in these words, but i pray they make sense one day...

que sera sera... thats one thing ya gotta learn. the next is to realize not everyone isnt at the SAMe level ur at.. that hurts accepting...

Katies99CL

damn eric...i am so sorry to hear about all this!
You know what's going on w/ me now, so you know that i feel where you're coming from as far as not being able to be with someone you like. Distance seems to be the thorn in the side of both of our situations...I dont know what to tell you, except...hopefully as time goes by things will get better...and it hurts, expect it to hurt.

NetamiAccord

Wow, man, that's awful. I know you really had it for this girl, because you had a relationship with her (after swearing to me women weren't worth it, back in the day, lol). But please, don't let this throw you off track and derail your life. Yeah, it's gonna hurt. Real fucking bad probably. But you'll live. Que sera sera, as someone already said. But don't let this put you off women for good. I think it was Katie who once mentioned it seems like guys get hurt once and they swear off chicks for a good ten years. So where does that leave us? Wondering why the hell none of the nice guys like you want to be around us, lol! But you know we're all here for you, so feel free to vent...

Katies99CL

yes that was me...everyone feels like that though...even girls. I know that i got hurt a few months ago, by a guy i really liked, i would have done anything to keep the relationship together, but once again, distance was the culprit...and for him it was just too hard...so he ended it, i was so upset, it just hurt so much. I never wanted to go through that again, but the weird thing is, i didnt know i put up walls until i started talking to a new guy...i found out that i wouldn't let myself beleive anything he said, all i kept remembering is how i was hurt and not wanting to repeat that. man...this shit sucks ass....
how can 1 person hurting you effect the way you let people into your life? i hate it...i hate not being able to trust a guy that i feel i could possibly fall in love with and it's not his fault...it's all me

Gilgamesh

Been there, felt that Eric...but kinda in reverse...read on to find out.

Not all nice guys swear off girls for 10 years after the first time..the ladies have one more shot with me...I'm a 3 strikes kinda guy...at least I think that I am nice guy...many times have my friend's GF's told me that I was too nice and that was my problem...I can be glib, but I am NOT good at being a dick, nor do I want to be...if I have to be a dick to get a date...I don't want to change or sell out for that. I hate the way I feel when I am an ass to people.

Not trusting is not all you Katie...while I will be open to women...I am going to be really careful of who gets my trust...I wore my heart on my sleeve, and it got shat on becuase of that. THAT won't happen again...like I said in the other thread, those two haunt me to this day...not a week goes by where my toughts are not on one of them for an hour or so...it sucks...the first one I am getting over...about 1.5 years after the fact...the other one...I lost out to a 'long distance' she wanted to keep going with another guy...I guess I was the interim 'fun' and I started to fall for her during that time...

Still other women tell me that I only have to wait until they realize what they want, and they will then come flocking to me. I don't want to wait. I don't want the bitch that told me to go to hell or that blew me off back...oh well...sorry 'bout the hijack. My bad.


[/pouring out soul]

NetamiAccord

It's cool, Gil, I'm glad to hear another guy's pov on stuff like this

CLBean

Sorry to hear it. It sucks.

You'll live. We all do.

Just keep busy.

Remember the good times and just move on.

18anatak

Well guys, I talked to her last night. She doesnt want me to visit her in ATL, she said she needs to be her own person for once, and also she wants to find out if her love for me is real. I think maybe her feelings have changed, because if she loved me like I love her, she'd want me in ATL every chance I got, right? I talked to some of my friends last night, and they all told me the same thing some of you have said, it ll be ok, time heals all wounds, etc etc. I know it does, but damn, i dont know about this one, I feel so empty inside, like theres a hole in my stomach that i cant patch up. I had plans to go out last night with my friends, but i dont know, i felt sick, didnt even wanna go, i just moped around my apt. The old saying the "nice guys finish last" is definently true, most girls will go on and on about how they want a nice guy, but then when one comes along they give him the cold shoulder. Why is that? Sorry, but its just not in me to be a dick and treat girls like shit. Katie and Jen (NetamiAccord) have met me, im' sure they can attest to that. But damn, this shit sucks, the woman i wanted to marry told me last night that A. shes leaving in 3 weeks, B. her school is in ATL, C. shes going to be gone about 2 years, and D. she doesnt want to see me during that time. Damn, thanks for throwin that ton of bricks on my chest. I've had a relationship with her for so long and now all of a sudden im' supposed to stop cold turkey? Oh well, I guess I dont have a choice. Thanks for all of your guys advice, and for the support, I really need it.

Eric

Bulldog01

I came to that realization when my heart was broken, too. It's not fair to expect someone else to stay in a situation that isn't working for that person. Get out and do as many things as you can. You'll feel really blue, like you don't wanna leave your home, but you'll be better off if you do. I am by no means an expert, but I've dealt with this recently, and I learned a lot about myself, and other people. Don't be ashamed to ask for more help...we're here for you.

Miss iVTEC

I know how you feel. Since February I've been going back and forth with a guy I've spent 4 1/2 years of my life with. He pulled the same thing on me...one day he just suddenly didn't want to be with me anymore. I felt like I was dying inside. Every part of my life had somehow become linked to him. It got VERY rough. Don't let anyone tell you to "suck it up and be a man" because that's bullshit. You need time to heal and deal with your feelings, otherwise you'll become a bitter and unhappy person and take that out on your future relationships.

Be prepared for the "Oh I realize what I had and want you back" phone call. Like I said I've been going through this drama for 8 months now. It doesn't get easier for quite awhile. Just know that other people have been there, and if you need to vent, lots of people here are willing to listen and give advice.

I'm really sorry to hear this happened. It makes you lose faith in love and relationships. Just try to look at it this way: If she wasn't the one, and you thought she was the most wonderful person in the world, then the girl out there for you is going to be even MORE amazing. Keep your chin up.

YuppieCL

whoa... very true....
when/if i ever get that phonecall from my ex i'm gonna prolly give her the cold shoulder cuz if i do let her back into my life that would only give her the opportunity to fuck me over a third time.

i am SO bitter as person because of women. my mood swings, my change in attitude all derives from emotional anguish.

its hard trying to find that perfect girl nowadays, so when u lose that girl u thought was the one... its so unbelieveably hard to accept, let alone go out and find another one..

SilviaGTO

Its all the cold heartless girls that ruin it for the girls that are good to their men.

But then im not one to forgive and forget. i hold grudges, and i dont trust people.
ive been hurt one too many times.
so, theres nothing i can offer to help the hurt. i usually just bottle mine up.

lord help someone if i ever get pushed to the point of physical anger.. it wont be good.

NetamiAccord

Eric, I'm so sorry to hear that she bascially just blew you off, saying she didn't want you to see her. I know you're a really nice guy, and I hate to see you get hurt like this. I dunno what to tell you, man. I dunno if maybe this is her slacker way of saying she wants to break up (moving to another school and dumping all this on you at one time) or if she's really confused about what she wants and is the type to just run away from her problems. But like Beth said, don't think you've got to "suck it up and be a man", that's what we're here for, to listen.

Gilgamesh

Glad to get it off my chest, and its Arthur

swclown

some really good advice here people. nice to have women's POV too
i feel you bro - the part where you feel like SHIT, and she seems to be perfectly ok with everything ---THAT SHIT DROVE ME CRAZY -like our whole relationship meant nothing to her ---

u'll be ok, but it'll take time
we're always here

ge1stn

dude i know were ur coming from i had my first serious relationship 2 years ago and we broke up it was hard then i met this past girlfriend she was everything i wanted in a person we talked about getting married having kids i gave her my everything towards the end she started giving me the cold shoulder and on our 1 year and 1 month anniversary she called me up and told me that she didnt love me anymore I SPENT EVERYDAY WITH HER AND THEN SHE JUST UP AND LEFT it has been a month since we broke up i havent heard from her since

DUDE I KNOW THAT IT SUCKS BAD BUT WITH EACH PASSING DAY IT WILL GET BETTER TRUST US THERE IS SOMEBODY BETTER

"if u constantly dwell in the past u will have no room for the future"

18anatak

Hey guys......thanks for all the advice and kind words.

Well its been a week, and i havent talked to her. I miss her so much. I dont know what to do, i guess its slowly sinking in that i'm not gonna see her anymore. I cant stop thinking about her, about things we did, it seems like everything reminds me of her. I miss holding her. I miss seeing her smile. I miss kissing her. I miss cuddling with her in bed. I had to take almost the entire week off of work because i just counldt be there, i didnt want to be around anybody. I still have some of her things here at my apt, what do u think i should do with them? Throw them away? Keep them? I think i ll throw them away, i dont want any reminders. But its hard.....even when i look at my bed sheets i think of her, because she picked them out. I took her ring that was on my keychain off the other day. Damnit man, sorry guys, i know i'm rambling, i guess i'm just looking for someone to say it too, because i know i would never say this in front of anybody. Right now tears are running down my cheeks, shit this is pathetic. how can one person make me feel like this? I just dont know, im at the end of my rope. Everytime my phone rings, i pick up hoping its her. But its not. I know i've said it a thousand times over, but why me? She was everything i ever wanted in a girl. She was my perfect type, my perfect everything. We talked about getting a house, how we were gonna decorate it, we wanted a red Navigator with 2 baby seats and the dog in the back. Now its all gone. Am i gonna be relegated to being a single guy in my apt forever...? sorry about this again guys-guess i'm just getting it off my chest.

I miss her so much:'(

YuppieCL

dude... u need to calm down. u may think ur life is over, but its not. this is if anything a new lease on life. take ur bad experience and turn it around into something good for yourself. dont beat urself up about it. i know EXACTLY how u feel homie. just know that it hurts less and less every day that passes.

i had the same aspirations with my ex. i'm still bitter about it. we wanted a life together, that doesnt mean happiness as u know it has to end. watch yourself, you're gonna fall into depression. go out with your friends, keep yourself occupied, dont let it effect anything else. u being down and out means she wins. dont give her that satisfaction

u can vent on AIM w me if ya'd like, i'm all ears.
keep you head up

Bulldog01

The biggest thing you can do for yourself is to stay busy. Get out of your apartment every day, even though you don't want to. Force yourself to do things...exercise, some kinda class (photography, cooking, bartending), whatever you can do to help yourself focus on something positive. I felt just like you're feeling back in Jan and Feb. It's no fun, but it'll be less difficult as each day passes. Talk to friends about it...it'll help tremendously. It's a part of life when you risk caring about someone or something as much as have. It doesn't however, mean your life is over, nor does it mean you'll be alone forever. Like Yuppie said, look at it as a new beginning. Take time to do things you like to do for yourself. Learn about what makes you happy.

If you think you need to talk to someone about it (other than on here), speak to your physician and ask for a recommendation. I went to my therapist during my divorce and after my ex-g/f broke up with me. It helped a lot. Some people feel ashamed, as if they're crazy to see a therapist. Hell no...I go for annual tuneups, too, just to talk about what's doin' in my life.

Keep your head up...it'll get better for you, no doubt.

1SICKLEX

Well one thing about this. We tend to only remember the good times. To make yourself more unbiased, think of all the BAD TIMES ya'll had. Then it will make sense.

Even after 1 year there is nothing wrong with u.








TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS...

Dr. Love-SICK