SRK85

I need help I recently met a girl, and I don't want to end up on the friends ladder. Lol how do I make sure not to end up on the dreaded Friend's ladder. I hung out with her a couple weeks ago in DC and I basically told her she is goodlooking and fun to hang out with. So how do I make it seem that I'm interested in being more than friends without technically asking her out. Since I still can't tell if she likes me in that way.

amisconception

Why not ask her out?

If she rejects you she's not interested and you don't waste your time/energy/money on someone not interested in you. Win/Win.

Generally speaking, if she gets animated around you, gives you attention, touches you, laughs at your jokes, you catch her looking at you, her pupils dilate, then she probably digs you on some level.

The major reason why guys end up on the friends ladder is because guys who maybe had a chance were too scared to make a move and thus were only "nice" - giving the girl a skewed understanding of who they really were.

Once on the friend ladder you've already been relegated to a mere girlfriend. Any sexual/physical attempt you make is then completely, or seemingly, out of left field. It "creeps" most girls out because that's not what they expected from you when you do do it. You're expected to stay in your place. Girls will say things like "you're like a brother to me" or "I don't want to ruin our friendship". That's just there way of letting you down gently.

It's imperative that you make your move early. Be bold. Have no fear.

SupaRookie

I wish I had this advice awhile back. Too bad at that time I was not bold and I had lots of fear. So now I'm on the friend ladder with this particular girl. Bite your tongue and go for broke!

SRK85

True true, but I'm not pulling the trigger until I get some concrete info she likes me. So far it seems that way. I was talking to her last monday and as I was leaving she gave me a smile and said have a good break. Then the next morning she sent me a message asking me if I could pick her up Sunday night from the bus stop. So I texted her saying I will gladly pick her up. Her response was Thank you so much steve !! Ill call you about it. Now should I be concerned I thought 3 exclamation points showed interest. Or am I just dwelling too much upon this?

SupaRookie

I see darksom1 lurking. That boy will give you some examples! Typical girl asking for help. You going to need more than that...

darksom1

I'm going to say this once...and once only...that last call you got about picking her up from the bus stop is SO CLOSE to being "friends", it is practically in neon! The exclamations were probably indicative of her having difficulty finding someone else to do it and whaddayaknow...Steve to the rescue!

The bus stop, ironically, is where you will get on (take your chance to become more than just a friend as you wish)...or where you will get off (spend the rest of your days in friendship purgatory)!!

Your decision, but don't be yet another one who blows it because he overthinks it waiting for the "sign". Women love confident men who step up to the plate and go for what they want. A man that will grab the moment and her heart by the handle and not fall off the ride, is just what they want. Go get it, and save the drama for the dramatic.

But one other thing...if you really like her as a friend, then don't hesitate to be that if it doesn't go as planned. Then you look like an ass if you don't, and are at that point - withdrawn from future consideration if/when they clear their head and re-examine your offer...just fucking do it and stop bs'ing around. She's always going to be "a" woman...go make her yours if you can. If not, please spare us the intricate plot that is doomed to failure - because someone else will have the stones to recognize who she is and step up to the plate while you bury yourself in X's & O's plotting strategy...GO! Stop fucking reading this shit and go! Good luck playa!

Anachostic

Hindsight is always 20/20, but the proper response to her request for help should have been something a bit arrogant, like "sure, but you owe me" or "ok, but I'll ask you for a favor in return later" You may get the chance to do this again - I don't think hope is lost - but if you just blindly say "yes dear" again, you are a friend. Been there, done that.

Good luck!

Anachostic

Just had a blowout with the wife and was wanting to think about anyone's relationship but my own...

Here's some damage control: Today is Sunday and I guess you're going to pick her up tonight. Hopefully you haven't talked yet. If so, the timing is a bit off, so this might need some tweaking. My idea is that you send her a text like the one she sent you and ask her to dinner. Like if she asked "I'm coming back into town but I don't have a ride. Can you pick me up at the bus stop on Sunday" You'd say: "I'm going to be at the bus stop but I don't have a date. Can you meet me for dinner on Monday?"

Word it like she did to remind her that she asked first.

I think you need to ask now so you know what level of conversation to have on the ride home. Whether she says yes or no, it will clear the air and should alleviate any awkwardness on your drive home together.

Again, good luck!

mystikk

If you really wanna prolong the whole making a move thing, at the very least let her know what your intentions are. Tell her you're interested in her and you're wondering if a few hangouts together could lead somewhere. If you don't do both, 99% chance you'll end up one of her emotional tampons later.

doopstr

Right now you got one foot on the ladder. This is your last chance to ask her out. If you don't ask her out during the drive home you are on the ladder. About a mile from your destination drop the question. If she blows you off then at least you will be getting her out of your car in a few minutes.

This is really a good thing for you do to. If she says no, so what? At least you know and can stop wasting your time. I fell into the abyss once and it really sucked.

Mockenrue

The word "gladly" should never be used in conversation with a girl. Ok, now that we have that out of the way: you don't have to be arrogant or someone you're not. Just ask her out for lunch or something that would extend the ride home. If she's into you, she'll be up for spending the whole day with you. If you're on the friend ladder, she'll just want to get home.

Ken1997TL

IMO, you're on the friends ladder or not within 5 minutes.

Admit it, you say either yay or nay when you meet a girl for the first time.

And maybe its just me, but a "no" has never ever turned into a yes. Its either stayed as a no or it has become a hell no. So you're basically stuck on the 'Friends Ladder' once you're there.

SRK85

Damnit then what should I do. I'm asking her to hang out with me a few times this week, but I'm afraid if I jump the gun too soon all is lost.

darksom1

If you just read all of those suggestions, which basically give the same advice, and are still asking that question...then dammit all IS lost! You are just treading water with these damn questions. The real problem is your fear of approaching a woman if you are still asking this question. She is not the last woman on earth, and she may not be the woman for you even.

But one thing is for sure dawg...YOU CAN'T STRIKE OUT FROM THE DUGOUT!!!

Man, you guys with these weak-assed games are killing me! A woman can be right in front of your face, dying for you to ask her out - and you spend all day and night plotting strategy. "Wow, what if she doesn't like me or gets mad at me for approaching her?" So-the-fuck-what??? She is a human being and bleeds like you right? So why are you so afraid? All she can say is no...or yes!

On the Serengeti, a cheetah is taught how to hunt at a very young age. But even as an adult, he probably scores a kill only 1 out of every 10 times. But he knows if he don't keep chasing 'em, he goes hungry for the day! You sound like you got a late start on developing your "game" dude. But if you don't man up and stop this type of thought process you taking yourself thru - you will probably wind up bringing her ass home from the bus station, and dropping her off at home so she can get ready to go out on a date with someone that WILL step to her like a man. Then you will not only feel like a friend...but a sucker! LOL! Man up and step up! Good luck (man?)!

Anachostic

Darksom, are you a telemarketer?

SRK85

True, if we have a dinner date night at my apartment Ill invite her as my date. Me and my roommates have been playing dinner date night for a while. The only problem is if I fail, I see this girl a few times a week since we are members in some of the groups on campus. But screw it shes expendable.

darksom1

No...telemarketers get paid for their efforts.

SRK85: There you go! Up or down is cool...lateral...unacceptable! Go get her dawg, before somebody else does!

Street Spirit

Sorry.

doopstr

^lolz by the !

SupaRookie

The woman always notice the smallest details.

Chopsie

Start licking her boobie tassles from the day you give her that 1st $1 bill.

CUNextTuesday

How did it end up going tonight?

I jumped into the thread late, but everyone pretty much gave you similiar/good advice - ask her the fuck out!

joerockt

Woah...be careful about doing favors...That can get you to the friend zone in a hurry...

SRK85

Damnit, thats what I was afraid of. I guess this should be the last favor I do? A few a weeks ago I did a favor for her by meeting with people so she could go on spring break to Italy. But after that I said I'm not going to do any favors unless she asks me. Now when she says thank you. What should I say? Anything for you, no problem, or your welcome. I want to come off as that I'm interested but I'm not going to go out of my way for her.

Oh and I'm not picking her up to way latter. I'm not exactly say will you go out with me. But ask her on a date. Its very hard to get a girl to be boyfriend with you by hardly knowing them and asking them out. So Ill try and sneak in the rear window

joerockt

Just say "ah, you can thank me by letting me take out yo fine ass sometime" Or something like that...

But do it soon. It becomes exponentially harder once you guys become actual friends. Need to make it clear from the get go you want something more...

darksom1

Upon further review...the play stands:

DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT YOU ARE A "FRIEND"!

I didn't know you had been doing friend-type stuff for her all along man. Nothing wrong with being a friend, but not alltogether right either if you want more than that. If you can't tell she likes you, the subtle hints, then she probably doesn't. make a move...any move at this point. But you sound like you are regressing. Go back to being that confident dude in post #16! He had some moxie. You sounding indecisive again, and you might as well keep your ass home and let someone else pick her up if you gonna go back to that "she loves me, she loves me not" shit again! Plan to fuck her and settle for a date...

Mizouse

SRK85

HAHA ok I'm still asking her on a date. But I'm not going to ask her straight up to my girlfriend because she will def say no. Believe me I plan on asking her to do plenty of things with me, and if she seems interested I'll pull the trigger. She basically asked me why we dont hang out anymore. Because the last 2 weeks I've been playing I have no interest in you card. So far it seems to be working?

CUNextTuesday

You seriously asking how to respond when she says thank you? Stop worrying about the little details like exclamation points - take darksom1's advice and ask her out! Actually, definitely don't say "Anything for you" when she thanks you.

I'm not sure where you're going with this whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing already when you haven't even been on a date with her. As everyone's been saying, ask her out tonight! Nothing bad can come of it

SRK85

Well I guess im confused with what your guys mean by asking out. I always thought asking someone out, meant asking that person to be your girlfriend/boyfriend. And that asking someone on a date is asking someone on a date lol. So what does asking out mean because Im starting to get real confused.

Acuraluvr

iTrader: (2)

here's where it indeed gets confusing... and this is from my 15yr old viewpoint... done alot of thinking on my behalf -

3yrs ago - i was 12 (yea i no), in 7th grade i asked a girl "OUT"... and i always thought it was out out, like on a date or some shit and she says yes. before our date she already considered me her boyfriend.

going out, dating, and bf/gf meant the same thing in the 14 and under years

now 15, theres a little difference and going out still means like more than a friend date...ish
still a lil blurry cuz the biggest thought of people around me is that going out is the equivalent of a girlfriend/bf

what i see in your situation is that when you ask her to go out, is to show interest in a date fashion... not bf/gf terms

ASK HER OUT means TAKE HER ON A DATE and TRY TO FUCK HER IF SHES BEGGING FOR IT

bf/gf comes afterward once you decide how good she was

edit: hurry up soon dude... this situation looks all too familiar to me

and when you say - o i wanna ask her out, but not too forward into asking her to be my girlfriend... you're thinking too much about this... go step by step and ask her at the end of your date (to be your gf if it seems shes diggin u)

CUNextTuesday

When I say ask her out, I mean ask her out on a date. I assume that's what everyone else means as well.

So there ya go, ask her out on a date tonight.

Chopsie

:unzip: "Let's make this memorable"

darksom1

Good job young'un! SRK85 the kid has you beat man! LOL!

All of that what he just said, except don't ask her at the end of your date to be your girlfriend! Hell no! You fucking guys are scaring me! What the fuck is next? You fuck her and it's the best sex you ever had so you ask her to marry you?? LOL! No, just keep going out with her, but at least now she knows you are interested and coming from a different angle than just "buddies". Get it? Just ask her out on a date and then take it "naturally and progressively" from there.

Chopsie

Our resident youngster has a good train of thought going. Good points homie.

and I remember the asking someone out bit from like elementary/middle school. Back then "will you go out with me ?" translated into "will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?". In my experience, highschool is where it changed because there were more opportunities to actually "go out" places.

[/End Hijack]

SRK85

Thats what I always thought too. But anyways I'm def asking this girl on a date its not like its hard to, now trying to become gf/bf may take a while.

ludachrisvt

iTrader: (2)

fixed

SRK85

Lol you guys suck. Anyways I picked her up and asked her to hang out this week so it looks like we will be hopefully hanging out Wednesday. I also invited her to come spend a weekend with me at my Lil bro's college since she wants to transfer to good engineering school. And my lil bro goes to LeHigh. So far it seems pretty good but who knows.

amisconception

Don't forget to touch her at some point. I mean, if you both have these emotional highs when you're doing something fun or whatever, don't neglect to kiss her, touch her, grab her ass, whatever.

Are you a virgin? Serious question.

Acuraluvr

iTrader: (2)

dude... this is borderline friend right here... you REALLY gotta show that you want something other than friendship

and dont plan for the perfect moment... it may never come

and all of this is good advise, my "best friend excuse thread" is exactly like your situation except no one asked me if i was a virgin. cuz they assumed i was anyway