...soulmate???

 

zero

 

9K and not a penny more.

 

well said..hahaha...

 

so...after a conversation with the gf over the weekend, we started talking about engagement rings.

she said she wants (and hopefully i got this right) a round-cut, solitaire diamond on a skinny platinum band.

my response was if i was bustedjack and she was my fake e-fiancee, i would spend $69k for her engagement ring. (of course she didn't get the joke)

but right now, i'm trying to save up for a house. so i just started putting all my cash reserves into an account setup for the downpayment.

so now, this money that i've just started saving up for a house will probably go towards the ring. but i know it'll be worth it, and i want her to have a nice ring. it's just it makes so much more sense to use that money towards a house.

anyone got extra junk laying around that i can sell on ebay?

 

Well, its going to be her money too. So just ask her if she is ok with a house that is 100 sq/ft smaller. If yes, then go for the ring.

 

I feel your pain. That's all I gotta say.

So, where do you plan to score the rock from, JMT...?

 

i have no idea. i'll probably go to a jeweler. there's a lady at my church that works for a jeweler so that might be an option - especially if i can get a discount. and from reading this thread, it looks like it's a better option to go to a jeweler.

why/how did you decide on the tiffany's ring, yumchah?

 

Hmmmm I think I paid around $800 for our ring set. It wasn't much, but it was thought that counted and she loved that fact we were getting married. Later I was able to afford the 1 carat solitaire. My oldest son was able to afford a 8K ring. So, go with what you can afford. She should be more precious to you than the ring anyway and you to her.

 

Well. There are many reasons I suppose that compelled me to do Tiffany's. This may get long-winded...

One of the best way I can explain it is that the GF never has asked for much from me. She has genuinely shown me that she doesn't care for high-end stuff and is just as happy with a $20 stuffed animal over a $$$$$ dress or purse. Also, through the 3 years I've dated her, she has also really shown a big heart and is very considerate of my mother and sister--something also really important to me with my Dad having passed away.

Now, keep in mind that she has stuck with me through all of this despite the repeated protests (and hard time) from her parents. Firstly, I'm not Vietnamese. Secondly, I'm not Catholic (and this is worse considering that I USED to be). Thirdly, I'm not the dentist/medical doctor they felt she deserved. And believe me when I say her parents are VERY against me. They won't even acknowledge me or accept my gifts during the Holidays. Is she staying with me to show up her family? I don't think so. She's not the type and her family is quite important to her...and yet, she's stuck with me.

So, why the Tiffany ring? Well, I want to show her family that despite the fact that I'm not a medical doctor or dentist, I can still take care of her and provide a comfortable life for her. My hefty purchase is meant to reinforce that to her mother (who happens to collect diamonds). Also, as much as I know how the GF probably at the end of the day does not care what ring I get her, a Tiffany is well, a Tiffany. What girl would turn that down, right? It is a symbol to her that yeah, she's worth it to me and I'm really appreciative of everything she's done for me.

Hope that explains it.














Besides, with me buying the Novo for her, I can once again buy robots at my torrid pace (from my single days) and not potentially face her wrath so to speak.

 

Wow, Yum, that's really nice.

So, do you have a plan already to ask her?

 

Nothing REALLY concrete yet. But, I'm thinking sometime this fall/winter. It'll likely involve a piano since she enjoys my playing.

 

On my first engagement ring, I spent about $1800 at Sam's club when I was 19. That relationship never worked out and I got the ring back.

On my second engagement when I was 22, I spent about $8,500. We we married (legally) for five years. She kept the ring.

For my third engagement last year, I spent almost $20,000. We're still not married, however, I just spent another $1,200 on the wedding band.

Anyways, there is no set limit. Just spend what you are comfortable with. For some reason, I really like diamonds.

 

You're very patient. I would think that ring would be burning a hole in your pocket.

 

It burnt a whole on two credit cards. That's not to mention the hole it burned into my savings and investment portfolios which I had to liquidate.

 

 

house >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ring

 

Depends on how "good" she is. Otherwise no more than 10K, unless money is no object to you. In that case you can do whatever the heck you want.

 

no kidding.

 

Yumchah, planning the question was the hardest part of all. Getting the ring, easy. Finding a unique way to ask, soooo hard

 

I can imagine, yeah. Right now, I still have no idea how to pop the question. Think the easiest is I'll just ask when we're shovelling snow in the driveway sometime this winter...that's unique, right?

 

Transformers convention?

 

Actually, I think that has been done before...lotsa times.



Then again, TF Conventions scare me.





<---- Scared of "Transfans".

 

you should get a huge lump of coal, then transform it into a diamond

 

Well, I'd be as rich as BustedJack if I could do that, wouldn't I...?

 

psh. anyone can be e-rich.

 

I am teh e-Bill Gates

 

I didn't read the whole thread, so I don't know if anyone else has already suggested this, but you should buy her like a 1/5 carat diamond (probably less than $200), propose to her with that and carefully watch her reaction. It will give you good confirmation about what type of person she actually is. This is best done in private, as she will not feel the need to put on a show for any bystanders/spectators (i.e. pretending to love the ring when she really doesn't want to accept anything less than a $20,000 ring).

Good character test before you seal the deal and get married.

 

Whatever BustedJack spent + $1

 

I didn't read all 5 pages, but do NOT do the 2 months salary. It's what diamond sellers want you to believe. I just bought my wife a 20 year anaversary ring and spent $7K on a VERY nice 1.25 ct round cut diamond in a setting with 12 others at .5 ct. She's been getting comments from strangers and everyone loves it, so the only reason to really get more (IMO) is if you want to say your wife has an $X,000 ring on. Most of the 1ct rings were around $4-5K, and very nice as well. BTW, her first engagement ring was $1200 (but, we were young and poor).

My simple advice - get her something that is significant enough she knows you sacrificed to do that just for her, but not so much you're paying on it for 10 years or blowing your life savings.

 

Games are dumb.

Hopefully you feel confident enough PRIOR to proposing that you know her much better than on a superficial basis.

 

Not sure if you're serious or not... but to humour that idea:

Never a good (or thoughtful) idea to ask someone how much you should spend on them. A gift is a gift --- spend on it what you feel comfortable and don't make the recipient responsible for your finances or a guilty conscience for accepting something you chose to purchase. A gift, especially something this life-changing, is supposed to be exciting and from the heart.

 

Dude, should you know this WAY before you even think of popping the big question?

 

Yes, you should. But I've heard stories from some extremely wealthy guys that ended up marrying gold diggers that did awesome acting jobs before they got married to make the guy think they were not materialistic. Just a suggestion.

 

That's some great advice there, advice that I am going to take and hold onto. Well said.

 

I'm dreading the day where I have to worry about this. One of my friends just got engadged yesterday, and hes the first one of my friends to do so. Given this, and the topic of the thread, I asked what she thought about the ring subject. Her response: when the time comes, I just want something nice. WTF does that mean? Doesn't "nice ring" = huge stone? Totally avoid the question.

 

hmmm get in line. ill call your number if it ever comes up

 

Eclipse23 - Thank you!

This is the essence of buying an engagement ring - understanding what "nice" means to a woman. And sorry, there's no one right answer. Actually, it's more than just getting a ring. What I believe she's saying is that your friend ought to know her well enough to know what she likes. Welcome to one of the universal truths about being in a relationship.

If you all will indulge a bit of philosophy, here goes. Most everyone has one or two primary ways they can feel loved. I've read (and more or less agree with) five general definitions of different ways that can happen. These are known as "love languages", but different folks call them different things.

1) Encouraging words - verbal affirmations mean a LOT to folks who value this. For this woman, what you say when you give her the ring will mean as much or more than the ring itself.

2) Acts of service - folks who value this feel loved when people do nice things for them. For this woman, you doing a lot of shopping yourself before hand would mean a lot. Also, this kind of woman may also value the shopping experience itself - picking out her own ring. Make an event of it. Expend effort just for her.

3) Quality time - while I kind of dislike this phrase, what folks value here is one-on-one interaction. Your "investment" is the time you give to them to be with them. These are women who may say things like, "I don't care what we do so long as we do it together.". I think ring-giving for this woman would be significant if tied to a romantic date - one on one time. Or, spending time shopping - even spending time in jewelry stores just "looking".

4) Physical touch - this is much more than what just came to your mind. It can be physical intimacy, but also can be holding hands, rubbing shoulders, etc. It's the contact that conveys affection. Ring giving by itself may not really do anything for this kind of person, but a romantic date might be.

5) Gift giving - this isn't just "big presents". You know who these folks are because they're the ones who get their friends flowers to cheer them up, or appreciate the gesture that comes with a small gift. My earlier comment about making the ring big enough to make it a sacrifice would play right into a woman who values this.

Most folks will have a primary and a secondary. My advice to all men is make an investment in understanding where your wife / girlfriend falls on this scale. Not just to get engaged, but it will serve you well throughout your whole relationship.

My wife happens to be gift giving / acts of service. So I did a lot of pre-shopping, and rather than buy one myself I invited her to a "date" that just happened to be at a jewelry store. I gave her the parameters and she picked what she wanted. Actually, once she picked a stone I upped it by .25 ct and got a larger one. The whole thing could not have been more meaningful to her, so the point that she said it was easily the nicest thing I've done for her.

Last bit - the thing to be aware of as a man is that we fall into one of those categories too. For me, it's physical touch and encouraging words. I honestly don't value the other three (for me). But you'll notice my wife is very different. The message here is when you are aiming to please her, you need to "speak her language" not yours. Just because you value one, don't assume she values the same. Don't act out of your preference, act in line with hers.

That's all for now - good luck to all!