If she is just coming out of a ltr with an emotionally abusive denigrative guy, she is still "decompressing" - probably a lot. She is really surfacing for air for the first time, perhaps, in years.

Your perceptions are right on target, I would suspect, that the skewed self-perception she has of herself is deeply coloring the most innocent of conversations, turning a complement into a command and expectation.

You've got some choices

Stay in the relatinoship and stifle, working to always be compassionate about her behavior, given that you understand its genesis. THis will require an enormous level of self-control, and requires you to always 'be aware".....

Cut your losses before you've invested a lot in this

Suggest that she may want to turn to a professional therapist to tease out the destructive self-beliefs that she bought into (Stockholm Syndrome) while living with a schmuck. She may turn that into a presumtpion that she is "broken" or "damaged goods", so the struggle will be to present the concept in a positive light, and one that focuses on proper healing from a bad relationship.

Of the three, if you really care for this woman, the last one is the only one that works if you want to stay with this woman.. SHe needs a skilled interventionist who can build a level of trust, then began to dismantle the malevolent thinking so that she can be who she really is....... You can support her therapeutic journey, but you can't be her therapist. You can't do the work for her, but you can be suportive, enlightening, and non-judgemental.

If she isn't going to consider some serious help (therapy, group therapy, support group, something) the chances are she is pretty locked into her stuff, and I doubt that, as loving and supportive as you may want to be, that that will be enough to change her.